# Ladies, did you have to "train" your SO? And guys, did you have to be clued in? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 8, 2016, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855 "2016-06-08T19:24:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Jake\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Jake\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake_Jones)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/21 "2016-06-09T05:08:11Z")
> [@spamforbrains](#): > > I can open and close a car door just fine, thank you. Thank you! > [@](#): > > Why? Just don’t order FOR them. Thanks again. > [@](#): > > Since when? I throw my dirty clothes into piles of “should be burned” “needs to be washed” and “can be worn again” on the floor. Hampers are for wusses. I never thought I would find you! > [@](#): > > Never understood this one. If you flush the toilet without closing the lid, it sprays waste all over the room. Therefore, after anyone of any sex or gender uses a toilet, the lid needs to be closed for the flush. If you walk into a bathroom and find the lid and/or seat up, that means someone contaminated the entire room and you should be careful to not touch anything and throw out any toothbrushes you see and don’t use the towels. Well, I can… I can change for you! Hah! Thank you for the laugh. I read through that list and I was like WTF? Car doors? Restaurant ordering order? Dirty laundry doesn’t even come into play before full reciprocal farting rights are agreed upon! The toilet lid thing is a bit germaphobic for my sensibilities but I could comply because we all have our quirks. Unless you never leave your HEPA U17 sanitized home, let’s face it, there’s a lot worse in the world than your own micro-particles of aerosolized fecal matter. Sorry, probably not helping. ---
**Author:** ![E-DUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/e-dub/32/403_2.png) [@E-DUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-DUB)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/22 "2016-06-09T05:24:54Z")
Toilet seats: There is NO “proper” position for the toilet seat. If it’s down and you want it up,put it up. If it’s up and you want it down, put it down. What is the effin’ problem? ---
**Author:** ![octopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/octopus/32/3716_2.png) [@octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/octopus)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/23 "2016-06-09T05:42:22Z")
> [@spamforbrains](#): > > Never understood this one. If you flush the toilet without closing the lid, it sprays waste all over the room. Therefore, after anyone of any sex or gender uses a toilet, the lid needs to be closed for the flush. If you walk into a bathroom and find the lid and/or seat up, that means someone contaminated the entire room and you should be careful to not touch anything and throw out any toothbrushes you see and don’t use the towels. Don’t go in the men’s room. We don’t believe in that nonsense. Besides the urinals and sink have no lid. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/24 "2016-06-09T06:07:51Z")
This OP is just about the most sexist thing I have ever read in my life. > [@E-DUB](#): > > Toilet seats: There is NO “proper” position for the toilet seat. If it’s down and you want it up,put it up. If it’s up and you want it down, put it down. What is the effin’ problem? Completely agree. Ladies, don’t bitch about having to move it down. We have to move it up. At least you have gravity on your side. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/25 "2016-06-09T06:13:17Z")
Here’s what I do: First I flush, with the lid open. Then I close the lid. Because I do my biological warfare all stealthily. ---
**Author:** ![12mgdaily](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/f08c70/32.png) [@12mgdaily](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/12mgdaily)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/26 "2016-06-09T06:14:06Z")
When dating, if I felt the man required ‘training’ for me to be content with his daily habits and routines, I stopped seeing him. I’m not about to change someone. But as you know, there are always exceptions to rules. I am ready, able and willing to ‘train’ any SO in the bedroom. I don’t bark orders. I think there are gentle, loving, and sometimes amusing ways to get your messages across. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/27 "2016-06-09T06:36:44Z")
> [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](#): > > This OP is just about the most sexist thing I have ever read in my life. It really is something, isn’t it? It’s almost a work of art. A Mona Lisa of sexism. It’s sexist from all possible directions. It shimmers in the light, like a sexist diamond. With another sexist diamond inside it. And then one more inside of that. Maybe we’re being toyed with here. I’ll give the OP this: If it’s a joke, it’s a good one. ---
**Author:** ![Tabby\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tabby\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabby_Cat)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/28 "2016-06-09T06:49:22Z")
Man what? I’m a guy, and I readily admit that I needed to be trained. Some guys are just social doofuses. I got yelled at a lot, and I learned. It’s better than never learning social behaviour and being forever alone, pissing off your coworkers, all that. What, you think social graces are genetic or something? You have to learn these things somewhere, and some people just learn slower and later in life than others. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/29 "2016-06-09T07:13:03Z")
