# Ladies if you don't want your private T&A pics to wind up online stop taking and sending them! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 3, 2013, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434 "2013-05-03T18:18:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/41 "2013-05-04T08:18:58Z")
> [@Red\_Barchetta](#): > > That’s not to say her idiot ex wouldn’t have found another way to harass her, but that wouldn’t have been it, and it’s unlikely to have been anywhere near as damaging. Why do you say that? I can think of a shitload of real nasty ways people fuck with their exes that don’t involve posting nude pictures of them on the internet. ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Barchetta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/da6949/32.png) [@Red\_Barchetta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Barchetta)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/42 "2013-05-04T08:23:33Z")
> [@colander](#): > > Why do you say that? I can think of a shitload of real nasty ways people fuck with their exes that don’t involve posting nude pictures of them on the internet. Here’s why: If there were anything else close to or even more damaging, he would have done it. Since he went with the nudie pics, we can infer that was likely the best (and maybe only?) thing he had on her. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/43 "2013-05-04T08:27:05Z")
> [@Red\_Barchetta](#): > > Had she not sent naked pictures of herself, like a non-idiot might consider, this wouldn’t have happened, by virtue of the fact it **couldn’t** have happened. That’s not to say her idiot ex wouldn’t have found another way to harass her, but that wouldn’t have been it, and it’s unlikely to have been anywhere near as damaging. We’re not deaf, **Red**. We’ll of course warn our teenagers never to send a boob shot to their high school boyfriends. Damn shame though that grown adults in love can’t assume a boyfriend or husband will refrain from attempting to destroy our lives and set us up to be raped if a relationship ends. Imagine the conversation “Hey, baby, I’m so happy we got married, I love you so much. Last night was great, you’re so beautiful. Why don’t you send me a pic of your awesome rack?” “Hell, no, are you crazy? You’ll probably save the pic and post it to a revenge porno site along with directions to my house and send copies to all my friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, and regional sex offenders. No way would I even consider showing you a low res pic of my boobs because you’re certain to turn into a monster in the future and attempt to destroy me. And I love you, too!!1! \<3” ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/44 "2013-05-04T08:28:31Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > For any women in love and considering sharing pics with an SO, I recommend presenting this thread as a hypothetical first. If your boyfriend or husband sides with **dnooman** , don’t just reconsider sharing intimate photos with him, throw your camera off the nearest bridge. Someone once said “people tell you who they are. _Listen_ to them.” (Oh crap, Google credits Oprah) > > Way to take the fun and romance right out of sex and love, revenge guys. Nothing like setting up a woman to be stalked or raped to let her know just what she risks by having sex. Hey, here’s a thought, let’s make this thread a sticky. Next time a guy says “Ladies, y u so hard to get?” we can point to this discussion. Worry not, Oprah got it from Maya Angelou. There are so many men on the board who have horrible attitudes when it comes to women. They post and post in these type of threads spewing their garbage and then they pop up in threads lamenting their luck with the ladies or those “O SOME WOMAN SMILED AT ME DOES SHE LIKE ME?” threads and make me laugh and laugh. They never seem to figure out there is a link between these things. Keep on keeping on guys. ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Barchetta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/da6949/32.png) [@Red\_Barchetta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Barchetta)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/45 "2013-05-04T08:32:56Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > We’re not deaf, **Red**. You sure? Because that came out of nowhere. > [@Troppus](#): > > Damn shame though that grown adults in love can’t assume a boyfriend or husband will refrain from attempting to destroy our lives and set us up to be raped if a relationship ends. Imagine the conversation Why are we talking about rape now? I’ve only ever been speaking in regards to the OP’s specific topic. ---
**Author:** ![SecretaryofEvil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@SecretaryofEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecretaryofEvil)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/46 "2013-05-04T08:32:59Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > If every young woman puts naked pictures of herself online then there wouldn’t be any point to these revenge sites. I like the the way you think… > [@Rachellelogram](#): > > It’s not like this is limited to women. The majority of nudey-pic scandals (as far back as I can remember) are perpetrated [by](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anthony_Weiner_sexting_scandal) [men](http://www.hollyscoop.com/tony-parker/6-celebrity-sexting-scandals-that-led-to-divorce.html). Yup. The double standard is alive and well when it comes to this sort of thing. If this situation happens to a man, he’s an idiot. If it happens to a woman, she’s an idiot and a whore. If a female politician had done what Weiner did, I highly doubt anyone would be seriously considering her as the potential mayor of America’s largest city. > [@Fact\_of\_the\_Matter](#): > > [/sarcasm] Ladies, don’t dress provocatively if you don’t want to be sexually assaulted. [/sarcasm off] > > This is victim blaming. Yup. Just because the victims could have demonstrated more caution doesn’t mean that they’re not victims who were horribly betrayed by people they trusted. My exes didn’t send me/let me take naked pictures of them because they were idiots. They did it because they loved me, or at the very least liked me a lot and wanted me to feel the same way about them. To take a gift like that and use it to hurt them would be unimaginably cruel. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/47 "2013-05-04T08:34:11Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > Worry not, Oprah got it from Maya Angelou. > > There are so many men on the board who have horrible attitudes when it comes to women. They post and post in these type of threads spewing their garbage and then they pop up in threads lamenting their luck with the ladies or those “O SOME WOMAN SMILED AT ME DOES SHE LIKE ME?” threads and make me laugh and laugh. They never seem to figure out there is a link between these things. > > Keep on keeping on guys. I like that provenance much better. I’m working on a flow chart for this very topic, here’s a rough outline. Women, why won’t you have sex with me —\> because when we don’t, you shame us, and when we do, you shame us. