# Ladies, how do you feel when you catch a man looking at you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 22, 2016, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055 "2016-06-22T16:13:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/81 "2016-06-24T16:32:10Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > Srsly, this thread belongs in the Pit. Not really. An honest question was asked and opinions vary. I don’t think anyone is saying all men are rapists; I see women saying that they never know who they’re dealing with since any given stranger has the potential to be dangerous. Do you disgree with that? When you say you are persecuted for just existing as a man,let me ask you – when you look at a woman and then move on, do you give it any more thought than that? Do you think she does? If she has to go through any sort of mental checklist before moving on, she’s already spent more effort than you and who has been “destroyed” even a tiny bit? Life isn’t fair. It isn’t fair that enough men have done the wrong thing to women that they have to even consider that something bad might happen as they go about their business. And yes, it’s not fair that because of your gender you are considered to have the possibility of being dangerous. I’d still say it’s more unfair for the woman. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/82 "2016-06-24T16:33:55Z")
The women **Dangerosa** mentioned didn’t like the attention, and didn’t like the lack of attention. No one said anything about “all women must (like it)”. _glances admiringly at the ass on **TokyoBayer** ’s straw woman_ Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/83 "2016-06-24T16:43:12Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > Srsly, this thread belongs in the Pit. > [@gigi](#): > > Not really. An honest question was asked and opinions vary. I agree that this thread does not belong in the Pit. For the most part, folks in here are conducting themselves appropriately, and there’s no reason that shouldn’t continue, even with disagreement among the participants. So please make the effort in your posts to keep the discussion civil. ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/84 "2016-06-24T16:46:36Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > You think you’re just being snarky sarcastic here. But take another look at Posts #51 and #70. All males are born rapists-in-waiting and risk life-long sex offender status whenever they commit the mere offense of existing. > > Nothing less than total apartheid segregation of the sexes onto two different continents will do. (No, I didn’t just make that up. It’s an idea I’ve heard kicking around.) > > ETA: It’s such a prevalent offense, I just thought of a name for it: EWM. Existing while male. If you believe that your life is being affected by the perspective on gender violence expressed by **ZPG Zealot** , that is a problem with your ability to perceive what’s actually going on in the world. One woman’s unreasonable way of articulating her concerns does not actually paint the world a different color. It is the definition of insanity for you to suggest, presumably with a mostly straight, though slightly twisted with bitterness, face that the word apartheid belongs anywhere near this conversation. You are just as divorced from reality as the notion that a proffered handshake is an attempt to exert sexual power. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/85 "2016-06-24T16:55:41Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > So you are mad when I look, and mad when I stop looking. Thanks for clearing that up. > Wombat. > > Regards, > Shodan Did I say I was mad about either. I said for the first, it depends on context (context you won’t have), for the second, I’m not sorry people have stopped looking - makes my own life a hell of a lot easier. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/86 "2016-06-24T16:59:03Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > The women **Dangerosa** mentioned didn’t like the attention, and didn’t like the lack of attention. No one said anything about “all women must (like it)”. > > _glances admiringly at the ass on **TokyoBayer** ’s straw woman_ > > Regards, > Shodan You remember the toddler years? You remember how horrible potty training was, and how you could have lived without the tantrums? And the expense of diapers and forumula? You remember how you missed those tantrums when they were teenagers and the sulking took over? And missed the diapers and formula years when it came to car insurance, food to feed a teenage boy, and college funding? You remember how you missed the sulking when they moved out? ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/87 "2016-06-24T17:45:57Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > You think you’re just being snarky sarcastic here. But take another look at Posts #51 and #70. All males are born rapists-in-waiting and risk life-long sex offender status whenever they commit the mere offense of existing. > > Nothing less than total apartheid segregation of the sexes onto two different continents will do. (No, I didn’t just make that up. It’s an idea I’ve heard kicking around.) > > ETA: It’s such a prevalent offense, I just thought of a name for it: EWM. Existing while male. Men can exist without harming women. I work with dozens of them who do. I’ve met thousands of them from all cultures, social strata, and religion who do. Unfortunately, I have also encountered plenty of misogynists that the human race could do without. ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/88 "2016-06-24T18:15:09Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > That’s why I reference the gay thing. It has to be something that’s a) at least sometimes unwanted and b) someone whom you don’t have the same power over I assume ( perhaps wrongly ) that is less the “unwanted” part than it is the potential threat, however small, underlying the attention. Or in other words I would assume ( again, perhaps wrongly ) that even though you are heterosexual and the attention might be unwanted, you would on average react less negatively to being checked out by a fairly petite woman than a man of any size, because you would perceive it as less potentially dangerous. But I know what happens when I assume ;). ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/89 "2016-06-24T18:34:44Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > So you are mad when I look, and mad when I stop looking. Thanks for clearing that up. > Regards, > Shodan No. I’m mad when you look AND feel the need to inform me of your opinion. I’m relieved when you stop. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/90 "2016-06-24T18:58:39Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > I was waiting for this exact misogynistic bullshit. This statement is homophobic. ---