> [@Tzigone](#): > > I’m female and completely not down with just listening to people complain. Once a month for 15-20 minutes, tops. To me, finding a solution is just much more useful. And if there is no solution, I’m only willing to listen for a little bit because it seems useless to me (I should also say that talking about something that made me angry just gets me angrier and angrier; I’d much rather leave it behind and avoid thinking about it). And it’s so hard for me (though I have always managed) when I’m thinking “the other person was right; you screwed up, so quit trying to blame him” from how they tell the story. My problem with problem-solving is that unless the solver can wait until the end of the story, it makes it impossible for people to tell you their _triumphs_. I’m a problem solver myself (hell, I get paid for it) but I’ve made a point of learning to listen to the end, and also (since my mother will tell me things “not because I need you to know, but because I need to tell someone”) to learn how to ahum and ahem at the right spots while actually thinking about my laundry basket. Someone had a problem, found a solution, is happy with the solution, but when they try to tell a problem-solver about it, the problem-solver jumps in with his own solution (which may not even apply, but is almost sure to be different from the one already found), and then the person who was happy and proud with their own solution ends up feeling bad. That’s not a problem solved, it’s a problem caused! ---
**Author:** ![Jake\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Jake\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake_Jones)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 8:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/30 "2016-06-09T08:05:36Z")
> [@octopus](#): > > Don’t go in the men’s room. We don’t believe in that nonsense. Besides the urinals and sink have no lid. The shitters have no lid either. No lid! Aerosolized fecal matter everywhere! To be fair, this is a thing. It’s not imagined by **spamforbrains**. However, activity such as living on this planet exposes us to things like micro-particles of aerosolized fecal matter, but we’re talking about minute fractions measured in parts per million of a mole (mass of 12 grams of carbon) and humans deal with much uglier pathogens sleeping in our own pristine bedrooms in our pristine homes (other than the dirty toilet room) every day. And they range far and wide from the bathroom. Anyway, I don’t mean to aerosolize anyone’s personal opinions with my own fecal matter, but if you are concerned with the lid being closed before you flush, don’t leave the house and never, ever eat at a restaurant. You probably shouldn’t eat any food at all, if you can help it. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/31 "2016-06-09T09:10:30Z")
> [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](#): > > This OP is just about the most sexist thing I have ever read in my life. > . > [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > It really is something, isn’t it? It’s almost a work of art. A Mona Lisa of sexism. It’s sexist from all possible directions. It shimmers in the light, like a sexist diamond. With another sexist diamond inside it. And then one more inside of that. > > Maybe we’re being toyed with here. I’ll give the OP this: If it’s a joke, it’s a good one. It’s almost like you guys have never watched a sitcom before. ---
**Author:** ![Venla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f08c70/32.png) [@Venla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Venla)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/32 "2016-06-09T09:26:12Z")
> [@BrotherCadfael](#): > > But, how many women know that they have to reach over and unlock the driver’s door while he’s walking around the car? > > (Obviously, remote unlocking makes this unnecessary, but still…) What oh what movie was this from again? ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/33 "2016-06-09T09:28:47Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > It’s almost like you guys have never watched a sitcom before. In our defense, I think it’s currently “take obvious jokes at face value” week on the boards. My dead baby jokes have been crashing and burning recently. ---
**Author:** ![Jake\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Jake\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake_Jones)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/34 "2016-06-09T09:55:34Z")
> [@Venla](#): > > What oh what movie was this from again? A Bronx Tale: Sonny: Alright, listen to me. You pull up right where she lives, right? Before you get outta the car, you lock both doors. Then, get outta the car, you walk over to her. You bring her over to the car. Dig out the key, put it in the lock and open the door for her. Then you let her get in. Then you close the door. Then you walk around the back of the car and look through the rear window. If she doesn’t reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in: dump her. Calogero: Just like that? Sonny: Listen to me, kid. If she doesn’t reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in, that means she’s a selfish broad and all you’re seeing is the tip of the iceberg. You dump her and you dump her fast. Courtesy of [IMDB](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106489/quotes). ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 9:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/35 "2016-06-09T09:57:31Z")
