# Ladies, a guy asks if he can kiss you. Is it cute? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 28, 2005, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-asks-if-he-can-kiss-you-is-it-cute/323799 "2005-09-28T03:42:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Neurotik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/91b2a8/32.png) [@Neurotik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neurotik)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2005, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-asks-if-he-can-kiss-you-is-it-cute/323799/21 "2005-09-28T14:57:11Z")
> [@niblet\_head](#): > > Best first kiss I ever had was preceeded by that question. So what was your worst first kiss? ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2005, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-asks-if-he-can-kiss-you-is-it-cute/323799/22 "2005-09-28T15:00:39Z")
When Chris pulled this on me, it was cute. But it was because I wanted to kiss him. ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2005, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-asks-if-he-can-kiss-you-is-it-cute/323799/23 "2005-09-28T15:35:48Z")
I tried a Google search because I can’t remember the details. Isn’t there a college (in Ohio as I recall) where the student life policy says that every stage of intimacy has to be preceeded by a specific request for permission? May I kiss you…may I grope you… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Geobabe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/geobabe/32/3908_2.png) [@Geobabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geobabe)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2005, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-asks-if-he-can-kiss-you-is-it-cute/323799/24 "2005-09-28T15:37:41Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Holy shit, you’re a guy??? :eek: > Oh my dear Og. I have thought you were a girl all this time. I am really glad I get to meet you next month. Heh. If you hadn’t found it out before meeting him, the beard would have been quite a shock. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2005, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-asks-if-he-can-kiss-you-is-it-cute/323799/25 "2005-09-28T15:38:54Z")
> [@Geobabe](#): > > Heh. If you hadn’t found it out before meeting him, the beard would have been quite a shock. 😃 And wouldn’t that have been hilarious! Funny that I find out only two weeks before we’re all scheduled to meet… ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2005, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-asks-if-he-can-kiss-you-is-it-cute/323799/26 "2005-09-28T15:38:51Z")
Is asking a girl if she think asking if he can kiss her is cute cute? ---
**Author:** ![Pazu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pazu/32/15522_2.png) [@Pazu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pazu)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2005, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-asks-if-he-can-kiss-you-is-it-cute/323799/27 "2005-09-28T16:04:20Z")
> [@beagledave](#): > > I tried a Google search because I can’t remember the details. > > Isn’t there a college (in Ohio as I recall) where the student life policy says that every stage of intimacy has to be preceeded by a specific request for permission? This sounds a lot like something I heard when I was at the University of Michigan. ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2005, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-asks-if-he-can-kiss-you-is-it-cute/323799/28 "2005-09-28T17:19:01Z")
> [@Neurotik](#): > > So what was your worst first kiss? There’s not one that stands out as worst, really. (Except for my \*very first \* first kiss which was not bad, but had a kinda upsetting ending, but on the whole “holy god! I just had my first kiss!!!” Floaty floaty. That was sixth grade.) But any first kiss where you’re looking forward to it, and the guy is a crappy kisser… If he’s recalcitrant to respond to my subtle redirections… well, that’s a deal breaker. ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2005, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-asks-if-he-can-kiss-you-is-it-cute/323799/29 "2005-09-28T17:33:54Z")
It’s cute if it’s already a foregone conclusion, lame if you’re not. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2005, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-asks-if-he-can-kiss-you-is-it-cute/323799/30 "2005-09-28T17:34:56Z")
> [@Revtim](#): > > Is asking a girl if she think asking if he can kiss her is cute cute? But what about asking if asking if a girl thinks asking if a guy can ki… ah, nevermind. 😛 **Anaamika** , I’m glad you were able to have your moment of shock in the privacy of your own home. 🙂 And yeah, I knew it could potentially border on lameness, but I figured that being slightly lame would be better than not kissing at all, and that with each moment that was passing my lameness was going up for not kissing her. At some point it becomes a wash. It’s just… sometimes there’s no ‘right’ moment, and then how do you initiate? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2005, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-asks-if-he-can-kiss-you-is-it-cute/323799/31 "2005-09-28T17:36:27Z")
> [@Askia](#): > > It’s cute if it’s already a foregone conclusion, lame if you’re not. Bingo. ---
**Author:** ![deevee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/57b2e6/32.png) [@deevee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deevee)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2005, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-asks-if-he-can-kiss-you-is-it-cute/323799/32 "2005-09-28T17:42:08Z")
> [@SHAKES](#): > > HA! > > There usually thends to be a “sweetspot” in there for most ladies. This will usually set them into a frenzy, where after that, you don’t HAVE to worry about making the fist move, SHE will. > > .] So it’s NOT cute if I ask if I can fist her? ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2005, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-asks-if-he-can-kiss-you-is-it-cute/323799/33 "2005-09-28T17:47:29Z")
If you are radiating self-confidence and/or the girl really likes you, asking for a kiss is fine. Otherwise, asking can look like insecurity, which is definitely not a Good Thing. Besides, provided your timing isn’t terrible and/or you don’t get the recoil, going in for that first kiss is one of life’s finer moments. And if she does pull back or give you the cheek, you simply sprint away and/or burst into tears. Simple! ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2005, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-asks-if-he-can-kiss-you-is-it-cute/323799/34 "2005-09-28T17:58:31Z")
