# Knap my flint: Ancient phallus unearthed in cave
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/knap-my-flint-ancient-phallus-unearthed-in-cave/314101
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [July 25, 2005, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/knap-my-flint-ancient-phallus-unearthed-in-cave/314101 "2005-07-25T19:54:29Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2005, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/knap-my-flint-ancient-phallus-unearthed-in-cave/314101/1 "2005-07-25T19:54:29Z")
According to the BBC News [here](http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/4713323.stm)
> [@](#):
>
> A sculpted and polished phallus found in a German cave is among the earliest representations of male sexuality ever uncovered, researchers say.
> . . .
> The prehistoric “tool” was reassembled from 14 fragments of siltstone.
20 cm – that’s about 8 inches. Not bad, fossil dude.
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### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2005, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/knap-my-flint-ancient-phallus-unearthed-in-cave/314101/2 "2005-07-25T20:02:43Z")
> [@](#):
>
> “In addition to being a symbolic representation of male genitalia, it was also at times used for knapping flints,” explained Professor Nicholas Conard, from the department of Early Prehistory and Quaternary Ecology, at Tübingen University.
Caveman: “Honey, can I use the dildo tonight? I need some new arrowheads for the Big Hunt tomorrow”
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### Author:  [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2005, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/knap-my-flint-ancient-phallus-unearthed-in-cave/314101/3 "2005-07-25T20:13:56Z")
The perfect lifestyle accessory for the woman whose husband is always out hunting mammoth …
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### Author:  [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2005, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/knap-my-flint-ancient-phallus-unearthed-in-cave/314101/4 "2005-07-25T20:18:10Z")
You think there’s a market for replicas?
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### Author:  [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2005, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/knap-my-flint-ancient-phallus-unearthed-in-cave/314101/5 "2005-07-25T20:34:47Z")
That’s great that the writer of the article put “tool” in quotes. Good one, Jonathan Amos!
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### Author:  [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2005, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/knap-my-flint-ancient-phallus-unearthed-in-cave/314101/6 "2005-07-25T20:54:11Z")
I didn’t know they had batteries way back then.
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### Author:  [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2005, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/knap-my-flint-ancient-phallus-unearthed-in-cave/314101/7 "2005-07-25T21:15:23Z")
I got a big black dick and it stays hard as a rock, because it is a rock.
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### Author:  [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2005, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/knap-my-flint-ancient-phallus-unearthed-in-cave/314101/8 "2005-07-25T21:23:14Z")
Not unsually (if you know the way my mind works), I’ve been thinking about this all afternoon. And what’s occurring to me most is how _cold_ that sucker would be (especially in the winter) without proper preparation. _shiver_
I really need to find other things to think about.
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### Author:  [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2005, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/knap-my-flint-ancient-phallus-unearthed-in-cave/314101/9 "2005-07-25T23:52:46Z")
> [@Draelin](#):
>
> proper preparation
For example, one could keep it in one’s bum.
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### Author:  [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2005, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/knap-my-flint-ancient-phallus-unearthed-in-cave/314101/10 "2005-07-25T23:59:41Z")
I thought that said slitstone.
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### Author:  [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2005, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/knap-my-flint-ancient-phallus-unearthed-in-cave/314101/11 "2005-07-26T00:21:02Z")
In Cervaise’s case, that’s shitstone.
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### Author:  [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2005, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/knap-my-flint-ancient-phallus-unearthed-in-cave/314101/12 "2005-07-26T00:31:14Z")
I guess getting stoned had a different connotation back then.
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### Author:  [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2005, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/knap-my-flint-ancient-phallus-unearthed-in-cave/314101/13 "2005-07-26T01:14:33Z")
I often wonder about all these artifacts that were supposedly used for ‘symbolic’ or ‘ritual’ purposes - if the archaeologists/anthropologists were to be believed, ancient peoples would have had very little time for normal lives, what with all the ceremonial bowls, knives, chairs, etc they had to be using at every waking hour.
I find myself wondering if these ‘fertility symbols’ weren’t actually more _directly_ used in connection with ‘fertility’ - as a sort of combination of pornography and sex-toy (for example, why does the Venus of Willendorf have a sort of _ribbed_ head?)
