# Ladies how would you feel about an unexpected pregnancy in your forties? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 26, 2012, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877 "2012-03-26T20:52:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![maggenpye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@maggenpye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maggenpye)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2012, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/41 "2012-03-27T05:00:08Z")
> [@Athena](#): > > This. > > I don’t know what I’d do. I’m 42, no kids, and never really wanted them. My life is in a state right now that becoming pregnant would be a huge crazy hassle in a ton of ways. I don’t know that I’d choose to go through with it. But I don’t know that I wouldn’t. > > Sheesh, even thinking of it in the context of this thread makes me nervous. I really, really don’t want to have to make that decision right now. I was 33 and felt that way. She’s just had her 13th birthday. Luckily, I’ve enjoyed the ride. I’ve got no judgements to make on anyone else’s choice. But I’m very very careful about my own BC these days. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2012, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/42 "2012-03-27T05:16:03Z")
I was happy, and I had him. Now he’s a teenager. I am WAY too old to have a teenager. But, because I have a teenager, a lot of people think I’m much younger than I really am. Well, and also because I’m young at heart (if you’re my friend) or immature. Really no harder than any other baby. The only thing that gave me pause was “Oh god, 12 more years of worrying about day care.” On the other hand I had live-in babysitters (his big brothers, who were teenagers). OTOH I did have amnio and all other tests, and the happy result would have been a different result had the tests come back other than perfect. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2012, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/43 "2012-03-27T06:40:09Z")
> [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](#): > > OTOH I did have amnio and all other tests, and the happy result would have been a different result had the tests come back other than perfect. Even then, the tests aren’t perfect. There’s a recent thread floating around somewhere about a couple whose fetus was tested negative for Down Syndrome, but the baby had Downs so they sued the doctor. What would you do in that situation? I’m not asking to be judgmental, but just out of curiosity. ---
**Author:** ![tumbleddown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@tumbleddown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tumbleddown)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2012, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/44 "2012-03-27T07:18:17Z")
Pregnancy at any point (though I’m not far from 40 now) would be a miracle and dream come true. I’d be all about it. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2012, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/45 "2012-03-27T07:28:55Z")
Haven’t had sex in way too long, no hubby or bf, turned 44 this month… I wouldn’t have an abortion in any case; at times when I wouldn’t have been able to care for a child I would have given it up for adoption, but right now I think I should be able to care for one. The first step would be contacting the babydaddy if possible, to let him know and ask whether he’s interested in being part of the kid’s life or not. I assume he’d want a paternity test; I’d want paternity recognized so if there’s a need to contact the paternal family for medical reasons it will be easier. ---
**Author:** ![shantih](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f6c823/32.png) [@shantih](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shantih)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2012, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/46 "2012-03-27T10:21:59Z")
I’m 45 and have two kids, 15 and 11. I’m done. No more babies. I take BC very seriously indeed so as to prevent exactly this dilemma. I have never been able to picture myself having an abortion, but I _am not having any more children._ I very much hope I never need to make a decision about this, because it would be hard, but the bottom line is that I don’t want to have any more children. Ever. Period. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2012, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/47 "2012-03-27T10:23:11Z")
My paternal grandmother had five children in nine years. Then, seven and a half years later, when she’s almost forty(and this was in 1928, when it wasn’t as common), along comes the baby that in time became my father. I think he fell into the “welcomed but not looked for” category. After all, my grandfather was forty-five, and had a bad heart. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2012, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/48 "2012-03-27T10:32:18Z")
I was stunned, but happy. And the bit about the built-in babysitters is right on. I’ve got one in elementary school, one about to graduate high school and one in between (and I am 48 now). ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2012, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/49 "2012-03-27T10:32:36Z")
I’m 58 and my baby-making parts were all removed when I was 35, but had circumstances given me a late-life baby, so be it. Personally, I couldn’t abort, so I’d have had the baby and our lives would have been different. Heck, they were different from the second our daughter was born, they were different when we took jobs out of state, they were different when our daughter moved out on her own. Life is always different, so you deal. However, I’m glad I wasn’t a new mommy in my 40s. The thought of dealing with a teenager today is not a happy one. It’s bad enough I have to deal with an old fart of a husband and 2 psycho cats! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2012, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/50 "2012-03-27T11:05:36Z")
I’d be shocked (because my husband got a vasectomy years ago to prevent such a thing) and torn. Later, I might come around, but I wouldn’t be happy at first. My oldest is 20 now so the next planned child in this family will hopefully be my grandchild. (And hopefully not for several more years!) ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2012, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/51 "2012-03-27T12:53:10Z")
