# Labor complications: Do you choose yourself/wife or baby? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 12, 2010, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447 "2010-07-12T21:07:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/41 "2010-07-14T14:55:40Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > Do you really think there are that many marriages where the father loves and is bonded to the child more than he is the mother? I know there are a lot of men out there that hate their wives, so maybe… but personally, my parents always made it very clear to me that they were cleaved unto each other, not us kids. Well, yeah, I do. Half of marriages end in divorce, after all. I don’t have kids, but from the descriptions I’ve read, people are often fiercely protective of their children in a way that they aren’t towards their SOs. I’m kind of curious what your parents said to you to convey that you were less important to them than they were to each other. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/42 "2010-07-14T18:03:08Z")
I love my wife more than my kids. Not that I don’t love my kids. I love them more than anything except my wfe, but I love my wife more. I know that I would better be able to cope with the loss of a child more easily than with the loss of my wife, in no small part because if we lost a child, I’d still have my wife there to HELP me cope. If I lose my wife, I’m all alone. My wife is also the one who is still going to be with me when the kids are grown and gone. Maybe it’s selfish, but I know that I emotionally need my wife more than I need my kids and she will always be the most important person in the world to me. Even more important than myself. If it was between ME and one of the kids, I’d choose to save the kid without a second thought, though. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/43 "2010-07-14T21:18:25Z")
\*Hell \*fucking _yes_, save me, assuming we’ve got a reasonably-close-to-even chance. A newborn baby isn’t missing out on anything but possibilities. > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I save my wife. Fuck the baby. Do you think we’d have time for that? ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2010, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/44 "2010-07-18T16:02:08Z")
> [@RandMcnally](#): > > Hypothetically, if during delivery there is a problem and the baby can be saved but that means the mother dies. You can save the mother but that means the baby doesn’t make it. Which do you choose? For men assume the mother is drugged up and can’t make the decisions so it falls to you. Which do you pick? > > Happy Monday! Wait… I just realized who the OP was here… You’re aunt was a L&D nurse for how long? And you are asking here? ---
**Author:** ![evilbeth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/evilbeth/32/2268_2.png) [@evilbeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilbeth)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2010, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/45 "2010-07-19T03:28:15Z")
We were actually somewhat faced with this sort of choice. I had severe pre-eclampsia while pregnant. At 26 weeks gestation, I was in the hospital on bed rest. They had been monitoring my quickly deteriorating condition very closely. Finally, the doc came in explaining the situation to me and my husband. He explained how this condition kills women and the lucky ones are often paralyzed for life and all sorts of vile things. He explained that at this stage, the baby was very, very sick but the longer she stayed in utero, the better she would be–days or even hours. He told us my condition was bad enough for an immediate emergency C-section right then. My husband and I were faced with the thoughts of waiting longer to give the baby a chance versus me getting worse. My husband finally asked what the baby’s chances were if we did the C-section right then. The doctor replied, “Right now, I’m pretty sure I can save your wife but the baby has less than a twenty-five percent chance. An hour from now, I will give you even odds on both of them at that percent.” My daughter was on her way to the NICU in less than half an hour. In the end, I don’t think the doctor would have allowed us to choose to wait so the decision was never really in our hands. Now that I have that amazing miracle running around, I would (and my husband better) choose me all the way. My daughter needs a mother much more than she does a sibling. ---
**Author:** ![grimpixie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@grimpixie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grimpixie)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2010, 9:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/46 "2010-07-19T09:33:56Z")
I chose the first option, but only because I have strict instructions from my wife to do so - these instructions were given during the heat of labour delivering our son, who had a significant chance of not making it alive. After losing our second daughter a couple of years previously, I don’t think she could stand the thought of another child being stillborn… ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Plastic_Ninja)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2010, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/47 "2010-07-19T15:16:05Z")
I’m female. I’m not just an incubator. I can contribute to the world beyond the little humans I can generate. And there’s kids all over the place that could use a parent. Sure, I’d like to have one of my own if I’m going to have kids, but I wouldn’t _die_ rather than be made infertile or lose an infant in childbirth. I would hate it. It would be the most horrible experience I can imagine. But I would not die to prevent it happening. Death is so awfully final. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2010, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447/48 "2010-07-19T15:46:35Z")
It’s a very tough choice, but I’d save my wife. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/labor-complications-do-you-choose-yourself-wife-or-baby/546447.md?page=2)