# Ladies if you don't want your private T&A pics to wind up online stop taking and sending them! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 3, 2013, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434 "2013-05-03T18:18:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![SecretaryofEvil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@SecretaryofEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecretaryofEvil)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/61 "2013-05-04T09:06:07Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > Beetlejuice! I see what you did there… > [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > Hahaha that’s so not what I was saying or implying. I thought of you when someone mentioned secret videotaping earlier and wondered (like Beetlejuice) how many things needed to be said that are up your alley to get you to appear and _poof_ here you are! It’s magic! Oh don’t go explaining it to him, that ruins the joke honey. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about when it comes to these matters. I’m a _man_. ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 9:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/62 "2013-05-04T09:11:51Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > I’m not hopeful that any resolution or insight is possible here as the usual victim blaming has run over onto page two. Can the OP summarize and wrap this up neatly for the newbs? It’s “Ladies, you can’t trust us men”, right? That’s kind of what I got as the take home. In fact, it’s a bit more absurd: Ladies, you can trust us to make life and death decisions for you (ex., if you are in a coma at a hospital), but when it comes to pictures of your girlie parts, all bets are off. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 9:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/63 "2013-05-04T09:13:30Z")
> [@SecretaryofEvil](#): > > I see what you did there… > > Oh don’t go explaining it to him, that ruins the joke honey. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about when it comes to these matters. I’m a _man_. _swoooon_ 😉 ---
**Author:** ![PastTense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pasttense/32/14550_2.png) [@PastTense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastTense)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 9:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/64 "2013-05-04T09:22:04Z")
Paris Hilton has been making these type speeches for years: > **[Paris Hilton Warns Young Girls Not to Make Sex Tape](https://www.aceshowbiz.com/news/view/00026110.html)** > > Humiliated with the outing of her sex tape by ex-boyfriend Rick Solomon, the socialite warns young girls not to do the same mistake as her. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 9:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/65 "2013-05-04T09:42:02Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Ah, Hell, I’ve read that thread. So if we don’t share sexy photos, but a man we cared for secretly videotaped the sex act “for his own protection”, who do we blame then if the footage is made public, **Der Trihs**? To repeat myself: > [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > And baselessly saying or implying that a man who criticizes you is a sexist is _another_ classic sexist insult. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 9:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/66 "2013-05-04T09:51:19Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > To repeat myself: How is it “baseless?” You did actually say that you feel surreptitiously taping your sexual encounters to provide yourself with a defense against false rape accusations would be a completely prudent thing to do. Why not own it? ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/67 "2013-05-04T09:55:35Z")
> [@colander](#): > > How is it “baseless?” You did actually say that you feel surreptitiously taping your sexual encounters to provide yourself with a defense against false rape accusations would be a completely prudent thing to do. I said that it would be just as reasonable as treating every man as a “potential rapist”, to demonstrate how extreme that position is. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/68 "2013-05-04T10:14:42Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > Yup. This. Share all the dirty pics you want but never include your face, ever. Wouldn’t help. The spiteful ex put up cropped pictures, as well. Then he added her facebook portrait of her face and her full name and e-mail adress to the pictures. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/69 "2013-05-04T11:14:11Z")
Man: Ladies, don’t stick you hand into the fire, it’s hot! Women’s Temperance Union: How dare you shame us for sticking our hand into the fire! We have every right as a human being to stick our hand into the fire and NOT be shamed for it. And if we want to complain because we get burnt, Well, you better offer a shoulder for us to cry on, because if you don’t, you’re just encouraging another generation of rape-y men. When will you men ever learn? This thread is so full of win. ---
**Author:** ![KarlGrenze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@KarlGrenze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGrenze)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/70 "2013-05-04T12:52:45Z")
On one hand, we have men saying that women shouldn’t trust their current lovers/husbands/boyfriends, because they may turn out to scum and post private and personal information after the break-up (if ithappens). So women shouldn’t trust a man they are supposed to trust (and viceversa). On the other, men are getting pissy because women do not trust or care for the feelings of stranger men on the internet. Men who have no reason to have their trust (and viceversa). ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/71 "2013-05-04T20:16:27Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > Wouldn’t help. The spiteful ex put up cropped pictures, as well. Then he added her facebook portrait of her face and her full name and e-mail adress to the pictures. It wouldn’t be as bad if there’s no proof that the pictures are actually you. Besides, if someone is that determined and they DON’T have naked pics of you, they could probably just use faceless pics of someone else (unless you have distinctive tattoos or an extra toe or something). I feel really bad for this woman and obviously he had no right to do what he did no matter what…but just out of curiosity I wonder why he hates her so much. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/72 "2013-05-04T20:20:16Z")
