# Labor complications: Do you choose yourself/wife or baby? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 12, 2010, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447 "2010-07-12T21:07:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/21 "2010-07-13T15:58:46Z")
Considering we already have children, and if we were pregnant and at the hospital and the choice was saving their mother or their new sibling, we would save their mother. If it was our first child, the answer may have been different. But in this case, we felt it was more important for the already existing children to continue to have their mother. ---
**Author:** ![palacheck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a88e57/32.png) [@palacheck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/palacheck)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/22 "2010-07-13T16:13:44Z")
I guess I’d save the wife. If it were between my wife and a healthy 1 year old/toddler, then my wife would be fucking gone. Sorry babe. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/23 "2010-07-13T16:58:29Z")
By the way: Even if I had a teenage child, I’d expect my spouse to save me over the little shit and I’d do the same for her. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/24 "2010-07-13T17:10:55Z")
> [@BetsQ](#): > > I know that people throughout history have regularly dealt with the loss of a child, but it seems like an insurmountable amount of grief to me. If I lived and my child died and I knew that it was a result of my husband’s choice, I don’t think I could ever forgive that. Yeah but imagine the guilt the kid would live with! And we all know they eventually find out these secrets. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/25 "2010-07-13T17:19:16Z")
Not hitched, so this is just a hypo - but my wife would be sentient, and newborn babies really aren’t. I’d save the wife, without hesitation. Of course, I also despise infants. This may also color my reasoning a bit. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/26 "2010-07-13T20:30:26Z")
This scenario- save spouse or kid?- is actually used by marriage counselors and therapists quite a bit to demonstrate the significance of putting your spouse first. When you marry, you are, in effect, becoming one person and swearing to always put the other first, before literally _anyone_. Which does make sense- after all, children feel more secure knowing that their parents are united, and no child really wants or needs to be put up on a pedestal and treated as if he were king, anyway. This concept is extra-important in stepfamilies, when it can cause great strife if you don’t know where your loyalties lie- with your spouse or your kids. ---
**Author:** ![manila](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@manila](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manila)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/27 "2010-07-13T20:54:06Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > My wife and I actually had this discussion before our first baby was born. She said save the baby, not her, so that’s what I would have done. I don’t care to speculate what I would have done in the absence of those instructions. I know as well that now, we’re both under strict orders from each other to save the kids first. But with the loss of a wife, for my part, I would be leaving the child “that killed her” at the hospital and wouldn’t really want anything to do with it anymore. I would be too resentful and could never bond with it. (all purely hypothetical from a guy who had a vasectomy before he had sired any brood! 🙂 ) ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/28 "2010-07-13T21:19:26Z")
> [@palacheck](#): > > I guess I’d save the wife. If it were between my wife and a healthy 1 year old/toddler, then my wife would be fucking gone. Sorry babe. Jeez - I guess I’m glad I’m not your wife. Anyhow - I picked save me. Firstly, I don’t want Junior to grow up with his mom. Secondly, hubby and I can make another baby. Finally, if the situations were reversed, I would choose hubby. YMMV and all that. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/29 "2010-07-13T22:00:02Z")
> [@RandMcnally](#): > > My wonderful wife told me, when I asked her this question, “I keep going back and forth, so I am telling you that I will be happy with whatever decision you made.” Well I guess if you let the wife go you don’t have to worry about her divorcing you over being pissed off about your choice. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/30 "2010-07-13T22:14:14Z")
Save whichever one is the easier case. That’s the emergency responder in me talking. This is no different than the wife and kid drowning in the car from last year, and that was my answer back then, too. You always save the easy ones first, because if you don’t, you can lose everyone including yourself. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/31 "2010-07-13T22:27:30Z")
For those saying, “We can make more children” would your answer change if the life saving procedure leaves your unable to have anymore? ---
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/32 "2010-07-13T23:06:12Z")
> [@palacheck](#): > > I guess I’d save the wife. If it were between my wife and a healthy 1 year old/toddler, then my wife would be fucking gone. Sorry babe. See, I find this interesting, because I think that’s actually what most people would say. At birth, before you’ve bonded with the infant and it still seems more fetus than baby, most people in this thread (and I’d agree) say save the wife. But I wonder when that changes–at two weeks, are you still picking the wife? Two years? Twelve? Obviously there aren’t many likely scenarios in which a person must choose between the lives of their toddler and their spouse, but I do think that evolution of the relationship is compelling. ---
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/33 "2010-07-13T23:07:16Z")
> [@RandMcnally](#): > > For those saying, “We can make more children” would your answer change if the life saving procedure leaves your unable to have anymore? For me, no, it wouldn’t, because we could always adopt if children were that important to us. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/34 "2010-07-13T23:15:47Z")
> [@Renee](#): > > See, I find this interesting, because I think that’s actually what most people would say. At birth, before you’ve bonded with the infant and it still seems more fetus than baby, most people in this thread (and I’d agree) say save the wife. But I wonder when that changes–at two weeks, are you still picking the wife? Two years? Twelve? > > Obviously there aren’t many likely scenarios in which a person must choose between the lives of their toddler and their spouse, but I do think that evolution of the relationship is compelling. Do you really think there are that many marriages where the father loves and is bonded to the child more than he is the mother? I know there are a lot of men out there that hate their wives, so maybe… but personally, my parents always made it very clear to me that they were cleaved unto each other, not us kids. ---
**Author:** ![FrustratedIdiot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/77aa72/32.png) [@FrustratedIdiot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FrustratedIdiot)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/35 "2010-07-13T23:56:08Z")
Childbirth? Wife. Burning house, wife and children inside? Depends who’s closer. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/36 "2010-07-14T00:37:02Z")
I save my wife. Fuck the baby. ---
**Author:** ![Omega\_Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7c8e57/32.png) [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/37 "2010-07-14T00:54:16Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > Do you really think there are that many marriages where the father loves and is bonded to the child more than he is the mother? I know there are a lot of men out there that hate their wives, so maybe… but personally, my parents always made it very clear to me that they were cleaved unto each other, not us kids. Maybe there should be another poll, asking about an older child. My thoughts were the same as Renee’s, but then my upbringing was the complete opposite of yours. ---
**Author:** ![palacheck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a88e57/32.png) [@palacheck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/palacheck)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/38 "2010-07-14T10:53:03Z")
I’ve been in several serious relationships(yes I was even as in wuv as you are with your current SO) but not once, not one single time, have I ever felt like I would put my SO before my daughter. Maybe in this specific scenario I would put my hypothetical wife first, but once I’ve bonded with that child it’s game over for Mama. I know everyone wants to be the center of their lover’s universe, but imo the reality is that SOs are replaceable too. And don’t give me that frontier crap because I’m certain your wife isn’t dropping out a baby on a break from chopping wood and running from hostile natives. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/39 "2010-07-14T10:59:04Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I save my wife. Fuck the baby. See, now _that’s_ kinky. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/40 "2010-07-14T11:34:32Z")
> [@Silver\_Fire](#): > > I had a dream the other night that I died in childbirth and I’m pregnant so I’ve been thinking a lot about far out scenarios like this. > > I would choose me without any sort of hesitation at all. I’m reasonably certain (though I haven’t asked) that Ben would say the same thing. You might want to talk to him about it just to be sure. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447.md?page=3)