# Know any "late in life" gays or lesbians? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 7, 2015, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-late-in-life-gays-or-lesbians/739677 "2015-12-07T02:52:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![jabiru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bbce88/32.png) [@jabiru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jabiru)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2015, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-late-in-life-gays-or-lesbians/739677/21 "2015-12-15T09:25:34Z")
I’m 62. A girl in my primary school class married in her late 20s, had two children, divorced and remarried. Divorced again and had a couple of other long-term heterosexual relationships. I found out a couple of years ago that she’s now with a woman, the love of her life. I have no reason to think she was in the closet all those decades. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2015, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-late-in-life-gays-or-lesbians/739677/22 "2015-12-15T12:47:05Z")
> [@Quercus](#): > > Well, how are they with show tunes? Hm… do barber quartets and all-male chorales count? ---
**Author:** ![Saintly\_Loser](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saintly_loser/32/4045_2.png) [@Saintly\_Loser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saintly_Loser)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2015, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-late-in-life-gays-or-lesbians/739677/23 "2015-12-15T15:27:15Z")
I don’t know any “late in life” gay men, or woman, but I do know one man who’d been in a relationship with another man for years and years, at least ten years, and then one day just up and ran off with a woman. That’s the only instance of late-in-life heterosexuality I’ve ever heard of. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2015, 8:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-late-in-life-gays-or-lesbians/739677/24 "2015-12-16T08:40:40Z")
> [@Saintly\_Loser](#): > > I don’t know any “late in life” gay men, or woman, but I do know one man who’d been in a relationship with another man for years and years, at least ten years, and then one day just up and ran off with a woman. > > That’s the only instance of late-in-life heterosexuality I’ve ever heard of. A good friend of mine was very definitely gay - slept with women, wore comfortable shoes, Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival “See You In August” bumper sticker on her small, sensible car, and in general personal style was a shorter version of Rachel Maddow. Yet she somehow wound up marrying a very nice man. Shocked the hell out of me. ---
**Author:** ![Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ac8455/32.png) [@Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Your_Great_Darsh_Face)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2015, 8:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-late-in-life-gays-or-lesbians/739677/25 "2015-12-16T08:47:22Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > … there’s all these jokes about sex rates in the Basque Country being low because of our women refusing to put out unless they’re really, really, really in the mood. Now you’re telling me that the problem is that our men can cook? Ha, those wacky Basque customs! Completely unlike women everywhere else amirite? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2015, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-late-in-life-gays-or-lesbians/739677/26 "2015-12-16T08:51:58Z")
My girlfriend in high school? Her mom switched teams in her 50s. So did a male co-worker of mine more recently. It happens. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2015, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-late-in-life-gays-or-lesbians/739677/27 "2015-12-16T10:35:49Z")
I know tons of people who came out very late, though only a couple where I know that they actually changed their identification from straight to gay (not bi in the couple of cases I know of). I don’t thin it was always about being closeted for the others, either, more not knowing yourself well enough, and also being happy enough in the straight marriage to keep it going at least until the kids were grown. Some of these people are the kind where you’d never have thought they could pass for straight, too. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2015, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-late-in-life-gays-or-lesbians/739677/28 "2015-12-16T11:10:37Z")
> [@Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](#): > > Ha, those wacky Basque customs! Completely unlike women everywhere else amirite? 😃 Men in some not-so-far places, actually. I’ve known guys from Madrid who could put breakfast together if the ingredients were already arranged on a buffet; the notion of actually purchasing them from a supermarket made them dizzy. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2015, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-late-in-life-gays-or-lesbians/739677/29 "2015-12-16T17:17:49Z")
> [@Ana12](#): > > According to scientists 10% of people are heterosexual, 10% is homosexual, and 80% is between. There may be some study that says this, but there is no such consensus among scientists and I have never seen any survey about sexual orientation that had these kinds of numbers. > [@](#): > > So, was she a lesbian? No. She definitely wasn’t because she was married to her husband and felt perfectly happy and normal. Was she bi? Maybe, not necessarily though because she didn’t feel this way towards women before she actually ended up being physical with one. So this woman was probably in this 80% closer to being heterosexual but still taking women into consideration. You are not in any position to determine the true sexual orientation or innermost feelings of a woman you’ve never even met. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2015, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-late-in-life-gays-or-lesbians/739677/30 "2015-12-17T01:29:09Z")
Yes, I know a man who was in a heterosexual relationship, had a child in that relationship, then realized that he was gay. He ended up splitting up with his ex and moved in with a new boyfriend. He somehow ended up with full custody of his daughter (this is in a very liberal state) and settled into the role of the stay-at-home “wife” of the family. ---
**Author:** ![bubba001](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f17d59/32.png) [@bubba001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bubba001)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2015, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-late-in-life-gays-or-lesbians/739677/31 "2015-12-17T07:23:40Z")
Coworker started coming to work with makeup and eventually a dress. He was divorced with kids. I have no idea how all this came about, but it was unusual to see him walk around in a dress. He was about 50 when he came out. ---
