# Ladies if you don't want your private T&A pics to wind up online stop taking and sending them! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 3, 2013, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434 "2013-05-03T18:18:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/1 "2013-05-03T18:18:31Z")
[Per this article](http://betabeat.com/2013/05/revenge-porn-holli-thometz-criminal-case/) and several others I’ve seen the issue does not seem to be that you are taking these pics in the first place, but that your bitter exs are posting them to places like pink meth and related sites to shame you publicly. Newsflash this wouldn’t happen if you didn’t send them around or take them in the first place. Look, you know what assholes people can turn into post break up. Yes you have a marvelous ass, amazing tits and the most luscious body imaginable, or maybe you’re just cute with great smile. Yes it’s fun to show off your assets for your SO or FBs, or to entice men you want to hook up with, and it reinforces your desirability, but really stop and think for second before posting these pics to anyone anywhere. It doesn’t even have to be your ex who’s the bad guy it could be a jealous girlfriend or wife years down the line accessing hubby’s old email or text pics who’s determined to put you in your place. I love the naked female form, but you ladies are playing with fire while juggling chainsaws if you think this will never get out. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/2 "2013-05-03T18:23:05Z")
Oh, for the long-lost halcyon days of youth, when we needed to pass around Polaroids of our girlfriend’s ta-tas. These kids today don’t know how easy they have it. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/3 "2013-05-03T18:23:54Z")
This is why we can’t have nice things. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/4 "2013-05-03T18:26:15Z")
Just don’t put your face in the picture and then who cares? ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/5 "2013-05-03T18:31:07Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > Just don’t put your face in the picture and then who cares? Yup. This. Share all the dirty pics you want but never include your face, ever. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/6 "2013-05-03T18:34:11Z")
In before the misogyny mods lock this one. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/7 "2013-05-03T18:37:37Z")
> [@astro](#): > > [Per this article](http://betabeat.com/2013/05/revenge-porn-holli-thometz-criminal-case/) and several others I’ve seen the issue does not seem to be that you are taking these pics in the first place, but that your bitter exs are posting them to places like pink meth and related sites to shame you publicly. Newsflash this wouldn’t happen if you didn’t send them around or take them in the first place. > > Look, you know what assholes people can turn into post break up. Yes you have a marvelous ass, amazing tits and the most luscious body imaginable, or maybe you’re just cute with great smile. Yes it’s fun to show off your assets for your SO or FBs, or to entice men you want to hook up with, and it reinforces your desirability, but really stop and think for second before posting these pics to anyone anywhere. It doesn’t even have to be your ex who’s the bad guy it could be a jealous girlfriend or wife years down the line accessing hubby’s old email or text pics who’s determined to put you in your place. > > I love the naked female form, but you ladies are playing with fire while juggling chainsaws if you think this will never get out. quality insight ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/8 "2013-05-03T18:38:09Z")
If every young woman puts naked pictures of herself online then there wouldn’t be any point to these revenge sites. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/9 "2013-05-03T18:47:16Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > If every young woman puts naked pictures of herself online then there wouldn’t be any point to these revenge sites. If she put up naked pictures of her boyfriend, the revenge sites would shut down within a month. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![RaftPeople](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@RaftPeople](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RaftPeople)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/10 "2013-05-03T19:49:44Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > In before the misogyny mods lock this one. Please refrain from mentioning anything related to, tangentially related to, unrelated to but indirectly misinterpreted as, or even associated by proximity to any thought, idea or statement that is not universally interpreted as a quality feel good comment, thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/11 "2013-05-03T20:21:22Z")
Obviously no one on the internet can be trusted except me. Ladies, please send any and all T&A pics to me and I will ensure your SO’s only have read-only access to them without the possibility of unwanted distribution. Glad I can be of service. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/12 "2013-05-03T20:22:32Z")
It’s not like this is limited to women. The majority of nudey-pic scandals (as far back as I can remember) are perpetrated [by](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anthony_Weiner_sexting_scandal) [men](http://www.hollyscoop.com/tony-parker/6-celebrity-sexting-scandals-that-led-to-divorce.html). ---
**Author:** ![The\_Surb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ce73a5/32.png) [@The\_Surb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Surb)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/13 "2013-05-03T20:23:10Z")
> [@Agent\_Foxtrot](#): > > Obviously no one on the internet can be trusted except me. Ladies, please send any and all T&A pics to me and I will ensure your SO’s only have read-only access to them without the possibility of unwanted distribution. Glad I can be of service. Hoooo boy, yer gonna get it! ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/14 "2013-05-03T20:30:53Z")
