# Ladies, what's in it for you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 11, 2006, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-whats-in-it-for-you/352226 "2006-04-11T14:18:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Vesper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c68b51/32.png) [@Vesper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vesper)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-whats-in-it-for-you/352226/41 "2006-04-11T18:46:28Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > BTW, gyms are equal opportunity establishments. She should be getting in there regularly as well. > [@sunfish](#): > > You know… **ElvisL1ves** brought up a very good point, which is that both parties should make an effort to please each other, sort of a quid pro quo. You agreed, which is cool. And then you turned it right back into one more thing that a woman should be doing that presumably would excite her man and thus give her a “payoff” in return. I know. I really wanted to ignore that latest comment by **QuickSilver** but it really just makes me… :rolleyes: This thread, coupled with his attitudes about women and relationships in other threads and posts, really are quite telling. All I’ve left to say is, good luck, **QuickSilver**. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-whats-in-it-for-you/352226/42 "2006-04-11T19:08:52Z")
> [@sunfish](#): > > You know… **ElvisL1ves** brought up a very good point, which is that both parties should make an effort to please each other, sort of a quid pro quo. You agreed, which is cool. And then you turned it right back into one more thing that a woman should be doing that presumably would excite her man and thus give her a “payoff” in return. No, I’m in absolute agreement with **Elvis1ves**. Both parties owe it to eachother to take care of themselves in various ways and do their best to remain attractive to one another. Neither carries the greater share. > [@sunfish](#): > > Apologies if I’m reading you wrong, but you seem to be holding the general attitude that it’s more the woman’s responsibility to keep things exciting in a relationship. IOW, you’ll do for her, but she has to do for you first. That might work for the short-term, but longer-term I think that’s a recipe for some resentment. Why should she have to do more of the heavy-lifting? Maybe that’s the vibe you’re giving off. Perhaps another thing worth considering. Yes, I’m frequently misunderstood. 😛 I’d wear boxers or briefs or a kilt if that’s what turned my partner on. Unfortunately, there is a real lack of options when it comes to sexy boudoir wear for men. Unless you enter some more edgy fetish scene. But I suppose if that’s your thing, wearing a little lingerie would not be much of an issue ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-whats-in-it-for-you/352226/43 "2006-04-11T19:13:33Z")
> [@Vesper](#): > > I know. I really wanted to ignore that latest comment by **QuickSilver** but it really just makes me… :rolleyes: Oh, stop. Now we can’t even joke about this stuff? > [@Vesper](#): > > This thread, coupled with his attitudes about women and relationships in other threads and posts, really are quite telling. What attitudes are those, pray tell? 😕 > [@Vesper](#): > > All I’ve left to say is, good luck, **QuickSilver**. With what exactly? ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-whats-in-it-for-you/352226/44 "2006-04-11T19:47:48Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > I’d wear boxers or briefs or a kilt if that’s what turned my partner on. Unfortunately, there is a real lack of options when it comes to sexy boudoir wear for men. Unless you enter some more edgy fetish scene. But I suppose if that’s your thing, wearing a little lingerie would not be much of an issue They make those little collars for guys,too–the Chippendales wear them all the time. How about a dog collar (not the religious kind)? Why is it the woman who has to costume up? I can’t help but think that this is something _for you alone._ --as an occasional deal, no real problem, but it sounds more and more like an expectation and that’s not cool, IMO. I expect a man to come to bed clean and healthy and faithful(I’m married). Anything else is negotiable, for the most part–I’m pretty boring. I am not about to dress up in some expensive bit of chiffon/lace/satin for what? Like my husband says, “what’s it for? It just comes off anyway.” While I can see that lingerie can help someone feel sexy or attractive, if lingerie doesn’t do that for your partner, why the insistence on that apparel? \*\*That’s \*\* controlling and even selfish–it can be read as “my desire to see you in this trumps your lack of desire to wear it.” No way. Go get a Victoria’s Secret catalogue and some baby oil. Have fun. ---
