# Ladies how would you feel about an unexpected pregnancy in your forties? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 26, 2012, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877 "2012-03-26T20:52:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/1 "2012-03-26T20:52:41Z")
You’re past 40, happily married, teenage kids and that romantic weekend with your hubby last month may have unexpected consequences. You might be pregnant. 😃 You’ve almost finished raising one set of kids and here comes a new one. 😛 How would feel about it? Happy? Scared? Thrilled? How would you react? It’s a little too late to send hubby for the vasectomy now. 😉 Inspired by a close friend of my wifes. She’s 44 and had her kids twenty years ago. She and her husband just confirmed a new baby is expected in early July. They are both a little over whelmed at the moment. Their Christmas parties caught up with them this time. ---
**Author:** ![Mrs.Cake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2acd7d/32.png) [@Mrs.Cake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrs.Cake)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/2 "2012-03-26T20:57:55Z")
I’m nearly 50 and childless by choice, and my husband’s been long snipped, so frankly I’d be shocked. When that same thing happened to my sister, she thought long and hard, looked at her life and general health, and opted against having the baby, which might have killed her. Did not make her happy, however, and she got her tubes tied immediately afterwards. ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/3 "2012-03-26T20:58:20Z")
Luckily it’s definitely all hypothetical for me since the working parts have been removed but I think devastated would be accurate. Our kids are grown up, we’ve been doing more travelling the last couple of years and we’re planning to continue that. We would deal with it but I really think the initial reaction would be negative. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/4 "2012-03-26T21:00:20Z")
I’m 45 and we’re childfree by choice - I’d start from “devastated” and work from there. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/5 "2012-03-26T21:01:33Z")
Considering that I got my tubes tied in my early 20s (and getting them tied so young was quite an endeavor), I’d be on the phone to make an abortion appointment the minute after the pregnancy was confirmed. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/6 "2012-03-26T21:04:12Z")
We’re in our early 40s with kids who are 7 and 5. My wife’s been trying since #2 to have a #3, but without success (and unlikely to ever be successful). So she’d be thrilled. As for me… well, I’m feeling a little old to start a new project, but I’m sure I’d warm up to it. ---
**Author:** ![Time\_Stranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5fc32e/32.png) [@Time\_Stranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Time_Stranger)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/7 "2012-03-26T21:06:41Z")
This happened to my boss. She was 47 when the surprise happened. She already had grandchildren and really didn’t want another of her own; she spent a lot of time crying in the break room. It’s been a few years, and I can tell it’s really taking a toll on her (but the guy didn’t stick around, so it’s a little harder). Honestly for myself, if I already had children, I would probably terminate the pregnancy. I think having a baby at that age would be beyond exhausting. ---
**Author:** ![catflea12](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f6c823/32.png) [@catflea12](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catflea12)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/8 "2012-03-26T21:18:13Z")
I remember my mother getting pregant at age 42–she was pretty angry about that. ---
**Author:** ![Lightlystarched](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Lightlystarched](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightlystarched)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/9 "2012-03-26T21:33:03Z")
I would be shell-shocked. And am 95% sure I would have an abortion. I am 42, dh had the big V 8 years ago, and our youngest is 8. We never wanted more than 2 kids, are very happy with just two kids, and at my age, I start to worry about chromosomal abnormalities. It would be a very very hard thing to go through. ---
**Author:** ![redtail23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3e96dc/32.png) [@redtail23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/redtail23)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/10 "2012-03-26T21:41:11Z")
I’ve got some relatives who did that. He was something military, put in 20 years. They had 3 kids early on. Those kids were in college when he retired. They proceeded to have _four_ more kids. The first one I figured as an ‘oops’, but after that, who knows. Otherwise, they seemed like perfectly sane people. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/11 "2012-03-26T21:44:36Z")
The best word would be horrified. ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/12 "2012-03-26T21:54:24Z")
Christmas party?! I think you probably mean Oktoberfest. ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/13 "2012-03-26T21:58:07Z")
Thrilled beyond measure. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/14 "2012-03-26T22:08:37Z")
Mixed feelings, for sure. I would like a third and my partner doesn’t so there would be some tension right there. I would be concerned about health issues for the baby and myself - both my pregnancies have ended with high blood pressure and difficult births, and that’s in my early thirties. My other kids would both be in school and I’d feel sorry for the littlest one growing up essentially alone, too young to be a proper playmate of the others and with aging parents (who weren’t all that active to begin with). There would be a lot of soul searching involved in any decision, and I can’t call which way it would go. ---
**Author:** ![maggenpye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@maggenpye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maggenpye)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/15 "2012-03-26T22:10:06Z")
I wouldn’t know until it happened. Seriously. It would be a Big Scary Thing whatever the circumstances, but that can be good. ---
**Author:** ![papergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/aca169/32.png) [@papergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/papergirl)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/16 "2012-03-26T22:10:21Z")
I can’t even imagine going through another pregnancy. I’m miserable when I’m pregnant, and it’s very hard to not make everyone else miserable too, not to mention the trauma of starting over as a single mom (or a new-baby mom in any circumstances). I don’t think I could do it–I’ve been raising kids for 25 years and I’m ready to retire from this noble profession! ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/17 "2012-03-26T22:11:13Z")
“Oh, FUCK no. No fucking way. Get in the car, we’re going to the clinic NOW, and I’m not leaving until they fix this.” ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/18 "2012-03-26T22:15:09Z")
Hrm. I know, personally, 3 women over 40 who’ve all conceived and produced, quite healthily, children in the last year; one of them is my step-children’s mother. While I’m thrilled to have a baby girl to play with (read: Borrow and return, hehe) at this point it would not be a good idea. My sweetie and I didn’t get married until I was 44; I look \ much younger than I am, and people STILL are asking me when the babies are coming. While I personally would not have a problem with it, my sweetie has two already and would be overwhelmed to the point of permanent sadness to start again with another. If he changed his mind and said “Babe, let’s do it!” I’d have no problems with it, but I’ve never wanted a baby just to have a baby. So…with all that…if we now got pregnant…well, he might suppose I’d done it ‘accidentally on purpose’, and if it’s what I really wanted, he’d make the best of it. He does love me, and knows I’ve always been fascinated by the pregnancy/delivery process. But…it would be a really tough call right now. Add to the situation the fact that I’m apparantly in peri-menopause, and have bled more often than not for 3 months straight, and…yeah. At this point I would not count on a healthy pregnancy, and don’t think I’d choose to go through with it. That’s if the little bugger-to-be didn’t slide on out on the Red Tide anyway, lol. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/19 "2012-03-26T22:31:47Z")
It’s actually pretty common for over 40 women to have accidental pregnancies. Over half of pregnancies in older women are unintended. Apparently a lot of women over 40 assume that they aren’t fertile anymore and become lax with birth control. I would be concerned about the much higher risk of birth defects at that age, but since I don’t agree with abortion I would have the child. Realistically, though, since I have family history warning flags for ovarian cancer, I suspect that I will probably end up having a hysterectomy once I am done with my intended childbearing. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/20 "2012-03-26T22:35:12Z")
It’s extremely unlikely to happen to me, but I’d have mixed feelings, probably more pleased than not. It would depend what I was doing in my forties, but I always wanted a second child. In the scenario in your OP, it’d be even more mixed. I’d definitely have all the testing under the sun. If the pregnancy were found early on, then I’d be more likely to have a termination, but if you’re in your forties, starting towards menopause, it’s much easier to not notice you’re pregnant until it’s more like an actual baby. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877.md?page=2)