# Konchalovsky's NaziCracker **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 13, 2010, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/konchalovskys-nazicracker/563969 "2010-12-13T12:13:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2010, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/konchalovskys-nazicracker/563969/1 "2010-12-13T12:13:15Z")
I haven’t seen a thread on this yet, which surprises me. This movie, the last I checked, had gotten a rating of _Zero_ on Rotten Tomatoes, and has been condemned by every reviewer. It’s Andrei Konchalovsky’s 3D version of **The Nutcracker** , and it’s not hard to see why. Virtually no ballet. They threw out most of Tchaikovsky’s music and adapted the rest to bland form, with added lyrics by Tim Rice. Nathan Lane plays the Uncle – not Drosselmeyer, but Uncle Albert, as in Einstein. It’s updated to the 1930s, and the Mice are Rat-faced Nazis. I kid you not. Here’s the official website: [http://nutcrackerin3d.com/](http://nutcrackerin3d.com/) Here’s the Rotten Tomatoes site, with all the negative reviews you could want: > **[The Nutcracker](https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_nutcracker_2010)** > > Christmas in Vienna is a dull affair for 9-year-old Mary (Elle Fanning), until her beloved Uncle Albert (Nathan Lane) arrives and gives her a special gift: an enchanted nutcracker. On Christmas night the nutcracker -- named NC -- comes to life and... The Wikipedia Page: > **[The Nutcracker in 3D](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Nutcracker_in_3D)** > > The Nutcracker in 3D (also released The Nutcracker: The Untold Story) is a 2010 3D Christmas musical fantasy film adapted from Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s 1892 ballet The Nutcracker. Directed, co-written and produced by Andrei Konchalovsky, the film stars Elle Fanning, Nathan Lane, John Turturro, Frances de la Tour, Richard E. Grant and Yulia Vysotskaya, with Charlie Rowe and Shirley Henderson as the Nutcracker. Set in 1920s Vienna, the plot follows a young girl who receives a magical doll that... Add to this that it’s in awful 3D. Heck, even **Battlefield Earth** got more positive reviews. I haven’t even seen an ad for this in the theaters or on TV. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2010, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/konchalovskys-nazicracker/563969/2 "2010-12-13T15:35:36Z")
Really strange. It might have been interesting to adapt the original story (the ballet is just an outline of the weirdness in the original), but this seems to be a pretty generic adventure fantasy. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2010, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/konchalovskys-nazicracker/563969/3 "2010-12-13T18:25:18Z")
I love Lane’s expression on the front page of the site - “Yeah, I needed the money…” ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2010, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/konchalovskys-nazicracker/563969/4 "2010-12-13T18:39:41Z")
The adaptation of the army of the Mouse King isn’t TOO much of a stretch, but for God’s sake, why the hell would you ditch the original music by Tchaikovsky? That music _defines_ the story. It’s a character in its own right. ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2010, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/konchalovskys-nazicracker/563969/5 "2010-12-13T18:44:00Z")
> [@Olentzero](#): > > I love Lane’s expression on the front page of the site - “Yeah, I needed the money…” Budget USD $90,000,000 Gross revenue $159,515 I hope he didn’t ask for a cut. …and now I kinda wanna see it. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2010, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/konchalovskys-nazicracker/563969/6 "2010-12-13T21:07:50Z")
> [@stpauler](#): > > Budget USD $90,000,000 > Gross revenue $159,515 Jesus Christ, are you serious? Man, the boys over at VneshnEkomBank are clearly not gonna be happy about this one. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2010, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/konchalovskys-nazicracker/563969/7 "2010-12-13T21:12:06Z")
Oh, that reminds me… why in the hell would Albert Einstein be celebrating Christmas, anyway?! ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2010, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/konchalovskys-nazicracker/563969/8 "2010-12-14T04:32:48Z")
The trailer looks pretty terrible… ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2010, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/konchalovskys-nazicracker/563969/9 "2010-12-14T19:29:27Z")
> [@Olentzero](#): > > Oh, that reminds me… why in the hell would Albert Einstein be celebrating Christmas, anyway?! According to his theory that’s the best time to have all his relatives over. ---
**Author:** ![Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uosdwis_R.Dewoh)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2010, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/konchalovskys-nazicracker/563969/10 "2010-12-14T20:45:41Z")
> [@Olentzero](#): > > I love Lane’s expression on the front page of the site - “Yeah, I needed the money…” I heard the house that the paycheck built is terrific. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2010, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/konchalovskys-nazicracker/563969/11 "2010-12-14T20:46:02Z")
John Turturro is in it too. He’s way to good for that. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2010, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/konchalovskys-nazicracker/563969/12 "2010-12-14T20:50:45Z")
> [@](#): > > Nathan Lane plays the Uncle – not Drosselmeyer, but Uncle Albert, as in Einstein. How does that make any sense? Just because he’s a genius doesn’t mean he would make great toys. Even if the Nutcracker has some sort of technobabble spatial portal generator or something that takes the girl to the fantasy world, Einstein was still a theorist, not an experimentalist: If he had designed something of the sort, he’d still need someone else to build it for him. And “design” is still even too strong of a word: At most, he’d come up with the basic principles, which someone else would turn into a design. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2010, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/konchalovskys-nazicracker/563969/13 "2010-12-14T21:04:33Z")
> [@furryman](#): > > According to his theory that’s the best time to have all his relatives over. Theory of relativity? :smack: (I use the smack-myself smackie only because there is no smack-you smackie, and you need a smackin’ for that one). ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2010, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/konchalovskys-nazicracker/563969/14 "2010-12-15T22:46:17Z")
Wow. The A.V. Club says this move “…is the cinematic equivalent of a turd sprinkled with powdered sugar.” And this can not be true: “Also, it re-envisions the Holocaust as a doll-pocalypse, as rat soldiers round up toys to burn in giant ovens whose smoke blots out the sun.” Seriously? ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/konchalovskys-nazicracker/563969/15 "2010-12-16T01:45:22Z")
> [@](#): > > Seriously? Seriously – it’s in a lot of the reviews. And the Holocaust Imagery is undoubtedly the main reason this film has been universally condemned. The rest of the film may be poorly conceived and badly executed, but that’s just appallingly Bad Taste. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/konchalovskys-nazicracker/563969/16 "2010-12-16T11:50:26Z")
> [@furryman](#): > > According to his theory that’s the best time to have all his relatives over. Well, isn’t that special. ---
**Author:** ![Jake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/konchalovskys-nazicracker/563969/17 "2010-12-16T20:14:39Z")
> [@Olentzero](#): > > Well, isn’t that special. Generally speaking…