# lack of sex **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 24, 2009, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lack-of-sex/507473 "2009-08-24T05:32:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2009, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lack-of-sex/507473/1 "2009-08-24T05:32:05Z")
I think it’s the driving force behind my depression. I just feel like if I could get laid once in a while I would actually be happy again. I haven’t had sex in close to a year now and my dry streak before that was over a year. I’ve never had a girlfriend either. Just a bunch of heartbreaks. I think the biggest obstacle I have is due to the importance I place on sex. I’m so desperate for it and it’s completely obvious. I tense up around hot girls a lot just because. I also tense up around the guys cause I think about how much more sex they’ve had than me. It’s just a downward spiral. So I kind of believe that saying, “sex is like air, it’s not a big deal until you’re not getting any.” How do you feel good daily when you barely ever have sex? ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2009, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lack-of-sex/507473/2 "2009-08-24T05:34:54Z")
Hookers. Plenty of hookers will do the trick. ---
**Author:** ![Reply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reply/32/15952_2.png) [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2009, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lack-of-sex/507473/3 "2009-08-24T05:44:47Z")
Listen to [this song](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTwJo0HeNmU) over and over? I don’t think ANY guy out there gets enough sex. ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Barchetta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/da6949/32.png) [@Red\_Barchetta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Barchetta)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2009, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lack-of-sex/507473/4 "2009-08-24T06:41:44Z")
Dude, I’ve never had sex, alright? Consider yourself lucky. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2009, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lack-of-sex/507473/5 "2009-08-24T06:53:13Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > Hookers. Plenty of hookers will do the trick. This. Hookers are legal in Rhode Island. Oh yes there’s a story about how I learned that. If you’re too cheap for hookers, stop worrying about sex, start reading about pick up artists. ---
**Author:** ![willthekittensurvive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/91b2a8/32.png) [@willthekittensurvive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/willthekittensurvive)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2009, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lack-of-sex/507473/6 "2009-08-24T07:54:43Z")
Sounds a bit like the plot from [Un baiser s’il vous plaît](http://french.imdb.com/title/tt0920473/combined)(dude is depressed because of his lack of physical intimacy, because he is so obsessed with it he can’t form relationships with women, so he asks his best (married ) friend to kiss him, just to get the obsession out of his system, she does and …stuff happens, things get complex but everything works out in the end great film, Not sure if its out in the US, but was my favorite movie last year ---
**Author:** ![Absconditus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e4f/32.png) [@Absconditus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Absconditus)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2009, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lack-of-sex/507473/7 "2009-08-24T08:34:33Z")
> [@](#): > > This. Hookers are legal in Rhode Island. Oh yes there’s a story about how I learned that. > > If you’re too cheap for hookers, stop worrying about sex, start reading about pick up artists. Hookers and scams? He’s trying to _not_ be depressed anymore. Some resources: [Relationship and intimacy counseling](http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/marriage-counseling/MH00104) [Analysis of sex addiction/obsession](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/obsessively-yours/200811/sex-addiction-obsession-disease) [Sex/relationship humor, since you seem to need a laugh](http://www.unwind.com/jokes-funnies/sexjokes.shtml) Hope this helps. I admire you for bluntly disclosing the problems you’re going through. I’m sure it wasn’t easy to put something so private out there. Best of luck to you. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2009, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lack-of-sex/507473/8 "2009-08-24T08:51:54Z")
> [@Absconditus](#): > > Hookers and scams? He’s trying to _not_ be depressed anymore. > . The first step is realizing no sex isn’t as bad as it seems. Hence the jokes. Realizing no sex isn’t as bad as it seems takes some of the pressure off so he can objectively look at why he’s getting no sex and fix it. The first step is always getting comfortable in your own skin. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2009, 8:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lack-of-sex/507473/9 "2009-08-24T08:58:29Z")
Although I encourage you to get laid, I doubt that will “cure” your depression. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2009, 9:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lack-of-sex/507473/10 "2009-08-24T09:14:58Z")
You may not be masturbating enough. ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2009, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lack-of-sex/507473/11 "2009-08-24T09:44:06Z")
Hey, I don’t get much sex either, doesn’t bother me at all. I think companionship and a full life (things I do have) are much more important. ---