**Author:** ![dmatsch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3be4f8/32.png) [@dmatsch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dmatsch)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-whats-in-it-for-you/352226/45 "2006-04-11T19:54:35Z")
> [@Vesper](#): > > Sure that’s fun. But it does sound like that scenario is pretty much all about what _you_ want. > > Which is fine and good, I’m all for giving my guy what he wants. But what are _you_ going to do for _her_? It’s gotta go both ways. If sex is always about what the one person wants, the other isn’t going to be too happy. You should have given these life lessons to my ex wife BEFORE she became that. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-whats-in-it-for-you/352226/46 "2006-04-11T19:54:24Z")
Forgot. Frankly, I am with **Kalhoun** on this. Be emotionally present at home, show some interest in my day (yes,this is reciprocal) and try to remember the names of my friends, at least. Do the stuff you said you would -the shelves, the drippy faucet or whatever. But also (and this is very important to me)–show me that I turn you on. Grab my ass(not YOU, my husband!) on your way out the door. Come kiss the back of my neck as I wash pots in the sink. Whisper in my ear that you can’t wait to \_\_\_\_\_ me when the kids are asleep. Even after asking repeatedly, this still doesn’t happen. \ Anticipation fuels desire for me–I cannot crank up to hot and horny in 10.2 seconds. I used to be sorry that I couldn’t, but now I am glad. Sorry, this thread isn’t about me, but I wanted to relay that perhaps instead of using the lingerie as a prop, that there are other ways to get a woman gagging for it. ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-whats-in-it-for-you/352226/47 "2006-04-11T19:57:17Z")
If you’ll note in other threads, **QuickSilver** does indeed frequent the gym himself, and keeps himself looking tiptop for his lady friends. He’s never implied it was a one way street, but I guess if you don’t read his stuff often, then this thread might come across the wrong way. But I’ll vouch for him: **Quickie** ’s a good guy. 🙂 As for lingerie, god, I _love_ it. I want more of it. I only have a handful of nice outfits - and that’s what they are to me, _outfits_. Costume! Fancy dress! I usually pick mine out, as the whole idea seems to make my husband nervous. I do wish he would, though. It would be so much fun. He does enjoy seeing what I’ve picked out, though. The payoff for me is, you know, I have sex with my husband! Woohoo! Always a thrill. Actually, that’s a lie. It’s part of the payoff. I don’t normally feel very sexy, and dress somewhat conservatively (the worst I do is show some occasional peek-y cleavage, but mostly because it’s hard to hide these damn jugs all the time!) But when I put on some sexy lingerie, or outfit of some sort, I transform from the mild mannered mousey girl people see outside, and I become the\* Queen of the Boudoir\*! Fantasies abound in my mind when I’m dressed up. I become what I wear; maybe I’m a high class hooker waiting in a stranger’s penthouse, maybe I’m a dancing girl from a house of burlesque, maybe I’m nobility in some exotic country, sitting atop a pile of silk pillows, maybe I’m a housewife who just got into something naughty and is awaiting to surprise her husband at the door (oh, wait - that’s _me_! hee!) Whatever it is, it’s all fantasy, I feel sexy, and when my husband sees it, it’s a pretty clear sign that I’m in the mood (without all the dancing around: “Are you… ah… do you want to… how are you feeling? Do you still feel sick? No? …wanna have sex?” Okay, usually it’s not _that_ hard, but this was a conversation that happened several weeks ago as I was recovering from the flu. The next day I put on one of my little shiny numbers, no questions were asked, no words were said, and I was carried off to the bedroom. Whee!) Naturally, reactions will be varied amongst women. Some women feel they have to/should do it for their men. It’s probably not a good attitude to start doing something this personal without knowing what’s in it for yourself - it’s all well and good that you want to please your mate, but if you get nothing at all from it, it might be time to stop and think why. If it’s something you do not enjoy, you should not have to do it if you do not want to. I’ve always been a strong advocate of communication in sex, and here it is again: you must tell your partner