# Know any punch lines to famous dirty jokes? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 11, 2000, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-punch-lines-to-famous-dirty-jokes/19209 "2000-05-11T08:14:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2000, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-punch-lines-to-famous-dirty-jokes/19209/41 "2000-05-12T01:42:18Z")
How could I have forgotten the immortal “corn on the cob” joke? “While you’ve been in there screwing your brains out all night, I’ve been out here on the porch, eating hot buttered corn on the cob!” * * * **Peaches:** There’s this old lady, and one day her fairy godmother appears and says, “I’m going to grant you three wishes.” So the old lady says, “Okay, for my first wish, I want to be fabulously wealthy.” The fairy godmother waves her magic wand and poof! the old lady is richer than Bill Gates. “For my second wish,” she says, “I want to be young and beautiful again.” “Fine,” says the fairy godmother. Poof! the old lady is young and gorgeous. “Now all I need is a handsome prince,” she tells the fairy godmother. “For my third wish, I want you to change my cat here into a handsome prince.” Poof! immediately the cat becomes a handsome prince, and he looks at her and says… ---
**Author:** ![Fonz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Fonz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fonz)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2000, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-punch-lines-to-famous-dirty-jokes/19209/42 "2000-05-12T02:09:20Z")
**Don’t step in the umgauwa!** ---
**Author:** ![It\_is\_to\_laugh-Non](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ec9cab/32.png) [@It\_is\_to\_laugh-Non](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_is_to_laugh-Non)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2000, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-punch-lines-to-famous-dirty-jokes/19209/43 "2000-05-12T02:23:56Z")
…If I could come that way, I wouldn’t need you to sell me a vibrator. …I don’t care if I wake the whole damn hotel with my pounding- it’s my first erection in years and both hands have fallen asleep. …If you’re her husband, who’s that watching us in the closet? ---
**Author:** ![My\_Sister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e68b1a/32.png) [@My\_Sister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/My_Sister)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2000, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-punch-lines-to-famous-dirty-jokes/19209/44 "2000-05-12T02:32:28Z")
As the door latched behind him, he read the sign: “You’ve just gotten screwed at Porky’s” It was \*supposed \*to be porno- see, the package says _Head Cleaner._ ---
**Author:** ![flup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d07c76/32.png) [@flup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flup)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2000, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-punch-lines-to-famous-dirty-jokes/19209/45 "2000-05-12T02:47:55Z")
This is one of the coolest I’ve ever seen. My compliments to the Fonz! (I know most of these jokes- I read at least half of them in playboy) “That’s not a bagpipe, but don’t stop playing” “…But you fuck one goat…” “[spread arms out wide] …She heard there was a man there hung like that!” “Wait! You’ve got them on the wrong feet!” "So they don’t leave little snail trails. “Guess that answers that question.” (Elementary school fave) “I AM Blueberry Hill.” “Are you guys all on the same team?” ---
**Author:** ![learae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f9ae1b/32.png) [@learae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/learae)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2000, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-punch-lines-to-famous-dirty-jokes/19209/46 "2000-05-12T04:09:24Z")
The moral of the story: If you’re hung like a horse, you don’t need a BMW to pick up chicks. I told you it’s just like a baby…8lbs, 4 ozs. ---
**Author:** ![Doug\_Bowe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/df788c/32.png) [@Doug\_Bowe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doug_Bowe)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2000, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-punch-lines-to-famous-dirty-jokes/19209/47 "2000-05-12T04:19:51Z")
You oughtta be here when he makes donuts. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2000, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-punch-lines-to-famous-dirty-jokes/19209/48 "2000-05-12T04:48:05Z")
“Yeah, but Chunks is the dog’s name.” ---
**Author:** ![Fonz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Fonz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fonz)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2000, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-punch-lines-to-famous-dirty-jokes/19209/49 "2000-05-12T05:16:01Z")
…Don’t be absurd, when I said it was like a melon, I wasn’t talking size, I was talking flavor. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2000, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-punch-lines-to-famous-dirty-jokes/19209/50 "2000-05-12T13:31:54Z")
And the pickle slicer was fired, too. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2000, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-punch-lines-to-famous-dirty-jokes/19209/51 "2000-05-12T15:59:00Z")
St. Peter said, “Fine.” And he turned to a flunky and said, “Show her to my room.” ---
**Author:** ![pluto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f08c70/32.png) [@pluto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pluto)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2000, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-punch-lines-to-famous-dirty-jokes/19209/52 "2000-05-12T17:42:21Z")
“Go ahead, it’s your cow!” “Sheep lie!” ---
**Author:** ![langour](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19b73/32.png) [@langour](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/langour)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2000, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-punch-lines-to-famous-dirty-jokes/19209/53 "2000-05-13T22:54:07Z")
…If those aren’t real diamonds, then I’ve been raped! ---
**Author:** ![Diagonal\_Twin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9adbd/32.png) [@Diagonal\_Twin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diagonal_Twin)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2000, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-punch-lines-to-famous-dirty-jokes/19209/54 "2000-05-13T22:58:46Z")
Sure I trust you, Adam, but I’d still like to count your ribs. ---
**Author:** ![VaHermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ed655f/32.png) [@VaHermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VaHermit)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2000, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-punch-lines-to-famous-dirty-jokes/19209/55 "2000-05-14T06:03:44Z")
so there I was, hiding in this refridgerator… cause ol’ Wong-Fu doesn’t go for that shit either. Damn, baby, I don’t think I can take 67 more of those. You _were_ an eight, till you pissed on me. Well dad, are you gonna tell mom, or do you want me to? ---
**Author:** ![xenophon41](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xenophon41/32/253_2.png) [@xenophon41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xenophon41)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2000, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-punch-lines-to-famous-dirty-jokes/19209/56 "2000-05-14T06:23:13Z")
Tho am I, thweetie, but it thure was fun! Oh no, I’d much rather be in the front seat with you… Well ya don’t expect a fella with one leg to go ‘n’ catcha 'roo, d’ya? Well, wherever I was, I took _first place_! ---
**Author:** ![Show\_Biz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/77aa72/32.png) [@Show\_Biz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Show_Biz)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2000, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-punch-lines-to-famous-dirty-jokes/19209/57 "2000-05-14T16:04:19Z")
\*\*…the genie said he’d thank me with one wish and I said, “No shit!” ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2000, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-punch-lines-to-famous-dirty-jokes/19209/58 "2000-05-14T21:50:26Z")
Your brother is coming too. Because he can. He shit in my pants too. ---
**Author:** ![xenophon41](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xenophon41/32/253_2.png) [@xenophon41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xenophon41)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2000, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-punch-lines-to-famous-dirty-jokes/19209/59 "2000-05-14T22:30:38Z")
Well, couldn’t I just leave my pants, instead? ---
**Author:** ![Show\_Biz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/77aa72/32.png) [@Show\_Biz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Show_Biz)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-punch-lines-to-famous-dirty-jokes/19209/60 "2000-05-15T20:33:21Z")
…I don’t know what you mean Monsieur - Esprix means somezing else entirely! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-punch-lines-to-famous-dirty-jokes/19209.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-any-punch-lines-to-famous-dirty-jokes/19209.md?page=4)