I think there’s some room to compare/contrast this observation with some other photographic phenomena: Stranger than those self-created T&A pics that get e-mailed then end of on-line: It seems weirdly frequent to read of _serious crimes_ (often involving overt sex crimes, and/or abuse of children), that get exposed and prosecuted because _the perps made a video of themselves_ (or had an accomplice recording the event?) _committing the act!_ IIRC, that Ohio rape case, all in the news lately, was an example. Girl parties with the jocks; all get drunk; girl passes out; gets stripped, raped, even carried from party to party. _And there was video of at least some of it!_ Stories like this seem strangely common. What in the world were they thinking? ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/15 "2013-05-03T21:12:37Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > IIRC, that Ohio rape case, all in the news lately, was an example. Girl parties with the jocks; all get drunk; girl passes out; gets stripped, raped, even carried from party to party. _And there was video of at least some of it!_ > > Stories like this seem strangely common. What in the world were they thinking? Well, did you notice how our good friend **astro** up there in his OP is excoriating a woman for giving her long-term boyfriend access to explicit pictures of herself without seeming to have any particular problem with the fact that after the relationship ended, he posted those pictures along with her address, contact information, tip-offs about where she would be presenting professional talks, and an assurance to readers that she would surely be up for having sex with them for money if they confronted her face-to-face? My guess is that those fine young men down in Steubenville figured that anybody who saw the videos would likewise blame the girl for getting drunk at a party more than they’d think to blame the guys for videotaping themselves fingering an unconscious woman and spreading the videos around the community for friends and strangers to laugh at and jack to. The thing is, though, _they were almost right_. If it weren’t for a recent activist-led campaign of amateur internet journalism and awareness-raising social media activity, they almost certainly would have gotten away with it. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/16 "2013-05-03T21:24:33Z")
Prudence argues that you shouldn’t put in digital format anything you wouldn’t want your mother to see. Not being a total dipshit argues that you shouldn’t share digital pics received within the context of a supposedly loving relationship with the internet. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/17 "2013-05-03T21:57:55Z")
> [@colander](#): > > Well, did you notice how our good friend **astro** up there in his OP is excoriating a woman for giving her long-term boyfriend access to explicit pictures of herself without seeming to have any particular problem with the fact that after the relationship ended, he posted those pictures along with her address, contact information, tip-offs about where she would be presenting professional talks, and an assurance to readers that she would surely be up for having sex with them for money if they confronted her face-to-face?. Seriously… is that what you got from the OP? When I said that people will behave like “assholes” post breakup in re-posting private pics that must have been the part where you decided the term “assholes” = “without seeming to have any particular problem”. I think your reading comprehension needs some work. My point, which I will reiterate for anyone who, like colander, is confused, is that while posting personal pics online in public forums is a vile and despicable practice it can only happen if those pics are being taken and circulated in the first place. Once they are out of your hands or the device you took them on is taken, or whatever other misadventure might happen, once they are abroad in the world they are out of your control and they are out there forever. Taking them and circulating them privately can be exciting and can draw people to you, but it is also dangerous. Trying to close the door after the photo has left the barn is pointless, you need not to circulate these photos in the first place if you want your privacy. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/18 "2013-05-03T22:40:21Z")
> [@astro](#): > > Seriously… is that what you got from the OP? Absolutely. 100%. > [@](#): > > When I said that people will behave like “assholes” post breakup in re-posting private pics that must have been the part where you decided the term “assholes” = “without seeming to have any particular problem”. I think your reading comprehension needs some work. “Assholes”, huh? Have you actually read the story that you linked to? Because the behavior of the perpetrator in that story isn’t just “assholish.” The woman in the story is pursuing a _criminal case_ against this guy, and from where I’m sitting it sure looks like she’s got ample justification to do so. If she wins her case, it could very well be a catalyst that prompts the judiciary to consider enacting _de facto_ criminalizations of these kinds of actions. So if laws are put into place prohibiting the unauthorized dissemination of private erotic materials, will you still be rolling your eyes at those silly “ladies” for letting this happen to them? > [@](#): > > My point, which I will reiterate for anyone who, like colander, is confused, is that while posting personal pics online in public forums is a vile and despicable practice it can only happen if those pics are being taken and circulated in the first place. What percentage of modern relationships do you think have at some point involved the sharing or exchange of digitally-encoded prurient pictures? Here’s a hint: [probably around 50%.](http://blogs.mcafee.com/consumer/love-relationships-technology-survey) Sorry to break it to you, but this is a pretty normal thing for people in relationships to do with each other, and the vast, vast majority of material generated in these activities does _not_, in fact, ever end up being uploaded to [mysluttywhoreex.com](http://mysluttywhoreex.com). No matter how much you prod and chastise, [it’s not going away.](http://www.forbes.com/sites/kashmirhill/2013/04/09/people-arent-going-to-stop-sending-each-other-nude-photos/) And why in the world should it have to, anyway, for Christ’s sake? Because some people can’t be trusted not to commit malicious acts? How about we focus on taking down the people who commit these acts instead of declaring that it’s the victim’s own stupid fault for having the temerity to think that their relationship partner might not be a horrible person? ---
**Author:** ![Fact\_of\_the\_Matter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/dc4da7/32.png) [@Fact\_of\_the\_Matter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fact_of_the_Matter)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/19 "2013-05-03T23:18:37Z")
[/sarcasm] Ladies, don’t dress provocatively if you don’t want to be sexually assaulted. [/sarcasm off] This is victim blaming. ---
**Author:** ![Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazle_Weatherfield)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/20 "2013-05-04T01:00:33Z")
Am I totally missing something or is the OP kind of like saying that it’s not a good idea to bank online or make purchases online? You’re basically putting all of your personal info “out there” and it’s often hacked and misused. Is this an apt comparison? I mean, there are just some things that everyone does and is accustomed to doing and should be able to do. It just doesn’t always work. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434.md?page=2)