**Author:** ![Truman\_Burbank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@Truman\_Burbank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Truman_Burbank)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2015, 9:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-late-in-life-gays-or-lesbians/739677/32 "2015-12-17T09:39:18Z")
My evil, alcoholic stepfather, who was viciously homophobic towards a gay coworker, moved in with a “cousin” no-one had ever heard of in his last years (long divorced from my mother by then, thank Og. My mom could really pick 'em). The gay co-worker, who was one of the nicest men I ever met, only remarked "it’s always a ‘cousin’ ". ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2015, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-late-in-life-gays-or-lesbians/739677/33 "2015-12-17T18:24:47Z")
The family who lived next door to me when I was growing up was fairly “normal” – dad, mom, three kids. My sister and I were friends with the kids, and even when I was a teenager, it was clear to me that the dad in the family was kind of a creep. He was very controlling of his wife and his kids. By the time I was in college (all three of the kids were a bit younger than me), it came out that the dad had been having a series of affairs. His wife had finally had enough – she divorced him, and wound up declaring that she was a lesbian (she was in her 40s at that point). AFAIK (my sister has kept in touch with one of the kids), she’s had a lesbian partner ever since. I have no idea if she (the mom) considered herself to be bisexual or lesbian before the divorce, but she clearly had a very bad experience with her husband. ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2015, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-late-in-life-gays-or-lesbians/739677/34 "2015-12-17T18:41:32Z")
> [@Saintly\_Loser](#): > > I don’t know any “late in life” gay men, or woman, but I do know one man who’d been in a relationship with another man for years and years, at least ten years, and then one day just up and ran off with a woman. > > That’s the only instance of late-in-life heterosexuality I’ve ever heard of. I have another one. One of my best friends was gay for years and years until he fell for a woman in his late 30s. That relationship didn’t work out, but he’s getting married to another woman next year. He described himself as a 93-7 split. 93% of him is gay, 7% is straight. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2015, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-late-in-life-gays-or-lesbians/739677/35 "2015-12-17T22:57:53Z")
> [@Catamount](#): > > I have another one. One of my best friends was gay for years and years until he fell for a woman in his late 30s. That relationship didn’t work out, but he’s getting married to another woman next year. > > He described himself as a 93-7 split. 93% of him is gay, 7% is straight. Is 7% straight enough to eat pussy? ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2015, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-late-in-life-gays-or-lesbians/739677/36 "2015-12-17T23:08:23Z")
> [@kenobi\_65](#): > > The family who lived next door to me when I was growing up was fairly “normal” – dad, mom, three kids. My sister and I were friends with the kids, and even when I was a teenager, it was clear to me that the dad in the family was kind of a creep. He was very controlling of his wife and his kids. > > By the time I was in college (all three of the kids were a bit younger than me), it came out that the dad had been having a series of affairs. His wife had finally had enough – she divorced him, and wound up declaring that she was a lesbian (she was in her 40s at that point). AFAIK (my sister has kept in touch with one of the kids), she’s had a lesbian partner ever since. I have no idea if she (the mom) considered herself to be bisexual or lesbian before the divorce, but she clearly had a very bad experience with her husband. Do you know if the affairs were with women, or men, or both? When I first read your post, I interpreted it that they were with men. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![TheSpeculationElucidation](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@TheSpeculationElucidation](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheSpeculationElucidation)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2015, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-late-in-life-gays-or-lesbians/739677/37 "2015-12-17T23:24:15Z")
I know many women who got married to men and had kids, then later in life realized they liked women and separated. I don’t think I know any men in my circle like that, however. I also know a FTM transgender man who had thought up until his 50’s that he was a lesbian, but then realized he was a heterosexual trans man and went through the surgeries. Now he is happily married to a straight woman. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2015, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-late-in-life-gays-or-lesbians/739677/38 "2015-12-18T00:26:40Z")
> [@installLSC](#): > > Do you know any (or are you one yourself) gay or lesbian people who switched their sexual orientation late in life? I’m not referring to closeted people who never had a chance at same-sex encounters until late in life. I mean people who legitimately considered themselves fully heterosexual until well into adulthood. Have they ever mentioned why they changed? And what’s the oldest person you know who decided they are gay or bisexual? Yes, I have known one. I think he was about 40 when he realized his homosexuality. When he announced it to me, I was completely taken by surprise because I had assumed for years not only that he was homosexual but also that he was in a relationship with his (male) associate in a small business (he was in fact in a long term relationship with a woman). I was (and still am) completely puzzled that someone could not have realized his own sexual orientation at 40. Especially since I (and others) had realized it (and assumed he was closeted). It happened when he met some 20 yo homosexual guy who pursued him, and he eventually fell in love (which also mystified me, since besides not knowing he was attracted to men and twice his age, my friend was also really very unatractive. Also poor and in bad health. That this 20 yo had pursued him with such insistence was completely puzzling too). ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2015, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-late-in-life-gays-or-lesbians/739677/39 "2015-12-19T00:43:24Z")
> [@TheSpeculationElucidation](#): > > I also know a FTM transgender man who had thought up until his 50’s that he was a lesbian, but then realized he was a heterosexual trans man and went through the surgeries. Now he is happily married to a straight woman. That sounds like Chastity/Chaz Bono, although AFAIK he didn’t realize he was really a straight man until he started going through gender transition. I saw a Discovery Channel show about f-to-m trans people, and one of them also identified as lesbian, until he went to college and got involved with their GLBT group and realize that while his lesbian friends were attracted to other lesbians, he was attracted to straight women. At the time of the show, he had been taking hormones and was living as a man and dating women, but had not undergone any surgeries. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-late-in-life-gays-or-lesbians/739677.md?page=1)