what you liek and don’t like. If you don’t know what you might like, give it a few tries. No one has to jump into something. And if you decide you don’t like it, stop! It’s one thing to do something your partner likes on special occasions because you know it would please him/her, even though it’s not something you’d like to do all the time but figure you can this once, but it’s another thing to do it over and over again and wonder what is in it for you. This is where you have to speak up and say, “I do not enjoy this. This does nothing for me.” If your partner believes you enjoy it, because you keep doing it, it’s not the partner’s fault. And some people will sit and let this resentment build up until they get angry and hurtful, claiming to be the victim in the whole thing, when all they had to do was speak up. However, if your partner _insists_ on you doing it, even though you claim to hate it, it’s time to sit down and communicate (or, if it is a mentally abusive relationship, time to find a new partner) and find a happy medium - no one person should have all the power. When your partner comes to you and asks what they are supposed to be getting out of something, maybe it’s time to sit down and talk: ask what would make them happy. Maybe they don’t really know. Maybe it’s time to take a little break from the something they don’t seem to “get”. Maybe it’s time for a little role reversal. Have fun getting creative, and exploring other areas. The comment could be coming from someone who doesn’t yet know how to communicate their needs. It’s time to sit down with no accusations or judgements, and listen to what they have to say. Anyway. What do I know? I love dressing up. I may not be the Queen of _the_ Universe, but when my husband walks through the door tonight, he’ll know who the Queen of _his_ Universe is. _shakes booty_ ---
**Author:** ![Lilairen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lilairen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lilairen)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-whats-in-it-for-you/352226/48 "2006-04-11T20:10:01Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > I am not about to dress up in some expensive bit of chiffon/lace/satin for what? Like my husband says, “what’s it for? It just comes off anyway.” That’s pretty much the camp I’m in, too. With an added leavening of, “I’m short on enough money to assemble the wardrobe I want of clothes that are attractive, comfortable, and things I’d wear with any regularity; why would I want to waste that on clothes that are unappealing, uncomfortable, and not stuff I can wear on a regular basis if I were interested in wearing it at all?” ---
**Author:** ![sunfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/96bed5/32.png) [@sunfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sunfish)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-whats-in-it-for-you/352226/49 "2006-04-11T20:27:19Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Yes, I’m frequently misunderstood. 😛 If you think that you are often (and perhaps widely) misunderstood, then it’s worth considering a change in your delivery. Having read a number of your threads in the past, you do tend to come across as thinking largely about what you want. Granted there are limitations to communicating on a message board, but if it’s happening IRL too and that’s _not_ the message you want to send to a lady, the problem doesn’t lie with everyone else. > [@QuickSilver](#): > > I’d wear boxers or briefs or a kilt if that’s what turned my partner on. Unfortunately, there is a real lack of options when it comes to sexy boudoir wear for men. Unless you enter some more edgy fetish scene. But I suppose if that’s your thing, wearing a little lingerie would not be much of an issue I think you are taking too much of a tit-for-tat approach here. Women are not visual creatures to the same extent men are, so while I may admire a guy in black silk boxers, what my guy _does_ is much more likely to turn me on to the same extent that sexy lingerie might get him going. > [@eleanorigby](#): > > … show me that I turn you on. Grab my ass … on your way out the door. Come kiss the back of my neck as I wash pots in the sink. Whisper in my ear that you can’t wait to \_\_\_\_\_ me \ YES! [minor hijack] **Anastasaeon** , I appreciate your enthusiasm in responding to threads like this, but sometimes … less is more. Just MHO.