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### Author:  [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2005, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/knap-my-flint-ancient-phallus-unearthed-in-cave/314101/14 "2005-07-26T01:23:06Z")
[Freud]
Sometimes a flint knap is just a flint knap.
[/Freud]
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### Author:  [@LeeshaJoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LeeshaJoy)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2005, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/knap-my-flint-ancient-phallus-unearthed-in-cave/314101/15 "2005-07-26T01:25:17Z")
> [@Mangetout](#):
>
> I often wonder about all these artifacts that were supposedly used for ‘symbolic’ or ‘ritual’ purposes - if the archaeologists/anthropologists were to be believed, ancient peoples would have had very little time for normal lives, what with all the ceremonial bowls, knives, chairs, etc they had to be using at every waking hour.
>
> I find myself wondering if these ‘fertility symbols’ weren’t actually more _directly_ used in connection with ‘fertility’ - as a sort of combination of pornography and sex-toy (for example, why does the Venus of Willendorf have a sort of _ribbed_ head?)
In which case, the question becomes: how did they find time to hunt, find shelter, invent the wheel, etc., when they were pleasuring themselves all the time?
Hell, if you have that many sex toys, who gives a crap about inventing the wheel?
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### Author:  [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2005, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/knap-my-flint-ancient-phallus-unearthed-in-cave/314101/16 "2005-07-26T01:30:35Z")
> [@LeeshaJoy](#):
>
> In which case, the question becomes: how did they find time to hunt, find shelter, invent the wheel, etc., when they were pleasuring themselves all the time?
Little or no artificial lighting; long dark nights (perhaps another reason why the features on these fertility dolls are all so exaggerated?)
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### Author:  [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2005, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/knap-my-flint-ancient-phallus-unearthed-in-cave/314101/17 "2005-07-26T03:37:55Z")
Such a great article – I get more out of it every time I read it. What is the significance of the “tool” being highly polished? It’s mentioned twice. No doubt it was left to the women folk to do the polishing, no matter how laborious.
> [@](#):
>
> Current evidence indicates that the Swabian Jura of southwestern Germany was one of the central regions of **cultural innovation** after the arrival of modern humans in Europe some 40,000 years ago.
(bolding mine) Bless these people. Without them, we might not have the Double-headed Icy Blue Jelly Dongs :eek: :eek: that we take for granted today.
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### Author:  [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2005, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/knap-my-flint-ancient-phallus-unearthed-in-cave/314101/18 "2005-07-26T04:37:25Z")
> [@Mangetout](#):
>
> I find myself wondering if these ‘fertility symbols’ weren’t actually more _directly_ used in connection with ‘fertility’ - as a sort of combination of pornography and sex-toy
Sometimes they were. Statues of Priapus were made with large, erect penises. Worship of Priapus did involve female worshippers having sex with the statues.
IIRC Some male worshippers of Bacchus worshipped him by pleasuring themselves with dildos made from the wood of fig trees.
I’ve also read references to Kwan Yin being not only a fertility goddess, but a goddes of sex, and even a sacred whore. Accordingly, some images of her are intended to be pornography as well as devotional art. When dealing with a sex goddess, an erect penis, masturbation, and semen are all apropriate offerings.
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### Author:  [@ZebraShaSha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZebraShaSha)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2005, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/knap-my-flint-ancient-phallus-unearthed-in-cave/314101/19 "2005-07-26T06:20:33Z")
Even in the old days, people took their partners for granite.
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### Author:  [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2005, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/knap-my-flint-ancient-phallus-unearthed-in-cave/314101/20 "2005-07-26T07:15:54Z")
> [@Mangetout](#):
>
> II find myself wondering if these ‘fertility symbols’ weren’t actually more _directly_ used in connection with ‘fertility’ - as a sort of combination of pornography and sex-toy (for example, why does the Venus of Willendorf have a sort of _ribbed_ head?)
I always thought those were supposed to be cornrows. In fact, I’m going to _continue_ thinking those were supposed to be cornrows.
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