# Ladies: Cumulative crying? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 19, 2015, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-cumulative-crying/737979 "2015-11-19T15:28:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2015, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-cumulative-crying/737979/1 "2015-11-19T15:28:10Z")
Just curious about this. My GF tells me she does this and I’ve had other lady friends tell me they do this as well. I even had one coworker tell me she makes this an annual event. Usually sometime after Christmas. Basically, what it is; sad pieces of information get stored away in the brain (like dead dog on the highway, argument with the SO, etc…) until eventually, things reach “critical mass” so to speak, and they have themselves a good cry. Just wondering how common this is among women. And also, is this exclusive to women? I imagine there are probably men who do this as well but it doesn’t get talked about as much because of the stigma. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2015, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-cumulative-crying/737979/2 "2015-11-19T16:03:55Z")
I’ve never heard of anyone, man or woman, who just periodically cries for no particular reason. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2015, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-cumulative-crying/737979/3 "2015-11-19T16:12:31Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > I’ve never heard of anyone, man or woman, who just periodically cries for no particular reason. Well, it is a thing. They even made reference to it on an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. Although, I wouldn’t say it was for “no particular reason” as I stated in my OP, it’s a cumulative effect of various sad things happening to them over a period of time. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2015, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-cumulative-crying/737979/4 "2015-11-19T16:29:43Z")
If you mean full-on bawling, I very rarely do that and it’s always precipitated by a single event. A “recent” time was last year, when I had to have my cat put down. The day before, I called the vet to make the appointment and I cried. It occurred to me that I should try to “get it all out”, and then I’d be prepared to be brave for the actual event…but it didn’t work. Cried my ass off both days! ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2015, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-cumulative-crying/737979/5 "2015-11-19T16:39:08Z")
If I’ve had a series of sad events happen in a relatively short period of time then sure, I may appear to overreact to the next sad event because I’m already feeling fragile. But it’s certainly not a deliberate thing like you describe in the OP. That sounds to me like a person being a martyr. ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2015, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-cumulative-crying/737979/6 "2015-11-19T16:55:13Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > Basically, what it is; sad pieces of information get stored away in the brain (like dead dog on the highway, argument with the SO, etc…) until eventually, things reach “critical mass” so to speak, and they have themselves a good cry. I totally do this, but it’s usually one little seemingly trivial thing that finally sets it off. Like I keep every little thing bottled up and then dropping a bagel on the kitchen floor causes a breakdown. (My poor husband had no idea why I was sitting on the kitchen floor sobbing about a bagel.) ---
**Author:** ![Blaster\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2015, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-cumulative-crying/737979/7 "2015-11-19T17:06:02Z")
I’m a guy, and I have done this in the past. But for me, it’s more of a situation where if I have unexpressed feelings build up, then something that isn’t all that big of a deal on it’s own can trigger it. That might also explain why your coworker would do it after Christmas as that’s an emotional time of year for people who celebrate it, particularly if it involves getting together with family. These days a lot of family drama can build up over time apart and it either blows up when people get together or it just makes people deal with it after seeing those people face to face. That said, it’s been some time since I’ve done this as I’ve made a point of generally being more expressive of my feelings and, if I’m in a situation where I can’t fully get it out, like I get some bad news while I’m at work, I’ll express it when I get time later. And, as I’ve done that and worked through past stuff, I not only have a larger capacity, but it’s faster and easier to express things. Really, it’s sort of like how cleaning works. You can either clean up after yourself each time or as soon as possible afterwards and live in that clean space. Or you can let the mess pile up, afraid to deal with it because of how much work it is, and then when you’re forced to because you can’t stand to live in that filth anymore, you have to put in a ton of effort to scrub it all and it’s just a brutal, grueling experience. And, frankly, I’m happy to talk about it. I find the whole stigma against men having more than a few different emotional states and being unmanly for crying to be utterly perplexing. In antiquity, it was manly to feel and express pain (look at Odysseus, Gilgamesh, Beowulf, Arthur, etc.). So, I have no qualms with generally being expressive and talking about times I’ve cried or whatever. And, interestingly enough, it seems like my circle is starting to open up more with their emotions in response. Pretty cool, really. ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2015, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-cumulative-crying/737979/8 "2015-11-19T17:09:07Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > Well, it is a thing. They even made reference to it on an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. > > Although, I wouldn’t say it was for “no particular reason” as I stated in my OP, it’s a cumulative effect of various sad things happening to them over a period of time. The ELR episode is the first thing I thought of, with my recent bouts of seemingly for no reason sobbing running a close second. It always feels weird when it happens to me yet I assume lots of others do it too. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2015, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-cumulative-crying/737979/9 "2015-11-19T17:25:59Z")
I think crying is good for you, to an extent, so I do let it out sometimes - but not on a schedule. Sometimes the weight of all of the stresses in your life just get to be too much. A good cry kind of washes everything out. You spend 5-10 feeling sorry for yourself, and then you pull yourself together and move on. I don’t cry often, but it does happen. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2015, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-cumulative-crying/737979/10 "2015-11-19T17:31:05Z")
IME the schedule used to be about every 28 days. Or whenever I was a selfish, uncaring jerk. Come to think of it, my uncaring jerk behavior seemed to recur every 28 days or so as well. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![markdash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@markdash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markdash)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2015, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-cumulative-crying/737979/11 "2015-11-19T17:50:34Z")
