Go to the type of bar that puts their waitresses in outfits (or encourages outfits) with cleavage, and no - that was my choice in bar.
Go to a nice place where I expect waitstaff to be unobtrusive and yes - boobs in my face are sort of intrusive where I tip well for not remembering that I had a waiter who did anything than answer questions about the menu and take my order (you know the type - the food magically appears in front of you).
And the presentation thing - there is a lot of middle ground between a tittie bar - where cleavage is expected and its expected to be in your face with a girl flirting with you (and maybe you stick a dollar in her g-string), and Chez StuckUp - somewhere along that line is a restaurant where cleavage is fine when it is there but not flashed or flirted - that’s probably the majority of the line.
Thanks for picking up on that **Sage Rat ** … was wondering when someone was going to!
Personally if it seems like a server is going overboard in ANY way it makes me and my husband and our friends laugh - whether the person is rude, or overly friendly (I love the ones who act like your instant new best friend) or whatever.
To me, it’s just part of the entertainment experience.
Now if my husband was overtly ogling someone’s chest, ass, legs, etc, I would be upset - but with HIM not with her.
If my date were so distracted by the cleavage that he was pretty much not there for the evening, I’d be upset with him. I don’t mind a quick look every now and then (sometimes it’s so out there even I can’t help but look), but totally ogling her would bother me. But I’d be bothered by him, not her.
Meh, it’s just cleavage. It’s not like I’m going to turn to stone if I see it or, if my date happens to glance at “OH MY GOD ANOTHER WOMAN’S BOOBIES!!!”
I probably wouldn’t notice them. I generally only notice things like that if my husband points it out and then I just shrug or giggle, depending on circumstances.
I show off my assets - this job is putting me through school, I need tips, and that means looking good AND doing my job well. However, I’m gonna display the ta-tas tastefully, mostly for the sake of my own self-worth. I don’t flirt or giggle with gross guys anyway, I’m not that kind of chick, and obviously I’m not gonna hit on married men.
And I’ve found that with most men, simply showing that you HAVE big boobs (but not necessarily showing the boobs themselves) is enough, and I don’t feel like some peeler. I want my girl customers to say “I love your shirt!” and the guy customers to stammer “I… uh… love your… shirt.”
But there’s a certain type of women who, when she walks through the door, every server will try to avoid serving. The kind of chick who will glare and sigh and “Hur-rumph!” every women who happens to, you know, NOT look like the crypt-keeper. And dealing with her husband is painful - he’s staring at the floor, you’re staring at the tablecloth, you’re both monosyllabic, all in an effort to keep the crazy wife close to calm. The server spends the whole time wondering why the hell these people even go out in public if she’s so frickin’ insecure in this relationship.
I wish all women were like most of the ladies in this thread!
I like to believe that men will behave the way they are supposed to behave, regardless of any “temptation” that might be around them. I am married, and I simply trust that Mr. Kiminy will not do anything that he is not supposed to do–in public or in private.
I do NOT feel that women have control over men’s reactions to their (the women’s) bodies. In other words, a woman with decent cleavage might elicit a sexual response from males around her, but if that happens, it is NOT her fault, unless she is actively trying to promote such a response. A server who happens to feel comfortable showing more cleavage is not doing anything wrong, IMO, unless she is actively bouncing things around on purpose. The belief that showing too much skin is provocative in some way is almost medieval, IMO, and gives absolutely no credit to those who might be aroused by the display.
If we truly believe that showing skin is somehow bad, because it might incite an unwanted reaction from people around us, we should go back to wearing long skirts, shawls, and even head scarves, lest we accidentally provoke a male who has very little control over his own body’s reactions to such displays.
I have actually been to French beaches (which are typically topless for both sexes) with Mr. Kiminy, and he was a perfect gentleman. It would be a little silly of me to criticize him for paying too much attention to a server with cleavage.
