# Klingons, Betazoids, Ferengi, Klingons, Klingons, symbiant hosts, sex and marriage. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 11, 2005, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingons-betazoids-ferengi-klingons-klingons-symbiant-hosts-sex-and-marriage/284158 "2005-01-11T03:30:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![gonzoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a6a055/32.png) [@gonzoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzoron)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingons-betazoids-ferengi-klingons-klingons-symbiant-hosts-sex-and-marriage/284158/21 "2005-01-11T21:05:37Z")
> [@gobear](#): > > Nah, they were divorced at the end of “The House of Quark” episode. Klingon divorce protocol requires merely that the woman bitchslap the man and then spit on him. Right, what I meant is, what’s allowable after a Klingon divorce? If they fall into old habits, do they have to get married again? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingons-betazoids-ferengi-klingons-klingons-symbiant-hosts-sex-and-marriage/284158/22 "2005-01-11T22:12:31Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > Nah, that would be Whofic. Not to be confused with the Whofic that involves the Grinch and Cindy Lou in some really sick situations… OK, this thread has taken a very frightening turn. I’ve seen a couple of the DS9 eps leading up to Dax and Worf’s wedding, and it was hilarious, the traditional Klingon stuff that Jadzia was refusing to do. ---
**Author:** ![MinniePurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@MinniePurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MinniePurl)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingons-betazoids-ferengi-klingons-klingons-symbiant-hosts-sex-and-marriage/284158/23 "2005-01-11T22:14:05Z")
I read this somewhere, but cannot remember where: > [@](#): > > Fanfiction is like dental work: When done badly, it’s excruciating; when done well… it’s still pretty bad. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2005, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingons-betazoids-ferengi-klingons-klingons-symbiant-hosts-sex-and-marriage/284158/24 "2005-01-11T22:37:44Z")
I’ve read plenty of fanfic that was absolutely stunning – better, in fact, than some episodes of the series. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingons-betazoids-ferengi-klingons-klingons-symbiant-hosts-sex-and-marriage/284158/25 "2005-01-12T00:29:48Z")
> [@The Asbestos Mango](#): > > OK, this thread has taken a very frightening turn. We’re talking about fanfic. The horror is built in. 🙂 Seriously, there _is_ good fanfic. It’s just that, as **Poly** implied above, 99.9999% of it is complete shite, either because of the writing style (or lack thereof), the complete character assassination, or extremely WRONG couplings and situations. While my EnterprOz fic with Data in a Wizard-of-Oz type of situation wasn’t series-bible-correct on character personalities, it wasn’t MEANT to be, as the whole situation is a dream that Dr. Soong implanted into Data’s programming (not that I expect anyone to dig the story up and worry about being spoiled on it, but if it were to happen, I don’t want to ruin the impact of it). ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingons-betazoids-ferengi-klingons-klingons-symbiant-hosts-sex-and-marriage/284158/26 "2005-01-12T00:35:46Z")
Oh, thank god. That wasn’t the Oz I thought you had him in. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingons-betazoids-ferengi-klingons-klingons-symbiant-hosts-sex-and-marriage/284158/27 "2005-01-12T00:38:12Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > Oh, thank god. That wasn’t the Oz I thought you had him in. _spit-take_ Y’know…I never thought of that… Hmm… ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingons-betazoids-ferengi-klingons-klingons-symbiant-hosts-sex-and-marriage/284158/28 "2005-01-12T03:19:23Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > We’re talking about fanfic. The horror is built in. 🙂 > > Seriously, there _is_ good fanfic. It’s just that, as **Poly** implied above, 99.9999% of it is complete shite, either because of the writing style (or lack thereof), the complete character assassination, or extremely WRONG couplings and situations. > > While my EnterprOz fic with Data in a Wizard-of-Oz type of situation wasn’t series-bible-correct on character personalities, it wasn’t MEANT to be, as the whole situation is a dream that Dr. Soong implanted into Data’s programming (not that I expect anyone to dig the story up and worry about being spoiled on it, but if it were to happen, I don’t want to ruin the impact of it). Although it was a quite different thread in which I implied it, I’ll be glad to validate your statement. “99.9999% of it is complete shite, either because of the writing style (or lack thereof), the complete character assassination, or extremely WRONG couplings and situations.” There. Now we have a causality paradox in this very thread – a poster quoting another poster who quotes and responds to the first poster in making the post which the first poster quoted. 🙂 The Universe will now end in… ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingons-betazoids-ferengi-klingons-klingons-symbiant-hosts-sex-and-marriage/284158/29 "2005-01-12T03:23:56Z")
> [@Polycarp](#): > > Although it was a quite different thread in which I implied it, I’ll be glad to validate your statement. Oh, my goodness…it _was_ a different thread! This is what I get for reading the Dope in snippets on break at work… ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingons-betazoids-ferengi-klingons-klingons-symbiant-hosts-sex-and-marriage/284158/30 "2005-01-12T03:27:35Z")
I apologize for posting to…reading the wrong…wait a minute… Can I get back to you? ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingons-betazoids-ferengi-klingons-klingons-symbiant-hosts-sex-and-marriage/284158/31 "2005-01-12T03:30:35Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > I’ve read plenty of fanfic that was absolutely stunning – better, in fact, than some episodes of the series. Heck, at the next Doperéal, I should give you copies of my six-story epic. ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingons-betazoids-ferengi-klingons-klingons-symbiant-hosts-sex-and-marriage/284158/32 "2005-01-12T03:45:14Z")
