# Ladies: a single man who becomes suddenly attached.. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 15, 2015, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-single-man-who-becomes-suddenly-attached/731344 "2015-09-15T11:45:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-single-man-who-becomes-suddenly-attached/731344/1 "2015-09-15T11:45:33Z")
Automatically becomes 10% more attractive. Especially if said new attachment is pretty. True or false? (poll to follow) ---
**Author:** ![Q.N.Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/3da27b/32.png) [@Q.N.Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.N.Jones)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-single-man-who-becomes-suddenly-attached/731344/2 "2015-09-15T13:06:26Z")
I’m married, but I find it is sometimes true that a man who is attached is objectively more attractive. It has nothing to do with the attractiveness of the woman he’s with, though (at least in my book). Rather, men generally improve their more slovenly habits when they get a girlfriend, which makes them more attractive to me. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-single-man-who-becomes-suddenly-attached/731344/3 "2015-09-15T13:46:41Z")
You know, you can view poll results without voting so I don’t get why people add that last option. I am a guy so I won’t be voting. I have a feeling the negative of the question is more n the mark though: girls might wonder what’s wrong with a guy who’s long single. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-single-man-who-becomes-suddenly-attached/731344/4 "2015-09-15T13:50:07Z")
I suspect the phenomenon you mention is more that the guy was probably hitting on the other women in some fashion, however low key, and that’s stopped, making him look less desperate. Plus, there’s also proof that he’s desirable, as there’s another woman interested in him. Neither of those things would make a man look more attractive, but both might remedy things otherwise seen as undesirable. In other words, a guy who was single and a hair desperate goes to being attached and not desperate (and probably a bit more confident in the bargain). That could change some women’s perceptions of him. ---
**Author:** ![swampspruce](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampspruce/32/261_2.png) [@swampspruce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampspruce)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-single-man-who-becomes-suddenly-attached/731344/5 "2015-09-15T14:21:00Z")
As a guy, I only came by to see what the results were but… Completely anecdotal evidence but the only time I was hit on (By two women simultaneously, no less!) at a bar was two weeks after I was married and the ring was still shiny on my fingers while celebrating with my buddies over graduating their trades training. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-single-man-who-becomes-suddenly-attached/731344/6 "2015-09-15T15:59:42Z")
I have no relevant experience of the phenomenon, but I’ve heard about it. Guys who are attached, and (assuming non-polyamorous norms) therefore “unavailable”, are potentially seducible. You can’t seduce the enthusiastically willing. Some people like a challenge. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-single-man-who-becomes-suddenly-attached/731344/7 "2015-09-15T17:33:13Z")
I am always attracted to the unattainable because they are safe and won’t everreally be interested. I would immediately be more comfortable with an attached person, and since the interaction is more enjoyable, that probably makes the person more attractive. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-single-man-who-becomes-suddenly-attached/731344/8 "2015-09-15T17:33:55Z")
I vote a strong False on this. When I was looking for a partner, knowing a man was attached was the equivalent of him having a giant metal cage wrapped around his body with an electrified “Hands Off” sign. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-single-man-who-becomes-suddenly-attached/731344/9 "2015-09-15T21:15:04Z")
The theory I’ve heard is that a man who has a girlfriend or wife is considered to be more attractive because it ‘proves’ that he is considered attractive by other women (at least, one other woman,) and so it serves as independent 3rd-party validation that he is an attractive person. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-single-man-who-becomes-suddenly-attached/731344/10 "2015-09-15T21:16:21Z")
Now, I would like to ask the men the same question: If you know that a woman has a boyfriend or husband, does that make her more attractive to you than if she were single and unattached? Why or why not? ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-single-man-who-becomes-suddenly-attached/731344/11 "2015-09-15T21:17:37Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > I vote a strong False on this. When I was looking for a partner, knowing a man was attached was the equivalent of him having a giant metal cage wrapped around his body with an electrified “Hands Off” sign. I like your philosophy. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-single-man-who-becomes-suddenly-attached/731344/12 "2015-09-15T21:41:20Z")
> [@Q.N.Jones](#): > > men generally improve their more slovenly habits when they get a girlfriend, which makes them more attractive to me. This. I’m single but I’ve had lots of women tell me they assumed I wasn’t single because I dress well. > [@Velocity](#): > > If you know that a woman has a boyfriend or husband, does that make her more attractive to you than if she were single and unattached? That’s not really a guy thing, in my experience. The closest concept would be how men assume someone attractive must already be attached. ---
