# Ladies, do you care if your husband/ SO forgets your birthday? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 20, 2011, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401 "2011-08-20T03:03:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2011, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/21 "2011-08-20T14:52:51Z")
My birthday is on a holiday and exactly two weeks before his; he would have to work pretty hard to forget. In fact he would have to “forget” as a major signal that he was on his way out. He does, in fact, routinely forget to _prepare_ for my birthday, but I take care of that through the wonders of email and wishlists. ---
**Author:** ![Waxwinged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c2a13f/32.png) [@Waxwinged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waxwinged)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2011, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/22 "2011-08-20T14:56:35Z")
No, because if he does, I’d remind him. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![PeskiPiksi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e495f1/32.png) [@PeskiPiksi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PeskiPiksi)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2011, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/23 "2011-08-20T15:46:35Z")
It would be hypocritical for me to mind, since I’m horrible about remembering significant dates. That said, I don’t think either of us has ever forgotten a birthday. If he ever did, though, I wouldn’t get mad…I’d just gently remind him towards the end of the day. And then enjoy the fruits of his enormous guilt for a few days after. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2011, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/24 "2011-08-20T15:50:15Z")
> [@SciFiSam](#): > > Because the birthday of the love of your life is usually one of the dates you are expected to remember, or have something set up to help you remember. Nah. You’d think my father would remember the birthdays of his kids, too, but he always has to be reminded by mom–all his life. It’s not unusual for some people (stereotypically, guys) to just be shit about this kind of stuff. To my knowledge, I’ve never forgotten an SO’s birthday, but I do have to think about it for a couple seconds to make sure I’m not conflating it with another important date. The problem is, the few birthdays I have memorized seem to all be the 5th or the 15th, so I have to pause to remember which is which. ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2011, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/25 "2011-08-20T16:11:17Z")
Yes. And the older I get, the more I want it celebrated—nothing big, but SOMETHING. Hell, I’ve earned it! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Feyrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/fbc32d/32.png) [@Feyrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feyrat)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2011, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/26 "2011-08-20T16:11:25Z")
I throw a party on my birthday and we all go out for dinner and a movie then play board games and drink all evening, so it wouldn’t be possible for him to forget it! It’s an event! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![StuffLikeThatThere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc8723/32.png) [@StuffLikeThatThere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StuffLikeThatThere)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2011, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/27 "2011-08-20T16:32:46Z")
Yes. I don’t need a parade with pink elephants, but a card is nice, at least. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2011, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/28 "2011-08-20T16:39:03Z")
Yes. It doesn’t have to be anything major, but it makes me feel good to know he remembered. He’s really good about it and quite thoughtful. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2011, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/29 "2011-08-20T16:40:20Z")
I always mention it early in the morning, so he doesn’t really get a chance. If I didn’t, I suspect he would forget, but it wouldn’t bother me because no dates really mean anything to him–not only is he likely to forget his own birthday, if I didn’t mention it was Christmas I really don’t think he’d notice. We don’t really do occasion gifts for each other or cards, so that’s not an issue. ---
**Author:** ![Pai325](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Pai325](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pai325)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2011, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/30 "2011-08-20T17:01:20Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I have a side question: when people say they forget, do they mean they actually don’t remember, or that they don’t realize that today is that day? The latter I can understand (as I’ve not noticed it was even my own birthday until late in the evening), but the former makes no sense. This happens to me all the time. I will remember my nephew’s birthday is June 5, and will think, okay, it’s in a month, buy a card. Then, it’s in 3 weeks, remember to email, then, it’s in a week, remember to mail the card. Then, Holy Crap! Today is June 6!! and I didn’t do anything! ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2011, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/31 "2011-08-20T17:02:48Z")
I really couldn’t care less about my birthday. It’s not as if I had any choice in the matter. I don’t care about mothers’ day, either. My family is nice to me most of the time, and don’t need a designated day to do something nice. It is a bigger thrill to me to have a random, “Here, I though you might like this, and I was thinking of you today,” than a gift or recognition out of obligation. My husband and I are weird in that respect. We both forgot our FIRST wedding anniversary entirely until about a week later. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2011, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/32 "2011-08-20T17:12:36Z")