**Author:** ![Reply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reply/32/15952_2.png) [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2009, 11:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lack-of-sex/507473/12 "2009-08-24T11:13:13Z")
The solution’s obvious. When’s the next Dopeorgy? ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2009, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lack-of-sex/507473/13 "2009-08-24T11:17:17Z")
It’s your depression that’s interfering with your ability to find a sex partner. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2009, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lack-of-sex/507473/14 "2009-08-24T13:00:19Z")
> [@Winston\_Smith](#): > > You may not be masturbating enough. Indeed. What’s stopping you from twirling your own meat? ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2009, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lack-of-sex/507473/15 "2009-08-24T13:07:57Z")
If it’s laziness, I have no sympathy. Yes, we’d all like to use somebody elses’s hand on occasion, but get over it! ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2009, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lack-of-sex/507473/16 "2009-08-24T13:17:25Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > Although I encourage you to get laid, I doubt that will “cure” your depression. Agreed. Sounds to me that lack of sex is the symptom, not the disease. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2009, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lack-of-sex/507473/17 "2009-08-24T13:29:42Z")
> [@Reply](#): > > Listen to [this song](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTwJo0HeNmU) over and over? Or [this one](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwNVE37BGVE). I used to listen to that one a LOT. Then changes happened in my non-sex life that made room, so to speak, for the possibility of someone to join me. I was laid off from a job that was draining me. I recovered. Now I’m doing other stuff, and I’m happier, not feeling quite so much like a square peg in a round hole. And only after that did I meet someone. Interestingly, the last time I met someone was in art school, where also I could be myself more. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Awesome](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@Captain\_Awesome](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Awesome)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2009, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lack-of-sex/507473/18 "2009-08-24T13:39:43Z")
> [@ivan\_astikov](#): > > If it’s laziness, I have no sympathy. Yes, we’d all like to use somebody elses’s hand on occasion, but get over it! I’m sure you posses many great strengths. Relationship counseling probably isn’t one of them however. ---
**Author:** ![Jettboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/85e7bf/32.png) [@Jettboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jettboy)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2009, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lack-of-sex/507473/19 "2009-08-24T13:47:34Z")
Once I was sad because I had no woman, until I met a man who had no hands. ---
**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2009, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lack-of-sex/507473/20 "2009-08-24T13:58:08Z")
Look, a therapist can probably help you better, but the problem basically comes down to this: what is sex for you? Sex is not in and of itself happiness. If you’re like most people, it is a physical sensation and an emotional experience. So look at ways you can get those things in other ways. The physical sensation is the easy part. There is masturbation, hookers, etc. Any physical thing you want to experience is available through other means. So what do you get emotionally from sex? Well, you say you’ve never had a girlfriend, so it sounds like love or intimacy is not what you’re missing. At a guess, I’d say that leaves the sense of conquest or achievement; you were actually able to get a girl/woman/goat/squid to agree that you were desirable to the point of being willing to engage in sexual act(s) with you. So now you need to look at ways of creating that feeling. For starters, most people don’t find it that hard to find someone, anyone just to have sex with. But you do have to exert yourself a bit to do it. You have to show up, and you have to make yourself attractive/interesting/amusing enough in some way that someone will be willing to go for it. But it’s not likely to just spontaneously show up at your door. But that’s not essential. There are other ways of getting that ego boost. Unfortunately, they all have one thing in common; you actually have to achieve something to feel that you’ve achieved something. That generally means putting in some effort. That’s the difference between being a child and being an adult. These days, children are being given prizes and rewards for the simple fact of existing. It may do great things for their self-esteem as children (although I don’t really see how), but it’s not how the adult world works. In the adult world, adults choose things to put effort into, and are rewarded by the satisfaction of seeing their work take form. Sometimes, but not always, they are also rewarded by the high opinion of other people. In short, if you want to feel good about yourself, figure out something, anything, you can do and go out and do it well enough to feel good about it. Sex is just a thing among other things. If doing whatever it takes to get sex is more trouble to you than it’s worth, pick something else. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lack-of-sex/507473.md?page=2)