# Ladies, what is masculinity to you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 18, 2004, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-what-is-masculinity-to-you/229814 "2004-02-18T17:08:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2004, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-what-is-masculinity-to-you/229814/21 "2004-02-19T13:04:23Z")
I agree that physically it is obvious. Mentally, hmmmm, I think it is someone who is protective but also a bit like a little boy. Basically, they can handle the practical stuff but emotionally you feel you need to do the protecting and they play on your mothering instintcs. Stereotypical, I know, but I think the question necessarily asks for a stereotype. Also, please note, that although parts of this stereotype can appealing, defining masculinity is NOT the same as defining the ideal man. And I second James Gandolfini. ---
**Author:** ![Thinks2Much](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@Thinks2Much](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thinks2Much)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2004, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-what-is-masculinity-to-you/229814/22 "2004-02-19T15:03:48Z")
In reply to Reader99 - just because I said that was my definition of masculine doesn’t mean that is my definition of attractive. I tried to make the distinction that strictly being masculine does not define attractiveness. I do not often see men who are my definition of masculine in real life (firefighters are the closest I can think of), and that is fine by me because masculine is not my definition of the perfect partner. Maybe I am splitting hairs here, but the two are decidedly NOT the same thing to me. I am not perfect example of feminity and therefore do not want to be with a perfect example of masculinity. But that was what the OP asked for - our definitions of it. I don’t think Pam Anderson is a fair comparison. To me, the ultimate definition of feminity would be a woman who was dainty with the perfect hourglass figure, well mannered, classy, gentle, domestic, and demure. I am hard pressed to pick a current famous name who fits the bill, honestly. ---
**Author:** ![cichlidiot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f9b8f/32.png) [@cichlidiot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cichlidiot)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2004, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-what-is-masculinity-to-you/229814/23 "2004-02-19T19:24:10Z")
> [@Reader99](#): > > As a male, I’d like to see women responding to the original post also say something along the lines of how often they actually observe in real life the qualities that they say they would consider positive masculine characteristics. I don’t mean looks, but behavior. In particular, when you talk about the “bad-ass” or tough-guy persona and point to TV gangsters, that’s a fantasy that puts most real-life men at a disadvantage (how do you feel when a man says his ideal woman is, say, Pam Anderson?). I wouldn’t even say it was a fantasy of mine, just an example of all macho all the time. I knew the images I linked to weren’t real, just characters from film or folk lore and made fun of my post (or so I thought) in the very next post. As far as Pam Anderson, please note I didn’t hold those characters up as ideal men, rather masculinity. If she’s an example of femininity, I could understand why. Curves, boobs, from what I’ve seen in interviews - flirtatious, boobs, etc. I could understand why someone may find her attractive. I will say that I am not dating someone who embodies an AA mafioso lumberjack, nor do I expect him to. > [@](#): > > Could you really be involved with a man who gets into barroom brawls or intimidates weaker people (let alone kills people)? When does the confident “take-charge” guy become the know-it-all jerk or the belligerent bully? Forget TV. What are the characteristics that you find appealingly masculine in the real world? (References to actual men–Survivor contestants, political leaders, historical figures–might be helpful.) If we’re specifying the real world, as opposed to Sean Connery and Patrick Stewart - I read that as 007 types and Captain Picards - my answer is different. Setting aside the questions about physical characteristics, and going for your question of character. My ideal would be a lot closer to Atticus Finch. And following your list of examples - Ethan Zohn, Martin Luther King, Jr., and the Wright Brothers. Having said all of that, I still like my initial examples, though I did think the end product was silly. For me personally, I find my SO to have a bit of a bad ass in him. When he’s doing cabinetry, it’s easy for me to envision him dressed up like Paul Bunyan, etc. I would have no problem singing “Macho, Macho Man” to him when he’s done something particularly difficult, cerebreal or physical. Am I glad he’s not out breaking knee-caps, sure, though he sometimes can get Madsenesque - “Are you going to bark all day little doggy or are you going to bite?” heh Of course, he’s saying this to me, when I threaten him with the mop water, if he dared to step on the wet floor. So, to end a long post. The first example is of all masculinity all the time, the second is who I would or do date in actual life and also find masculine. ---
**Author:** ![Monkeytoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Monkeytoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monkeytoes)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2004, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-what-is-masculinity-to-you/229814/24 "2004-02-19T19:53:43Z")
Hmm…for me, it’d be: [ul] Larger than me Furry legs Not afraid to tinker with stuff and just “figure it out” Confident (most of the time) Has sensitive side (loves puppies, etc) Not _too_ emotionally entwined with his family (i.e., not at his mother’s beck-and-call)[/ul] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-what-is-masculinity-to-you/229814.md?page=1)