# Ladies: Am I good in bed? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 12, 2008, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-am-i-good-in-bed/441079 "2008-03-12T04:24:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![ForumBot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ee59a6/32.png) [@ForumBot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ForumBot)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2008, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-am-i-good-in-bed/441079/21 "2008-03-12T07:57:55Z")
Best compliment I ever got was “not bad for a white boy” accompanied by a big stupid grin and general inability to move. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2008, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-am-i-good-in-bed/441079/22 "2008-03-12T08:12:12Z")
Yep. You certainly sound doable to me. Rowr. ---
**Author:** ![scareyfaerie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scareyfaerie/32/3135_2.png) [@scareyfaerie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scareyfaerie)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2008, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-am-i-good-in-bed/441079/23 "2008-03-12T09:38:38Z")
Are you good in bed? No idea - how many times have you fallen out? ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2008, 9:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-am-i-good-in-bed/441079/24 "2008-03-12T09:43:32Z")
You are [Smoove B](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/37319) and I claim my £5. > [@](#): > > …I will lay your body down on a bedsheet comprised of 100 percent silk, which I will purchase in advance from the finest store in this city. Then, just before we freak, I will inquire as to how you like the feel of the sheets. If you inform me that you do not like it, I will travel to other cities around the world until I locate a store that sells sheets that are more to your satisfaction. Then, I will purchase those sheets and return home to put them on the bed for you. > > It is then that I will hit you doggy-style. > > While I am freaking you, I will whisper various things in your ear. Some of the phrases I will say to you are, “Baby, you are my everything,” “You feel so good, I can’t stand it,” and, “Girl, ride me.” There will also be candles and a CD featuring the music of Keith Sweat to create an atmosphere of unbridled romance, making you wet. > > This is how you will get Smooved. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2008, 9:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-am-i-good-in-bed/441079/25 "2008-03-12T09:53:37Z")
I think maybe next time you ask a woman if you’re the thing, you probably ought to mention that you need to know so that you can brag about it on a message board. It might affect the answer. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2008, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-am-i-good-in-bed/441079/26 "2008-03-12T10:09:12Z")
Not being one to blow my own trumpet…but… A girl once said to me “That was the most erotic thing I’ve ever had done to me” Naturally I just shrugged it off as the norm ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2008, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-am-i-good-in-bed/441079/27 "2008-03-12T10:20:35Z")
Interesting. Which end of the trumpet did you insert? ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2008, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-am-i-good-in-bed/441079/28 "2008-03-12T10:37:00Z")
I knew a girl who was so good at sex that when she orgasmed, she called out her _own_ name. ~Rodney Dangerfield ---
**Author:** ![Dottygumdrop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Dottygumdrop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dottygumdrop)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2008, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-am-i-good-in-bed/441079/29 "2008-03-12T11:48:08Z")
[QUOTE=jjimm] You are [Smoove B](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/37319) and I claim my £5. [/QUOTE] My favourite line: [QUOTE=Smoove B] Just say the word, and we will share interplanetary cocoa love until the break of dawn. [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![brewha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@brewha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brewha)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2008, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-am-i-good-in-bed/441079/30 "2008-03-12T12:55:27Z")
You don’t always have to fuck her hard. In fact, that’s sometimes not right - to do. Sometimes you got to make some lovin and fuckin give her some smootches too. -Jack Black I don’t know why, but I’ve got this song going through my head now - thanks! :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2008, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-am-i-good-in-bed/441079/31 "2008-03-12T13:12:44Z")
[QUOTE=Mangetout] Interesting. Which end of the trumpet did you insert? [/QUOTE] Always with the wise cracks aintcha? FYI. It was the mouthpiece avec tongue ---
**Author:** ![Aangelica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Aangelica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aangelica)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2008, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-am-i-good-in-bed/441079/32 "2008-03-12T13:33:32Z")
Okay, I was going to leave this thread alone as either fishing or bragging, but I gotta say something about this: [QUOTE=Shamozzle] My favorite thing is to drive women crazy in the brain. If her orgasm is imminent and I know that I could make her come within, say, the next minute, I like to slow down and draw it out for a few more minutes. Playing with that threshold seems to make a woman’s brain melt. That’s fun. [/QUOTE] This, in my world, is an incredibly fast way to get your ass kicked out of the bedroom to sleep on the couch. I do not find it even marginally entertaining. In fact, I find it supremely frustrating and, in fact, anti-sex. This is because when a partner does this to me, I stop thinking about the sex and start thinking about grabbing ahold of his most precious parts and _twisting_. It does not make my orgasm “better”. In my view, it’s a head game and a power trip. The first time a partner does this to me on purpose, we have a little chat. If he does it again, that’s it. I just figured I’d speak up for those of us who hate this particular little maneuver. ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2008, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-am-i-good-in-bed/441079/33 "2008-03-12T14:05:53Z")
