# Ladies, do you care if your husband/ SO forgets your birthday?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [August 20, 2011, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401 "2011-08-20T03:03:27Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Indian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indian)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2011, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/1 "2011-08-20T03:03:27Z")
Inspired by some responses in the parallel thread I started.
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### Author:  [@Pai325](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pai325)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2011, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/2 "2011-08-20T03:39:37Z")
It’s the day after his, so I would probably be annoyed. I don’t care if he doesn’t get a gift or a card, but I would like a Happy Birthday to come out of his mouth.
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### Author:  [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2011, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/3 "2011-08-20T03:48:25Z")
I’m so old that it doesn’t bother me anymore if people don’t acknowledge it. Heck, even sometimes _I_ forget what day it’s on!
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### Author:  [@Miss\_Woodhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Woodhouse)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2011, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/4 "2011-08-20T03:54:31Z")
Yes. I would be bothered. He doesn’t have to make a production out of it, but I expect some sort of acknowledgement of the day and a small gift at least.
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### Author:  [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2011, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/5 "2011-08-20T04:24:22Z")
Hell, yes. I remember his, he had better remember mine.
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### Author:  [@mnemosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mnemosyne)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2011, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/6 "2011-08-20T04:36:00Z")
> [@Pai325](#):
>
> It’s the day after his, so I would probably be annoyed. I don’t care if he doesn’t get a gift or a card, but I would like a Happy Birthday to come out of his mouth.
Mine’s a week before his. I don’t think he’d ever forget my birthday, but if his were to roll around without him mentioning mine I’d get pretty pissed off. I don’t expect more than a “Happy Birthday!”, so it’s not like he’s got a ton of pressure with regards to gifts or anything!
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### Author:  [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2011, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/7 "2011-08-20T04:47:58Z")
Yes. Unless it’s completely obvious that he had an incredibly good reason for forgetting it, I’d be upset. My SO is so conscientious about special days he sends out cards at least a week in advance if he’s going to be traveling, and he always has a gift for me.
My ex, on the other hand, started to “forget” my birthday quite a bit, which was one of the signals that his focus was no longer on me and the kids. In fact, one year (post divorce) he made a big production out of a card for my son for his 18th birthday, with a long note inside. Trouble was, son wasn’t 18 yet, and son took this as an indication his dad was more looking forward to being able to stop child support at 18 than caring about him. Ten years later he’s still upset about it.
My sister’s husband forgot her birthday this year. She was devastated, especially because he, when reminded, said he’d take her out to dinner the next night and then reneged on that, too…because karaoke night with his buddies was way more important. He had always, always remembered her birthday in the past, and had done some really nice, thoughtful gifts…and at the minimum a card and flowers. The marriage is pretty much toast at this point (he’s decided he’s gay, after 25+ years of marriage) but she hasn’t been able to wrap her brain around it yet.
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### Author:  [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2011, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/8 "2011-08-20T04:51:02Z")
It just plain wouldn’t happen.
I love my birthday. I start thinking about my birthday (in January) as soon as Christmas is over. I like celebrating my birthday so I make plans for it. Sometimes my husband has ideas, but if he doesn’t it doesn’t bother me. I don’t need cards or presents, but it’s fun if I get them. Sometimes the plans are as simple as “this year I want to stay in and watch my favorite movie and eat ice cream” and other years it’s going out of town for the weekend.
I guess it would bother me if he forgot because that would mean he was dead or something. 😉
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### Author:  [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2011, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/9 "2011-08-20T04:55:14Z")
I do care. I don’t think he’d forget, but it’s also written on our family calendar, as is his. We’re both quiet, unassuming, undemanding people, so other people in our lives have taken us for granted in the past - we try not to do that to each other.
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### Author:  [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2011, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/10 "2011-08-20T04:55:32Z")
I have a side question: when people say they forget, do they mean they actually don’t remember, or that they don’t realize that today is that day? The latter I can understand (as I’ve not noticed it was even my own birthday until late in the evening), but the former makes no sense.
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### Author:  [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2011, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/11 "2011-08-20T06:06:17Z")
My husband has, on occasion, made plans to be out of town or to go to some event on my birthday. The thing is, the travel or event could be undertaken at nearly any time…but he does it on my birthday. It’s like he thinks that I WANT to be alone on my birthday, and he knows, if I remind him, that I’m going to want to go out and have a little fun.