**Author:** ![12mgdaily](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/f08c70/32.png) [@12mgdaily](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/12mgdaily)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/91 "2016-06-24T19:03:47Z")
If I’ve caught him ‘noticing’ me, and he quickly looks away, I feel flattered. I’ll usually want to check him out, while wondering to myself ‘who’s this guy… he seems interested in me?’ If at that point I like what I see, I feel free to openly flirt with him when he goes for the second look. If I don’t like what I see, when he looks back, I will pretend I don’t notice him. If I catch a guy looking at me, and he continues to openly ‘check me out’, I feel uncomfortable. I don’t like a man being so obvious. It makes my skin crawl. I get the overall impression he is arrogant, crude and full of himself. It’s a major turn off. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/92 "2016-06-24T19:24:31Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > This statement is homophobic. And discriminatory toward bulls. Why is it always their shit being singled out? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/93 "2016-06-24T19:28:33Z")
> [@](#): > > You’re walking down the street, minding your own business, when you catch a man looking at you for a little longer than someone normally looks at a stranger. **In other words, a look of admiration**. How can you possibly know this? Admiration would be creepy, what would they admire except for physical attributes? How do you know it’s not a look of “There’s a booger hanging out of her nose”, or “What an ugly dress?” ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/94 "2016-06-24T19:52:22Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > How do you know it’s not a look of “There’s a booger hanging out of her nose”, or “What an ugly dress?” Booger hanging out is [this](http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/11/17/1416221450283_Image_galleryImage_Actor_Rowan_Atkinson_turn.JPG). Ugly dress is more like [this](http://cdn.pcwallart.com/images/mr-bean-angry-face-wallpaper-4.jpg). It’s all very subtle. As for “shapely bosom”, which is rather more like [this](http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_TahXQ2WiF0s/SMFyhUPUnSI/AAAAAAAADQo/8bKPcNWKRwI/s640/Mr+Bean.JPG), I’ve actually had to do some soul-searching recently. I’ll ask myself: What will come of this? What the holy crap am I trying to achieve here? Am I realistically going to talk to this person? If so, I should just go talk to her (I mostly never do, obviously, unless I actually need to know the time or the way to the post office). If not, why the heck am I am intruding on her privacy? She won’t spontaneously fall in love with me for no reason right now, any more than she’ll burst into flame. Just don’t look, and leave her alone already. So now I do that: I don’t look, and I leave her alone already. There’s no particular reason for me to insert myself into her life. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/95 "2016-06-24T22:34:05Z")
> [@Renee](#): > > I get looks frequently. I smile in a pleasant but non-inviting way, and go about my business. Occasionally men try to take it further, and that can be annoying, but I just blow them off. Maybe it’s a Midwestern thing, but I almost never encounter overt aggression. I consider the looks a mild compliment, and no big deal. Exactly this ^. Except I live in Oregon. I get looks from men and women alike. Looks don’t bother me at all. And by the way, plenty of women look at men (or women) in the exact way that the OP described. Myself included. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2016, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/96 "2016-06-24T22:36:20Z")
Another Man Checking In I’m aware that any attention from me, as a stranger, can be seen as judgmental or threatening. I do compliment strangers, regardless of gender, on attire or such that I really enjoy seeing. I’ve only had positive responses to that. I may check out a strange woman in public. As, generally, this is of the ogling and ‘undressing her with my eyes’ type, I try to do so quickly and without being noticed. If approached by a group of possibly hostile men who may intend to rape me\*, I imagine I would get defensive and panicky. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2016, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/97 "2016-06-25T07:09:37Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > The women **Dangerosa** mentioned didn’t like the attention, and didn’t like the lack of attention. No one said anything about “all women must (like it)”. > > _glances admiringly at the ass on **TokyoBayer** ’s straw woman_ Then what is this “you” which you are talking about, other than “women” in general? If you meant something else, then write clearly. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2016, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/98 "2016-06-25T07:52:33Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > A look of admiration is like [this](http://i.imgur.com/5Op1X.png). Someone deciding if you’re someone they know is more like [this](http://images.brisbanetimes.com.au/2011/07/19/2501942/mr_bean_729-420x0.jpg). The first one looks cross-eyed (or is that wall-eyed?) and might as well have just farted a reeeeally good one. The second looks less cross-eyed and might as well just be in the process of farting. And in any case, the key point is “directed at me”. I’m one of those people for whom clue-by-fours were invented. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2016, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/99 "2016-06-25T15:22:00Z")
They can look all they want. If they come too close, try to talk to or touch me, I will say “Back off, buddy.” If they don’t, I’ll scream very loudly I SAID NO, and then use self-defense. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2016, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055/100 "2016-06-26T00:24:16Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > They can look all they want. If they come too close, try to talk to or touch me, I will say “Back off, buddy.” If they don’t, I’ll scream very loudly I SAID NO, and then use self-defense. So you’re really ready to pepper-spray any male stranger who so much as says “Nice day” to you? ETA: Or, if your response is “Back off, buddy”, you’re going to be surprised if _their_ response is along the lines “mumble mumble bitch mumble mumble”? If so, that’s mighty misandrist of you. There’s at least as much misandry as misogyny in all these threads like this. This is why no male can ever dare to do so much as say “Hi” to a female. Is that the world you want? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-feel-when-you-catch-a-man-looking-at-you/758055.md?page=6)