# Ladies, how often does this scenario happen? \[Dating\] **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 12, 2015, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-often-does-this-scenario-happen-dating/709621 "2015-01-12T12:45:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Nema98](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d2c977/32.png) [@Nema98](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nema98)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2015, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-often-does-this-scenario-happen-dating/709621/41 "2015-01-12T23:01:25Z")
Keep your job/career, let it go. You know yourself that she won’t accept again. I just went on a date this Friday with a girl I met on Tinder(hey I’m in my twenties), and we chatted and texted since before Christmas, until meeting this Friday. So I got her attention and interest for three weeks. After our meeting she said she was not feeling it and we had “different interests”, who knows. But will I ask her out again? No, because she is unlikely to accept, she decided that she was not into me. You have even less chance, at least my girl agreed and went on a coffee date with me, and communicated with me for three weeks. Your coworker was never into you in the first place, or else she would have accepted. Even I ask her, nothing will happen to me. You can be fired. Tinder is different than coworker. Let it go. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2015, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-often-does-this-scenario-happen-dating/709621/42 "2015-01-12T23:01:30Z")
I would put myself in close enough proximity that if she was interested she would have a chance to give you some solid clues. Some ladies are just not forward but at the same time if they allready said no it should stand unless led to believe other wise by her. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2015, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-often-does-this-scenario-happen-dating/709621/43 "2015-01-12T23:16:16Z")
I would ask her to do something 1-on-1, say a coffee date, lunch, grab-a-drink, whatever. OUTSIDE OF THE WORKPLACE. Make her laugh, be charming, flirt with the waitress, etc. All the shit that works on women. See where it goes. If she’s interested in you she will offer subtle cues. If it looks good, make a move. Show her you’re serious and you will get your final, indisputable answer. Do NOT make a move if she is being clear that this is friends-only. Women tend to be rather unambiguous in 1-on-1 situations. ---
**Author:** ![Frazzled](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frazzled/32/3368_2.png) [@Frazzled](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frazzled)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2015, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-often-does-this-scenario-happen-dating/709621/44 "2015-01-12T23:22:14Z")
> [@Nema98](#): > > Keep your job/career, let it go. You know yourself that she won’t accept again. > > I just went on a date this Friday with a girl I met on Tinder(hey I’m in my twenties), and we chatted and texted since before Christmas, until meeting this Friday. So I got her attention and interest for three weeks. After our meeting she said she was not feeling it and we had “different interests”, who knows. > > But will I ask her out again? No, because she is unlikely to accept, she decided that she was not into me. > > You have even less chance, at least my girl agreed and went on a coffee date with me, and communicated with me for three weeks. > > Your coworker was never into you in the first place, or else she would have accepted. Even I ask her, nothing will happen to me. You can be fired. Tinder is different than coworker. > > Let it go. This isn’t really the same thing. In Shake’s case, he asked her out early on and she said no. He’s respected that, but in the time since then they’ve become friends both inside and outside of the office (though outside is still with coworkers). It’s very possible that she’s reevaluated him in that time and is maybe in a place where she’s looking to date somebody, Shake’s name is coming up, and he’s hearing about it through the grapevine. If she’s truly interested though she needs to let him know about it. ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2015, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-often-does-this-scenario-happen-dating/709621/45 "2015-01-13T00:05:36Z")
> [@Spiderman](#): > > Hired a hitman, eh? :eek: My lips are sealed. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2015, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-often-does-this-scenario-happen-dating/709621/46 "2015-01-13T08:43:22Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > he certainly picked up on my subtle signals. (Showing up to a guy’s campsite naked with a bottle of mead is subtle, right?) Oh, very! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![StJoan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@StJoan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StJoan)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2015, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-often-does-this-scenario-happen-dating/709621/47 "2015-01-13T11:24:30Z")