Would it be okay for me a take a private picture to share with my gynecologist, say to document a transient symptom? If he then put that on porn sites along with my personal information and mailed those pictures to people I know, would he be absolute scum? I’m guess yes, So the problem here is not about taking pictures, it’s about sex. specifically, it’s about the idea that sluts should be expect to be shamed (and a “slut” could be someone taking mildly kinky photos with her husband.) Yes, we’ve heard it before. We shouldn’t take photos if we don’t expect them to be put on the internet and mailed to our bosses along with our name, address and work info. If we don’t want to get raped, we shouldn’t be alone with men, outside of the house at night, or in the day in a bad area. If we don’t want to get catcalled and harassed, we shouldn’t walk around possessing tits, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/73 "2013-05-04T20:28:26Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Man: Ladies, don’t stick you hand into the fire, it’s hot! > Women’s Temperance Union: How dare you shame us for sticking our hand into the fire! We have every right as a human being to stick our hand into the fire and NOT be shamed for it. And if we want to complain because we get burnt, Well, you better offer a shoulder for us to cry on, because if you don’t, you’re just encouraging another generation of rape-y men. When will you men ever learn? > This thread is so full of win. Super good point. Fire and people: the same. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/74 "2013-05-04T20:44:04Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > I feel really bad for this woman and obviously he had no right to do what he did no matter what…but just out of curiosity I wonder why he hates her so much. Does it matter? Does anyone deserve to be set up to have employers, potential employers, and creepy strangers who get off on the humiliation of others see those pics and obtain her address? What could she have possibly done to deserve the loss of her job, lifelong fear and humiliation? ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/75 "2013-05-04T20:46:40Z")
> [@colander](#): > > this was so unsurprising to me that it actually caused a cracked monocle lying on the floor nearby to spontaneously anneal itself and spring unbidden onto my left eye This is brilliant! Kudos, colander! ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/76 "2013-05-04T20:47:33Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Man: Ladies, don’t stick you hand into the fire, it’s hot! > Women’s Temperance Union: How dare you shame us for sticking our hand into the fire! We have every right as a human being to stick our hand into the fire and NOT be shamed for it. And if we want to complain because we get burnt, Well, you better offer a shoulder for us to cry on, because if you don’t, you’re just encouraging another generation of rape-y men. When will you men ever learn? > This thread is so full of win. Yah, thanks, we got it. Can’t trust men. Gotcha. I imagine you’ll be ostracized by the MRAs for this,but hey, can’t tell whose team you’re on anyway. It’d be nice to hear from more men who actually like women and sex though. ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/77 "2013-05-04T20:59:56Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Would it be okay for me a take a private picture to share with my gynecologist, say to document a transient symptom? If he then put that on porn sites along with my personal information and mailed those pictures to people I know, would he be absolute scum? > > I’m guess yes, So the problem here is not about taking pictures, it’s about sex. specifically, it’s about the idea that sluts should be expect to be shamed (and a “slut” could be someone taking mildly kinky photos with her husband.) > > Yes, we’ve heard it before. We shouldn’t take photos if we don’t expect them to be put on the internet and mailed to our bosses along with our name, address and work info. If we don’t want to get raped, we shouldn’t be alone with men, outside of the house at night, or in the day in a bad area. If we don’t want to get catcalled and harassed, we shouldn’t walk around possessing tits, etc. Even Sven, so it’s 100% black and white with zero personal responsibility? I mean, I can go into a rough bar, mind my own business drink quietly, provide no offense, and have some asshole decide to kick my ass. I shouldn’t be subjected to assault and battery in that bar, but shit happens. And that bar has a reputation for shit happening. I could have had that quiet beer somewhere else or even skipped it altogether and no worries. Not my fault, but I am somewhat culpable, showed poor judgement, hopelessly naïve, had a brainfart or some combination of the preceeding enabled the situation. To my mind, I therefore have\*some \*responsibility with getting my ass kicked. Doesn’t exonerate the guy that kicked my ass one iota. The common response from my buddies would be “what the fuck were you thinking going there alone, you were asking for trouble and we’re not surprised you got your ass kicked.” Would you agree in the above scenario that I had some sort of responsibility? ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/78 "2013-05-04T21:01:56Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Yah, thanks, we got it. Can’t trust men. Gotcha. Not all of them, no. > [@](#): > > It’d be nice to hear from more men who actually like women and sex though. Well, speaking as someone rather fond of both, how about “don’t do stupid stuff because you might regret it later”. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/79 "2013-05-04T21:12:39Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Not all of them, no.Well, speaking as someone rather fond of both, how about “don’t do stupid stuff because you might regret it later”. > > Regards, > Shodan So trusting a man you care deeply about, love or even marry with nude pics or videos means you deserve public humiliation, ostracism, and potential violence if things go sour? Like I said, we got it. Only porn stars and whores should share intimate pics. The typical woman should only have sex in the dark for the purpose of procreation. ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434/80 "2013-05-04T21:21:27Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > speaking as someone rather fond of both Would you like the world better if women took pictures of themselves for your enjoyment, or if they didn’t? If a woman were sleeping with you, could she trust you not to put those pictures on the internet? If she couldn’t, why would it be a good idea to sleep with you in the first place? Would you accept as reasonable the conclusion that, well, if she can’t be sure you won’t post the pictures on the internet down the road, then she can’t be sure you aren’t a terrible person, so she shouldn’t be sleeping with you in the first place, and she _can’t_ be sure that you won’t post the pictures (see e.g. the thread title); therefore, she shouldn’t be sleeping with you? More to the point, is it OK with you if I call the woman who is sleeping with you an idiot because she trusts you, because other women shouldn’t have in retrospect trusted other men they trusted? Is this all heading in a direction that you feel good about? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-you-dont-want-your-private-t-a-pics-to-wind-up-online-stop-taking-and-sending-them/657434.md?page=5)