# Ladies: How bad was this? (A slight cat call I guess) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 16, 2013, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-bad-was-this-a-slight-cat-call-i-guess/650552 "2013-02-16T22:52:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 15
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2013, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-bad-was-this-a-slight-cat-call-i-guess/650552/281 "2013-02-22T03:15:43Z")
> [@gallows\_fodder](#): > > Yeah, give it a rest, ladies, your rape stories are a little played out. > > Holy shit, are you for real? Nah, we’re just playin’. We looove getting catcalled and cornered in parking lots. Why, I’m still fantasizing about the 45 year old brick layer who exposed himself to my girlfriends and me on the playground in '83. When he gets out of prison, Ima call him up. And the guy who followed me from Banner Elk to Asheville in '89? I’m still posting Missed Connections ads for him. The three guys who followed me for two miles while yelling propositions and laughing at Hilton Head in '04? I still regret declining their proposal for a gang bang. I love it when strange men make sexual come ons when I’m far from home. I despise safety and security, and every single time a strange man comments on my body or looks, I take him home and have sex with him. In fact, I’m going to PM you my home address. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2013, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-bad-was-this-a-slight-cat-call-i-guess/650552/282 "2013-02-22T03:18:59Z")
For some reason I’m tempted to get a recording of my cat yowling in the morning, put it on my phone, and play it every time I see a guy catcalling. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2013, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-bad-was-this-a-slight-cat-call-i-guess/650552/283 "2013-02-22T03:26:52Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > For some reason I’m tempted to get a recording of my cat yowling in the morning, put it on my phone, and play it every time I see a guy catcalling. Won’t do a bit of good, **Jragon**. Guys that do this believe they are taking the piss out of girls who think they are too good for them. Once herd behavior kicks in, they forget all about their mothers, sisters, girlfriends, wives, and daughters in the pursuit of some shitty street cred from their bros. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2013, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-bad-was-this-a-slight-cat-call-i-guess/650552/284 "2013-02-22T03:38:16Z")
Oh, I doubt it would do good, but **kitties**. ---
**Author:** ![gallows\_fodder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8c91f0/32.png) [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2013, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-bad-was-this-a-slight-cat-call-i-guess/650552/285 "2013-02-22T03:52:33Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Nah, we’re just playin’. We looove getting catcalled and cornered in parking lots. Why, I’m still fantasizing about the 45 year old brick layer who exposed himself to my girlfriends and me on the playground in '83. When he gets out of prison, Ima call him up. And the guy who followed me from Banner Elk to Asheville in '89? I’m still posting Missed Connections ads for him. The three guys who followed me for two miles while yelling propositions and laughing at Hilton Head in '04? I still regret declining their proposal for a gang bang. I love it when strange men make sexual come ons when I’m far from home. I despise safety and security, and every single time a strange man comments on my body or looks, I take him home and have sex with him. In fact, I’m going to PM you my home address. I have to make sure you know I was being sarcastic, because I would be mortified to the bottom of my soul if someone thought I was being serious. Like Dinsdale was being serious. Here’s another tiresome story for you lucky, lucky men who have never had to deal with any of this shit (hey, what is that word…begins with a “p”?)): I’m sitting here counting the number of tiresome stories I have and I feel lucky that I only have seven. And I’m practically a recluse. I know four women who were raped, one of whom was critically injured during the attack and is lucky to be alive. Every woman I know has experience with harassment if not assault. Which do you think is more tiresome: reading the stories or dealing with this reality? ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2013, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-bad-was-this-a-slight-cat-call-i-guess/650552/286 "2013-02-22T13:06:45Z")
Thanks for the post, **Jimmy**. A lot of food for thought there. Made me think of another facet. No one of us can really say whether another’s reaction is an over-reaction. Or put another way, each of us is entitled to over-react to the stimuli of our choice. Some folk have experiences which would cause most folk to feel threatened/insulted. Others seem to go out of their way to perceive insults/threats where it seems none was intended. But what’s the difference? They both are entitled to feel and respond in the manner they wish (subject to broad societal constraints.) What sets me off, you might not notice. And whether I’m reacting as I do with the hopes of correcting and influencing another’s behavior, venting, redressing historical evils, doesn’t really matter. I am well aware of the benefits that go with having been born white and male in 20th century America. I also tend to think most people tend towards ignorance and self centeredness. I expect very little of strangers, and am rarely disappointed. The only things I CAN reasonably expect to have much of any control over, are my own actions/reactions. Yeah, I have all manner of faults. Whether certain thoughts pop into my mind or not, the one thing I CAN do is be discrete about how I act upon them. So by all means, teach your children it is not appropriate to objectify or stereotype others. But also teach them that if they are unable or unwilling to do so, at least be discrete about what they say and do where. Or to be prepared for unpleasant reactions should they choose not to be discrete. