# Ladies, critique my thingy **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 22, 2008, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-critique-my-thingy/457423 "2008-07-22T22:05:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2008, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-critique-my-thingy/457423/1 "2008-07-22T22:05:38Z")
…on [Match.com](http://Match.com). 🙂 I would like a woman’s perspective on my [Match.com](http://Match.com) profile **CorbettGM**. What should I change, what is “too typical guy stuff,” what is run-of-the-mill? I need to buff this sucker up so I can stop paying for a subscription and start paying to have a girlfriend. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2008, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-critique-my-thingy/457423/2 "2008-07-22T23:40:12Z")
I would recommend using a pic of yourself smiling. 🙂 People just tend to respond better to it. As for the “About Me” text, personally, I think it is a bit too wordy and I would recommend trying to edit it down to the important details. The bullet points, basically. For example, I think you could condense the middle paragraphs into something like “I enjoy video games, but also like the idea of trying more active pursuits like swing dancing. I enjoy cooking and have some of Alton Brown’s DVDs. I follow [whatever baseball team you like].” You can explain those things in more detail on the date. 🙂 I also wouldn’t emphasize not watching TV so much. Your dream girl might have [read this Onion article](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28694). 🙂 It has been shown in psychological studies that people tend to respond more positively to personal ads that leave a bit to the imagination, so to speak. We tend to fill in teh gaps with more positive/charitable thoughts about the person. Also, the ladies reading your ad are most likely going to be browsing multiple ads. Someone who might otherwise like you might decide not to write because they got distracted before they finished reading all your text and just moved on to the next guy. This is of course just my view, so take it however you want. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2008, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-critique-my-thingy/457423/3 "2008-07-22T23:47:48Z")
Don’t forget to include pictures of Mr. Happy. Chicks dig that. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2008, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-critique-my-thingy/457423/4 "2008-07-23T00:12:06Z")
Well, I would like to second the suggestion that your profile pic be of you smiling. Other than that, you seem like a delightful person. I really liked all the text and felt it gave a really good perspective on who you are. You must realize that not all women are going to bother reading all that, but it seems to me like the kind of person you would want is someone who liked to read. The best thing about your profile is how open-minded you seem – to all sorts of women and all sorts of ideas and lifestyles. That’s definitely a plus. ---
**Author:** ![MissMossie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@MissMossie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissMossie)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2008, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-critique-my-thingy/457423/5 "2008-07-23T01:38:50Z")
I can’t find a place to search for people by their user name. Can you link us too your profile? ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2008, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-critique-my-thingy/457423/6 "2008-07-23T01:47:08Z")
Try [here](http://www.match.com/profile/showprofile.aspx?ortp=1&TP=U&uid=eEaGf6RdMyc%3d&lid=21). I was at work when I started the thread or I would’ve done it before. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2008, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-critique-my-thingy/457423/7 "2008-07-23T02:27:26Z")
You spelled raison d’être wrong. 😉 I think a smiling pic would be nice, but I just checked on OkCupid and discovered my own profile pic is one of me frowning. :smack: It’s a nice pice anyway (yours is, I mean) - simple, in focus, with no weird angles or editing. That puts you ahead of a lot of people. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2008, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-critique-my-thingy/457423/8 "2008-07-23T03:07:00Z")
Please reconsider the use of the word “yummy”. Other than that, I’m wishing you were 50 and living in Ohio. ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2008, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-critique-my-thingy/457423/9 "2008-07-23T17:26:18Z")
You know, now that I look at the profile “as others see it,” there is a whole hell of a lot of text. I can shorten that. You’re all right; there’s too much. (“No, there is too much, let me sum up.”) Thanks for the help. I’m getting my roommate to take some other pictures of me, so we’ll see how that goes. At least one will be a photo of my body to the waist (clothed, duh) for full disclosure, since I am not thin. 🙂 So far I’ve had a few nibbles, and sent a few nibbles out myself. Wish me luck. ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2008, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-critique-my-thingy/457423/10 "2008-07-23T17:45:10Z")
