# Ladies! Dateable, or NOT? You be the judge. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 2, 2001, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-dateable-or-not-you-be-the-judge/70959 "2001-07-02T14:31:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-dateable-or-not-you-be-the-judge/70959/1 "2001-07-02T14:31:11Z")
Consider this _purely hypothetical_:rolleyes: situation. 30 year old guy. Divorced not once…but twice. Three kids by those two marriages. Knowing that, would you be willing to take a chance, or ask for a refund on damaged goods? ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-dateable-or-not-you-be-the-judge/70959/2 "2001-07-02T14:36:59Z")
Hey. If he’s willing to take a chance on a twiced divorced mother of two, sure. But really, I haven’t had any of the “Nobody wants to date a divorcee with kids” problems, despite what you read in magazines. ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-dateable-or-not-you-be-the-judge/70959/3 "2001-07-02T14:39:37Z")
Well, depends on what kind of father he is. And how he talks about his exes. And what he says the problems with his former marriages were. Generally speaking, I believe that people can change, so it would be conceivable to me that someone who blew prior serious relationships could succees in the future. I also believe that it’s possible that someone could be a good mate but have a knack for choosing spouses who are unreasonable, psychotic, and immature. So in either of those two scenarios, the guy would be quite dateable. I’d take the chance. But would it give me pause? Unfortunately, it would. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-dateable-or-not-you-be-the-judge/70959/4 "2001-07-02T14:51:42Z")
Good questions about this entirely hypothetical person. > [@](#): > > Well, depends on what kind of father he is. This imaginary person is an extremely good father, seeing the kids as often as possible, and staying in contact with them via phone frequently. > [@](#): > > And what he says the problems with his former marriages were. And how he talks about his exes. Mostly not at all. Once that part of life is over, it’s pretty much over. No sense talking about prior relationships all the darn time. When pressed for information, will give a summary, rather than the full life story. Still friendly with both, but not actively seeking contact with either. > [@](#): > > And what he says the problems with his former marriages were. First wife: slept around too much to deal with. Second wife: Grew apart after they became physically and emotionally incompatible. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-dateable-or-not-you-be-the-judge/70959/5 "2001-07-02T16:57:30Z")
Yep, you… I mean, _this guy_ is definitely dateable. ---
**Author:** ![ultress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7c8e57/32.png) [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-dateable-or-not-you-be-the-judge/70959/6 "2001-07-02T17:12:20Z")
Twice divorced before 30, and with three kids…I’d hesitate. How long did each marriage last; and it sounds like maybe the kids came along before the parents really got to know each other. I think if I were the male I’d be hesitant to date anyone anyway until I got a better grasp at reading other people and knowing exactly what it is I was looking for. ---
**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-dateable-or-not-you-be-the-judge/70959/7 "2001-07-02T17:20:24Z")
I agree with **Cranky’s** post. Sorry to not be original, but she kind of nailed it. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-dateable-or-not-you-be-the-judge/70959/8 "2001-07-02T17:42:18Z")
Thank you for your opinions! I’ll be sure to tell this hypothetical person to settle in for a long, long spell of bachelorhood. 😉 damnit ---
**Author:** ![Creaky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@Creaky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creaky)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-dateable-or-not-you-be-the-judge/70959/9 "2001-07-02T22:19:48Z")
I am aware that this doesn’t sound too charitable, but I never dated divorced people because (fairly or not) I felt like I was dealing with somebody else’s castoff or the scars left by somebody’s Big Mistake. Divorce baggage (or any kind of “my ex this-and-that” baggage) was and is still something I am unwilling to take on. Kids are another big no-no for me regarding dating choices. I prefer someone with a cleaner slate, as it were. I always remember the words of my mother: “Remember, if you date a man with children, his children, not you, will always come first.” Granted, that’s probably as it should be, but when I date someone, _I’d_ like to be first in his life. ---
**Author:** ![Sapphire\_Bullet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/96bed5/32.png) [@Sapphire\_Bullet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapphire_Bullet)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-dateable-or-not-you-be-the-judge/70959/10 "2001-07-02T22:39:29Z")
Something you should consider is that your “dating pool” has changed. You will probably find that women who have experienced similar circumstances are more receptive than the unattached women (Of course this isn’t to say that you won’t still be wildly attractive to hypothetical 24 year single women :D). Your stage in life is much different now, but I don’t see why you should be doomed to a life of solitude. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2001, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-dateable-or-not-you-be-the-judge/70959/11 "2001-07-03T02:31:08Z")
Well, the pretty girl in my office, the one I seem to get along with really well was talking to me today. Came and sat down beside me, and was fiddling in her purse, making it a point to show off her birth control pills. When I got a better look, since I was incredulous, I realized that they were Buddhist prayer beads that happen to have JUST the right color. Even Buddah wants me to be single. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2001, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-dateable-or-not-you-be-the-judge/70959/12 "2001-07-03T03:55:36Z")
