# Ladies, how do you feel when you catch a man looking at you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 22, 2016, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055 "2016-06-22T16:13:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/41 "2016-06-23T18:38:20Z")
> [@beowulff](#): > > Disclaimer: I’m a guy. > > I’m also a gym rat, and believe that the world needs more athletic women. To that end, I always go out of my way to complement a woman who has a nice physique, saying something like “nice arms” or “great shoulders” in passing. I’ve never once had a woman react negatively to me doing that. Much preferred to “Great squat form!” ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/42 "2016-06-23T18:45:34Z")
Well first of all if you “catch” them looking at you, then they also at the same time “catch” you looking at them. So. While on the street minding my own business I want and have always wanted to be invisible. And I think I am. Anything that destroys that illusion, I don’t like. But I don’t feel threatened. Just “damn my cover is blown.” I also treat other people on the street as if they are invisible. Unless they do something super irritating, like shove their way onto the bus in front of me or make some lewd comment. Once I get to where I’m going, I might have a need to be noticed or not, depending. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/43 "2016-06-23T18:48:02Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > Walking the dogs along as commercial avenue early this afternoon, we passed an optician shop, Giving the floor a quick sweep in prep for opening was a young African American woman, haiir cropped in a short Natural, oversized horn-rimmed glasses. > > She was wearing a tightish top, buttoned to the throat, with a broad domino black-and-white pattern, like a harlequin. Bare arms. Short black skirt that “pouffed” like a tutu, hem falling about mid-thigh. Knee-high black boots with flat soles, laced up the front with white laces. Clearly not an outfit she’d picked up off the floor and thrown on. > > I noticed all this in the few seconds it took to pass by, then had an overwhelming urge to turn around and say something like “WOW! Nice outfit!” > > My beard is graying and I have an overall “funky hippie liberal arts professor” look, so I don’t come across as a threat; I occasionally compliment younger women (on their fashion choices, not “great rack!”) and get positive feedback. But today I recalled reading through this thread and kept on walking with my mouth shut. > > Was I wrong? Keeping one’s mouth shut is hardly ever the worst course of action. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/44 "2016-06-23T18:48:26Z")
> [@Karen\_Lingel](#): > > That’s great for you, but most men reflexively look _away_ from me. Any man who lingered his glance on me would be thinking, at best, “who let this uggo wander the streets during daylight hours?” You might be surprised. I have a relative who was lamenting that she was so ugly she’d spend the rest of her life alone and miserable because no one could possible tolerate her. The next day, a family member signed her up for Match. She was out on her first date for lunch the next day, and held out all of two days more before she slept with him. So… four days from “I’m too ugly to go outside” to “I better upgrade my underwear.” ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/45 "2016-06-23T19:18:34Z")
It doesn’t depend on the look, it depends on me. Some times a compliment is a great thing - and I never mind “nice shoes” or “great purse” - those are about my taste, not my body - but that doesn’t tend to be what compliments from guys are. Compliments from guys tend to be the “nice sweater” variety - do you like the sweater, or my breasts - I can’t tell for certain and one would be flattering and the other would be creepy. So it depends on how I feel. Has the day been full of bullshit? Is the sweater a nice and unusual sweater that I enjoy wearing, or is it a plain black ribbed turtleneck? How low is the neckline/how tight is the sweater. Is the guy giving me the compliment sending my creep o meter pinging, or is my gaydar going off - cause one is threatening even if you aren’t and the other isn’t. (I have a friend - who started as a friend of friends - who has always set my creep o meter off - but he isn’t a creeper, just a little strange - now that I’ve known him ten years, a compliment would be complimentary - but his mannerism would have made the same compliment early in our acquaintance weird. Looks are the same - what a guy thinks is an innocent look of admiration can be received as a leer. It may not be your intention, but I can’t tell. And if two blocks down some asshole complimented my ass, and a block away some idiot gave me the advice to “smile!” by the time I get to your appreciative innocent look - I’ve about had it with men. You could be wearing a clerical collar with a rainbow flag pin attached to it and be 80 years old while walking the cutest puppy on earth, and it would piss me off. You could be Chris Evans in his Captain America uniform and I’d think it was creepy. (Although that might just BE creepy). ---
**Author:** ![jayrey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/47e85d/32.png) [@jayrey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayrey)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/46 "2016-06-23T19:57:24Z")
Maybe I’m just dense but I don’t find a man looking at me a bit longer than normal disturbing. Is he briefly admiring my looks? Cool, it’s a free country and I’ll take that as a compliment. It’s also posible that he"s looking at something just passed me, behind me, or he has mistaken me for someone he knows. I admit, I live in a relatively small city, so it"s not like New York where a woman might get cat-called a dozen times walking four blocks. Most of the time, I feel pretty invisible – I’m at that invisible age for women – so being noticed can feel kinda nice. ---
**Author:** ![River\_Hippie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/river_hippie/32/26_2.png) [@River\_Hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/River_Hippie)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/47 "2016-06-23T20:08:17Z")
Being attractive sounds like such a drag! I guess I’m lucky to be so homely! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/48 "2016-06-23T20:39:42Z")
Well, guys, how would you feel if you saw a gay guy, bigger than you, stronger than you, checking you out? It would depend on a variety of factors, yes? You would not every time be happy, nor would you always be annoyed. Nowadays I don’t get the male glance like I used to and to be perfectly frank I’m grateful. I like being semi invisible. But I don’t mind the look, nor even some nice commentary. It depends on the situation. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/49 "2016-06-23T22:04:08Z")
