# Ladies, did you have to "train" your SO? And guys, did you have to be clued in? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 8, 2016, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855 "2016-06-08T19:24:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![DaphneBlack](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daphneblack/32/5389_2.png) [@DaphneBlack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaphneBlack)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/41 "2016-06-09T12:21:56Z")
> [@Tzigone](#): > > I’m female and completely not down with just listening to people complain. Once a month for 15-20 minutes, tops. To me, finding a solution is just much more useful. And if there is no solution, I’m only willing to listen for a little bit because it seems useless to me (I should also say that talking about something that made me angry just gets me angrier and angrier; I’d much rather leave it behind and avoid thinking about it). And it’s so hard for me (though I have always managed) when I’m thinking “the other person was right; you screwed up, so quit trying to blame him” from how they tell the story. I’ve got to agree with this. This is one of the most unrelatable ‘stereotypes’ about male-female communication to me. I can give a good rant, sure, but that’s clearly a monologue, not disguised as asking for help. If I ask for help, or for my husband (or anyone else) to listen, it’s because I want to find a solution. If anything, my husband is more likely to just want a listening ear. I’ve noticed that my mother is the same as me. And my father is apt to discard any solutions offered to a given problem. I’ve been tempted at times to open an online ‘problem-solving’ shop. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/42 "2016-06-09T12:32:59Z")
I once had a girl friend who broke up with me, and said “You could have kept me, if you knew how to play the game.” ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/43 "2016-06-09T12:42:02Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > I once had a girl friend who broke up with me, and said “You could have kept me, if you knew how to play the game.” Another relationship destroyed by Yahtzee. ---
**Author:** ![lilihob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a9adbd/32.png) [@lilihob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lilihob)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/44 "2016-06-09T13:07:30Z")
My husband was brought up in a “care home”, (an oxymoron). He didn’t know how to behave in a family. But he’s not a dog, I didn’t train him. I showed him my expectations, and we changed to suit each other. It must have worked, twenty years and counting. The toilet lid has to be down, once a small child has a midnight tearful fall into the toilet, you learn. Plus, ugh, flush water particles. He puts me into the car, after I fell out while attempting to close the door. He lets me order first in the restaurant, as he’s a competitive orderer, what if I manage to find a better option than he did, he must copy me! As for the “fixer” conversations, we start out by saying, "this is/isn’t a whinge, I need an ear/some advice, before we start. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/45 "2016-06-09T13:11:34Z")
I love Yahtzee! Anyway, I like to think we both trained each other. Not in how to “be” but the point of a relationship, or one of the points, I think, is to make each other better people. More patient, more communicative, more mature, still able to laugh, etc. I think we have done that admirably, in the last 20 years. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/46 "2016-06-09T13:24:20Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > The position of the toilet seat never came up, and the idea of horrible contamination from flushing after a tinkle seems petty. Trust me, she has had her face a lot closer to the bodily parts in question than that. To be honest, this thread is the first time I even heard of putting the lid (not seat, but lid) down when flushing the toilet. We’ve had the seat down vs up discussion, and I’ve been marginally better about putting the seat down, but it’s not instinctual for me. I’m of the “don’t you look before you sit on a toilet?” camp. That argument doesn’t seem to hold any sway, though, with the missus. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/47 "2016-06-09T15:26:13Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > I once had a girl friend who broke up with me, and said “You could have kept me, if you knew how to play the game.” The only way to win is to not play. ---
**Author:** ![Macca26](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/13edae/32.png) [@Macca26](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macca26)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/48 "2016-06-09T16:02:00Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > To be honest, this thread is the first time I even heard of putting the lid (not seat, but lid) down when flushing the toilet. We’ve had the seat down vs up discussion, and I’ve been marginally better about putting the seat down, but it’s not instinctual for me. I’m of the “don’t you look before you sit on a toilet?” camp. That argument doesn’t seem to hold any sway, though, with the missus. 😉 All it takes is one hairbrush dropped in the toilet before you say to yourself, “WOW, toilets come with LIDS, and I wouldn’t drop a damn thing in the toilet by accident if I CLOSED THE LID! I guess that’s the WHOLE POINT OF THEM!” So I close the lid every time. That I close it before flushing is just a habit. To me it seems like common sense to close the lid. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/49 "2016-06-09T16:06:24Z")
> [@Macca26](#): > > All it takes is one hairbrush dropped in the toilet before you say to yourself, “WOW, toilets come with LIDS, and I wouldn’t drop a damn thing in the toilet by accident if I CLOSED THE LID! I guess that’s the WHOLE POINT OF THEM!” > > So I close the lid every time. That I close it before flushing is just a habit. To me it seems like common sense to close the lid. I dropped a book in the toilet once. An Edgar Rice Burroughs book, no less! I’ve kept the lid closed when not in use ever since. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/50 "2016-06-09T16:09:31Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > I once had a girl friend who broke up with me, and said “You could have kept me, if you knew how to play the game.” And with that, Lara twirled on her heel and vanished into the darkness, slamming the tomb door shut behind her. ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/51 "2016-06-09T16:56:59Z")
Well, early on in my dating career I did have one girlfriend who took the time to explain to me what parts of a woman to touch and how to touch them during sexy time. Every girlfriend after that benefited from my training. ---
**Author:** ![thatguyjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6de8d8/32.png) [@thatguyjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thatguyjeff)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/52 "2016-06-09T17:43:29Z")
If one needs to make a list of all the things they need to “fix” with their romantic interest before embarking in a more long term relationship, you’re gonna have a bad time. If you noticed me throwing my socks on the floor while dating and didn’t expect the same behavior long-term, that’s your problem, not mine. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2016, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855/53 "2016-06-09T17:50:04Z")
> [@Tabby\_Cat](#): > > What, you think social graces are genetic or something? You have to learn these things somewhere, Yes, from your parents as a part of the package of “How to be a decent person.” before you left their abode. Because most women don’t like the attitude of, “I’m a MAN! I’ll shit on the couch if I want to because I’m a MAN!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-did-you-have-to-train-your-so-and-guys-did-you-have-to-be-clued-in/756855.md?page=2)