# Ladies, how do you feel when you catch a man looking at you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 22, 2016, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055 "2016-06-22T16:13:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/61 "2016-06-24T01:02:27Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > If homely was enough to save a women from being harassed and attacked, a lot of women (including me) would be signing up for plastic surgery to make them ugly. I would like to see a poll/survey on this, perhaps in IMHO. I strongly suspect the outcome would not be what you describe here. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/62 "2016-06-24T01:03:57Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Well, guys, how would you feel if you saw a gay guy, bigger than you, stronger than you, checking you out? It would depend on a variety of factors, yes? You would not every time be happy, nor would you always be annoyed. > > Nowadays I don’t get the male glance like I used to and to be perfectly frank I’m grateful. I like being semi invisible. But I don’t mind the look, nor even some nice commentary. It depends on the situation. I get what you’re saying, but given the heterosexual vs. homosexual dynamic I just don’t think this is quite a good comparison. Since straight men are attracted to women, a better analogy might be, what if a woman whom you are not attracted to, is glancing/looking at you (a straight man.) ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/63 "2016-06-24T01:03:58Z")
> [@Little\_Pig](#): > > I know a woman (mid 50’s) who lamented that men don’t look at her anymore. Just saying. Many women lament that when they are 50. That doesn’t mean they enjoyed it when they had it. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/64 "2016-06-24T01:06:49Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > I get what you’re saying, but given the heterosexual vs. homosexual dynamic I just don’t think this is quite a good comparison. Since straight men are attracted to women, a better analogy might be, what if a woman whom you are not attracted to, is glancing/looking at you (a straight man.) Except the woman is twice your size and you’ve been sexually harrassed and assaulted by women multiple times throughout your life. Then you’ve about got it. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c57346/32.png) [@Little\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Pig)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/65 "2016-06-24T01:20:55Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Many women lament that when they are 50. That doesn’t mean they enjoyed it when they had it. This woman said she did enjoy it when she “had it”, hence the lamenting. ---
**Author:** ![spamforbrains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@spamforbrains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spamforbrains)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/66 "2016-06-24T01:21:46Z")
> [@](#): > > And if a man makes sure that his ass never approaches and never gets anywhere NEAR the personal space if the person involved, just looking some… and just smiling some… shouldn’t it all be good? No. Perhaps you have to walk in a woman’s shoes and get sexually harassed and turned into a sex object rather than a person on a regular basis your entire life to understand. A man looking at a strange woman just going about her business in a sexual way is NOT all good, it’s offensive and possibly dangerous to the woman. There’s a big difference between doing that nasty “sexual” look at random women and engaging in flirtation with someone you’re having an actual interaction with. ---
**Author:** ![Periwinkle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Periwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Periwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/67 "2016-06-24T01:59:24Z")
When I was younger, it was a pretty frequent thing that I would notice a man looking at me when I was out and about. If he saw that I noticed him looking and smiled at me, I would smile back, and consider it a pleasant little interaction. If his gaze was fixed on my chest and didn’t waver even when I noticed him looking, that was very creepy and unpleasant. But an admiring gaze with a nice smile from a passing stranger never bothered me. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/68 "2016-06-24T02:22:10Z")
> [@River\_Hippie](#): > > I’m skeptical. I don’t think very many attractive people would get “uglified”. I understand what you are saying though. But, in the real world being attractive has so many advantages that I can’t imagine someone sacrificing those advantages. Well, I’VE sailed through my life on it. ---
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/69 "2016-06-24T05:16:54Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > If homely was enough to save a women from being harassed and attacked, a lot of women (including me) would be signing up for plastic surgery to make them ugly. The problem is the men. Too many of them cannot understand the concept that a woman alone is not abandoned property to be seized. I’m really curious where you live that you seem to sexually harassed almost constantly. I’m not trying to be bitchy here; my experiences with men are just so different than yours seem to be that I have trouble wrapping my head around it. Hell, if some guy is being a jerk to me in a public place, which almost never happens, I’ve had other random men come to my defense. In my experience, most men are nice people. And no way in hell would I have plastic surgery to downgrade my looks. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/70 "2016-06-24T05:30:42Z")
> [@Renee](#): > > I’m really curious where you live that you seem to sexually harassed almost constantly. I’m not trying to be bitchy here; my experiences with men are just so different than yours seem to be that I have trouble wrapping my head around it. **ZPG** considers the offer of a handshake from a man to be sexual assault. A handshake is actual rape. Take it from there. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/71 "2016-06-24T07:33:30Z")
> [@A\_Dodgy\_Dude](#): > > You’re walking down the street, minding your own business, when you catch a man looking at you for a little longer than someone normally looks at a stranger. In other words, a look of admiration. Those are two different things… someone can be looking at someone else “a little longer than usual” because he’s trying to decide if he knows that someone else or not, for example. I wouldn’t recognize a look of admiration directed at me, so no reaction due to a lack of notice. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/72 "2016-06-24T15:30:58Z")
