# Ladies if you don't want your private T&A pics to wind up online stop taking and sending them! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 3, 2013, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434 "2013-05-03T18:18:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2013, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/181 "2013-05-05T05:02:33Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > You seem to have confused “hanging from the wrist” with “in your hand” again. Perhaps the nice police officer can explain the difference to you next time you call him to settle your internet arguments. OK since it seems that you are a big fan of nitpicking every.single.word. in an effort to make what you say make sense you’ll note that in post #168 I actually said “in your hand” and not hanging from the wrist. I figured you didn’t need me to repeat that for you once again since you were the person I was addressing in that post. And extra bonus points for your condescending “nice police officer can explain the difference to you” horseshit. I was using the police as an example of how women are TOLD to carry pepper spray by actual law enforcement officers in direct opposition to what anonymous internet people who think they know how the “law works” say online. If you really don’t understand that and you think I’m using him to settle arguments then you’re worse off than I imagined and that’s pretty bad. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2013, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/182 "2013-05-05T05:22:25Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > And despite me saying repeatedly that that has nothing to do with what I was saying, you keep repeating it. **Troppus** and others said in that thread that they had the right to threaten a man with pepper spray if they thought he might become a threat. They don’t, anywhere. **Steophan** , I remember that thread. That was the one where you revealed to us that you are unable to distinguish between a weapon display and a weapon brandishment. I suspect it started out as an honest mistake on your part because you thought that brandishing and drawing a weapon are the same thing, but then you just dug your heels in further, and then, well… this. Oh, this. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2013, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/183 "2013-05-05T05:24:27Z")
Please cite where the police tell women to preemptively threaten people with pepper spray, as that is what people where claiming the right to do in that thread, and what I still maintain is unacceptable. Oh, and I will continue to be condescending towards anyone who can neither keep their arguments straight nor read for comprehension. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2013, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/184 "2013-05-05T05:32:29Z")
> [@colander](#): > > **Steophan** , I remember that thread. That was the one where you revealed to us that you are unable to distinguish between a weapon display and a weapon brandishment. I suspect it started out as an honest mistake on your part because you thought that brandishing and drawing a weapon are the same thing, but then you just dug your heels in further, and then, well… this. Oh, this. Brandishing (or menacing, as it’s more often called) is displaying a weapon in such a way as to make a person feel threatened by it. In the case of a non-lethal weapon, it’s a misdemeanour. [Cite.](http://definitions.uslegal.com/m/menacing/) If I’m doing nothing to you, and you have a weapon in your hand, damn right I have reason to feel threatened. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2013, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/185 "2013-05-05T05:33:48Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > But here’s the thing, you specifically made a point to address your advice to women. Not everyone, just women. Women only despite the fact that there have been many famous men this has happened to as well. Can you at all see how your choice to do this smacks as a bit jerkish and possibly a bit of slut shaming? > > I’m not asking for your head on a platter, but can you see how it’s a little strange that you choose to only lay down this advice to women? There are men, especially notable men, who have come to grief by posting erotic pics of themselves, but compared to the numbers of women who have had their private pics exposed and privacy violated the number is minute. Plus, for whatever reason, women seem to have a greater tendency to assemble and transmit erotic galleries of themselves in a variety of poses which offers even more opportunities to trolls. The advice was offered to women as they are (in almost all cases) what the revenge porn sites are centered around, and what the shaming trolls flock to, eager to contact the associates of the women or to mock them publically as they roll the pics and videos around the net. The advice is equally relevant for men, but in most cases there is little if any appetite for consuming these pics by net trolls. The risk of exposure considering the driving forces behind these sites is much higher for women than for men. But OK your point is granted. l should have said “people” not women in the OP and related advice warnings. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2013, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/186 "2013-05-05T05:34:14Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > Please cite where the police tell women to preemptively threaten people with pepper spray, as that is what people where claiming the right to do in that thread, and what I still maintain is unacceptable. > > Oh, and I will continue to be condescending towards anyone who can neither keep their arguments straight nor read for comprehension. Earlier in this thread you used “the world around me” as y0ur cite but I can’t cite a police led program I participated in as a cite? Are you serious? Do you always use different rules for yourself than you do for others or is it just these crazy arguments about men and women that make you dig in your heels and behave this way? Either way I’m done trying to have an actual conversation with you. You seem hellbent on “winning” over actual understanding so feel free to write “I won another internet argument today” in your little book of accomplishments or go crow about it on the GB or whatever you do to celebrate these things because I’m sure you’ll take my desire to not engage you anymore as you winning. Fine. You won. A brick wall would be easier to discuss things with since it only sits there unmoving instead of being unmoving and playing silly semantics/nitpicking games. You feel that a woman carrying pepper spray in her hand on her way to the car is brandishing a weapon, good for you. Your right to not feel threatened by the pepper spray passing by you is more important than her feeling safer for having done what she’s been told to do to try to be a tiny bit safer. Go you, you scored one for men everywhere. Have fun! Woohoo you used “reading for comprehension” now you just need either “perfect master” or “fighting ignorance” b[SIZE=1]ecau[SIZE=1]se with your [SIZE=1]previous commitment to pure [SIZE=1]nitpickery and the free spac[SIZE=1]e you’ll have yourself a [SIZE=1]Straight Dope bingo! Cong[SIZE=1]rats, you’ve become [SIZE=1]what you make fun of over [SIZE=1]at the GB.[/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE] [ul] [/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2013, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/187 "2013-05-05T05:39:09Z")
