# Ladies: how would you size me up? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 27, 2011, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-size-me-up/579866 "2011-04-27T05:13:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SSgtBaloo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@SSgtBaloo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSgtBaloo)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-size-me-up/579866/1 "2011-04-27T05:13:12Z")
Inspired by the thread [Ladies, what does your ideal man dress like?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=606051), I decided to start a similar thread, only this time, the male members for the SDMB will (if they dare) describe themselves and state what they are wearing right this instant (no fair running off to put on the tux). Ladies (and any gentlemen so-inclined) are encouraged to critique the mens’ descriptioins of themselves. Please be gentle as some of us guys have brittle egoes. I’ll go first. If anyone wants to see my face, here’s a link=\>[to a pic.](http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c219/SSgtBaloo/Smileys/Avatar1.jpg)\<=link I’m 52 (53 this June), I’m 6’ tall (formerly 6’ 2" but I shrank) and weigh just short of 350 lbs. I’m broad-shouldered and walk erect (usually good posture until by back starts to hurt) with the assistance of a cane. I’m kind of scary-looking to some strangers so I try to project a less-threatening persona. Right now I’m wearing a wearing a hibiscus shirt, blue jeans and dark blue suspenders. I’m wearing orthopedic socks and lately I’ve been wearing =\>[brown woven leather loafers](http://www.amazon.com/Deer-Stags-Carlos-Woven-Loafers/dp/B0000YS1AC).\<= Of course, since I’m at the computer, my shoes are over there. _points_ For headgear I usually wear my =\>[Dysfunctional Veteran](http://www.amazon.com/Dysfunctional-Veteran-Leave-Alone-Ballcap/dp/B001FAX1D2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=apparel&qid=1303879473&sr=8-1)\<= hat. Lately I have been wearing a =\>[Perry the Platypus](http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c219/SSgtBaloo/Smileys/AgentP.jpg)\<= hat. I’ve been trying to grow my hair longer in back and thicker on top, with mixed results. The former? Check! The latter? Not so check. _shrug_ ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-size-me-up/579866/2 "2011-04-27T05:23:31Z")
Humm - well, I’m a lady so here’s my 2 cents: You look rather cranky in your picture - like perhaps your loafers are pinching your feet. I suspect that the Perry the Platypus hat goes a long way to combat that; however, you could trying softening your facial expression a little, assuming you’re trying to look open and friendly. If you’re trying to look cranky and a bit like your shoes are too tight, never mind. There - is that sort of what you were looking for? Or did you have a different type of critique in mind? What’s the goal of the thread, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-size-me-up/579866/3 "2011-04-27T05:27:36Z")
Smile, you do look a little cranky. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-size-me-up/579866/5 "2011-04-27T05:44:48Z")
reported ---
**Author:** ![picker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/picker/32/13969_2.png) [@picker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picker)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-size-me-up/579866/6 "2011-04-27T05:45:21Z")
> [@highclassgirls](#): > > We pride ourselves on introducing you to VIP Escort girls such as SPAMous glamour models, fashion SPAM, SPAMcers, and SPAM competition winners are available only by SPAM request and by prior SPAM. SPAM-ported But hey, you’re so good looking the spammers are pulling for you, Sarge… ---
**Author:** ![SenorBeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senorbeef/32/2220_2.png) [@SenorBeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SenorBeef)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-size-me-up/579866/7 "2011-04-27T05:49:15Z")
Best spam ever. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-size-me-up/579866/8 "2011-04-27T11:00:00Z")
> [@SSgtBaloo](#): > > Inspired by the thread [Ladies, what does your ideal man dress like?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=606051), I decided to start a similar thread, only this time, the male members for the SDMB will (if they dare) describe themselves and state what they are wearing right this instant (no fair running off to put on the tux). > > Ladies (and any gentlemen so-inclined) are encouraged to critique the mens’ descriptioins of themselves. Please be gentle as some of us guys have brittle egoes. > > I’ll go first. If anyone wants to see my face, here’s a link=\>[to a pic.](http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c219/SSgtBaloo/Smileys/Avatar1.jpg)\<=link > > I’m 52 (53 this June), I’m 6’ tall (formerly 6’ 2" but I shrank) and weigh just short of 350 lbs. I’m broad-shouldered and walk erect (usually good posture until by back starts to hurt) with the assistance of a cane. > > I’m kind of scary-looking to some strangers so I try to project a less-threatening persona. Right now I’m wearing a wearing a hibiscus shirt, blue jeans and dark blue suspenders. I’m wearing orthopedic socks and lately I’ve been wearing =\>[brown woven leather loafers](http://www.amazon.com/Deer-Stags-Carlos-Woven-Loafers/dp/B0000YS1AC).