# Know what really burns my ass? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 7, 2015, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-what-really-burns-my-ass/727213 "2015-08-07T04:25:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2015, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-what-really-burns-my-ass/727213/21 "2015-08-07T16:05:14Z")
I don’t see how anyone can use witch hazel for anything. The smell, stench actually, I find disgusting. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2015, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-what-really-burns-my-ass/727213/22 "2015-08-07T16:08:44Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > I don’t want to know why someone might want to put either isopropyl alcohol OR witch hazel on their ass. See [post 14](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=18581669&postcount=14) (or about 6 posts up). ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2015, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-what-really-burns-my-ass/727213/23 "2015-08-07T16:11:41Z")
**Know what really burns my ass?** Weber? ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2015, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-what-really-burns-my-ass/727213/24 "2015-08-07T16:38:18Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > **Know what really burns my ass?** > > Weber? Posts 4 & 5. It’s a short thread. Is it that hard to read? ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2015, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-what-really-burns-my-ass/727213/25 "2015-08-07T17:35:07Z")
Coleman, then? ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2015, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-what-really-burns-my-ass/727213/26 "2015-08-07T17:40:52Z")
> [@Monty](#): > > I don’t see how anyone can use witch hazel for anything. The smell, stench actually, I find disgusting. Oh no, his butt’s gonna smell. ---
**Author:** ![leftfield6](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leftfield6/32/18780_2.png) [@leftfield6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leftfield6)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2015, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-what-really-burns-my-ass/727213/27 "2015-08-07T17:50:49Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > Oh no, his butt’s gonna smell. It’s a butt. It likely already smells. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2015, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-what-really-burns-my-ass/727213/28 "2015-08-07T17:57:16Z")
> [@leftfield6](#): > > It’s a butt. It likely already smells. Really? I thought the nose smells. That’s two things I’ve learned in this thread. (By any chance, did you hear a loud _whooshing_ sound as you read **lieu** ’s post?) ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2015, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-what-really-burns-my-ass/727213/29 "2015-08-07T17:59:53Z")
For those of us with comprehension issues… The OP meant to put witch hazel on his ass and mistakenly used rubbing alcohol? Because I started this thread thinking it was the other way around. Which post 2 seemed to confirm. ---
**Author:** ![leftfield6](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leftfield6/32/18780_2.png) [@leftfield6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leftfield6)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2015, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-what-really-burns-my-ass/727213/30 "2015-08-07T18:43:15Z")
> [@Typo\_Negative](#): > > For those of us with comprehension issues… > > The OP meant to put witch hazel on his ass and mistakenly used rubbing alcohol? Because I started this thread thinking it was the other way around. Which post 2 seemed to confirm. Apparently, TriPolar can’t use either substance for relief here. But, yes, I think the OP intended the Witch Hazel, but applied the alcohol. Then this ensued –\>:mad: ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2015, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-what-really-burns-my-ass/727213/31 "2015-08-07T20:14:26Z")
> [@D\_Odds](#): > > See [post 14](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=18581669&postcount=14) (or about 6 posts up). Which part of “I don’t want to know” are you not understanding? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Unpronounceable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9de0a6/32.png) [@Unpronounceable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unpronounceable)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2015, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-what-really-burns-my-ass/727213/32 "2015-08-07T20:19:53Z")
> [@Jophiel](#): > > Witch hazel is a common astringent hemorrhoid relief medication. Which begs the question of who was the first guy to rub witch hazel on his anus and figure this out. My guess would be somebody who was out of TP. ---
**Author:** ![USCDiver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uscdiver/32/354_2.png) [@USCDiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/USCDiver)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2015, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-what-really-burns-my-ass/727213/33 "2015-08-07T21:50:32Z")
For those who haven’t heard of using witch hazel for hemorrhoid relief, have you heard of Tucks pads? Those are basically gauze pads soaked in witch hazel. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2015, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-what-really-burns-my-ass/727213/34 "2015-08-07T22:55:55Z")
> [@Jophiel](#): > > Witch hazel is a common astringent hemorrhoid relief medication. Which begs the question of who was the first guy to rub witch hazel on his anus and figure this out. Knowing that the Warner Brothers cartoon character voiced by June Foray is named “Witch Hazel” gives this line new and improved meaning > **[Witch Hazel (Looney Tunes)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Witch_Hazel_(Looney_Tunes))** > > Witch Hazel is an animated cartoon character in the Warner Bros. Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies series of cartoons and TV shows. Witch Hazel is a fairy tale witch antagonist with green skin, a round figure, bulbous facial features, and a single tooth. The name is a pun on the witch-hazel plant and folk remedies based on it. > Created by Chuck Jones during the golden age of American animation, the character was originally voiced by Bea Benaderet in 1954's Bewitched Bunny. Benaderet would later be... ---
**Author:** ![XT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xt/32/456_2.png) [@XT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XT)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2015, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-what-really-burns-my-ass/727213/35 "2015-08-07T23:07:44Z")
> [@D\_Odds](#): > > Really? I thought the nose smells. That’s two things I’ve learned in this thread. > > (By any chance, did you hear a loud _whooshing_ sound as you read **lieu** ’s post?) They might have an extra nose on their ass…in witch case, the hamamelis is definitely contraindicated. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2015, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-what-really-burns-my-ass/727213/36 "2015-08-07T23:38:15Z")
> [@leftfield6](#): > > Apparently, TriPolar can’t use either substance for relief here. But, yes, I think the OP intended the Witch Hazel, but applied the alcohol. Then this ensued –\>:mad: I didn’t intend or put either on my asshole. It was supposed to be rubbing alcohol a lovely young woman was putting on my back and butt. Turned out to be witch hazel. My back looked liked it was covered in 2nd degree burns. I spent about an hour standing in a cold shower after that. I can’t imagine using either one right on my asshole. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2015, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-what-really-burns-my-ass/727213/37 "2015-08-07T23:56:15Z")
> [@](#): > > Know what really burns my ass? Fire? ---
**Author:** ![Kropotkin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kropotkin/32/18045_2.png) [@Kropotkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kropotkin)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2015, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-what-really-burns-my-ass/727213/38 "2015-08-08T03:39:16Z")
Okay, now I’m kinda sorry I mentioned it…😃 And to the question, “how do you feel?” the answer is, “like an idiot.” Thanks for all the practical tips, from sniff test to highlighter, but trust me, as someone noted, this ain’t gonna happen again. Now, is this bottle the bleach or the ammonia? ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2015, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-what-really-burns-my-ass/727213/39 "2015-08-08T04:08:24Z")
Y’know, it’s not _THAT_ horrible… it’s more the surprise at the unexpected dramatically different sensation that knocks you for a loop. Getting rubbing alcohol of the forward equipment of both genders in that same region is no walk in the park either… And as **USCDiver** mentioned, that application of Witch Hazel is rather common. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2015, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-what-really-burns-my-ass/727213/40 "2015-08-08T05:00:16Z")
Florida-based rock band Sister Hazel had a top 11 hit, “All For You” back in the 1990s. It reached #1 on the adult contemporary chart. Nevertheless, neither he song nor the band relieves pain or itching from eczema or hemorrhoids. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-what-really-burns-my-ass/727213.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/know-what-really-burns-my-ass/727213.md?page=3)