> [@Skammer](#): > > We’re in our early 40s with kids who are 7 and 5. My wife’s been trying since #2 to have a #3, but without success (and unlikely to ever be successful). So she’d be thrilled. > > As for me… well, I’m feeling a little old to start a new project, but I’m sure I’d warm up to it. This is where I was a couple of years ago. It’s impossible for me now, but I struggled a lot with the feeling/hope that we could have a #3. In the end, it would not have been the right decision for us, and my energy is better spent being a good parent to the 2 that I have. If it did somehow happen, I would be terrified of the health implications and excited beyond measure to get to experience pregnancy, birth, etc again. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2012, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/52 "2012-03-27T13:35:07Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > “Oh, FUCK no. No fucking way. Get in the car, we’re going to the clinic NOW, and I’m not leaving until they fix this.” I’m laughing at this. When I first read it, I thought I was somehow posting with my mind! ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2012, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/53 "2012-03-27T13:43:44Z")
Another one that’d be running for the clinic. I’m only 36, though, and have no kids, but don’t want them. Actually, I’m planning on getting Essure later this year. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2012, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/54 "2012-03-27T14:48:48Z")
I’d be running for the clinic too. Pregnancy was awful on my body (with lasting effects to this day, more than three years later), birth was a nightmare, and I really don’t enjoy the babyhood stage at all. My husband would be devastated by this decision. He would try to convince me to keep it, I know. This is why I got my tubes tied–I didn’t want to have to deal with how an “oops” would wreck our relationship, because I’m sure it would. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2012, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/55 "2012-03-27T15:01:23Z")
> [@Drain\_Bead](#): > > This is why I got my tubes tied–I didn’t want to have to deal with how an “oops” would wreck our relationship, because I’m sure it would. This is why I plan to get my tubes tied, either after we have our second child or when I’m old enough that the risk of chromosome disorders is too high for my tastes (this will probably be around age 44 or 45). I don’t like leaving major life changes to chance. If it weren’t for the side effects, I’d get a hysterectomy instead of getting my tubes tied, for the certainty that I could not get pregnant again after that. Of course, I’m 37 and pregnant with my first child, so I wouldn’t really have the whole “starting over” thing going on. ---
**Author:** ![Corcaigh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Corcaigh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corcaigh)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2012, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/56 "2012-03-27T15:20:28Z")
I’m not one bit maternal and have never wanted to have kids, and I’ve managed to avoid having one so far! I really don’t know what I’d do, aside from either go catatonic, or cry hysterically. If I was married and my husband was inclined then I’d keep the baby. If it was a one night stand type thing then I’d probably have the baby adopted. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2012, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/57 "2012-03-27T15:32:03Z")
For myself, what **DianaG** said. Times ten. A good friend of mine, who turns 40 in a few weeks, just announced she’s pregnant with twins. She’s got one son in 9th grade and another in 6th. It was actually planned, though, as it sounds like she and her husband are trying to save the marriage by making more babies. Erm. Good luck with that. ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2012, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/58 "2012-03-27T15:53:01Z")
Ditto **DianaG**. No way, no how! ---
**Author:** ![Kevbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Kevbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kevbo)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2012, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/59 "2012-03-27T15:56:11Z")
Apropos of nothing, I will note that I am the child of such a pregnancy. After 12 years or so of trying, my parents decided that if they wanted kids, they would need to adopt, so they adopted my sister, then a couple years later my brother. Ten years later surprise surprise surprise. My Mom was 44 when I was born. I think this used to be more common. A number of my friends had 10-13 year older siblings, though I think my parents were much older, as they were in their mid thirties when they adopted my siblings. It was a little weird being raised in the 1970’s by parents that came of age in the 1930s. One or two of my school mates had dads that fought in Korea, but I was the only one with a WW2 vet for a dad. My sister went off to college, and my brother got married at 19-20 (forget exactly) so I was basically an only child from the time I was 10 or so. Except that I got all the hand-me-down broken toys and 10 year out of fashion clothes from my brother. I am also the youngest of scores of cousins on both side, so there were few needs that were not met by hand-me-downs. Thank og I eventually became the tallest, (save one cousin, but he has about double my waste size) or I’d still be getting that stuff! The thing that really sucked was losing both my parents in my 30’s…and now due to his poor lifestyle choices, losing my brother before I am 50. Dad had poor mobility while I was growing up, but that was due to a WW2 back injury rather than age. ---
**Author:** ![PapSett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@PapSett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PapSett)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2012, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877/60 "2012-03-27T16:08:45Z")
Not just no, but HELL NO. I have never wanted kids, and now, at age 51, I am not about to start. I guess there’s always the adoption path, but honestly… the human race is in no danger of extinction, there are plenty of other women willing and able to give birth, and with the genetic health problems I inherited from my family I would be doing the kid a favor. If it don’t have 4 legs and bark, whinny or meow, I ain’t raisin’ it! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-feel-about-an-unexpected-pregnancy-in-your-forties/616877.md?page=4)