[QUOTE=Fish] So far I’ve had a few nibbles, and sent a few nibbles out myself. Wish me luck. [/QUOTE] Either we differ in definition of “nibble”, or you don’t need wished luck. Ooops. You’re **Fish**! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![bufftabby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/77aa72/32.png) [@bufftabby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bufftabby)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2008, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-critique-my-thingy/457423/11 "2008-07-23T19:53:59Z")
I agree on the text. Save it for the first few emails with somebody you’re interested in. If they’re really interested at that point, they’ll _want_ to read it all. I’m sure you’ll do great. You look/sound like a really nice fella. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2008, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-critique-my-thingy/457423/12 "2008-07-23T20:13:26Z")
[QUOTE=HazelNutCoffee] You spelled raison d’être wrong. 😉 [/QUOTE] Yes, please fix this if you love words the way you claim! It’s a little wordy, but after reading it I feel I have a sense of who you are, which I assume is the main point. ---
**Author:** ![sugar\_and\_spice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2008, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-critique-my-thingy/457423/13 "2008-07-23T20:22:14Z")
Yes, snip out the part about how video games don’t define your life. Honestly that leads me to wonder if video games do in fact define your life. If you’re not into sports then just don’t mention them. I’m not so hot on the its/it’s commentary, there’s plenty of other stuff that shows you are literate and well-read. Everything else is interesting and relevant, although you seem to repeat yourself with how much you love music and cooking. I’d put some more paragraph breaks in the last paragraph, there are a few different (but important) ideas in there, in particular I’d make a paragraph of the type of person and relationship you are looking for. Do you have pictures of you playing a guitar or doing a show or something? I would put that in for sure. In addition to a smile I might add a better background to your main picture. Overall I think it looks very good, I enjoyed reading about you. ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2008, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-critique-my-thingy/457423/14 "2008-07-23T20:24:04Z")
[QUOTE=gigi] Yes, please fix this if you love words the way you claim! [/quote] I may have to change it entirely. The e-circumflex character isn’t showing up at all. ---
**Author:** ![velvetjones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5f9b8f/32.png) [@velvetjones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velvetjones)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2008, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-critique-my-thingy/457423/15 "2008-07-23T20:36:10Z")
I have to agree that I’d like a smiling picture. You sound fun and light hearted in the text but the picture looks very serious. I agree with **sugar and spice** about specific stuff that I’d ditch. But I didn’t really have a problem with the length of it. I read the whole thing, it didn’t take all that long. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2008, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-critique-my-thingy/457423/16 "2008-07-23T21:51:29Z")
I have revised the text on my profile and cut about 33% of it out. It’ll take 24-72 hours to be approved, of course. I’ve also changed the photo to one where I’m smiling, but that might not show up immediately either. Thanks for all the help and input. I put the ê back in raison d’être, but it might disappear again. We’ll see. ---
**Author:** ![bufftabby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/77aa72/32.png) [@bufftabby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bufftabby)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2008, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-critique-my-thingy/457423/17 "2008-07-23T21:54:02Z")
I see the changes already. Nice rack! Erm, nice _spice_ rack. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2008, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-critique-my-thingy/457423/18 "2008-07-24T00:18:42Z")
I didn’t see the version before the changes, so this is based on the edited version. Overall, it’s much better than most of the ones I’ve seen in these “critique my profile” threads. (I don’t use [match.com](http://match.com) so I can’t compare it to those I’ve seen “in the wild.”) I’m not crazy about the picture. You look tense and like you’re kinda fake smiling. It’s not awful though, and it does show what you look like. I’d recommend changing it, but it’s hardly an emergency. The text still seems to me to be rather long. I probably wouldn’t read it all unless I was already interested in you for some reason. But it wasn’t a boring read or anything. If I were you, I’d continue to look for ways to tighten it up a bit, but again, it’s not crucial. And I’d definitely change “I’ve a full spice rack…” to “I have a full spice rack…” The “I’ve” sounds like a British-ism. And unless you’re actually British, stuff like that makes you sound like a pretentious twit. Heck, even if you are British…I kid! I kid! Anyway, overall, you sound like an interesting and nice person.