# Ladies: a single man who becomes suddenly attached..

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-single-man-who-becomes-suddenly-attached/731344>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [September 15, 2015, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-single-man-who-becomes-suddenly-attached/731344 "2015-09-15T11:45:33Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 2\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![Sam\_Lowry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Sam\_Lowry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Lowry)\
**Post date:** [September 18, 2015, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-single-man-who-becomes-suddenly-attached/731344/21 "2015-09-18T13:11:44Z")

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> [@bump](#):
>
> I suspect the phenomenon you mention is more that the guy was probably hitting on the other women in some fashion, however low key, and that’s stopped, making him look less desperate.
> 
> Plus, there’s also proof that he’s desirable, as there’s another woman interested in him.
> 
> Neither of those things would make a man look more attractive, but both might remedy things otherwise seen as undesirable.
> 
> In other words, a guy who was single and a hair desperate goes to being attached and not desperate (and probably a bit more confident in the bargain). That could change some women’s perceptions of him.

I think this is it exactly. I can think of two guys specifically, who are good, decent, interesting guys, but who act so weird or desperate around women they are interested in, it’s embarrassing and a turn-off. Like one friend Jonathan has a certain goofy charm usually, but he had a crush on my friend Anna, and came on way too strong, and tried flirting in a super awkward way, and sent her some texts that were so awkward it caused so much fremdschämen. I think that if Jonathan had been dating someone else, he could have met Anna under more normal circumstances, and acted more like himself, and then if he was single again in a few months and asked Anna out then, she would be more receptive.

I agree that it’s not that a guy becomes more attractive when attached, but that some guys can become less unattractive.

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**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\
**Post date:** [September 18, 2015, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-a-single-man-who-becomes-suddenly-attached/731344/22 "2015-09-18T13:21:34Z")

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I never equated attractiveness to attachment or availability. If I find a man attractive, it’s because he has qualities that attract me. Finding out his status doesn’t change that. How he behaves has more effect than anything else.

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