Don’t be in such a hurry. You’ll need time to heal. When I split with my ex, I thought “Hey! Now’s the time to go out and date!” - “Oh no, I feel like shit” hit about three days later. I personally would have to know the person before I decided based on past history whether he was date material. I’m a single mom, 30 years old, and most of the men I meet are divorced or have children as well, so we’re in good company! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2001, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-dateable-or-not-you-be-the-judge/70959/13 "2001-07-03T04:12:59Z")
Hey, this is _Purely Hypothetical_! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Jeannie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e480ec/32.png) [@Jeannie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeannie)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2001, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-dateable-or-not-you-be-the-judge/70959/14 "2001-07-03T16:52:04Z")
Well, I would say that this _hypothetical_ gentleman is certainly not undateable. Like others have said, it depends on his relationships with his exes, and the reasons for those break-ups. Granted, I don’t expect that to necessarily be a first-date conversation. I would date this _hypothetical_ guy, but I would be wary. Also, I don’t think I’d have a problem dating a guy with kids, but then again I’ve never actually dated a guy with kids. So I guess I’d just have to see. ---
**Author:** ![Kiki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kiki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiki)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2001, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-dateable-or-not-you-be-the-judge/70959/15 "2001-07-03T17:15:21Z")
Definitely dateable. People f\*\*k up and marry the wrong people. It happens. That doesn’t mean your un-dateable. Somewhat high risk for some women, but not completely un-dateable. You’ll start dating again when you’re ready, just don’t rush anything. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2001, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-dateable-or-not-you-be-the-judge/70959/16 "2001-07-03T17:29:52Z")
Having been out of the dating routine for almost 18 years, I’d like to think that I’d still get to know everyone as an individual. There’s no denying that baggage is a consideration… still, the first few dates is the time to evaluate that sort of thing, right? My husband was 3 months divorced when we met. I’ve never met his ex. He had no kids. Despite thinking all my life that I’d NEVER get involved with a divorced man, here we are - suburbians with a kid, 2 dogs, and late model cars. Who knew? So, to answer the hypothesis, I might be willing to take a chance, but I’d likely take it very slow… Of course, at 47, I’m too old to train another 30-year-old, so it really is academic, yes? ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2001, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-dateable-or-not-you-be-the-judge/70959/17 "2001-07-03T17:37:31Z")
Also, let me helpfully point out that Donald Trump has been divorced twice and has three --or is it four?-- kids, and I don’t think he has trouble finding dates. ---
**Author:** ![porcupine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ac91a4/32.png) [@porcupine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/porcupine)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2001, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-dateable-or-not-you-be-the-judge/70959/18 "2001-07-03T23:47:36Z")
This isn’t something that’s going to come up on the first, or even second date. When someone talks about his ex on a first or second date, I will consider it a red flag if there was no _reason_ to bring it up. So presumably, by the time the fact of two divorces comes up, it will be at least a few dates into things, and I personally wouldn’t call it quits if everything else was going well. Everyone has emotional baggage. I have no problem with baggage, as long as you can carry it yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Stella\_Fantasia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/74df32/32.png) [@Stella\_Fantasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stella_Fantasia)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2001, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-dateable-or-not-you-be-the-judge/70959/19 "2001-07-04T00:06:30Z")
Is he dateable? Absolutely. I’ve dated guys with kids before & I think it’s cool, because I don’t want any kids of my own & guys who’ve already had them are generally cooler with this than guys who haven’t. I’d want to be dating him for a long, long time before I married him, though. ---
**Author:** ![bwk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@bwk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bwk)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2001, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-dateable-or-not-you-be-the-judge/70959/20 "2001-07-04T03:42:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by porcupine \* > \*\*Everyone has emotional baggage. I have no problem with baggage, as long as you can carry it yourself. \*\* [hijack] Oooooh, great quote, GREAT quote. Definite sig material! Is this an original? [/hijack] I would say yes, he is dateable. Just don’t keep it all a _secret_. I dated this one guy and didn’t know he was divorced with kids until a long time after we had broken up. It was quite a shock. I imagine it would have been even a bigger shock if I had learned it after a month or so of dating. “Oh, by the way…” Also, after the hypothetical dude tells the hypothetical chick why his other relationships didn’t work out, she may keep a close eye out for those kind of problems in your own (hypothetical) relationship. Even if she doesn’t mean to do so, it may be a subconscious thing. Along hijack lines, where did you get the name Manservant Hecubus? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-dateable-or-not-you-be-the-judge/70959.md?page=2)