# Lacunae Quell, you are a moronic tool who is a discredit to your faith **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 7, 2009, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lacunae-quell-you-are-a-moronic-tool-who-is-a-discredit-to-your-faith/492303 "2009-04-07T21:00:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2009, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lacunae-quell-you-are-a-moronic-tool-who-is-a-discredit-to-your-faith/492303/21 "2009-04-08T21:35:49Z")
Probably because, oysters not being kosher, they didn’t serve them at the Last Supper. ---
**Author:** ![wisernow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@wisernow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wisernow)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2009, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lacunae-quell-you-are-a-moronic-tool-who-is-a-discredit-to-your-faith/492303/22 "2009-04-08T21:53:14Z")
> [@Lacunae\_Quell](#): > > You can’t disprove that Jesus _lived_ a _sinless_\* life \*and _died_ and was \*resurrected \*and is _alive_ today. If you could disprove that, then I would admit to being a moronic tool… You can’t disprove that Jesus _died_ a \*sinful death \*and _lived_ and _disappeared_ and is _dead_ today. If you could disprove that, then I would admit to being a moronic tool… ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2009, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lacunae-quell-you-are-a-moronic-tool-who-is-a-discredit-to-your-faith/492303/23 "2009-04-08T22:21:23Z")
> [@wisernow](#): > > You can’t disprove that Jesus _died_ a \*sinful death \*and _lived_ and _disappeared_ and is _dead_ today. I can disprove that. The son of Mary is alive and living in my guest room. He is surprisingly good at Trivial Pursuit. Well, actually, now that I think about it, he’s UNsuprisingly good at Trivial Pursuit. But his frequent irritablility is genuinely surprising, at least until you get to know home. But every so often I come across him sitting at the laptop, surfiing the Dope, and every time he comes across **Lacunae Quell**. **Kanicbird** , or **ITR Champion** , he mutters, “I let myself be nailed to a cross for THEM?” ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2009, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lacunae-quell-you-are-a-moronic-tool-who-is-a-discredit-to-your-faith/492303/24 "2009-04-08T23:15:38Z")
> [@NurseCarmen](#): > > They hand out body of christ, blood of christ, but not phlegm of christ. I wonder why that is? Once at a blasphemy party I served Zima (labeled “Spittle of Christ”) and Rose Wine (labeled “Spittle of Christ after he flossed for the first time in a year.”) But no, I’ve never seen phlegm of christ. Uni, maybe? No, that’s phlegm of Satan. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2009, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lacunae-quell-you-are-a-moronic-tool-who-is-a-discredit-to-your-faith/492303/25 "2009-04-08T23:26:58Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Rose Wine (labeled “Spittle of Christ after he flossed for the first time in a year.”) That phrase is gonna haunt me for a while. [sub]\<\<\<\\>\>[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2009, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lacunae-quell-you-are-a-moronic-tool-who-is-a-discredit-to-your-faith/492303/26 "2009-04-10T00:24:45Z")
I’ll always wonder why the Lucanae are invited to this forum. I’d love to read and debate with a believer who really IS well-versed with more than one version of a bible, a believer who DOES subscribe to Science Digest, looks at science and still believes. We still get the ones whose only source of evidence is the bible and flat out refuses to use other sources (Especially the Straight Dope!!!). Why does this happen? I can only hope it is a sign of true righteousness where religion is segregating itself from the thinking masses of humanity. But Quell will NEVER attempt to look at, read a non-biblical source all out of fear. A reasonable conclusion. It seems pseudo-believers like him are thinking, “If just one aspect of my belief falls short of common sense, then my ENTIRE belief will prove to be bupkus.” ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2009, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lacunae-quell-you-are-a-moronic-tool-who-is-a-discredit-to-your-faith/492303/27 "2009-04-10T01:16:35Z")
Actually, the Word of God is “clitoris.” I’m proud to reveal that to you. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2009, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lacunae-quell-you-are-a-moronic-tool-who-is-a-discredit-to-your-faith/492303/28 "2009-04-10T01:28:38Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Once at a blasphemy party I served Zima (labeled “Spittle of Christ”) and Rose Wine (labeled “Spittle of Christ after he flossed for the first time in a year.”) The blasphemy part was serving Zima at a party, right? ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2009, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lacunae-quell-you-are-a-moronic-tool-who-is-a-discredit-to-your-faith/492303/29 "2009-04-10T01:29:23Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > But every so often I come across him sitting at the laptop, surfiing the Dope, and every time he comes across **Lacunae Quell**. **Kanicbird** , or **ITR Champion** , he mutters, “I let myself be nailed to a cross for THEM?” (shamelessly ripped off Bill Hicks) : I don’t get Christians. Do you think when Jesus comes back he’s gonna want to see \*one \*fucking cross ? ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2009, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lacunae-quell-you-are-a-moronic-tool-who-is-a-discredit-to-your-faith/492303/30 "2009-04-10T01:38:31Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > The blasphemy part was serving Zima at a party, right? Oh, my blasphemy was many-layered. For extra fun, I left the Zima at my brother’s house. Loath to throw out alcohol, he tried to pawn it off on other guests for months afterward, before one of them took pity on him and poured it down the sink. (I tried one bottle of it. If I took water that flowers had been decaying in for a week, carbonated it, and added Sweet 'n Low, I could duplicate the flavor). ---