> [@Venla](#): > > What oh what movie was this from again? A Bronx Tale. ---
**Author:** ![Venla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f08c70/32.png) [@Venla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Venla)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/36 "2016-06-09T09:58:08Z")
> [@Jake\_Jones](#): > > A Bronx Tale: > > Sonny: Alright, listen to me. You pull up right where she lives, right? Before you get outta the car, you lock both doors. Then, get outta the car, you walk over to her. You bring her over to the car. Dig out the key, put it in the lock and open the door for her. Then you let her get in. Then you close the door. Then you walk around the back of the car and look through the rear window. If she doesn’t reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in: dump her. > > Calogero: Just like that? > > Sonny: Listen to me, kid. If she doesn’t reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in, that means she’s a selfish broad and all you’re seeing is the tip of the iceberg. You dump her and you dump her fast. > > Courtesy of [IMDB](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106489/quotes). Ahh! Thank you so much! Been a long time since I saw that but still remember that scene. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/37 "2016-06-09T10:01:00Z")
> [@12mgdaily](#): > > I am ready, able and willing to ‘train’ any SO in the bedroom. Good… > [@](#): > > I don’t bark orders Dammit. I can never find anyone to play along with my drill sergeant fantasy. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/38 "2016-06-09T11:02:04Z")
When I’m with a woman I just pretend to be suave and debonair. It works for me. That, and having my own bathroom so that the seat isn’t an issue. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/39 "2016-06-09T11:11:33Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > . . . > But car doors? Why the hell are you opening your spouse’s car door for her? Can’t she do it by herself? Do you pull out chairs for her, too? I mean, I get it if she’s carrying heavy bags in both hands. But that’s still not a lesson about relationships. It’s a lesson about humans, heavy bags, and cars. You see kids, in the 60’s and 70’s, single gentlemen often drove coupes. And in those days, cars were 20 feet long and coupes had doors resembling those of a modern bank vault. Much was made in the car sales industry of the “solid sound” a door made when it closed, so they weighed a ton. So in order to close it herself, a lady would have to begin the process with one foot still on the ground, reach out sideways to catch hold of it, and then heft it toward her swinging her foot in just at the last second; it was a dangerous operation. And throughout this maneuver one had to manage one’s skirt. And they were very short, and often light and flowy enough that the moving door would flutter them into immodest arrangements. . . Like this: [http://www.imcdb.org/i111778.jpg](http://www.imcdb.org/i111778.jpg) Trust me, change the camera angle and this lady becomes a Playboy centerfold. > [@spamforbrains](#): > > . . . > I can open and close a car door just fine, thank you. > . . . But seriously, I used to be offended by it. Then I dated a true gentleman, who explained to me that it wasn’t because he thought I couldn’t do it, it was because he thought I shouldn’t have to. He just liked to do these small things to demonstrate that he cared for me. And since then I sort of miss it. > [@spamforbrains](#): > > Never understood this one. If you flush the toilet without closing the lid, it sprays waste all over the room. Therefore, after anyone of any sex or gender uses a toilet, the lid needs to be closed for the flush. If you walk into a bathroom and find the lid and/or seat up, that means someone contaminated the entire room and you should be careful to not touch anything and throw out any toothbrushes you see and don’t use the towels. Agreed. Both sexes should be closing the top of the toilet seat every time. Although I’m sorry to say that the Mythbusters proved closing it has very little effect on the spread of waste through the surrounding area. Still, it keeps the dog from drinking out of it. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/40 "2016-06-09T12:15:09Z")
Does making me stop farting in bed and holding her head under the covers count as training? I suppose my wife trained me, but it went the other way as well. we’ve had the “sometimes I just need to vent” is fine. So is “sometimes I can’t listen to venting”. Cleaning isn’t usually an issue, because early on I established “I’ll clean the bathrooms. I don’t need any help and I don’t want any advice”. And especially “I don’t care how your mother did it - using the hand towel to polish the sink works fine if you put the towel into the hamper to be washed afterwards.” The position of the toilet seat never came up, and the idea of horrible contamination from flushing after a tinkle seems petty. Trust me, she has had her face a lot closer to the bodily parts in question than that. Different strokes for different folks. I like to give my immune system something to do. Regards, Shodan [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855.md?page=3)