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2013, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-bad-was-this-a-slight-cat-call-i-guess/650552/287 "2013-02-22T22:58:05Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > …some women seem not to appreciate how tiresome it is when they bring their stalking/rape stories to every discussion of this sort… As a man, I appreciate knowing about these stories and realizing what kind of effect my rude behavior could have. There must be recent victims of rape or stalking scattered throughout the people I see on the street. I don’t mind at all trying to behave so that I do not frighten them. I actually \*like \*to grow more aware of these things. Dinsdale, there was some back and forth about what was meant to be taken literally and what was sarcastic, and I’m afraid I lost score - I’m not sure whether you were saying what you think or the opposite so I’m not sure if I’m really contradicting your view. Still, I feel compelled to say this. It really isn’t that hard to try to avoid hurting people who have already been hurt plenty. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2013, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-bad-was-this-a-slight-cat-call-i-guess/650552/288 "2013-02-23T20:49:36Z")
> [@Napier](#): > > I actually \*like \*to grow more aware of these things. Thank you. I’ve lost track of how many war stories I have. It’s kind of exhausting to think about how many of them there are. For those who don’t understand why any of this is relevant, or why being told we’re over-reacting when our reaction is, all things considered, pretty damn mild, [I came across this today](http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/stop-catcalling-me/) which explains some things pretty well, including some historical context and the present-day consequences thereof. > [@](#): > > Even if they are never verbalized, the rules of bodily conduct for females become clear early on: when school administrators reprimand you for the inch of midriff that shows when you lift your hands straight in the air or youth group leaders tell you that the sight of your unintentional cleavage is what causes godly young men to fall, you learn that your body is dangerous and shameful and that it’s your responsibility to cloister it in a way that is acceptable to everyone else. You learn that your body is a topic of public debate that everyone is entitled to weigh in on, from a male classmate telling you that those jeans make your ass look huge to the male-dominated United States Congress dictating the parameters that rape must fall within to be considered legitimate. To be a woman, and to live life in a woman’s body, is to be held to a set of comically paradoxical standards that make you constantly second-guess yourself and jump through a million hoops in pursuit of an impossible perfection. > [@](#): > > When you want to compliment someone, you approach them as an individual because the point is to make them feel good about being the individual that they are, right? If this is true, then the one-size-fits-all catcall really has nothing to do with being complimentary, and seems to be more about asserting power… When women are treated as if their bodies don’t serve a functional purpose and are simply on display for the enjoyment and valuation of male eyes, it doesn’t matter how much money you make or what advanced degree you’ve earned or how great a sense of self-worth you hold: you feel powerless. Powerless to prevent it, powerless to counteract it, powerless to transcend your own physiology. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2013, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-bad-was-this-a-slight-cat-call-i-guess/650552/289 "2013-02-23T22:20:53Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > […] it’s your responsibility to cloister it in a way that is acceptable to everyone else. This point keeps coming up, and in a variety of different ways. In fact in the recent case of a dentist who fired an assistant for being pretty, it’s your responsibility to cloister it in a way that takes care of controlling men’s behavior, while men get to control pretty much everything else. It’s kind of the ultimate privilege to be in charge but pretend not to be when it suits some aggressive agenda. ---
**Author:** ![Maserschmidt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maserschmidt/32/18829_2.png) [@Maserschmidt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maserschmidt)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-bad-was-this-a-slight-cat-call-i-guess/650552/290 "2013-07-28T12:06:10Z")
Strangely enough, a little over 30 years ago I was crossing the parking lot of a Dallas grocery store (Tom Thumb Pepper Square!) with a friend, when we passed a convertible idling in the parking lot, in whose passenger seat a remarkable hottie in a tube top was seated. When we were at a safe distance from the car, I said to my friend, “holy Christ, what a fox!” and my friend remarked back something about wanting a piece of that (we were 18…retrospective apologies to the young lady). Unfortunately, while we were a safe distance from the car, we were very close to the gargantuan, muscle-bound boyfriend who had just passed us coming out of the store, and he took offense and began screaming at us: “Come over here! Am I a fox too? Fuck you two! COME OVER HERE NOW!” Happily we did not go over to him, and instead we broke into a run to the store and he didn’t follow us. But my point is: getting a lecture on being a role model ain’t all that bad, given the possibilities. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-bad-was-this-a-slight-cat-call-i-guess/650552/291 "2013-07-30T07:50:57Z")
You weren’t speaking to the ladies, you weren’t speaking too loudly. The lady was a self-important jerk, you were a wimp to apologize. ---
**Author:** ![Tethered\_Kite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a5b964/32.png) [@Tethered\_Kite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tethered_Kite)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2013, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-bad-was-this-a-slight-cat-call-i-guess/650552/292 "2013-07-31T04:02:27Z")
Some good stuff; some silly stuff. And I waded through the whole thing out of curiosity about what would be the straw that broke the camel’s back and got **colander** banned. I feel so cheated. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2013, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-bad-was-this-a-slight-cat-call-i-guess/650552/293 "2013-07-31T04:07:30Z")