> [@nightshadea](#): > > when I was in the gym I was doing something that required me to be hanging up pside down there was this very nicely shaped African American female about a foot away from me doing toe touches and I could see that she wasn wearing a bra shall we say and at first I was just trying pull my self up and then I noticed her … and then I looked again to make sure… she seen me the second time… she smiled and made sure she went slower so I could get a full view … > > best workout ive ever had … An African American female _what_? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/73 "2016-06-24T15:46:57Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > > [@Little\_Pig](#): > > > > I know a woman (mid 50’s) who lamented that men don’t look at her anymore. > > Many women lament that when they are 50. That doesn’t mean they enjoyed it when they had it. So you are mad when I look, and mad when I stop looking. Thanks for clearing that up. > [@Dogzilla](#): > > An African American female _what_? 😕 Wombat. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/74 "2016-06-24T15:52:22Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Those are two different things… someone can be looking at someone else “a little longer than usual” because he’s trying to decide if he knows that someone else or not, for example. > > I wouldn’t recognize a look of admiration directed at me, so no reaction due to a lack of notice. A look of admiration is like [this](http://i.imgur.com/5Op1X.png). Someone deciding if you’re someone they know is more like [this](http://images.brisbanetimes.com.au/2011/07/19/2501942/mr_bean_729-420x0.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/75 "2016-06-24T16:00:58Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > I get what you’re saying, but given the heterosexual vs. homosexual dynamic I just don’t think this is quite a good comparison. Since straight men are attracted to women, a better analogy might be, what if a woman whom you are not attracted to, is glancing/looking at you (a straight man.) No it’s not remotely the same thing. First of all whenever we say anything like this to men we inevitably hear back “We would LOVE it!” No matter what the male behavior is. You need to have a little bit of the fear women have with every interaction. I remember walking down the street downtown when I was…23 or so. Two men passed me. Both of them were bigger than me and stronger. As they passed me, I noticed one had beautiful eyes. Then as they got in front of me, they turned around and the one with the beautiful eyes turned around and said, rather menacingly, “You could at least smile and say hello.” I mention his eyes because I don’t want to hear the inevitable “It would be fine if he was good looking.” Cause it’s not fine. I suddenly remembered I was walking alone, that I had my wallet in my pocket, that I was still a good half mile from home. I said hello, but do I really need to feel obligated to do so? And trust me that I know what ‘menacing’ is. \*That \*is the little feeling you get every time a man approaches you in public - is this one of the crazy ones? I don’t let this feeling control me, I run my life as I see fit, but you have to comprehend it’s not remotely the same feeling as having someone smaller than you look at you. Men often have no idea how fast their brethren can switch colors. “You have a beautiful smile, you want to get a cup of coffee sometime?” “Thank you but no thank you.” “Well, then shut up, bitch, who’d want to anyway.” \<-----actual conversation. (It’s actually why we learn to say we have a boyfriend or a husband, when we are ‘owned’ other men seem to respect it better than ‘i just don’t want to’.) Anyway. Most of the time men look at me, or have looked at me, or talked to me, and it’s been just fine. Most of the time. So, as I said, it depends on context. But it never changes the fact that if he doesn’t want to take my ‘no’, the only thing stopping him is his own morality. That’s why I reference the gay thing. It has to be something that’s a) at least sometimes unwanted and b) someone whom you don’t have the same power over There is a way to look at a woman with interest. There is also a way to look at a woman like you are undressing her. ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/76 "2016-06-24T16:07:31Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > So you are mad when I look, and mad when I stop looking. Thanks for clearing that up. I think this thread can be closed; we’ve solved it. The world is a wicked and malevolent place, bent on destroying men. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/77 "2016-06-24T16:15:24Z")
> [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](#): > > I think this thread can be closed; we’ve solved it. The world is a wicked and malevolent place, bent on destroying men. Heh. Good one. > [@Shodan](#): > > Wombat. Those wombats are such teases. I’ve never seen one of them wearing a bra. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/78 "2016-06-24T16:17:35Z")
> [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](#): > > I think this thread can be closed; we’ve solved it. The world is a wicked and malevolent place, bent on destroying men. You think you’re just being snarky sarcastic here. But take another look at Posts #51 and #70. All males are born rapists-in-waiting and risk life-long sex offender status whenever they commit the mere offense of existing. Nothing less than total apartheid segregation of the sexes onto two different continents will do. (No, I didn’t just make that up. It’s an idea I’ve heard kicking around.) ETA: It’s such a prevalent offense, I just thought of a name for it: EWM. Existing while male. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/79 "2016-06-24T16:23:49Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > A look of admiration is like [this](http://i.imgur.com/5Op1X.png). Someone deciding if you’re someone they know is more like [this](http://images.brisbanetimes.com.au/2011/07/19/2501942/mr_bean_729-420x0.jpg). Okay, on a lighter note (but sure to offend someone): [Here’s your look admiration.](http://www.artbaxter.com/images/blog/2008-postings/02.26-avery/avery-wolf-girl.gif) Or [this](http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_mJ4lc_Q9Q6k/R3mSZTSQrjI/AAAAAAAAK2g/U9SAGClJElY/s320/spike2.jpg). I’m sooooo guilty of EWM. Srsly, this thread belongs in the Pit. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/80 "2016-06-24T16:28:10Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > So you are mad when I look, and mad when I stop looking. Thanks for clearing that up. I was waiting for this exact misogynistic bullshit. We all knew it was coming. Shocking that of the 3.5 billion women in the world, you can find at least one woman who likes the attention, and no matter how carefully and nuanced the reasoning for why that may not always be the case with the remaining 3,499,999,999 women, you get a mouth breathing response, “yeah, but she liked it so all women must too.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055.md?page=5)