# Ladies: Should I call, text, or email for a second date? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 24, 2012, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-should-i-call-text-or-email-for-a-second-date/610540 "2012-01-24T21:41:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2012, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-should-i-call-text-or-email-for-a-second-date/610540/21 "2012-01-24T23:57:23Z")
I’d go with hiring a plane to drag one of those big signs around the sky. Or maybe throw a rock with an invitation attached through her window. If you include a gift certificate for window repair it will be cute – I swear! ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-should-i-call-text-or-email-for-a-second-date/610540/22 "2012-01-25T00:04:48Z")
As a guy, I would say, make the phone call. The thing about phone calls are A: you took the time B: you look less likely to be hiding from a S/O C: maybe she thinks you have a sexy voice and likes hearing it. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-should-i-call-text-or-email-for-a-second-date/610540/23 "2012-01-25T00:05:13Z")
I’m a guy so take it for what it’s worth. Call unless she gave you a different preference. ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-should-i-call-text-or-email-for-a-second-date/610540/24 "2012-01-25T00:31:33Z")
Female here. Call. If she’d rather text or email, she’ll tell you. (I have a friend that works at a call center and will pretty much only communicate via text and chat because she HATES the phone.) And it’s true what someone else in the thread already pointed out (I’m too lazy to look) – women fall in love with what they hear. So call her up, be all smooth n stuff like “I had a great time the other night” blah blah blah. While good grammar and properly spelled words can be hot, email is just going to say “I’m too skeered to call a girl on the phone.” Texting – normally a great way to communicate – is just a little too “McDonald’s” for me. Too instant, too BAM. YMMV. Now go call her and report back 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-should-i-call-text-or-email-for-a-second-date/610540/25 "2012-01-25T00:43:35Z")
A woman who gives you her phone number would probably prefer if you call her. I’d default to a phone call unless she requested otherwise. I use internet and email for basically everything, and pretty much hate telephones, but even I would enjoy getting a phone call for a second date. If ever a situation calls for non-text communication, it’s that one (and death announcements of course). ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-should-i-call-text-or-email-for-a-second-date/610540/26 "2012-01-25T00:51:32Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > If ever a situation calls for non-text communication, it’s that one (and death announcements of course). Why, what’s wrong with: mom S X-( ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-should-i-call-text-or-email-for-a-second-date/610540/27 "2012-01-25T00:55:58Z")
> [@Martin\_Hyde](#): > > I imagine age group would probably change things. Believe it or not some of the 50+ crowd are still dating, and we probably are a bit old fashioned on some of these things (though not as old fashioned as you might imagine.) I’ll even text a woman I’m going out with from time to time, but not to schedule a date usually, I still use phone calls for that. > > According to my 20-something nieces and nephews though, text is like 95% of relationship communication now, so maybe in that age group it’d be “weird” to call. I thought the same thing (although I’m only in the 40+ crowd). My brother in law was in the 40+ crowd (it may have been the late 30s crowd) a few years ago dating and it was a lot of text. But he said something along the lines of “you know she is too young for you when she texts you more than four times a day to “talk” to you.” ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-should-i-call-text-or-email-for-a-second-date/610540/28 "2012-01-25T01:00:20Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > I thought the same thing (although I’m only in the 40+ crowd). My brother in law was in the 40+ crowd (it may have been the late 30s crowd) a few years ago dating and it was a lot of text. But he said something along the lines of “you know she is too young for you when she texts you more than four times a day to “talk” to you.” I’m 26 and 99% of my communication throughout the day is via IM, email, or text (and I _strongly_ prefer it that way!). And that may be why a phone call for a date is so novel. It shows that a guy who is probably like me-- someone texting and IMing to arrange most things-- went out of his way to do something just a little different. It’s sweet. And I say that as someone who isn’t big on talking on the phone. When he called, it was a 2 minute conversation making plans. Still, it was sweet enough to make me take notice. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-should-i-call-text-or-email-for-a-second-date/610540/29 "2012-01-25T01:12:19Z")
I’m a guy, who generally **hates** the phone, and is a full-fledged member of the text/digital generation. And I still say you should call. I mean, you’re talking about someone you potentially want to _mate with_ here. If you’re not even comfortable talking to _that_ person on the phone, fuhgeddaboutit. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-should-i-call-text-or-email-for-a-second-date/610540/30 "2012-01-25T01:33:39Z")
Call, unless you’ve already established text or email as okay mechanisms for date requests. I’m as phone averse as they come, but you can’t really lose by calling. If she doesn’t want to talk, she can always let voicemail pick up and then get back to you later, after she’s had time to think things over. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-should-i-call-text-or-email-for-a-second-date/610540/31 "2012-01-25T02:08:32Z")
My first (ancient) impulse was that calling would be the way to go, but as others have said, probably going with the way you’ve been communicating would be the right thing to do. I have to grudgingly admit that if both parties think texting or email is just fine, my opinion doesn’t matter. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-should-i-call-text-or-email-for-a-second-date/610540/32 "2012-01-25T02:28:42Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > “unobstrusive”, “on the spot”, “isn’t actually interested”, “imposition”. > > Those words glowed when I read them because I sometimes have similar thoughts and emotions. I can see that it’s not a healthy mindset. Couldn’t agree more. I know because I’ve been that guy. Call her - shows you’ve got confidence, allows you to rekindle topics that went well during the date to remind her of the fun you had, and has the added bonus of giving you more insight into her response. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-should-i-call-text-or-email-for-a-second-date/610540/33 "2012-01-25T02:34:47Z")