“Am I a fox too?” Hahaa! That kills me. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2013, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-bad-was-this-a-slight-cat-call-i-guess/650552/294 "2013-07-31T15:59:27Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > You weren’t speaking to the ladies, you weren’t speaking too loudly. The lady was a self-important jerk, you were a wimp to apologize. I suggest you read the thread (and in particular the ‘war stories’) to learn why this is wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Dorjan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dorjan/32/12440_2.png) [@Dorjan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dorjan)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2013, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-bad-was-this-a-slight-cat-call-i-guess/650552/295 "2013-08-01T15:17:23Z")
This is why my standard catcall is “Hellooooooo Ladies”. With maybe a little bit of eyebrow wiggle. 😃 It can mean many things, and at the same time, nothing at all. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2013, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-bad-was-this-a-slight-cat-call-i-guess/650552/296 "2013-08-01T16:37:43Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > To all those who think she may have over reacted a tad, or that what he did wasn’t so bad really. > I would point out that one reason why women ‘over react’, is that when they were young, naive and trusting, some opportunistic man took advantage of that. By being inappropriate, groping, or just creeping the young woman into being afraid. Even though all she did was trust to ride an elevator with them, or accept a ride from a family friend, etc. Combine that with her parents trying to impress on her that she is a target and needs to always be careful, and she’s going to likely walk away from her encounter feeling she is partly to blame. Swearing to not be so trusting, to be more careful, more leery of all men. This is where women develop spidey sense. Then when male strangers, in broad daylight, make sexual overtures, even only verbally, yeah, it triggers a response the men may think over the top. They don’t want their daughters to have to experience such things. I’ve seen this idea expressed a few times in this thread and I just want to say, a lot of women have those experiences (probably most of us) but not all of us live our lives constantly paranoid about having them repeated. The statistical odds of me meeting a rapist in an elevator are pretty low. As I young girl, I’ve been street harassed, cat called, had creepy guys follow me, and I was sexually abused for years, but it never occurred to me that this meant I was supposed to be afraid of every man I ever meet for the rest of my life. Until now I’ve generally had a :rolleyes: response to men who take this kind of talk personally, but this ‘‘all men are potential predators’’ attitude just seems so over the top and discriminatory to me that I felt the need to personally express that not all women think about men this way. In fact, I think that thinking about men this way is kind of sexist. In no other situation, with no other social class would this kind of paranoid talk be acceptable. Try it out. ‘‘Swearing to not be so trusting, more leery of black people.’’ Since when does a person’s life experience give them a free pass to stereotype? We aren’t little girls any more, we’re grown women. We have way more power than we did then. > [@Troppus](#): > > TL;DR, huh? Can’t blame you, but figured I’d cover a range of possibilities just in case another poster calls a smartass comeback an “overreaction”. We can’t know you’re a great, respectful guy or a serial killer based on that brief,unprovoked confrontation. The media warns women that kidnappers, rapists, and serial killers prey on signs of vulnerability. For comments or actions which carry sexual overtones, we can’t tell if the catcaller is aggressive or just a clueless doofus. In the interest of self-preservation, women tend to assume we need to be on high alert. I get that. I was raised the same way. But I think it’s an assumption not very well grounded in reality. The number of male predators is vanishingly small compared to the number of decent men. Can we stop cowering in the shadows? This is not feminism to me. It feels wrong. It feels _weak._ > [@Ibanez](#): > > Oh jeeezus. > > I’d pit you for this, but I have a spaghetti sauce to tend to. **Ibanez** , even though you are currently on my radar for ‘‘someone who obviously really hates women,’’ I actually agree with you. As for **Shakes** ’ situation, it was a little rude and a little funny too. Rude in the sense that it’s generally not polite to publicly catcall women. Funny in the sense that he got his ass handed to him in front of his son. Hopefully that’ll be a good lesson for the boy. But threatening? Not in a grocery store parking lot, not such a relatively mild/cheesy comment. If we were walking alone on a dark street it might be a different story, but this stuff is all about context. > [@Tethered\_Kite](#): > > Some good stuff; some silly stuff. And I waded through the whole thing out of curiosity about what would be the straw that broke the camel’s back and got **colander** banned. > > I feel so cheated. Me too! What’s the story? ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2013, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-bad-was-this-a-slight-cat-call-i-guess/650552/297 "2013-08-01T17:10:29Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > As for **Shakes** ’ situation, it was a little rude and a little funny too. Rude in the sense that it’s generally not polite to publicly catcall women. Funny in the sense that he got his ass handed to him in front of his son. Hopefully that’ll be a good lesson for the boy. > > Me too! What’s the story? If it makes anybody feel better, my son shares in your humor at my expense. He more or less told me “I have a way with the ladies.” And by that, he really meant, I don’t. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-bad-was-this-a-slight-cat-call-i-guess/650552.md?page=14)