To the OP: Its a work place, so the “No means no.” principle is applicable at all times. IMHO, colleagues and lovers are best kept separate. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2015, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-often-does-this-scenario-happen-dating/709621/48 "2015-01-13T11:50:42Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Sorry about Mike. > > I think the key here is giving the reasons. “No” with no further explanation leaves the asker lost as to whether that really means “No forever” or “no until after my next dramatic breakup which occurs about monthly”. > > It was mature of you to say “No, and here’s why.” It’s not a question of maturity, though. People should be able to say “no” without explaining why they are saying that, and the lack of an explanation doesn’t give anyone the permission to keep asking. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2015, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-often-does-this-scenario-happen-dating/709621/49 "2015-01-13T15:13:12Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > **Anaamika** , I already said I wasn’t going to ask her out again. > I’m not sure what you mean by “I know this is what you want, but it just not in the cards m’man.” > As far as leaving her alone, I’ve already told you we’ve become friends. _Genuine friends_ I don’t know if your story about the creepy old man was meant to imply that she’s only being nice to me to avoid drama or what, but that just ain’t the case. Oh,no, I was just joking with the cards comment - you know, “balls in her court”? As to the rest, I was just musing on a story. Since I told you of a story when I did go back to him, I thought I’d balance a story of Stalker Dude. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2015, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-often-does-this-scenario-happen-dating/709621/50 "2015-01-13T15:26:46Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Oh,no, I was just joking with the cards comment - you know, “balls in her court”? As to the rest, I was just musing on a story. Since I told you of a story when I did go back to him, I thought I’d balance a story of Stalker Dude. Okay, my bad. Sorry if I came off a little defensive. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2015, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-often-does-this-scenario-happen-dating/709621/51 "2015-01-13T15:29:54Z")
I should have put a smiley. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Tuxie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee59a6/32.png) [@Tuxie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuxie)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2015, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-often-does-this-scenario-happen-dating/709621/52 "2015-01-13T16:04:32Z")
It has happened to me a few times. I don’t like meek, shy men. I feel like if they don’t have the nerve to be direct, beat around the bush about everything, etc then how will they act in a relationship? I did make the mistake of dating a guy like this and it was like pulling teeth to try to get an honest direct answer out of him about anything. I like men with the guts to take risks in life knowing things may not turn out the way they hoped. Regarding your post, I say ask again but try to do it outside work. Dating in the workplace really depends on that workplace’s culture. But for me, if a guy is too discouraged by one ‘No thanks’ it gives me the impression he’s someone that gives up way too quickly on things. Would you stop trying to apply for college just because you didn’t get in on the first try? Pass up a potentially great job just because they weren’t hiring the first time you looked into it? Some people give up on things way too easily, and I’m not interested in dating quitters. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2015, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-often-does-this-scenario-happen-dating/709621/53 "2015-01-13T19:13:27Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > It was mature of you to say “No, and here’s why.” I agree with **ywtf**. I have no doubt that you’d genuinely appreciate and accept a woman’s reason(s) for declining a date, **LSLGuy** , but… that’s not universal, unfortunately. Some people will take “no” as a challenge instead of accepting she has made a decision. Some of these challengers treat it as if her decision is genuinely up for debate and present counter-arguments, but a smaller subset actually get angry and treat her reasons as personal insults. The latter group (thankfully pretty small, but they’re out there) can be scary as fuck. I know from personal experience. 😕 Either way, not respecting her reasons generally only confirms she made the right decision. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2015, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-often-does-this-scenario-happen-dating/709621/54 "2015-01-13T20:18:12Z")
> [@zweisamkeit](#): > > Some people will take “no” as a challenge instead of accepting she has made a decision. Some of these challengers treat it as if her decision is genuinely up for debate and present counter-arguments, but a smaller subset actually get angry and treat her reasons as personal insults. The latter group (thankfully pretty small, but they’re out there) can be scary as fuck. I know from personal experience.) And it doesn’t even have to be fear of reprisal that makes someone extremely reluctant to explain their rejection. Most normal, non-psychotic people will feel uncomfortable saying they aren’t attracted to someone. Finding the right words to express that gracefully can be difficult when you’re put on the spot, so with few exception, “no” should be considered sufficient. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2015, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-often-does-this-scenario-happen-dating/709621/55 "2015-01-14T07:11:52Z")