> [@astro](#): > > But OK your point is granted. l should have said “people” not women in the OP and related advice warnings. Thanks for that. I do appreciate it. ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2013, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/188 "2013-05-05T05:41:57Z")
Yay, another M vs F argy bargy thread.:rolleyes: Oh well, having skimmed through the pages I might as well ad my 2 cents. The opening premise is factually correct, but is also overly simplistic and puts unwarranted blame on the victim. You might as well say to someone “If you don’t want to be in a car accident don’t go out in a car”. People in a relationship are usually not thinking about what might happen if this all ends badly, they’re in the moment. So some people take photos of themselves or their partner that they wouldn’t show the kids. Both parties get a kick out of it, no harm no foul. After a break up, to then put those photos up on a public board is a very low act, adding contact details for the person is even lower. Maybe they were badly hurt, wanted revenge, wanted the other party to feel as upset and embarrased as they did, but those are reasons not justification. Maybe the person who put them up thought the other person deserved it, but the argument “If she didn’t want me to post naked photos of her on the web she shouldn’t have let me take them” is ridiculous. Part of being in a relationship is trust. Sharing bank accounts, sharing a living space, secrets etc etc. A relationship break up usually (not always) ends up with that trust being broken, often very badly, by at least one of the parties. If it gets really nasty, that’s what laws are for. ---
**Author:** ![Passion\_of\_the\_Shrubber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@Passion\_of\_the\_Shrubber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Passion_of_the_Shrubber)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2013, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/189 "2013-05-05T05:44:46Z")
> [@astro](#): > > The actual percentage of private pics made fully public is obviously very low relative to the number of digital erotic pics in circulation on computers, and cell phones and camera chips. However, the reality is that lot of those pics are more widely distributed than many people may think as digital data is easily copied and sometimes overlooked. Cite? > [@](#): > > The point is the terminal risk that your shots will be on a porn site are very low assuming everyone is acting decently, but they are not infinitesimal, and everyone doesn’t act decently, and there’s more of your private porn running around than you might think. So take precautions. If you don’t you may get stung. Let’s get down to the meat of this then. Why do you feel only women need to take precautions? And you still haven’t stated how women can know, beyond the shadow of all doubt, whether or not they can trust their partner. How much time in a relationship do you think a woman should spend in a relationship before she decides to become intimate with someone? And, if she decides to become intimate with her partner, doesn’t it stand to reason that she should then be able to trust her partner enough to indulge in boudoir photography with him? > [@](#): > > Is the fact that you are not morally or ethically culpable in any way going to make it all better when a bunch of revenge board trolls are contacting your Facebook friends with shots of you in private action? Sure, it’s terrible, it’s wrong and they are a pack of shits, but is that going to make it any less embarrassing when you lose that job opportunity or become the talk of the lunchroom? Again, is this something only women should take precautions with? And, if not, why did you only address women in your OP? > [@](#): > > If you really think the risks involved with briefly trusting someone with your purse contents vs giving them full access and effective permanent control of your erotic pics even (potentially) after they have broken up with you is somehow the same risk-wise … I don’t know what to tell you. I think you are miscalculating the nature of the risks. Ethically and morally both are gross breaches or trust, but one is likely to have a lot higher impact than the other if the thief uses the pictures. In a way, it is a similar risk because you are leaving your entire identity open when you leave your purse in someone’s care. Heck, you may even have some compromising photos in your wallet. So, please tell us how well a woman should know a man before she leaves her purse in the same room with him alone? Or should women not trust men with this at all? > [@](#): > > There seems this to be this huge push to focus on how wrong and immoral it is if this violation of trust happens. All that is granted. There’s no argument there, but the second part of this where there is this insistence that there must not be any suggestion or intimation that the person posting their erotic pics in happy innocence should or could have done anything differently to prevent this from occurring is baffling bordering on asinine. But, in your OP, you chose to name women as the sole agents committing this particular faux pas, even though men are also passing on similar photos. So, you are basically telling all women that they are not to trust men in any situation, no matter how long you have known them, is this correct? If not, please outline your guidelines in regards to trustworthiness in relationships. Or should we just get a f’ing crystal ball? > [@](#): > > Apparently the advice - “Hey don’t post naked pics of yourself as there is a risk they could be misused, and that could be bad for you” - is > > 1: slut shaming > 2: victim blaming > 3: condescending > 4: lame > 5: not statistically all that high risk, and thus not something women really need to concern themselves with > 6: assumes all men are sociopathic predators > 7: does not acknowledge the extent to which erotic picture sharing is a vital and necessary part of modern relationships > > OK fine… share away. But not a peep out of you if they pop up in undesired places. [/QUOTE] And not a peep out of you if your ex of many years puts those pix up on a disreputable website with all of your personal info in tow. And not a peep out of you if some ass ogling the pix on the website shows up at your address and decides to assault you. Because, it’s all your fault. You shouldn’t have trusted the man you loved. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2013, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/190 "2013-05-05T05:48:01Z")
Rather than try to get this thread back on topic–something I’m not even sure is remotely close to being possible–I’m closing it. All it is by now is a good combination of heated bickering, sniping comments, and potshots at other posters. If anyone has any problems with anyone else here, take it to the Pit. If you want to continue this discussion, take it to the Pit. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434.md?page=9)