> [@River\_Hippie](#): > > Being attractive sounds like such a drag! I guess I’m lucky to be so homely! > > 🙂 If homely was enough to save a women from being harassed and attacked, a lot of women (including me) would be signing up for plastic surgery to make them ugly. The problem is the men. Too many of them cannot understand the concept that a woman alone is not abandoned property to be seized. ---
**Author:** ![Memnon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f1d935/32.png) [@Memnon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Memnon)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/50 "2016-06-23T22:21:28Z")
> [@ZPG Zealot](#): > > How would you feel is a gay man capable of raping you sent the same message your way? Is that _rape_, rape? Or ‘Offering to shake your hand’ rape? ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/51 "2016-06-23T22:25:59Z")
> [@Tithonus](#): > > Is that _rape_, rape? Or ‘Offering to shake your hand’ rape? Whatever you consider a sexual violation. And trying to force a woman to touch your hand when she considers a sexual act definitely falls within the spectrum of sexual violence. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/52 "2016-06-23T22:28:18Z")
> [@Tithonus](#): > > Is that _rape_, rape? Or ‘Offering to shake your hand’ rape? Did you see those hands on her? They’re just begging for a shaking. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/53 "2016-06-23T22:35:24Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Well, guys, how would you feel if you saw a gay guy, bigger than you, stronger than you, checking you out? It would depend on a variety of factors, yes? You would not every time be happy, nor would you always be annoyed. This. Context is everything. I’ve been doing some Meetup Groups in coffee shops and the guys behind the counter have a couple of times given me that ‘‘I obviously like you’’ look. It is non-threatening, perhaps charming and even a little flattering given how young they are. We are in public, I am just hanging out with my group, there is no alcohol involved, I am safe, I am fine. There is a guy _in_ my Meetup Group who does a similar kind of thing and it sleazes me right the fuck out. Yet he’s the sort of charmer who, when asked what he does for a living, says he directs films, and then makes the porn music sound effects. It all just depends on how high-risk the environment is and what other cues you’re giving off about the kind of person you are. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/54 "2016-06-23T22:52:33Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > But you will be my BFF if you notice and compliment my shoes. I DO notice and compliment women on their shoes, not in a creepy way (I hope). “Chicks sure do love their shoes” jokes are a source of unending hilarity to me. Mimi Pond once did a cartoon labeled “Brain surgeons and housewives agree! SHOES are the most IMPORTANT THING!” with a doctor and a housewife walking in lockstep. Cool earrings are also a safe, non-slappable target for compliments. [http://www.harkavagrant.com/index.php/index.php?id=205](http://www.harkavagrant.com/index.php/index.php?id=205) ---
**Author:** ![River\_Hippie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/river_hippie/32/26_2.png) [@River\_Hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/River_Hippie)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/55 "2016-06-24T00:11:15Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > If homely was enough to save a women from being harassed and attacked, a lot of women (including me) would be signing up for plastic surgery to make them ugly. The problem is the men. Too many of them cannot understand the concept that a woman alone is not abandoned property to be seized. I’m skeptical. I don’t think very many attractive people would get “uglified”. I understand what you are saying though. But, in the real world being attractive has so many advantages that I can’t imagine someone sacrificing those advantages. ---
**Author:** ![octopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/octopus/32/3716_2.png) [@octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/octopus)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/56 "2016-06-24T00:24:19Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > How would you feel is a gay man capable of raping you sent the same message your way? I wonder how the species has survived. Lol. I’m male and I’m getting to the age where an admiring glance from woman, man, undefined, or alligator would be appreciated. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/57 "2016-06-24T00:44:26Z")
So much anger and hate in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/58 "2016-06-24T00:48:10Z")
> [@beowulff](#): > > Disclaimer: I’m a guy. > > I’m also a gym rat, and believe that the world needs more athletic women. To that end, I always go out of my way to complement a woman who has a nice physique, saying something like “nice arms” or “great shoulders” in passing. I’ve never once had a woman react negatively to me doing that. when I was in the gym I was doing something that required me to be hanging up pside down there was this very nicely shaped African American female about a foot away from me doing toe touches and I could see that she wasn wearing a bra shall we say and at first I was just trying pull my self up and then I noticed her … and then I looked again to make sure… she seen me the second time… she smiled and made sure she went slower so I could get a full view … best workout ive ever had … ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c57346/32.png) [@Little\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Pig)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/59 "2016-06-24T00:48:57Z")
I know a woman (mid 50’s) who lamented that men don’t look at her anymore. Just saying. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/60 "2016-06-24T00:55:22Z")
> [@spamforbrains](#): > > Hate it. Only disgusting creeps give that “look” that basically undresses you mentally without permission. > Well-mannered persons are perfectly capable of noticing someone without obviously doing so. Do you _ever_ read the thread? _Ever_? > [@Velocity](#): > > You have this tendency to spout a quick angry reaction without reading the OP. Or this. > [@Anaamika](#): > > Well, guys, how would you feel if you saw a gay guy, bigger than you, stronger than you, checking you out? It would depend on a variety of factors, yes? You would not every time be happy, nor would you always be annoyed. I must have a look that is appealing to gay men because this happens to me all the time. Seriously, more men hit on me than women. While i wish more women gave me this attention, it’s still a bit of an ego boost. I mean, at worst i’ll have to say im not gay but thats always the end of it. So no problems with this stuff from me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055.md?page=4)