**Author:** ![stillownedbysetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@stillownedbysetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stillownedbysetters)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-single-man-who-becomes-suddenly-attached/731344/13 "2015-09-16T16:17:23Z")
If you belong to someone else, you belong to someone else. It makes you totally uninteresting to me, not more interesting. ---
**Author:** ![Stoneburg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@Stoneburg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoneburg)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-single-man-who-becomes-suddenly-attached/731344/14 "2015-09-16T16:47:49Z")
> [@stillownedbysetters](#): > > If you belong to someone else, you belong to someone else. It makes you totally uninteresting to me, not more interesting. Slavery re-instated, catch yourself a strong one! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-single-man-who-becomes-suddenly-attached/731344/15 "2015-09-17T15:36:33Z")
I have what I refer to as my “married switch”. I’ll meet a guy, be very attracted to him (and we aren’t talking situations where a guy is flirting…just…meeting someone. A customer, a new guy at church, a guy in the line ahead of me at the DMV) and then the minute I see or learn that he is married, it’s like a switch flips, and I’m no longer THAT attracted to him. If he’s just WITH someone, not married, the switch goes to the half position. Having been cheated on in my marriage, I could never ever do that to another woman, so the attraction just dies. But in the non-attraction sense, knowing a guy has managed to get someone to love him sometimes redeems my general opinion of him. Sometimes. Sometimes you just feel sorry for his wife. ---
**Author:** ![automaticslim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb8c5e/32.png) [@automaticslim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/automaticslim)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-single-man-who-becomes-suddenly-attached/731344/16 "2015-09-17T15:41:35Z")
> [@kittenblue](#): > > I have what I refer to as my “married switch”. I’ll meet a guy, be very attracted to him (and we aren’t talking situations where a guy is flirting…just…meeting someone. A customer, a new guy at church, a guy in the line ahead of me at the DMV) and then the minute I see or learn that he is married, it’s like a switch flips, and I’m no longer THAT attracted to him. If he’s just WITH someone, not married, the switch goes to the half position. Having been cheated on in my marriage, I could never ever do that to another woman, so the attraction just dies. But in the non-attraction sense, knowing a guy has managed to get someone to love him sometimes redeems my general opinion of him. Sometimes. Sometimes you just feel sorry for his wife. Will someone please feel sorry for me?! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-single-man-who-becomes-suddenly-attached/731344/17 "2015-09-17T15:45:00Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > I vote a strong False on this. When I was looking for a partner, knowing a man was attached was the equivalent of him having a giant metal cage wrapped around his body with an electrified “Hands Off” sign. But that’s a non sequitur. The question was whether you find him more attractive, not whether you’d be more likely to do anything about that attraction. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-single-man-who-becomes-suddenly-attached/731344/18 "2015-09-17T21:32:10Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > The theory I’ve heard is that a man who has a girlfriend or wife is considered to be more attractive because it ‘proves’ that he is considered attractive by other women (at least, one other woman,) and so it serves as independent 3rd-party validation that he is an attractive person. I think this is true for me. It’s like a when a really stylish woman in a clothes shop buys a certain jumper, I might at least take a second look at it, too - she obviously saw something in it. Now this may not be true about either jumpers or men for all women, but I bet it’s more common then women care to admit. Or it’s not even conscious. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-single-man-who-becomes-suddenly-attached/731344/19 "2015-09-17T22:11:26Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > But that’s a non sequitur. The question was whether you find him more attractive, not whether you’d be more likely to do anything about that attraction. I find him far less attractive like used chewing gum unattractive if I know he’s already with another woman. ---
**Author:** ![usedtobe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ec9cab/32.png) [@usedtobe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/usedtobe)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2015, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-single-man-who-becomes-suddenly-attached/731344/20 "2015-09-18T06:35:44Z")
What happened to “Is she as pretty as me?”? Does that/did that question ever come to mind when a guy you were kinda-sorta interested in announces his new girlfriend? (male, 66, straight, never married. never close (despite what one or two imagined)) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-single-man-who-becomes-suddenly-attached/731344.md?page=2)