**Author:** ![Birdmonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/71e660/32.png) [@Birdmonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Birdmonster)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2009, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lacunae-quell-you-are-a-moronic-tool-who-is-a-discredit-to-your-faith/492303/31 "2009-04-10T23:57:19Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > I’m tempted to make this almost Zenlike creation my sig line. If only the “God Bless You” came immediately after it, it’d be perfect. If you don’t, I will. ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2009, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lacunae-quell-you-are-a-moronic-tool-who-is-a-discredit-to-your-faith/492303/32 "2009-04-11T00:07:39Z")
> [@Who Killed Jesus?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-killed-jesus/491168/589): > > No. God did not lie ABRAHAM. Sacrifices were necessary… and Abraham had no sacrifice… so he offered his son. God didn’t command Abraham to offer his son as a sacrifice… God just commanded a sacrifice… since Abraham didn’t have a proper sacrifice he had no other option but to offer up his son. God saw Abraham’s faithfulness and provided a ram. > > It is impossible for God to lie. God CANNOT lie. So I reply: > [@Who Killed Jesus?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-killed-jesus/491168/591): > > From the [story of Abraham and Isaac (Genesis 22:1-19)](http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%2022:1-19;&version=31;): > > > [@](#): > > > > Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, “Abraham!” > > “Here I am,” he replied. > > > > Then God said, “Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about.” > > (first two verses) > > God very clearly commands Abraham to sacrifice his son (“as a burnt offering”, so clearly there is no weaseling about “Oh, I just meant bind him to Me in a special covenant” or anything like that). And then, just as Abraham is about to cut his son’s throat, God says “Psych!” > > Maybe it’s just the translation. Except that every single translation in existence makes it clear that God is telling Abraham to sacrifice-as-in-kill his son. To which I get back: > [@Who Killed Jesus?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-killed-jesus/491168/597): > > Guess I should have read it first. I have to admit, I don’t really have a response to that one. I’m kind of speechless. I mean–Yes…Yes, you probably should have read it first. Oy. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2009, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lacunae-quell-you-are-a-moronic-tool-who-is-a-discredit-to-your-faith/492303/33 "2009-04-11T03:35:49Z")
But that’s the OLD Testament! Don’t you know that when Jesus was born all of that became irrelevant? No need to read it unless the quotation can be forced into out-of-context “prophecies” about Jesus? ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2009, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lacunae-quell-you-are-a-moronic-tool-who-is-a-discredit-to-your-faith/492303/34 "2009-04-11T03:40:41Z")
Oh, and don’t get me started on the Catholic Jerusalem Bible and its attempt to explain any positive comment on a woman in the OT as a prophecy of Mary. I thought I was as big a fan of Mary/The Goddess as anyone, but that just pissed me off. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2009, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lacunae-quell-you-are-a-moronic-tool-who-is-a-discredit-to-your-faith/492303/35 "2009-04-11T04:43:34Z")
He’s not a religious lunatic, he just plays one on the SDMB for lulzorz. He’s trolling. > [@Who Killed Jesus?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-killed-jesus/491168/610): > > Did God Himself cut open Adam with a scalpel and clone Eve from his rib? No… not likely. God has His own helpers. Perhaps it was a bear who did the surgery… maybe a moose… but more likely a penguin. > > …I hope I made myself clear the first time when I stated I believe EBEs were God’s helpers used to clone woman from Adam’s rib. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2009, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lacunae-quell-you-are-a-moronic-tool-who-is-a-discredit-to-your-faith/492303/36 "2009-04-11T04:59:57Z")
There’s a quote by the Christian saint and religious writer Augustine of Hippo that I think it’s important for Mr. Quell to keep in mind, which might help him on this board: > [@](#): > > It not infrequently happens that something about the earth, about the sky, about other elements of this world, about the motion and rotation or even the magnitude and distances of the stars, about definite eclipses of the sun and moon, about the passage of years and seasons, about the nature of animals, of fruits, of stones, and of other such things, may be known with the greatest certainty by reasoning or by experience, even by one who is not a Christian. It is too disgraceful and ruinous, though, and greatly to be avoided, that he should hear a Christian speaking so idiotically on these matters, and as if in accord with Christian writings, that he might say that he could scarcely keep from laughing when he saw how totally in error they are. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2009, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lacunae-quell-you-are-a-moronic-tool-who-is-a-discredit-to-your-faith/492303/37 "2009-04-11T05:06:47Z")
But if **Lacunae** is some sort of Native American Christian that won’t work out, especially since most I know are, “Baptists, and proud of it.” But if he’s some Wheaton, IL (home of Wheaton College, Bill Graham’s alma mater) resident, he might, as were my wife’s cow-orkers working for our park district, some sort of Animist. She quit her job because every meeting began with an invocation of the Great Spirit. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2009, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lacunae-quell-you-are-a-moronic-tool-who-is-a-discredit-to-your-faith/492303/38 "2009-04-11T05:08:14Z")
> [@Captain\_Amazing](#): > > There’s a quote by the Christian saint and religious writer Augustine of Hippo that I think it’s important for Mr. Quell to keep in mind, which might help him on this board: Feh! Augustine was a proto-Catholic, and can be safely ignored. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2009, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lacunae-quell-you-are-a-moronic-tool-who-is-a-discredit-to-your-faith/492303/39 "2009-04-11T19:11:22Z")
Jesus, now I have to think up a marketing scheme for ‘phlegm of christ’. It’s too good a phrase to pass up. I think maybe it should be some kind of jellied body wash or shampoo for for the faithful. “Smells like Jesus… um, BEFORE the crucifixion”. Maybe not… if Jesus was all he was cracked up to be, I’m sure he smelled lovely before during and after the whole death and ressurection thing. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2009, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lacunae-quell-you-are-a-moronic-tool-who-is-a-discredit-to-your-faith/492303/40 "2009-04-12T23:00:56Z")
I am a bit surprised by the latest revelation. Most people who rant about the Bible have at least read it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lacunae-quell-you-are-a-moronic-tool-who-is-a-discredit-to-your-faith/492303.md?page=1)