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/48 "2013-05-04T08:39:07Z")
> [@Red\_Barchetta](#): > > Why are we talking about rape now? I’ve only ever been speaking in regards to the OP’s specific topic. He posted her full name and her easily searchable FB profile. Do you think that men crazy enough to spend time perusing revenge porn sites would use her personal information to send her flowers? Do you really fail to see the potential for danger here? ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Barchetta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/da6949/32.png) [@Red\_Barchetta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Barchetta)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 8:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/49 "2013-05-04T08:41:03Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Do you really fail to see the potential for danger here? No, I failed to see how you think I could have inferred that based on the little (and unclear) substance you had posted. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/50 "2013-05-04T08:43:14Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > There are so many men on the board who have horrible attitudes when it comes to women. They post and post in these type of threads spewing their garbage and then they pop up in threads lamenting their luck with the ladies or those “O SOME WOMAN SMILED AT ME DOES SHE LIKE ME?” threads and make me laugh and laugh. They never seem to figure out there is a link between these things. Speaking of sexist cliches - accusing a disliked man or men of being unable to attract women _is_ a classic sexist insult. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/51 "2013-05-04T08:43:47Z")
Beetlejuice! ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 8:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/52 "2013-05-04T08:48:14Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > Beetlejuice! And baselessly saying or implying that a man who criticizes you is a sexist is _another_ classic sexist insult. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 8:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/53 "2013-05-04T08:48:54Z")
> [@SecretaryofEvil](#): > > Yup. Just because the victims could have demonstrated more caution doesn’t mean that they’re not victims who were horribly betrayed by people they trusted. > > My exes didn’t send me/let me take naked pictures of them because they were idiots. They did it because they loved me, or at the very least liked me a lot and wanted me to feel the same way about them. To take a gift like that and use it to hurt them would be unimaginably cruel. Yeah, this. The idea that anyone would post intimate photos along with identifying information is the sickest, saddest reflection of how dirty and cruel people can be. As for those in the thread with paternalistic attitudes who feel they are doing women a favor by warning us to refrain from sharing pics with men we love and trust, gee, thanks for speaking from authority. I trust you’ll refuse and immediately delete intimate photos from your own wives and girlfriends and lecture them afterward for being so foolish as to trust you. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/54 "2013-05-04T08:51:25Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > And baselessly saying or implying that a man who criticizes you is a sexist is _another_ classic sexist insult. Hahaha that’s so not what I was saying or implying. I thought of you when someone mentioned secret videotaping earlier and wondered (like Beetlejuice) how many things needed to be said that are up your alley to get you to appear and _poof_ here you are! It’s magic! ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/55 "2013-05-04T08:53:46Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > Hahaha that’s so not what I was saying or implying. That’s what it looks like to me, and very obviously too. It’s also obvious that you’re doing so as a way of avoiding actually addressing what I said. Which you still haven’t. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/56 "2013-05-04T08:56:39Z")
> [@Red\_Barchetta](#): > > No, I failed to see how you think I could have inferred that based on the little (and unclear) substance you had posted. This was at least the second time the specifics of the story linked to in the OP have been summarized for reader’s convenience in this thread. It is not **Troppus** ’s fault that you haven’t been paying any attention. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/57 "2013-05-04T08:56:51Z")
Ah, Hell, I’ve read that thread. So if we don’t share sexy photos, but a man we cared for secretly videotaped the sex act “for his own protection”, who do we blame then if the footage is made public, **Der Trihs**? ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/58 "2013-05-04T08:59:06Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > That’s what it looks like to me, and very obviously too. And I promise you this isn’t the first time or the last time you’ve read a woman’s intention wrong. Not the first or last time you’ll stick to your wrong assumption even after she tells you you’re wrong. Still, keep coming back to pat yourself on the back if it makes you feel better. I have no desire to address anything said by you as I’ve learned what an exercise in futility that is. You keep on being you! ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Barchetta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/da6949/32.png) [@Red\_Barchetta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Barchetta)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/59 "2013-05-04T09:01:55Z")
> [@colander](#): > > This was at least the second time the specifics of the story linked to in the OP have been summarized for reader’s convenience in this thread. It is not **Troppus** ’s fault that you haven’t been paying any attention. The message I replied to did not make it clear she was referencing something earlier. It is true though I didn’t pay attention to most of her posts when she wasn’t responding directly to me. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 9:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/60 "2013-05-04T09:03:52Z")
I’m not hopeful that any resolution or insight is possible here as the usual victim blaming has run over onto page two. Can the OP summarize and wrap this up neatly for the newbs? It’s “Ladies, you can’t trust us men”, right? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434.md?page=4)