> [@Eonwe](#): > > It’s just… sometimes there’s no ‘right’ moment, and then how do you initiate? Most men or women will reciprocate an earnest kiss if there’s the least bit of attraction to the kisser. The only thing stopping them will (usually) be devotion and fidelity. The only time there’s no ‘right’ moment is if there’s no attraction all. If there’s any kind of attraction to you – physical looks, physical strength, intellect, spirituality, an admirable response your kindness, your creativity, your (witty) humor, your fearlessless – any interaction with that person will be replete with moments – a positive appraising look, a brush of the hair, a warm conversational pause – where you could lean in for a kiss and get one. When her eyes are on you, when she laughs at your jokes, when she follows your lead, responds enthusiastically to your suggestions, when she opens up to your questions, responds to your touch… you… are… in there. Little or none of any of the above, no chance for a kiss. Sorry. The worst part is when you get these signals and you know damn well she’s married. Hoo-boy, I hate that. Sometimes you have to work at it. There’s a volunteer in my father’s office I’m working on getting to know better whenever I see her: jokes, compliments, finding out about her social life, etc. I’m probably not her physical type at all, as out of shape as I am, but luckily I have a very appealing personality when I’m not deliberately being a combative jackass. **Eonwe,** how’s your flirting with total strangers skills? No ennui in that department, I hope. ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2005, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-asks-if-he-can-kiss-you-is-it-cute/323799/35 "2005-09-28T18:04:38Z")
On women and compliments: I find that sincerely complimenting a woman on her personality, opinions and thinking goes much further than obvious remarks on her appearance any construction worker can make. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2005, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-asks-if-he-can-kiss-you-is-it-cute/323799/36 "2005-09-28T18:53:24Z")
> [@SHAKES](#): > > There usually thends to be a “sweetspot” in there for most ladies. Don’t you mean, "there usually thends to be a “ **th** weet **thpot** ”? 😛 > [@Askia](#): > > **Eonwe,** how’s your flirting with total strangers skills? No ennui in that department, I hope. Nice pun. And, nicely put post there as well. And, as far as strangers go, yeah, I’m not so big on that. Not that I need to be best friends with someone before flirting, but in an ‘anonymous’ situation (a bar, or whatever) I’d usually rather chat with my friends than invest the time and energy getting up the nerve to introduce myself to someone completely random and try to start up a conversation when I probably already have great conversation with the people I’m there with, and nine times out of ten the end result will be a bland but pleasant short conversation and that’s it. Yeah, I don’t live for the chase so much. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2005, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-asks-if-he-can-kiss-you-is-it-cute/323799/37 "2005-09-28T18:57:19Z")
> [@Askia](#): > > I have a very appealing personality when I’m not deliberately being a combative jackass. Sig line. ---
**Author:** ![taxi78cab](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47c2d/32.png) [@taxi78cab](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/taxi78cab)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2005, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-asks-if-he-can-kiss-you-is-it-cute/323799/38 "2005-09-28T19:13:01Z")
> [@Eonwe](#): > > **Anaamika** , I’m glad you were able to have your moment of shock in the privacy of your own home. 🙂 Oops. I have to admit that I also thought you were a girl! And since I’m one of the Cap Region Dopers too and plan to be at the Albany Dopefest in a couple weeks, I’m glad that I was in the privacy of my office when I found out that you’re a guy. That could have been embarrassing! :eek: I really think they need a “gender” line up next to the “location” line. It’d clear up a lot of confusion! ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2005, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-asks-if-he-can-kiss-you-is-it-cute/323799/39 "2005-09-28T19:23:34Z")
**Eonwe.** Bars and parties are mostly meat markets. Flirting there is supposed to lead to sexual and/or romantic entanglements and has the downside of heightened expectations. Unless you can bring your A game, go down a notch. I practice flirting in stores, when I do volunteer work and while riding public transportation. This is speed dating on the cheap – there’s a built in time limit and easy exit strategy and no expectations to exchange phone numbers or anything. Don’t be creepy about it and don’t come on too strong – stalking the aisles looking for tyopes or deliberately saddling up to pretty women is a no-no – but if you happen to find yourself sitting or standing next to an unattached woman, absolutely chat her up. Passes the time, hones your social skills. Don’t go in with any agenda other than to acclimate yourself to talking to a variety if women on a variety of subjects. Aim for teenagers or women in their early twenties – getting them to talk about their dreams, hopes and beliefs is usually ridiculously easy. **iamthewalrus(:3=** You know, I am about THIS CLOSE to having a ‘Choose **Askia’s** sig line’ contest. **taxi78cab** You can “make” a gender line if you have enough room. See what I did? ---
**Author:** ![billfritter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/54ee81/32.png) [@billfritter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfritter)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2005, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-asks-if-he-can-kiss-you-is-it-cute/323799/40 "2005-09-28T19:30:49Z")
It’s always manly to ask for a kiss when you think that might be safer, beg for sex when you can’t get it through subtler methods, and to demand a pre-nup whether or not she loves you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-asks-if-he-can-kiss-you-is-it-cute/323799.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-asks-if-he-can-kiss-you-is-it-cute/323799.md?page=3)