# Ladies, if you're doing this, please stop. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 15, 2009, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-youre-doing-this-please-stop/499820 "2009-06-15T10:16:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-youre-doing-this-please-stop/499820/41 "2009-06-16T14:53:06Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > This reminds me of a conversation I wish I hadn’t overheard a few nights ago. I was walking down the street and two young women were walking the other way. One said “…all these losers! I need a man who makes at least six figures, drives an expensive sports car, owns his own company…” > > I felt kind of sorry for her. Kind of. With the implied “…so I don’t have to work” ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-youre-doing-this-please-stop/499820/42 "2009-06-16T14:54:23Z")
I guess this is weird to me, as well as rude and tacky, because I can’t imagine giving a damn whether an ex lives or dies once they’re out of my life. Granted, I have never been married and have children with no one, so I don’t have the ties other people might to exes, but still. We break up, that’s it, and I don’t care whether you’re celibate till your death, or hook up with the equivalent of \ or \. And if you care about whom I am or am not with after we break things off, you need a hobby or several. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-youre-doing-this-please-stop/499820/43 "2009-06-16T17:23:58Z")
Really? I care very much about my exes. Not enough to check up on them, certainly, but I wish them all nothing but the best. I hope they meet amazing guys and are very happy. But my latest ex and I have an agreement to never see each other in the presence of a new lover. Neither of us could handle that. When I found out that a certain ex died a few years back, I cried for two days. She didn’t deserve that. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-youre-doing-this-please-stop/499820/44 "2009-06-16T17:27:28Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > I didn’t know my old roommate moved to your neighborhood. Can you take her back, please? I mean, all I can offer her is happiness, fun, and mindblowing orgasms. (Not that I ever would offer that to someone like her.) I wish her luck with that other thing, though. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-youre-doing-this-please-stop/499820/45 "2009-06-16T17:32:53Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Really? I care very much about my exes. Not enough to check up on them, certainly, but I wish them all nothing but the best. I hope they meet amazing guys and are very happy. But my latest ex and I have an agreement to never see each other in the presence of a new lover. Neither of us could handle that. > > When I found out that a certain ex died a few years back, I cried for two days. She didn’t deserve that. You’ve obviously not dated some of the people I have. There are a couple I am still fond of and keep in touch with, but I mainly do not concern myself with them. I don’t wish them ill, either; I just try not to think of them at all. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-youre-doing-this-please-stop/499820/46 "2009-06-16T17:36:34Z")
> [@Telperien](#): > > You’ve obviously not dated some of the people I have. I guess not. Thinking back, I don’t think I’ve had a truly acrimoneous breakup since 7th grade. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-youre-doing-this-please-stop/499820/47 "2009-06-16T17:49:55Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > There’s something to this. I mean, when I was dumped for someone uglier, older and more married, I was like “WTF?”. At least if it had looked like she was trading _up_… Probably fucks like a demon. > [@Telperien](#): > > I guess this is weird to me, as well as rude and tacky, because I can’t imagine giving a damn whether an ex lives or dies once they’re out of my life. Granted, I have never been married and have children with no one, so I don’t have the ties other people might to exes, but still. We break up, that’s it, and I don’t care whether you’re celibate till your death, or hook up with the equivalent of \ or \. And if you care about whom I am or am not with after we break things off, you need a hobby or several. Same. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-youre-doing-this-please-stop/499820/48 "2009-06-16T21:43:10Z")
Would I ever do that? I don’t think so, but what do I know? I’m still married to my first wife, 30 years later. Look at the fun I missed. When I see others say, “What? He/she left me for that?”, in most cases the answer is, “No, your ex left you because you’re a pain in the ass.” The ex probably didn’t start anything with the new guy/gal until you were gone. I’ve seen a lot of people who were bitter about busted relationships, including one guy who still griped bitterly about his first wife 25 years later. It’s pointless. None of them got any good out of living in the past. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-youre-doing-this-please-stop/499820/49 "2009-06-16T23:03:03Z")
I think it’s a defensive thing. I know when I catch myself doing this or I hear friends doing it, it’s almost always as a defense mechanism. If the new person truly is hideously unattractive (we’re talking Hunchback of Notre Dame beauty) or maybe even dumb as a bag of bricks, I know what flashes in my head is, “Whoa! Am I like this girl?” Because, you know, it’s rare that you see someone date vastly different people from one relationship to another; usually, there’s some similarities between the parties. Does that make me petty? Probably. I think it also makes me human. Because the reality is that if I’m saying to my friends, “Ugh, did you see the totally dog that [EX] is dating? She’s also dumb as shit- has been in junior college for communications for 8 years,” it’s because I’m totally freaking out inside that maybe, just maybe, my ex is seeing something in her that he also saw in me. Logically, of course, there are other qualities that we may share- good things. Of course, when you’re dumped and faced with that whole new perspective, you’re not always rational. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-youre-doing-this-please-stop/499820/50 "2009-06-17T00:01:25Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > This reminds me of a conversation I wish I hadn’t overheard a few nights ago. I was walking down the street and two young women were walking the other way. One said “…all these losers! I need a man who makes at least six figures, drives an expensive sports car, owns his own company…” > > I felt kind of sorry for her. Kind of. :rolleyes: yeah, right, those days are OVER, idiot. Unless you nab a pron producer, maybe? What kind of job would a guy have now, anyway, to provide six figures etc??? Reminds me of the article I read in some NYC magazine about the sad plight now of the barflies looking for sugar daddies … [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-if-youre-doing-this-please-stop/499820.md?page=2)