As a guy, I personally make it a policy to try and NOT look at a woman’s cleavage - especially if it’s a spectacular one! Hey, don’t get me wrong. I mean… when you first arrive you’re gonna notice it but after that? I totally focus on the woman’s face and nothing else. I guess what I’m saying is that the signal that I’m trying to send is “respect”. I try to look the lady straight in the eyses for the rest of evening and simply let her know that “I recognise there’s more to you than just your appearance…”
Some would say that’s pretty wierd. Others would say that I’m missing out and that I’m a dunce. Don’t care… I like to treat people the way I’d like to be treated myself and I make it a policy to never objectify women. (Even if they ARE kinda making it easy for me…) I make it a policy to never say anything remotely sexual to women either. I’d rather be damned for being “disinterested” than being a creep.
if you have a problem with 'tenders or servers being too flirty for your taste, you should perhaps direct your anger towards your provincial / state government.
for example, in ontario, a server or bartender earns about a dollar less than the regular minimum wage per hour. they are not only encouraged, but pretty much required to do anything & everything they can, (within the limits of the liquor licence) to increase the amount of tips they pull in. especially considering the fact that, at least here (and i’m sure it’s approximately the same elsewhere across the continent,) your bartender and / or server must tip out the house a percentage of sales before they walk out with their own cash. (and that’s also why you might see here a bartender, who just prepared a 7 drink order for somone who left only a $1.25 tip, snapfire that loonie, then that quarter, right back at that customer’s head. that piddly tip on the big order was costing the 'tender money anyways, and they might as well get enjoyment out of your suffereing for it, if nothing else.)
i’ve talked to many industry people in europe & australia where this is not the case - they are paid a very decent hourly wage, and tipping is not expected. they earn every shift what a good server or bartender here pulls in on only the good nights – depending on the venue, and the total open hours, of course. there are some b’tenders here who pull in more than you can dream of in a night. but then, there are many who just barely make do.
of course, there is the possibility (and the occassional realization) of nights where one can earn more dollars than any hourly employee could rightly dream of in a week. but these are not the norm. and in fact, quite few & far between.
I’m with you on this. I was raised to believe that men who ogled were barely better than rapists. So it makes me very uncomfortable to have a big set of knockers thrust under my face. ESPECIALLY since I find them very nice to see. One girl I was getting to know once told me that she was impressed because I was the only guy in the joint who looked her in the eye instead of her tits. I did not point out that the whole time we talked I kept my eyes glued to hers in order NOT to stare at her rack.
I’m not a breast man. I know, we’re a rare breed. I’m more interested in a girl with a nice set of eyebrows, and a non-hooked nose. Seriously. This has resulted in some weird conversations with other guys.
“Hey, look at that hot waitress!”
“Yeah, and she’s coming this way.”
“No, not her, the other girl.”
“Her? She’s flat.”
“So what? She doesn’t have a horse-face.”
It has it’s other advantages, too. I can stare all day at a woman’s eyebrows and no one seems to care. Plus, almost every woman in the world keeps them uncovered all the time. Overplucking and underplucking (where necessary) can be a big turn-off, however.
Good for you. I find it gross when a waitress flirts with every guy who isn’t dead or plagued with leprosy. This is what annoys me about Hooters, actually (but I do like the uniforms–especially the shorts and shoes). In the same way that some cleavage display as a cheap way of getting tips, I think fake flirting is also cheap. It demeans us all. A waitress who is pretty and sweet impresses me a lot more than one who thinks I’m impressed with someone who acts like a floozy.
I’m arranging lunch for myself, Boo, hypno and charger --nice to hear from some guys who actually see females as people, instead of body parts.
I think the rapist comment is a tad overstated and all, but really–is it courteous to constantly check women out? Or the other way, for all that. Aren’t you there to eat dinner with friends/dates or whathaveyou? Why not do that instead of thinking of having sex with the waitress–you know you’re not going to.