My birthday is a week after Valentine’s Day so, while I’ve never really had a problem with SOs forgetting it, I have had a problem (and a BIG one; hell yes, it upsets me) with combination “Happy Val’n’birth Day” stuff and then, when my birthday finally does roll around, it’s just plain not a big deal because it was “taken care of” last week. I haven’t had to deal with that for a while but, Christ, did it ever bother me. That said, if he did forget it, it would bother me. The eight year old has been giddy with excitement and “You’re almost [age], Mom!” and “Just a few more days, Mom!” for the entire month of February every year for the past five. He would basically have to forget on purpose (i.e., ignore it completely) in the face of “What should we do for your birthday, Mom? Want me to help with breakfast? Can we go to the arcade? How about if YOU pick the board game, Mom? Do I have school that day? Maybe we should go to Outback. Would that be a good birthday, Mom?” every single day for a month. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2011, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/33 "2011-08-20T18:05:46Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > I like a nice dinner out on my birthday, or at least on the weekend after (though there always seems to be a hideous snowstorm and it has to be cancelled). \ You and me both (my birthday’s at the end of November, on what is turning out to be the snowstormiest day of the year). Two years ago, I had to cancel the birthday dinner I had planned with family because of a wicked snowstorm, and my husband got home from work at 10 o’clock at night because he was stuck in traffic and stuck in the snow for six hours (he ended up walking the last mile home - we had to go get his car the next day, where he left it with all the other abandoned cars). I’m thinking about celebrating my birthday in July in the future. 🙂 > [@pulykamell](#): > > Nah. You’d think my father would remember the birthdays of his kids, too, but he always has to be reminded by mom–all his life.\ That might not entirely be his fault - couples split up the remembering duties between them, and they both know that remembering birthdays is your mom’s job. > [@Silver\_Fire](#): > > My birthday is a week after Valentine’s Day so, while I’ve never really had a problem with SOs forgetting it, I have had a problem (and a BIG one; hell yes, it upsets me) with combination “Happy Val’n’birth Day” stuff and then, when my birthday finally does roll around, it’s just plain not a big deal because it was “taken care of” last week. > > I haven’t had to deal with that for a while but, Christ, did it ever bother me. \ My husband’s birthday is the same day as yours - it never occurred to me to roll his birthday into Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day isn’t his birthday; his birthday is his birthday. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2011, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/34 "2011-08-20T18:36:18Z")
Frankly, I find at absolutely mystifying that someone COULD forget their spouse’s birthday. Unless you have brain damage, how can that happen? Or your child’s for that matter. It’s my kid’s birthday. How can I forget the day my child was born on? It’d be like forgetting my own name. ---
**Author:** ![StuffLikeThatThere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc8723/32.png) [@StuffLikeThatThere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StuffLikeThatThere)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2011, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/35 "2011-08-20T18:49:55Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > Or your child’s for that matter. It’s my kid’s birthday. How can I forget the day my child was born on? It’d be like forgetting my own name. My mom forgets mine with some regularity. Well-placed reminders seem to have no effect. I try to brace myself for it every year, but … it still hurts my feelings. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2011, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/36 "2011-08-20T18:59:10Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > Frankly, I find at absolutely mystifying that someone COULD forget their spouse’s birthday. Unless you have brain damage, how can that happen? > > Or your child’s for that matter. It’s my kid’s birthday. How can I forget the day my child was born on? It’d be like forgetting my own name. Dude, I sometimes have to think to remember how old I am, and I’m 36. I don’t even know my fiancee’s phone number by heart, and I’ve dated her for over 5 years. I can’t even remember the date we got engaged, and that’s the biggest thing that’s happened to me in the last decade. (I’ll remember the wedding date, though. That one’s easy–and it’s yet another “5” or “15” date.) It’s hardly inconceivable. So far as I know, I’m not brain damaged. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2011, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/37 "2011-08-20T19:02:45Z")
Apologies to the women of the world. I’m horrible at remembering dates. In fact, the only birthday I know (besides my own) is my sister’s, because it’s two days after Christmas (poor kid). That being said, we never really made a big deal out of birthdays (or holidays at all) in my family so I can just blame it on that. It never ceases to make me feel like shit when I get a Valentine’s Day gift from a girl and I had no idea about the holiday. You’d think I’d notice commercials or adverts in the store or whatever, but I guess I’m just an oblivious person in general. It’s part of my charm! ---
**Author:** ![Tracyfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f14d63/32.png) [@Tracyfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracyfish)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2011, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/38 "2011-08-20T19:45:21Z")
> [@carlotta](#): > > Hee hee! Yeah this is me. How could he forget? What with me saying “you know in a month it will be my birthday.” and “my birthday’s in two weeks!” and “this year for my birthday I want to have croissants for breakfast, pannini for lunch and scallops for dinner.” > > No guesswork or calendars involved. He knows when it is, he knows what I want (generally not even a present, but simply for him to be present doing what I want). He’d have to work hard to mess this up. > > and it’s IN FOUR DAYS! yay! Hey, mine’s four days from today, too! My husband is bad with dates. He’d probably forget his own birthday if it wasn’t on his driver’s license and other people didn’t remind him. Knowing he tends to forget dates and doesn’t get into birthdays, it doesn’t bother me if he can’t remember the date. Plus, I’m usually the one making the plans if I want to do something for it. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2011, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/39 "2011-08-20T20:28:24Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Nah. You’d think my father would remember the birthdays of his kids, too, but he always has to be reminded by mom–all his life. It’s not unusual for some people (stereotypically, guys) to just be shit about this kind of stuff. To my knowledge, I’ve never forgotten an SO’s birthday, but I do have to think about it for a couple seconds to make sure I’m not conflating it with another important date. The problem is, the few birthdays I have memorized seem to all be the 5th or the 15th, so I have to pause to remember which is which. That’s why I said ‘or have something set up to remind them.’ Sounds like your mum works that way for your dad. Given the multitude of ways to remind you of important dates, there’s no excuse - you have to really think it’s unimportant, no matter whether the other person seems to agree or not. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2011, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401/40 "2011-08-20T21:11:16Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I have a side question: when people say they forget, do they mean they actually don’t remember, or that they don’t realize that today is that day? Me personally, I mean the latter. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-do-you-care-if-your-husband-so-forgets-your-birthday/593401.md?page=3)