# Klingon Ahporisms **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 22, 2005, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingon-ahporisms/332240 "2005-11-22T14:48:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2005, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingon-ahporisms/332240/1 "2005-11-22T14:48:15Z")
You cannot criticize a man until you walk a mile in his boots, slaying his foes. Blood is thicker than water, but honor can make it as thin as the wind. A good woman is a good woman, but a good bat’lith is a weapon. Food is best when it wriggles. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2005, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingon-ahporisms/332240/2 "2005-11-22T14:56:55Z")
You can lead a horse to water, but a _targ_ must first be stunned and eviscerated. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2005, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingon-ahporisms/332240/3 "2005-11-22T15:06:54Z")
Revenge is a dish best served cold. With a side of _gagh_ and some bloodwine, if you’ve got any. And a hot-fudge sundae. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2005, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingon-ahporisms/332240/4 "2005-11-22T15:08:43Z")
Some days you get Kirk. Other days, Kirk gets you. No, on second thought, Kirk always gets you; especially when his shirt is ripped. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2005, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingon-ahporisms/332240/5 "2005-11-22T15:24:07Z")
Today is a good day to die, but tomorrow will be even better. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2005, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingon-ahporisms/332240/6 "2005-11-22T15:29:07Z")
joH’a’ ‘oH wIj DevwI’ jIH DIchDaq Hutlh pagh Translation via: [Universal Translator Assistant](http://members.aol.com/JPKlingon/uta/utajv.html) To Die gloriously in battle is the only way for a Klingon to die. Jim ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2005, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingon-ahporisms/332240/7 "2005-11-22T15:29:27Z")
Until you stalk and overrun, you can’t devour anyone. OK, so that is a tiger aphorism from Calvin and Hobbes. It was the best I could come up with. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2005, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingon-ahporisms/332240/8 "2005-11-22T16:21:45Z")
> [@Khadaji](#): > > Until you stalk and overrun, you can’t devour anyone. > > OK, so that is a tiger aphorism from Calvin and Hobbes. It was the best I could come up with. The inspirartion for the OP! K’plah! ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2005, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingon-ahporisms/332240/9 "2005-11-22T16:23:44Z")
“Only the brave deserve the fierce.” – Klingon romantic proverb ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2005, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingon-ahporisms/332240/10 "2005-11-22T16:24:41Z")
Always remember: pillage first, _then_ burn. In Klingon Empire, bumpy forehead hates _you_! ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2005, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingon-ahporisms/332240/11 "2005-11-22T16:25:56Z")
If at first you don’t succed then kill yourself as you have dishonoured your family name and disgraced yourself! ---
**Author:** ![thwartme](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@thwartme](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thwartme)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2005, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingon-ahporisms/332240/12 "2005-11-22T17:01:56Z")
He who hesitates is impaled. Many hands make the killing go faster. It is better to curse the darkness than to light a candle and reveal your position to your enemies. People who live in glass houses make easy targets. Children should be trained to kill a man with their teeth, not heard. If you don’t have anything nice to say, proclaim it loudly as a challenge to lethal combat. Keep your friends close, and your enemies dead. Do unto others first. thwartme ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2005, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingon-ahporisms/332240/13 "2005-11-22T17:09:32Z")
Never bring a sword to a phaser fight, but if you do, die gloriously! There are two kinds of Klingons, and if anything more is said of the matter, I will fight you to the death! A brave man dies but once. A coward dies a thousand deaths, all of them slow, now that we have the Agonizer perfected! ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2005, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingon-ahporisms/332240/14 "2005-11-22T17:22:38Z")
Ah the smell of Blaster burns in the morning, it smells like victory!! Krajak ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2005, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingon-ahporisms/332240/15 "2005-11-22T17:23:57Z")
Only a fool fights in a burning house. Four thousand throats may be cut in one night by a running man. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2005, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingon-ahporisms/332240/16 "2005-11-22T17:35:03Z")
Only a fool fights in a burning house Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, prepare to die. Today is a good day for someone else to die. It is good to die for the Empire. It is better to make the other guy die for his empire. Today is Tuesday. You know what that means? Anything can happen day. ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2005, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingon-ahporisms/332240/17 "2005-11-22T19:50:10Z")
Peace: a short pause between wars for enemy identification.–Clemens Kirchner The body of a dead enemy always smells sweet.–Aulus Vitellius (15–69 A.D.), Roman Emperor Bibamus, moriendum est. (Let’s drink, death is inevitable.)–Seneca the Elder (ca. 55 B.C.–37 A.D.) Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it. --Dave Barry, U.S. humorist We will burn that bridge when we come to it.–Nick Gorski It’s easier to fight for one’s principles than to live up to them.–Alfred Adler (1870-1937), psychologist Diplomacy is the art of saying “Nice doggie!” till you can find a rock.–Wynn Catlin Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day, but set fire to him and he’s warm for the rest of his life.–Terry Pratchett (1948–), British sci-fi author, Jingo An infallible method of conciliating a tiger is to allow oneself to be devoured.–Konrad Adenauer (1876–1967), West German chancellor If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.–George Carlin, (1937–), U.S. comedian Sometimes it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.–Terry Pratchett There are so many ways of us dying it’s astonishing any of us choose old age.–Beryl Bainbridge, (1934–), English novelist ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2005, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingon-ahporisms/332240/18 "2005-11-22T20:00:15Z")
Do not taunt Happy Fun Klingon. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2005, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingon-ahporisms/332240/19 "2005-11-22T20:30:43Z")
A fool and his head, and his limbs, and his lungs, and his heart, and his liver, and his spleen, and his eyes, and his brains, and his nose, and his ears, are soon parted. A picture of your enemies’ gruesome death is worth a thousand words. An apple a day keeps the doctor away; aim for the head. The early bird gets the worm. The early hunter gets the bird. You can lead a horse to water and dunk its head in 'til it drinks. ---
**Author:** ![zamboniracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9a140/32.png) [@zamboniracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zamboniracer)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2005, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingon-ahporisms/332240/20 "2005-11-22T21:09:15Z")
> [@Nature's Call](#): > > \ > > We will burn that bridge when we come to it.–Nick Gorski > > \ Please excuse the hijack, but who the heck is Nick Gorski? I first heard the line about bridge burning on Jimmy Buffett’s 1984 album, “Riddles in the Sand”, which contains a song called, “Burn that Bridge” and which has the following refrain: … And we’ll burn that bridge when we come to it [Parrotthead link](http://margaritaville.com/lyrics_riddles.php) I’m not saying my man Jimmy originated that line, but he’s got a better claim to it than Nick Gorski. Hijack over. Resume the Klingonese. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingon-ahporisms/332240.md?page=2)