> [@Blaster\_Master](#): > > I’m a guy, and I have done this in the past. But for me, it’s more of a situation where if I have unexpressed feelings build up, then something that isn’t all that big of a deal on it’s own can trigger it. That might also explain why your coworker would do it after Christmas as that’s an emotional time of year for people who celebrate it, particularly if it involves getting together with family. These days a lot of family drama can build up over time apart and it either blows up when people get together or it just makes people deal with it after seeing those people face to face. > > That said, it’s been some time since I’ve done this as I’ve made a point of generally being more expressive of my feelings and, if I’m in a situation where I can’t fully get it out, like I get some bad news while I’m at work, I’ll express it when I get time later. And, as I’ve done that and worked through past stuff, I not only have a larger capacity, but it’s faster and easier to express things. > > Really, it’s sort of like how cleaning works. You can either clean up after yourself each time or as soon as possible afterwards and live in that clean space. Or you can let the mess pile up, afraid to deal with it because of how much work it is, and then when you’re forced to because you can’t stand to live in that filth anymore, you have to put in a ton of effort to scrub it all and it’s just a brutal, grueling experience. > > And, frankly, I’m happy to talk about it. I find the whole stigma against men having more than a few different emotional states and being unmanly for crying to be utterly perplexing. In antiquity, it was manly to feel and express pain (look at Odysseus, Gilgamesh, Beowulf, Arthur, etc.). So, I have no qualms with generally being expressive and talking about times I’ve cried or whatever. And, interestingly enough, it seems like my circle is starting to open up more with their emotions in response. Pretty cool, really. Guy here, feel the same way. I know I’m currently due for a good cry since I started to well up at the end of the Peanuts movie. It’s been about 3-4 years for me at this point. ---
**Author:** ![chaika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chaika/32/405_2.png) [@chaika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaika)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2015, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-cumulative-crying/737979/12 "2015-11-19T18:01:44Z")
I’ve never heard of such a thing, and I’m fairly sure I couldn’t cry on command. There goes my acting career. Sometimes I find myself close to tears at something trivial, and I know I’m not really responding to the trivial thing but to the cumulative effect of various other stressors. But I think that is different from actually scheduling a crying session. ---
**Author:** ![DrCube](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a3d4f5/32.png) [@DrCube](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrCube)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2015, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-cumulative-crying/737979/13 "2015-11-19T18:15:04Z")
I’m a guy who only cries about once a decade. There’s usually a specific cause, but the previous decade of non-crying gives me lots of additional things to cry about once I finally do, even if they weren’t the proximate cause. So the “build up” idea makes sense to me, but the “Welp, now’s about time to cry” scheduling part sounds definitely weird. ---
**Author:** ![JohnGalt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johngalt/32/184_2.png) [@JohnGalt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnGalt)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2015, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-cumulative-crying/737979/14 "2015-11-20T04:27:19Z")
One memorable time this happened to me (I’m male, BTW) was after serving on a jury for a murder trial over a two-week period. The victims were a ten-year old boy and his father; his mother was seriously wounded, but his younger brother was not at home at the time of the shootings. The trial itself was pretty serious and seemed straight-forward, but after the verdict was read and the sentencing was done, I surprised myself by sobbing on my drive home. I had to keep it “in” during the trial, but once it was over it was kind of a relief, even though it wasn’t a a long cry. ---
**Author:** ![danthemanx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f4b2a3/32.png) [@danthemanx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danthemanx)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2015, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-cumulative-crying/737979/15 "2015-11-20T11:26:33Z")
hmm my lady friends are pretty solid , we may cry at a funeral ,parents dying my mom passed away years now an if I hear a song she liked I cry or see bad car crash vid on fb. Women are mostly more emotional and like the planning an get-togethers (I am female btw) ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2015, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-cumulative-crying/737979/16 "2015-11-20T14:28:29Z")
My wife is more prone to cumulative anger than cumulative sadness, but it’s a similar case where something small will push her over the edge and she’ll have an outburst. ---
**Author:** ![Not\_a\_Platypus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d26b3c/32.png) [@Not\_a\_Platypus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_a_Platypus)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2015, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-cumulative-crying/737979/17 "2015-11-20T15:53:08Z")
Yeah this happens, but it’s an unintentional result of stress, depression/anxiety, and having a hard time letting go of things that bother me. I frequently don’t realize it’s happening until the dam breaks. I don’t understand deliberately stashing things away to have a good cry at some later date and I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say they do that on purpose. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2015, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-cumulative-crying/737979/18 "2015-11-20T19:51:52Z")
I’ve heard about this. I have never done it, nor do I plan to. I’m pretty much a - “get things out right away” kind of gal. I don’t trust myself to bottle stuff up for long periods. I’ve cried when angry or sad about something, of course, but I don’t wait for things to reach “critical mass.” For me personally, no good could come of it. Also, crying hard and long gives me a hell of a headache; the type that doesn’t go away for awhile. My outlet for all of those stored and sad bits of information, is not usually tears. I also make an effort to let a lot of stuff just go. It works for me…for the most part. ---
**Author:** ![Octarine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/22d042/32.png) [@Octarine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Octarine)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2015, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-cumulative-crying/737979/19 "2015-11-20T20:59:58Z")
Sometimes I’ll have 10 uber-stressful things going on at once, someone’s calling my name in the other room, the phone’s ringing, the applications are late, and then suddenly the printer jams and I get far more frustrated at it than I normally would. I can imagine someone having a similar relationship with grief. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2015, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-cumulative-crying/737979/20 "2015-11-21T12:01:12Z")
It’s precisely the reason I know some people who like sad movies. The sadness allows them to open up and cry. It’s literally cathartic.