\<= Of course, since I’m at the computer, my shoes are over there. _points_ > > For headgear I usually wear my =\>[Dysfunctional Veteran](http://www.amazon.com/Dysfunctional-Veteran-Leave-Alone-Ballcap/dp/B001FAX1D2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=apparel&qid=1303879473&sr=8-1)\<= hat. Lately I have been wearing a =\>[Perry the Platypus](http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c219/SSgtBaloo/Smileys/AgentP.jpg)\<= hat. > > I’ve been trying to grow my hair longer in back and thicker on top, with mixed results. The former? Check! The latter? Not so check. _shrug_ From your picture and self-description, you remind me of [my late friend Mike](http://threateningloveletters.blogspot.com/2009/07/mike.html), so I’d probably be inclined to like you - I bet you have a great smile like he did, and also would encourage you to show it off in pictures. The age difference, rather than appearance, would have me cheering you on with other relationships, though. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-size-me-up/579866/9 "2011-04-27T12:58:26Z")
Suspenders? Platypus hat? I’m 29, so probably not someone you’d consider in your dating pool, but . . . I think the above sounds like what my crazy uncle would wear. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-size-me-up/579866/10 "2011-04-27T13:26:40Z")
Well, as silly as it is to make a bunch of assumptions based on one photo,here goes! You look like a big cuddly bear. 🙂 I’d expect you to not be extroverted, but to be really friendly and caring once I got to know you and you got to know me. You look slightly geeky, so I’d expect you to be a regular internet user, maybe even an online gamer. You’d have some strong opinions on politics and religion, but wouldn’t be overly agressive in the way you communicate them. You’re into science fiction/fantasy and might attend conventions. You could also be interested in stuff like the paranormal, Fortean phenomena, stuff like that. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-size-me-up/579866/11 "2011-04-27T13:35:58Z")
> [@SSgtBaloo](#): > > Inspired by the thread [Ladies, what does your ideal man dress like?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=606051), I decided to start a similar thread, only this time, the male members for the SDMB will (if they dare) describe themselves and state what they are wearing right this instant (no fair running off to put on the tux). > > Ladies (and any gentlemen so-inclined) are encouraged to critique the mens’ descriptioins of themselves. Please be gentle as some of us guys have brittle egoes. > > I’ll go first. If anyone wants to see my face, here’s a link=\>[to a pic.](http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c219/SSgtBaloo/Smileys/Avatar1.jpg)\<=link > > I’m 52 (53 this June), I’m 6’ tall (formerly 6’ 2" but I shrank) and weigh just short of 350 lbs. I’m broad-shouldered and walk erect (usually good posture until by back starts to hurt) with the assistance of a cane. > > I’m kind of scary-looking to some strangers so I try to project a less-threatening persona. Right now I’m wearing a wearing a hibiscus shirt, blue jeans and dark blue suspenders. I’m wearing orthopedic socks and lately I’ve been wearing =\>[brown woven leather loafers](http://www.amazon.com/Deer-Stags-Carlos-Woven-Loafers/dp/B0000YS1AC).\<= Of course, since I’m at the computer, my shoes are over there. _points_ > > For headgear I usually wear my =\>[Dysfunctional Veteran](http://www.amazon.com/Dysfunctional-Veteran-Leave-Alone-Ballcap/dp/B001FAX1D2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=apparel&qid=1303879473&sr=8-1)\<= hat. Lately I have been wearing a =\>[Perry the Platypus](http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c219/SSgtBaloo/Smileys/AgentP.jpg)\<= hat. > > I’ve been trying to grow my hair longer in back and thicker on top, with mixed results. The former? Check! The latter? Not so check. _shrug_ I dig the platypus hat. The veteran hat, not so much. It gives off an appearance, like those tshirts with smartass sayings on them, of trying too hard. ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_Doubt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7cd45c/32.png) [@Angel\_of\_Doubt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_Doubt)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-size-me-up/579866/12 "2011-04-27T17:07:12Z")
Well, I think you have awesome facial structure and very nice eyes. Agree on your facial expression, but I tend to do the same thing in photos. The Perry hat is cute and corny (love the cartoon) but the other hat would give me pause. Any article of clothing with jokes about the wearer being crazy or off balance always makes me wonder what personality quirk the wearer is “warning” about. Not saying this is true for you, it’s just my reaction to stuff like that. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-size-me-up/579866/13 "2011-04-27T17:11:20Z")