[/minor hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Seren](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e19adc/32.png) [@Seren](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seren)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-whats-in-it-for-you/352226/50 "2006-04-11T20:27:56Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > I’d wear boxers or briefs or a kilt if that’s what turned my partner on. Unfortunately, there is a real lack of options when it comes to sexy boudoir wear for men. All it takes is a nice little speedo. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-whats-in-it-for-you/352226/51 "2006-04-11T20:33:05Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > They make those little collars for guys,too–the Chippendales wear them all the time. How about a dog collar (not the religious kind)? Why is it the woman who has to costume up? I can’t help but think that this is something _for you alone._ --as an occasional deal, no real problem, but it sounds more and more like an expectation and that’s not cool, IMO. Do you enjoy selectively picking things out of my posts that directly appeal to your moral sense of outrage? When did I say it’s only something a woman should do. Very few woman I’ve know have had anything specific in mind for me to wear. One liked me in jeans and a toolbelt. I’m happy to comply and don’t expect my partner to wear something she is not comfortable wearing. I’m just trying to understand a categoric refusal to do so with exactly your (and **Vespa** ’s) sort of reasoning behind it. > [@eleanorigby](#): > > I expect a man to come to bed clean and healthy and faithful(I’m married). I would expect no less. > [@eleanorigby](#): > > Anything else is negotiable, for the most part–I’m pretty boring. I am not about to dress up in some expensive bit of chiffon/lace/satin for what? Like my husband says, “what’s it for? It just comes off anyway.” Most “fun” lingerie is under $40. Under $20 on sale. It’s not something one needs to take out a second mortgage for. > [@eleanorigby](#): > > While I can see that lingerie can help someone feel sexy or attractive, if lingerie doesn’t do that for your partner, why the insistence on that apparel? Who’s insisting? 😕 > [@eleanorigby](#): > > \*\*That’s \*\* controlling and even selfish–it can be read as “my desire to see you in this trumps your lack of desire to wear it.” That’s how _you_ perceive it. It’s not how I project it or intend it to be. Ever. > [@eleanorigby](#): > > No way. Go get a Victoria’s Secret catalogue and some baby oil. Have fun. Given your attitude, yeah, that sounds like more fun. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Lionne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Lionne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lionne)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-whats-in-it-for-you/352226/52 "2006-04-11T20:36:51Z")
> [@Anastasaeon](#): > > If you’ll note in other threads, **QuickSilver** does indeed frequent the gym himself, and keeps himself looking tiptop for his lady friends. He’s never implied it was a one way street, but I guess if you don’t read his stuff often, then this thread might come across the wrong way. But I’ll vouch for him: **Quickie** ’s a good guy. 🙂 I agree here - he hasn’t struck me as a double-standard kind of guy. The fact that he’s even asking about our view on sexy lingerie shows he has consideration for how we feel. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-whats-in-it-for-you/352226/53 "2006-04-11T20:36:58Z")
For me and my hubby, it’s about spice. I mean, we’ve been together for over 20 years. We work at finding ways to keep it interesting. But it _does_ work both ways. Mr.new just found a new kind of very stretchy boxer briefs, in all kinds of colors. My faves are the blue ones and the burgundy ones. He works out of town during the week, but when he gets home on Friday evening, I know for a fact he’s wearing one of my fave pairs under his business appropriate slacks. Yummm. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-whats-in-it-for-you/352226/54 "2006-04-11T20:40:18Z")
> [@Anastasaeon](#): > > If you’ll note in other threads, **QuickSilver** does indeed frequent the gym himself, and keeps himself looking tiptop for his lady friends. He’s never implied it was a one way street, but I guess if you don’t read his stuff often, then this thread might come across the wrong way. But I’ll vouch for him: **Quickie** ’s a good guy. 🙂 Thanks. 🙂 I was starting to feel a bit surrounded there. LOL! ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-whats-in-it-for-you/352226/55 "2006-04-11T20:46:59Z")