So yeah, I get pissed off. It’s like he’s rejecting me. And then he wonders why I don’t make a big fuss over HIS birthday any more.
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### Author:  [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2011, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/12 "2011-08-20T06:25:35Z")
> [@BigT](#):
>
> I have a side question: when people say they forget, do they mean they actually don’t remember, or that they don’t realize that today is that day? The latter I can understand (as I’ve not noticed it was even my own birthday until late in the evening), but the former makes no sense.
Why doesn’t it make sense? Some people are just terrible about remembering dates.
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### Author:  [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2011, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/13 "2011-08-20T11:09:00Z")
My birthday is easy to remember: 1-23. But that doesn’t matter since my husband rarely knows what day it is. But as long as he eventually says Happy Birthday, it’s good. I don’t need presents, altho dinner out is nice - one less night of cooking.
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### Author:  [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2011, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/14 "2011-08-20T11:22:55Z")
Yes, I would definitely be upset.
> [@pulykamell](#):
>
> Why doesn’t it make sense? Some people are just terrible about remembering dates.
Because the birthday of the love of your life is usually one of the dates you are expected to remember, or have something set up to help you remember.
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### Author:  [@carlotta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carlotta)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2011, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/15 "2011-08-20T12:15:56Z")
> [@Rhiannon8404](#):
>
> I guess it would bother me if he forgot because that would mean he was dead or something. 😉
Hee hee! Yeah this is me. How could he forget? What with me saying “you know in a month it will be my birthday.” and “my birthday’s in two weeks!” and “this year for my birthday I want to have croissants for breakfast, pannini for lunch and scallops for dinner.”
No guesswork or calendars involved. He knows when it is, he knows what I want (generally not even a present, but simply for him to be present doing what I want). He’d have to work hard to mess this up.
and it’s IN FOUR DAYS! yay!
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### Author:  [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2011, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/16 "2011-08-20T12:41:29Z")
Moved to IMHO (at the request of the OP).
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### Author:  [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2011, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/17 "2011-08-20T13:14:22Z")
> [@carlotta](#):
>
> Hee hee! Yeah this is me. How could he forget? What with me saying “you know in a month it will be my birthday.” and “my birthday’s in two weeks!” and “this year for my birthday I want to have croissants for breakfast, pannini for lunch and scallops for dinner.”
>
> No guesswork or calendars involved. He knows when it is, he knows what I want (generally not even a present, but simply for him to be present doing what I want). He’d have to work hard to mess this up.
>
> and it’s IN FOUR DAYS! yay!
Yay! Happy Birthday Week! And yeah, pretty much this. I get obsessive about my birthday, I’d be shocked if he ever forgot.
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### Author:  [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2011, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/18 "2011-08-20T13:29:24Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#):
>
> I do care. I don’t think he’d forget, but it’s also written on our family calendar, as is his. We’re both quiet, unassuming, undemanding people, so other people in our lives have taken us for granted in the past - we try not to do that to each other.
This would describe my husband and I as well. We try to make it special for one another. We both forgot our 10 year anniversary, however. It’s a good thing it was both of us! We just laugh about that one.
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### Author:  [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2011, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/19 "2011-08-20T13:31:48Z")
I like a nice dinner out on my birthday, or at least on the weekend after (though there always seems to be a hideous snowstorm and it has to be cancelled). I will pick the place and announce we’re going out to celebrate my birthday, in case anyone forgets… Sometimes I’m surprised by a really nice unique card that isn’t from the dollar store, or an actual gift (like a piece of jewelry, and not yet ANOTHER coffee mug or bunch of flowers that have to be kept on top of the refrigerator out of reach of the cat). Other times, we just order a pizza AND wings, so I don’t have to cook… Birthdays are not important to me, least of all mine - an acknowledgment of The Big Day, a nice card, and dinner out is good. That’s not asking too much, is it? A cheap yellow with crisco frosting cake from the grocery and candles lit and everyone singing happy birthday - awkward, and ‘meh’, we can skip THAT. Please.
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### Author:  [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2011, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/20 "2011-08-20T13:53:16Z")
Nope.
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