[QUOTE=Aangelica] Okay, I was going to leave this thread alone as either fishing or bragging, but I gotta say something about this: This, in my world, is an incredibly fast way to get your ass kicked out of the bedroom to sleep on the couch. I do not find it even marginally entertaining. In fact, I find it supremely frustrating and, in fact, anti-sex. This is because when a partner does this to me, I stop thinking about the sex and start thinking about grabbing ahold of his most precious parts and _twisting_. It does not make my orgasm “better”. In my view, it’s a head game and a power trip. The first time a partner does this to me on purpose, we have a little chat. If he does it again, that’s it. I just figured I’d speak up for those of us who hate this particular little maneuver. [/QUOTE] Amen, sister. My brain isn’t melting, it’s coming to a screeching halt, and I’m gonna kick your ass for this lame ploy. Do not trifle with me. When you are good in bed, you know it. You don’t need to come to a message board for confirmation. ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2008, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-am-i-good-in-bed/441079/34 "2008-03-12T14:13:58Z")
[QUOTE=fisha] Amen, sister. My brain isn’t melting, it’s coming to a screeching halt, and I’m gonna kick your ass for this lame ploy. Do not trifle with me. When you are good in bed, you know it. You don’t need to come to a message board for confirmation. [/QUOTE] Preach it! Let’s repeat that just for good measure: > [@](#): > > When you are good in bed, you know it. You don’t need to come to a message board for confirmation. Oh - and **Aangelica** , well said, lady - well said!! ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2008, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-am-i-good-in-bed/441079/35 "2008-03-12T14:24:50Z")
Bless you, **Aangelica**. I agree–that’s not about sharing pleasure; that’s a power trip for the guy. I’m not your monkey. And the whole silk sheet thing and “traveling the world to find the right ones” and all that–including music? Um, no thanks. Really. And you are so not going to “hit me, doggy style”–I don’t mind the doggy style, it’s the “hit”. I know you’re not actually going to hit me, but the attitude sucks. How about we go to bed together, eh? You’re not “hitting”, “scoring” etc anything–it’s anyONE (which you won’t be if you continue to refer to it like that.) Whatever you’re into is fine, but I won’t be joining you. Some girls may think that it’s great. More power to 'em. I don’t really know what this thread is- a request for validation or a chance to brag. I have a few questions about stuff that you failed to mention: Are you reasonably hygienic? Teeth have been brushed in the last 8 hours, you don’t leave skid marks on the bed? Do you have all your teeth? Are any of them gold? Do you live with your mother? Is there a picture of her on your bedside table? (if there is, she’d better be dead) Do you have an exotic pets? Fido or Mittens is fine, but if you’re into boa constrictors or capybaras, a woman needs to know ahead of time. Do you own condoms? Do you use condoms? What happens if you get so far, say to third base and she changes her mind?\* I could go on–but IMO, it’s not enough to want to move the Earth for someone else (although that is a vital part)–there are practical matters to be addressed as well. \*I’m not saying I approve of such things, I’m just curious. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2008, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-am-i-good-in-bed/441079/36 "2008-03-12T14:36:32Z")
If she snuggles up to you afterwards, smiles dreamily, and says, “that was nice,” you can give yourself a small pat on the back. And I agree with the ladies above - some teasing as foreplay is fine, but pull something like that and, dude, I will bitch-slap you with my vibrator. ---
**Author:** ![freekalette](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/50afbb/32.png) [@freekalette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freekalette)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2008, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-am-i-good-in-bed/441079/37 "2008-03-12T14:50:42Z")
If she can’t speak, or move, when you’re done (but she has a strong pulse and IS in fact breathing) then you are DAMN good!! Perhaps ask her later what the best part was. This can give you an idea of whether she really enjoyed it. **faithfool** I swear you’re me from the future! ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2008, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-am-i-good-in-bed/441079/38 "2008-03-12T14:58:54Z")
Oh, sure and NOW I go and read that Smoove B is from the Onion. :rolleyes: Still, I mean what I said. \ 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2008, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-am-i-good-in-bed/441079/39 "2008-03-12T15:30:05Z")
Well I may not be good in bed but I’m pretty good on roller coaster. ---
**Author:** ![Engineer\_Dude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9fc29f/32.png) [@Engineer\_Dude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Engineer_Dude)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2008, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-am-i-good-in-bed/441079/40 "2008-03-12T15:44:00Z")
If you do find out you’re good in bed, what are you going to do about it? Not try any harder? 😕 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-am-i-good-in-bed/441079.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-am-i-good-in-bed/441079.md?page=3)