Personally I hate the platypus hat. But then I like my men to be outwardly serious and reserve their silliness and lightness for private. That does not, however, extend to not smiling in photographs. I don’t know what it is with a certain subset of men that somehow think smiling hurts them. A smile will catch my eye every time. I’d like to see more pics, though. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![manila](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@manila](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manila)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-size-me-up/579866/14 "2011-04-27T17:40:52Z")
Straight dude your age. You look the sort of guy that I’d enjoy a beer or three with! I’d rip you to bits for wearing the silly hats and the dead rat that is under your nose. ( but would take in good form any abuse you would want to throw back!) As am a good mate I would buy you for your birthday one of these hats. [http://www.australianhats.com.au/barmah-squashy-crackle-kangaroo-cooper-crossing-band-p-514.html](http://www.australianhats.com.au/barmah-squashy-crackle-kangaroo-cooper-crossing-band-p-514.html) Would suit you and balance the face fungus! 🙂 Oh and you know that saying about white after labour day ( labor day to you) You don’t ever wear brown shoes period! Good for you for putting yourself up! pete You remind me of Michael Moore (compliment! I like him) ---
**Author:** ![manila](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@manila](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manila)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-size-me-up/579866/15 "2011-04-27T17:48:17Z")
Missed edit window **HazelNutCoffee** yup! not in our dating pool, too old! ( my current squeeze is 22 😃 ( but with lots of sojo… who knows ) ---
**Author:** ![SSgtBaloo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@SSgtBaloo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSgtBaloo)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-size-me-up/579866/16 "2011-04-27T18:10:24Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > I dig the platypus hat. The veteran hat, not so much. It gives off an appearance, like those tshirts with smartass sayings on them, of trying too hard. I think those of us with mental “difficulties” like these sort of message hats and shirts, because it allows us to publicly mock our problems, thus making them less threatening (to us, sot so much to you). My nephew used to have a shirt that read: “I used to have superpowers but my therapist took them away from me.” One thing I like about the DV hat is the reactions I get from strangers. You can tell who’s paying attention and who’s on autopilot. A lot of folks don’t actually read the hat and just perceive a “veteran’s hat”. Some of them will approach me and thank me for my service. Others actually _read_ the hat, look slightly uncomfortable (or even a little shocked), and increase the distance between us. My favorite reaction comes from those who read the hat and “get” the joke. I live for that laughter. The reason I seldom smile in photos is because I went without dentalmedicine foe about 10 years. I now have dental insurance but haven’t got any work done yet. When I do smile, there are very few teeth visible. I hope my plan covers inplants (or at leadt dentures). I really miss peanuts. ☹ It’s somebody else’s turn now. Some brave guy describe yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-size-me-up/579866/17 "2011-04-27T18:37:21Z")
> [@SSgtBaloo](#): > > Others actually _read_ the hat, look slightly uncomfortable (or even a little shocked), and increase the distance between us. This would totally be me, especially if you were walking around not smiling. Face it, at 6 feet and 350 lbs, you definitely have the potential to be intimidating. Throw in the “no smile” and the hat, and I’d probably steer well away from you. I don’t mean that insultingly, I honestly don’t. I’m just saying. As for your smile, you can smile with your mouth closed. 🙂 Ooo, and I love the kangaroo hat that was linked to. You should try it! It would totally round out your face, I think. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2011, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-how-would-you-size-me-up/579866/18 "2011-04-29T19:31:51Z")
> [@SSgtBaloo](#): > > The reason I seldom smile in photos is because I went without dentalmedicine foe about 10 years. I now have dental insurance but haven’t got any work done yet. When I do smile, there are very few teeth visible. I hope my plan covers inplants (or at leadt dentures). I really miss peanuts. ☹ > > It’s somebody else’s turn now. Some brave guy describe yourself. I think you’re quite brave and quite handsome! Kind uncle is what you look to me - I’m 24. I say smile with your mouth closed and once you get the work done, smile wide! I had horribly crooked teeth as a child and now I don’t hesitate to flash my pearly whites post dental work. Get some Rogaine for your head as well :). And keep on being brave.