> [@Tuxie](#): > > It has happened to me a few times. I don’t like meek, shy men. I feel like if they don’t have the nerve to be direct, beat around the bush about everything, etc then how will they act in a relationship? I did make the mistake of dating a guy like this and it was like pulling teeth to try to get an honest direct answer out of him about anything. I like men with the guts to take risks in life knowing things may not turn out the way they hoped. > > Regarding your post, I say ask again but try to do it outside work. Dating in the workplace really depends on that workplace’s culture. But for me, if a guy is too discouraged by one ‘No thanks’ it gives me the impression he’s someone that gives up way too quickly on things. Would you stop trying to apply for college just because you didn’t get in on the first try? Pass up a potentially great job just because they weren’t hiring the first time you looked into it? Some people give up on things way too easily, and I’m not interested in dating quitters. If that’s the case, then you shouldn’t have said “no thanks” in the first place. Guys like this aren’t being “meek and shy” – apparently, they usually assume a woman is telling the truth when she says, “no thanks”. (Gee, imagine that, a guy who actually respects a woman enough to take her seriously, and not hassle her all the time!) If you actually want to go out with the guy, don’t fucking play games. **Stringbean** , I seriously hope you’re kidding. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2015, 11:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-often-does-this-scenario-happen-dating/709621/56 "2015-01-14T11:13:00Z")
> [@Tuxie](#): > > It has happened to me a few times. I don’t like meek, shy men. I feel like if they don’t have the nerve to be direct, beat around the bush about everything, etc then how will they act in a relationship? I did make the mistake of dating a guy like this and it was like pulling teeth to try to get an honest direct answer out of him about anything. I like men with the guts to take risks in life knowing things may not turn out the way they hoped. > > Regarding your post, I say ask again but try to do it outside work. Dating in the workplace really depends on that workplace’s culture. But for me, if a guy is too discouraged by one ‘No thanks’ it gives me the impression he’s someone that gives up way too quickly on things. Would you stop trying to apply for college just because you didn’t get in on the first try? Pass up a potentially great job just because they weren’t hiring the first time you looked into it? Some people give up on things way too easily, and I’m not interested in dating quitters. So in other words maybe YOU cannot make a decision or maybe your the kind of woman who likes to have men chasing her and plays games with them. Believe it or not, we sometimes believe the “No means No” mantra and a man will quit trying after one “no” because thats what we are supposed to do. Their are other women out there and if she is into playing head games or gets off being chased he’s better off with someone else. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2015, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-often-does-this-scenario-happen-dating/709621/57 "2015-01-14T15:28:52Z")
So, **Tuxie** , is there a way a fellow can tell when a woman’s “No” means NO! and when it means “You need to be more persistant.” Is it body language? A raised eyebrow? Which eyebrow? ---
**Author:** ![Zorkmid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e68b1a/32.png) [@Zorkmid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zorkmid)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2015, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-often-does-this-scenario-happen-dating/709621/58 "2015-01-14T16:01:17Z")
@Shakes: I agree with the majority opinion here. coworker or not, someone repeatedly asking me out after I’d said no always made me really uncomfortable back in my dating days. > [@Shodan](#): > > Also, don’t dip your pen in the company ink unless you are irreplacable. I like this so much I want to embroider it on a sampler for every office in the country 😃 > [@Stringbean](#): > > Make her laugh, be charming, flirt with the waitress, etc. All the shit that works on women. > > See where it goes. If she’s interested in you she will offer subtle cues. If it looks good, make a move. Show her you’re serious and you will get your final, indisputable answer. > > Do NOT make a move if she is being clear that this is friends-only. Women tend to be rather unambiguous in 1-on-1 situations. Are you 12? Have you ever actually dated a woman? Why would anyone want to date a guy who’s flirting with another woman in her presence? If women are “rather unambiguous” why would he need to watch out for “subltle cues” instead of just accepting her original answer? ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2015, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-often-does-this-scenario-happen-dating/709621/59 "2015-01-14T16:06:38Z")
> [@Ranger\_Jeff](#): > > So, **Tuxie** , is there a way a fellow can tell when a woman’s “No” means NO! and when it means “You need to be more persistant.” Is it body language? A raised eyebrow? Which eyebrow? I guess when she files harassment charges on you is the only way to be sure. ---
**Author:** ![susanlinda823](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@susanlinda823](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susanlinda823)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2015, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-often-does-this-scenario-happen-dating/709621/60 "2015-01-14T16:08:59Z")
Persistence can sometimes be endearing. Just as long as you dont tip the scale into creeper status. Take it like baseball. 3 strikes. And your out. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-often-does-this-scenario-happen-dating/709621.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-often-does-this-scenario-happen-dating/709621.md?page=4)