> [@PandaBear77](#): > > Female here. Call. > > If she’d rather text or email, she’ll tell you. (I have a friend that works at a call center and will pretty much only communicate via text and chat because she HATES the phone.) Yep. Those of us who hate talking on the phone will generally let you know, usually by giving our phone numbers if asked **and** offering our e-mail with a warning we’re easier to get in touch with that way/we check e-mail more than voice mail etc. Most people seem to like phone calls, though. ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-should-i-call-text-or-email-for-a-second-date/610540/34 "2012-01-25T02:35:25Z")
A phone call. Isn’t it obvious that an actual human voice is preferable, and more romantic? Why do people try so hard to remove all emotional cues and make things so impersonal? ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-should-i-call-text-or-email-for-a-second-date/610540/35 "2012-01-25T02:35:40Z")
> [@Mr.Excellent](#): > > My assumption has always been that email is preferable - it’s unobtrusive, doesn’t put the woman on the spot if she isn’t actually interested Another guy here. If she isn’t interested, you DO want to put her on the spot. At least you’ll know where you stand. Regardless, I think you’re being a little bit obsequious by trying to tiptoe around with this “oh, I don’t want to _bother_ her” mentality. If you’re someone worth being with, who cares if you are a slight “imposition?” ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-should-i-call-text-or-email-for-a-second-date/610540/36 "2012-01-25T02:53:18Z")
A guy calling who I _want_ to call is not an imposition - it is a highlight of my day (well, it was, back in my dating days). When I met my husband, he called and we talked about a second date not too long after we had ended the first date - that was no imposition or too soon or anything - I wanted to see him again, he called, we went out again, it was all good. Maybe the thing to do is not over-think this - go after a date until the other person tells you unequivocally to bug off. ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-should-i-call-text-or-email-for-a-second-date/610540/37 "2012-01-25T18:02:10Z")
Well, it’s too late for this particular exchange, but in the future, you may wish to actually ask for the second date before you leave the first date. Something along the lines of “I had a great time, when can I take you out again?”. It’s even better if during your conversation, you actually bring up something that you both want to do, so that you can go ahead and suggest that you guys can go at such-and-such specific time if she’s free. And then when you part ways, you can just say “I’ll call/text/e-mail you to discuss details,” which establishes a definite mode of communication that will work for her. And then if there’s a legitimate reason that she’d really prefer you use a different mode of communication, she has the perfect opening to say “Actually, I’d really prefer that you call/text/e-mail instead.” ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-should-i-call-text-or-email-for-a-second-date/610540/38 "2012-01-25T18:56:28Z")
If she wants to go out with you, you could > [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > throw a rock with an invitation attached through her window. and still get a second date. If she doesn’t want to go out with you, you could hire > [@](#): > > a plane to drag one of those big signs around the sky. and get nowhere. She’s already decided if she wants to go out with you again, all you’re doing now is finding out. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable. However, you should also consider that women generally prefer men who are confident in themselves. If you knew, absolutely, that she wanted a second date (like through a friend of hers, who said she was positively gushing about what an awesome guy you are) what would you do? Do that. ---
**Author:** ![smaje1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47774/32.png) [@smaje1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smaje1)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-should-i-call-text-or-email-for-a-second-date/610540/39 "2012-01-25T19:26:06Z")
Mr. Smaje completely wooed me with a wonderful email after our first date. He took the time to craft a funny, sweet, well-written note to me, and it gave me time to think and reposnd. I appreciate a well-crafted email much more than a phone call. (I was 27 at the time.) If you’re really young, go ahead and text. If you’re mid-young, email. If you’re older or old-fashioned (or if she is), go ahead and pick up the phone. I definitely think it depends on your age bracket, and how comfortable you are with speaking on the phone versus writing a note. I am much more comfortable writing a note, and I say “phooey” to everyone out there who is aghast at how many people prefer to communicate via email or text than phone. ---
**Author:** ![mkecane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9e8a1a/32.png) [@mkecane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mkecane)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-should-i-call-text-or-email-for-a-second-date/610540/40 "2012-01-25T19:28:50Z")
Get her address and send a letter! (No, don’t…") I’m a 33-year old single guy who doesn’t talk much on the phone, but am not bothered by calls, either. Call her. It’s just a call. If she doesn’t answer, then leave a brief message, “Hey, it’s **Mr. Excellent**. Give me a call back when you have a couple minutes, but I’ll send you an email, too.” If she doesn’t have time to answer or doesn’t like to talk on the phone, she’ll know you sent her an email and then she can respond to either method. And if she doesn’t want a second date, email’s a pretty easy way to convey that answer without hurt feelings. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-should-i-call-text-or-email-for-a-second-date/610540.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-should-i-call-text-or-email-for-a-second-date/610540.md?page=3)