I’ve read fanfic for various shows and games over the years. I’d say that roughly half of it is slash fiction (ie, bad porn). These stories typically involve major character assassination; in particular, the main male characters very often become gay for no reason, and female characters almost always become total sluts. This will happen regardless of the nature of the series, be it Star Trek or Harry Potter. Of the non-porn half of slash fic, most of it is very poorly written. Tired old plots, out-of-character actions, lame endings, that sort of thing. Some of it is pretty good, however, and is worth reading. Occasionally – very rarely – you’ll find something that’s as good as anything on the show. I’ve never read any fan fiction that I thought was better than the show. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingons-betazoids-ferengi-klingons-klingons-symbiant-hosts-sex-and-marriage/284158/33 "2005-01-12T03:51:56Z")
Of course, **any** fanfic involving Klingons is probably definitely **slash** fic! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingons-betazoids-ferengi-klingons-klingons-symbiant-hosts-sex-and-marriage/284158/34 "2005-01-12T04:07:57Z")
> [@Diceman](#): > > or Harry Potter. Do you mean to tell me that I have been laboring over _Harry Potter and the Soft Machine_ to no purpose? Aw, man! ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingons-betazoids-ferengi-klingons-klingons-symbiant-hosts-sex-and-marriage/284158/35 "2005-01-12T04:11:11Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Do you mean to tell me that I have been laboring over _Harry Potter and the Soft Machine_ to no purpose? > Aw, man! Here’s two words that will keep you up nights. Harry/Snape No charge, just doing my duty… ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingons-betazoids-ferengi-klingons-klingons-symbiant-hosts-sex-and-marriage/284158/36 "2005-01-12T04:19:05Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > No charge, just doing my duty… I’m gonna get you for this. I’ll track you down and find you. I’ll search the ends of the earth until I find you, tie you to a chair, superglue your eyelids open and force you to watch _I Love Lucy_ for days on end. Byzantine. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingons-betazoids-ferengi-klingons-klingons-symbiant-hosts-sex-and-marriage/284158/37 "2005-01-12T04:30:43Z")
> [@Diceman](#): > > I’d say that roughly half of it is slash fiction (ie, bad porn). I beg to differ – slash is often very _good_ porn, and the profusion of terrible slash is equivalent to the profusion of very bad erotica in general. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingons-betazoids-ferengi-klingons-klingons-symbiant-hosts-sex-and-marriage/284158/38 "2005-01-12T04:49:40Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > Nah, that would be Whofic. Not to be confused with the Whofic that involves the Grinch and Cindy Lou in some really sick situations… A strange look came into the Doctor’s eyes. He yanked off his multicolored scarf, and snarled “Come here, K-9!”. The robot’s mechanisms hummed as he turned, and rolled towards the Timelord. “Yes, master.” he said in his cheerful synthetic voice. “You have been a very bad dog!” shouted the Doctor, his face turning crimson. Savagely, he whipped K-9 with his scarf. “Ow, master.” He said, as cheerful as ever. “But, you can earn my forgiveness by showing your trust in me.” He rummaged in his coat pockets, disgorging a Tardis key, a temporal discortion circuit, a gold fountain pen, a worn and faded photograph of Sarah Jane in a Sailor Scout costume, Dilerian nipple clamps, and a brown paper bag. “Aha!” The Doctor plucked a red Jelly Baby from the bag and chewed happily. “Now, K-9, deactivate optical sensors and open your fuel ingestion port . . . and I shall give you something to make you wise.” “Yes, master.” K-9’s voice seemed to waiver from it’s standard emotion. It sounded almost eager. Noisily, the Doctor reached his left hand into the bag and grabbed an orange Jelly Baby. Silenty, he moved his right hand to his waist and began to remove his pants. Next Exciting Episode The Doctor and Jethrick Stewart rush to UNIT headquarters, and compare units. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingons-betazoids-ferengi-klingons-klingons-symbiant-hosts-sex-and-marriage/284158/39 "2005-01-12T04:54:30Z")
**Doc** , you are a sick, sick man. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingons-betazoids-ferengi-klingons-klingons-symbiant-hosts-sex-and-marriage/284158/40 "2005-01-12T05:15:29Z")
That’s nothing. You should read my “Mad Doctor” episode. After being infected with Skaran herpes (Simplex i), the Doctor dies and enters his fifteenth regeneration (Note that it is canon that he somehow manages to far exceed the standard number. The Merlin incarnation referenced in Battlefield may have been as much as his fortieth regeneration). But, the disease is severe, even for a Timelord. He regenerates physically healthy, with all his memories, but thoroughly insane. He becomes convinced that he may only cure himself by making love to all the former companions (Including rescuing Adric from the cargo ship before it crashes into earth), then eating their brains. Can Jethrick Stewart, Romana, and Wooby (a new lifeform spontaneously created by the combination of a string tie, a plastic flute, the Whomobile gear shift knob, a scarf, a sprig of celery, striped pants, an umbrella, and a Victrola) use their own Tardis to stop the Doctor? Or will Wooby’s uncontrollable ero-hypnotic powers convince them to spend their time doing something else? I’ve also got a script for the pilot of Pimp My Tardis around here somewhere. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingons-betazoids-ferengi-klingons-klingons-symbiant-hosts-sex-and-marriage/284158.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/klingons-betazoids-ferengi-klingons-klingons-symbiant-hosts-sex-and-marriage/284158.md?page=3)