# Ladies, how do you make online dating suck less? :( **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 17, 2013, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-make-online-dating-suck-less/661151 "2013-06-17T01:07:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2013, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-make-online-dating-suck-less/661151/81 "2013-06-20T17:16:02Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Holy balls, you guys! Mr. Grabass is showing up as a high match in my match search. Why does that bit of information make me so sad? Because deep down, you know they’re right? ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2013, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-make-online-dating-suck-less/661151/82 "2013-06-20T19:12:09Z")
I still feel like he’s the one for me, and can only hope this is reflective of OK Cupid’s dating pool and the site’s uncannily good mechanism for finding strong matches. ---
**Author:** ![Alba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea666f/32.png) [@Alba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alba)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2013, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-make-online-dating-suck-less/661151/84 "2013-07-25T10:06:38Z")
> [@gracer](#): > > I’ll report back if she is a tree-wart-person. I don’t know why but I need to know! ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2013, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-make-online-dating-suck-less/661151/85 "2013-07-25T15:28:21Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > So okay, it might be helpful to actively recruit as opposed to sifting through resumes, hoping someone fits the bill. Fair enough. I must admit, like most women, I took the approach of sifting through messages and going from there, which obviously didn’t work. Time to stop being a pansy and take charge of the situation. It’s very rare that the solution to a problem of mine is to be _more_ assertive, but this seems to be one of those cases. And just as a bonus, so that people can do a forehead smack when reading this, I almost never messaged anyone on OKC, but the two that I did, I ended up going on dates with. Didn’t turn out, obviously, but there were dates. You’re thinking, “Hey dummy! Why didn’t that clue you in that that might be a better approach?” Because, okay? I don’t like being rejected. ☹ Did you keep your resolve to be more proactive, and has it helped? ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2013, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-make-online-dating-suck-less/661151/86 "2013-07-25T15:37:40Z")
Yes. No. There’s a terrible pool of men on OK Cupid. I went on a couple of dates with the handful I found cool, and they were fun to talk to on the internet and awkward in real life. All but one still seemed to be under the impression that I would be up for another date even though there was no connection. Were we on the same date? Or did they not think there was a connection, but wanted to go out again anyway? I dunno, one of them sent me a text the next day saying how much he enjoyed talking to me? What? Does he mean to say he enjoyed listening to me, because he didn’t really say anything. I haven’t logged in in a while because I’ve decided to spend my time on something more productive, like eating glass. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Lurker\_Above](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dc4da7/32.png) [@The\_Lurker\_Above](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Lurker_Above)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2013, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-make-online-dating-suck-less/661151/87 "2013-07-25T15:51:22Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > All but one still seemed to be under the impression that I would be up for another date even though there was no connection. Were we on the same date? Or did they not think there was a connection, but wanted to go out again anyway? From the guy’s perspective it’s totally worth trying for a second meeting after a ‘meh’ first date. The limiting factor for men on dating websites isn’t usually ‘time for dates’, or ‘money for coffee’, it’s ‘women willing to meet me’. A woman who not only responds and/or initiated contact **and** was willing to meet in person is a pretty valuable lead, and pursuing a faint hope that a second date will go better is probably a better bet than looking for a first date with another woman. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2013, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-make-online-dating-suck-less/661151/88 "2013-07-25T15:52:33Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Yes. No. There’s a terrible pool of men on OK Cupid. I went on a couple of dates with the handful I found cool, and they were fun to talk to on the internet and awkward in real life. All but one still seemed to be under the impression that I would be up for another date even though there was no connection. Were we on the same date? Or did they not think there was a connection, but wanted to go out again anyway? I dunno, one of them sent me a text the next day saying how much he enjoyed talking to me? What? Does he mean to say he enjoyed listening to me, because he didn’t really say anything. > > I haven’t logged in in a while because I’ve decided to spend my time on something more productive, like eating glass. Bon appetit. That’s too bad; it sounded like such a good idea at the time. As a guy who’s on OKCupid, I’ll try not to take that first part too seriously. I still have to believe there are people there worth meeting, but only you know if it’s worth the trouble to find us. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2013, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-make-online-dating-suck-less/661151/89 "2013-07-25T18:02:32Z")
> [@The\_Lurker\_Above](#): > > From the guy’s perspective it’s totally worth trying for a second meeting after a ‘meh’ first date. The limiting factor for men on dating websites isn’t usually ‘time for dates’, or ‘money for coffee’, it’s ‘women willing to meet me’. No it’s not. Maybe for some men but certainly not in my case or the case of many of my friends. Yes, I have occasionally been turned down for a second date but nearly all of the time that I ask for a second date, it is accepted. To be fair, I more often than not don’t ask for the second date and I imagine that it’s a mutual thing although I have turned down a few second date requests myself. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2013, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-make-online-dating-suck-less/661151/90 "2013-07-25T18:52:12Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Yes. No. There’s a terrible pool of men on OK Cupid. I went on a couple of dates with the handful I found cool, and they were fun to talk to on the internet and awkward in real life. All but one still seemed to be under the impression that I would be up for another date even though there was no connection. Were we on the same date? Or did they not think there was a connection, but wanted to go out again anyway? I dunno, one of them sent me a text the next day saying how much he enjoyed talking to me? What? Does he mean to say he enjoyed listening to me, because he didn’t really say anything. > > I haven’t logged in in a while because I’ve decided to spend my time on something more productive, like eating glass. I had similar-to-identical experiences with OKC and also just gave up. I don’t really know what to do about dating right now, because most of my interests are either things you do by yourself, or things that pretty much only women are into. I think my best bet is to keep walking my dog (poor dog-- she’s put like, 1,000 miles on those paws) in hopes of running into a smokin’ hawt dog owner who’s just my speed and lives in my neighborhood. ---
**Author:** ![PastTense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pasttense/32/14550_2.png) [@PastTense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastTense)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2013, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-make-online-dating-suck-less/661151/91 "2013-07-25T19:08:11Z")
> [@John\_DiFool](#): > > Said this before whenever the topic of online dating sites comes up, and I’ll say it again: narrowcast. There’s dating sites for almost any hobby or interest out there, where the human being:knuckledragger ratio is much higher. This would work if you live in a major metropolitan area; but if you don’t then anyone of interest on such a site is going to live too far away. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-do-you-make-online-dating-suck-less/661151.md?page=4)