# Ladies... a guy unexpectedly gives you his name/number.... flattering? or creepy? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 30, 2011, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-unexpectedly-gives-you-his-name-number-flattering-or-creepy/580263 "2011-04-30T05:20:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Win\_Place\_Show](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/win_place_show/32/13469_2.png) [@Win\_Place\_Show](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Win_Place_Show)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2011, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-unexpectedly-gives-you-his-name-number-flattering-or-creepy/580263/21 "2011-04-30T16:22:29Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > OK. I’m painting with a broad brush. I know I shouldn’t do that so YMMV. um, no… “it’s like there’s a party inside my head, and **Shakes** is invited” this… a thousand times this: > [@Shakes](#): > > I think too many of us guys get caught up with this “Oh I don’t want to be a bother, or she probably gets this crap all the time” mentality. Thanks for the perspective, and for making me feel like maybe “I’m not the only one who thinks this” from time to time. ---
**Author:** ![Soliloquy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@Soliloquy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soliloquy)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2011, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-unexpectedly-gives-you-his-name-number-flattering-or-creepy/580263/22 "2011-04-30T17:05:51Z")
About 16 years ago, I had a guy slip me a piece of paper with just his name and a phone number on it, after I met him at a picnic. We had chatted a little bit throughout the day, played some games, but overall, I had no idea he was interested. I called him. We dated for a while, then drifted apart, then spent the last 16 years bring pretty close friends. Now, I’m head over heels in love with him and planning to spend the rest of my life with him. If he hadn’t taken a chance and slipped me his number, I’d probably have forgotten him after a few days. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2011, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-unexpectedly-gives-you-his-name-number-flattering-or-creepy/580263/23 "2011-04-30T18:30:06Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Yes, but women have the perception that men - especially strange men - COULD be predators. It lurks at the back of our mind - even if we are doing a poor job on the risk analysis intellectually. Men do not perceive women as potential victimizers. OK; I see what you mean. ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2011, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-unexpectedly-gives-you-his-name-number-flattering-or-creepy/580263/24 "2011-04-30T19:03:23Z")
I’m with the why no talking people. If there was some evident reason as to why he _couldn’t_ talk to me, say, I was taking an elderly relative out, and interrupting would be awkward, or we were both at a meeting with no free time, but had been looking at each other the whole time, then the skeev-o-meter wouldn’t be reading so high, but yeah, as people have said, a guy that’s only interested in your looks and doesn’t give a crap about your personality? Hmmm… nah. I don’t care how hot he is, I doubt I’d ring. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2011, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-unexpectedly-gives-you-his-name-number-flattering-or-creepy/580263/25 "2011-04-30T20:04:42Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > Whether some behavior by a man is perceived as “creepy” or not is entirely dependent on the attractiveness of the man. Inverse correlation, obviously. No, it’s entirely dependent on how predatory his behavior is. Please don’t mistake “You’re creepy” for “I’m not interested, thanks,” or vice versa. They are not the same. Non-creepy people are aware of common social standards and respect others’ personal boundaries. Creepy people don’t care about either. ---
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2011, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-unexpectedly-gives-you-his-name-number-flattering-or-creepy/580263/26 "2011-04-30T20:13:08Z")
Pretending I was single here, which I’m not: The only way this might possibly work with me is if we’d been sort of long-distance flirting with the eyes for a bit and there was a good reason it would be awkward for him to come up and talk to me. An e-mail address would be more likely to get a response from me, because I hate talking on the phone. And I’d have to feel like we had great chemistry before even considering it. So, odds would not be good. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2011, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-unexpectedly-gives-you-his-name-number-flattering-or-creepy/580263/27 "2011-04-30T20:15:28Z")
I’m a guy who used to be a horndog, and I see no possible way this could work. It’s best to persuade the woman to want your number enough to ask for it; second best is to persuade her to give you her number or email address. But giving her your number is just the waste of a card. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2011, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-unexpectedly-gives-you-his-name-number-flattering-or-creepy/580263/28 "2011-04-30T20:30:36Z")
> [@brianh333](#): > > Just curious if it works the same way, from the woman’s point of view? Like it or not, mating rituals are asymmetrical. It’s still widely perceived to be the man’s job to call the woman up and ask her out, not vice versa. That’s why letting someone know that you’re open to having **them** call **you** up and ask you out (which is what you’re doing when you give a stranger your number in a situation like the OP describes) works a lot better when a woman does it than when a man does. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2011, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-unexpectedly-gives-you-his-name-number-flattering-or-creepy/580263/29 "2011-04-30T20:48:17Z")
Whether something is flattering, cute and romantic or creepy and stalkerish depends entirely on whether the girl likes you or not. The actual actions have absolutely no bearing on the answer. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2011, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-unexpectedly-gives-you-his-name-number-flattering-or-creepy/580263/30 "2011-04-30T20:54:10Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > Whether something is flattering, cute and romantic or creepy and stalkerish depends entirely on whether the girl likes you or not. The actual actions have absolutely no bearing on the answer. This is, of course, not true. A woman can find a man appealing until he unveils some creepy part of himself, or acts in a given way. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2011, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-unexpectedly-gives-you-his-name-number-flattering-or-creepy/580263/31 "2011-04-30T21:08:19Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > Whether something is flattering, cute and romantic or creepy and stalkerish depends entirely on whether the girl likes you or not. The actual actions have absolutely no bearing on the answer. One of the things that mark a guy as a creep is that he doesn’t listen to women, and insists that he knows what women like and don’t like, despite what they say. Creepiness is behavior. A man who insists on hugging his underage niece, or his friend’s underage daughter, despite her obvious dislike of that is a creep. A guy who stands too close to a woman and if she moves away from him, goes and resumes his invasion of her personal space is a creep. Basically, creepiness is a refusal to respect other people’s personal boundaries. Sometimes this behavior is done from simple ignorance. Sometimes it’s done because the creep just doesn’t care about other people. But most adult women don’t label men creeps because of looks, but because of behavior. Little girls sometimes label little boys creeps because of looks, but most of them grow out of this before they get their driver’s license. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2011, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-unexpectedly-gives-you-his-name-number-flattering-or-creepy/580263/32 "2011-04-30T21:10:07Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > One of the things that mark a guy as a creep is that he doesn’t listen to women, and insists that he knows what women like and don’t like, despite what they say. > > Creepiness is behavior. A man who insists on hugging his underage niece, or his friend’s underage daughter, despite her obvious dislike of that is a creep. A guy who stands too close to a woman and if she moves away from him, goes and resumes his invasion of her personal space is a creep. Basically, creepiness is a refusal to respect other people’s personal boundaries. Sometimes this behavior is done from simple ignorance. Sometimes it’s done because the creep just doesn’t care about other people. But most adult women don’t label men creeps because of looks, but because of behavior. Little girls sometimes label little boys creeps because of looks, but most of them grow out of this before they get their driver’s license. **Lynn** , you have written a great number of very intelligent things on this board, but this post is possibly the smartest. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2011, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-unexpectedly-gives-you-his-name-number-flattering-or-creepy/580263/33 "2011-04-30T21:20:56Z")
It works for me, but my business card also says “President of the Society for Men with an Exceptionally Large Penis” But normally no. Women want you to try to romance them. They don’t want you leaving your business card like it’s a valet ticket for sex. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2011, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-unexpectedly-gives-you-his-name-number-flattering-or-creepy/580263/34 "2011-04-30T21:35:00Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > It works for me, but my business card also says “President of the Society for Men with an Exceptionally Large Penis” > > But normally no. Women want you to try to romance them. They don’t want you leaving your business card like it’s a valet ticket for sex. Wouldn’t the Society for Men with an Exceptionally Large Penis be a group of men who shared a single phallus of unusual size, rather than a group of men who all had oversized phalluses? ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2011, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-unexpectedly-gives-you-his-name-number-flattering-or-creepy/580263/35 "2011-04-30T21:45:15Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Wouldn’t the Society for Men with an Exceptionally Large Penis be a group of men who shared a single phallus of unusual size, rather than a group of men who all had oversized phalluses? I call dibs on the E.L.P. next weekend! ---
**Author:** ![Deanna\_D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e495f1/32.png) [@Deanna\_D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deanna_D)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2011, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-unexpectedly-gives-you-his-name-number-flattering-or-creepy/580263/36 "2011-04-30T21:51:21Z")
Really, just don’t. I had a guy give me his number at a coffee shop once. He had briefly made eye contact with me while I was at the counter, then waited til he was leaving to walk past my table, drop a folded up piece of paper in front of me, and mumble, “Call me.” Never stopped walking or even tried to make eye contact again. I was in mid-conversation with the friend I was sitting with, and didn’t even have time to react with the proper disdain. Since he was gone, my friend and I unfolded the page, and it was a flyer for his painting company, which looked like it had been poorly photocopied about a billion times. Didn’t make a good impression, obviously. (Really, I’m not sure if he thought I needed painting done, or if he was hitting on me. I’m guessing the latter, though.) Honestly, I was just a little tempted to call, just to ask him if that approach has ever worked for him. Loser. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2011, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-unexpectedly-gives-you-his-name-number-flattering-or-creepy/580263/37 "2011-04-30T23:25:48Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > Whether something is flattering, cute and romantic or creepy and stalkerish depends entirely on whether the girl likes you or not. The actual actions have absolutely no bearing on the answer. Is there an echo in here? See posts 12 and 25. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2011, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-unexpectedly-gives-you-his-name-number-flattering-or-creepy/580263/38 "2011-04-30T23:59:55Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Wouldn’t the Society for Men with an Exceptionally Large Penis be a group of men who shared a single phallus of unusual size, rather than a group of men who all had oversized phalluses? Yes, but most women don’t realize that until it’s too late. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2011, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-unexpectedly-gives-you-his-name-number-flattering-or-creepy/580263/39 "2011-05-01T00:02:44Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > I call dibs on the E.L.P. next weekend! What are you telling _me_ for? I never claimed to be part of the organization! ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2011, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-unexpectedly-gives-you-his-name-number-flattering-or-creepy/580263/40 "2011-05-01T00:27:23Z")
This, yes: > [@msmith537](#): > > They don’t want you leaving your business card like it’s a valet ticket for sex. But I disagree with this entirely: > [@msmith537](#): > > But normally no. Women want you to try to romance them. Women expect to be regarded as human beings deserving of respect. Romance _follows_ mutually shared interest in one another. A man proffering a single rose/poem/other empty pseudo-romantic gesture to a perfect stranger comes across just as creepy as the phone number guy. Creepier, even. Start with small talk and an attempt to discover mutual interests or hobbies. If a spark is there after a bit of conversation, offer the digits. Despite John Gray’s sermons, women aren’t aliens from another planet. They are _people_ with interests and opinions and beliefs and deep thoughts, same as you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-unexpectedly-gives-you-his-name-number-flattering-or-creepy/580263.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-guy-unexpectedly-gives-you-his-name-number-flattering-or-creepy/580263.md?page=3)