**QuickSilver** -your first post states that you thought the answer (coming from your partner, I presume) was so obvious that the question must be a trick question. The answer turns out to be not so obvious, IMO. You also were the one to bring up the collars-for women. I was just pointing out that there are readily available collars for men, since you said that men had fewer boudior choices. I am not concerned in the least re the cost of lingerie–that was **Lilarien**. I agree with her, though-why spend the money on something that does nothing for me (or my husband)? If you and yours are into lingerie–more power to you, to each his own. But from your posts, it sounds like your SO is NOT into lingerie and you are. So, that makes me wonder: are you insisting on her wearing it? Is this an issue for you both? Why else bring it to a MB? 😕 I was postulating some reasons why I and other women may not like or be turned on by lingerie. I am sorry if this offended you, but I don’t get why you would be(?). I don’t think (though I may have misunderstood) that consideration for feelings drives this thread–I thought the tone was more like: wtf? why wouldn’t every woman love to dress up in lingerie for her man? I’d be happy to be wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-whats-in-it-for-you/352226/56 "2006-04-11T20:47:08Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Thanks. 🙂 > > I was starting to feel a bit surrounded there. LOL! Never a problem, **QS**. 🙂 Also, this is the first time anyone has ever complained about my advice in a sex thread. I hear you, and I will ratchet it back a notch, however, I won’t _stop_ until my inbox stops filling up with "thank you"s. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-whats-in-it-for-you/352226/57 "2006-04-11T20:50:44Z")
[QUOTE=sunfish] Oh, absolutely! Didn’t mean to imply that you were a frills and lace kind of gal, either, that’s just what I usually associated with Frederick’s of Hollywood type stuff (as mentioned in the OP). Ah. I went in there once, the last time I was in the US. Hated it all. Now, Ann Summers, or La Senza on the other hand, or even Janet Raeger, are just the ticket. More on topic now, I dress sexily on occasion because I like it, and its appreciated. The SO likewise does the same. We do it because it makes the other person happy, as well as making us happy, and it adds spice. He’s also not afraid to buy lingere for me, and I trust his judgement, and he’s been known to get sneaky enough to find out my sizes before he goes shopping. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-whats-in-it-for-you/352226/58 "2006-04-11T20:52:06Z")
> [@sunfish](#): > > If you think that you are often (and perhaps widely) misunderstood, then it’s worth considering a change in your delivery. Having read a number of your threads in the past, you do tend to come across as thinking largely about what you want. I was joking. I don’t often have problems communicating. 🙂 > [@sunfish](#): > > I think you are taking too much of a tit-for-tat approach here. Women are not visual creatures to the same extent men are, so while I may admire a guy in black silk boxers, what my guy _does_ is much more likely to turn me on to the same extent that sexy lingerie might get him going. You kind of make my point for me. I recognize that there is a lack of the same visual stimuli in women when it comes to this sort of thing as compared to men. That is probably very likely why there is no lingerie for men. It’s simply a lack of market demand. But doesn’t it seem interesting that a guy (me in this case) almost has to appologize for his visual orientation? It’s like, everybody recognize that there is multi billion dollar industry in lingerie and that many women enjoy wearing it for their partner(s) but for those of us who frown on that sort of thing, we consider your interest in it controlling and generally oogy. :smack: It’s not my fault you are not visually wired like most guys and it’s not my fault there is a lack of options for me to wear for your pleasure. > [@sunfish](#): > > [minor hijack] **Anastasaeon** , I appreciate your enthusiasm in responding to threads like this, but sometimes … less is more. Just MHO.[/minor hijack] 😕 Were your sensibilities offended? Why? ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-whats-in-it-for-you/352226/59 "2006-04-11T20:59:02Z")
I think it’s “oogy” ONLY if you are making your partner dress in it when she doesn’t want to or doesn’t even like it. Somehow, I don’t think you’re doing that, so where is the oogy coming from? I guess I am trying to say that each woman is different and the appeal of lingerie or the enjoyment of it cannot be assumed. And that a woman should not be looked down on if she doesn’t fit the presumption of liking it. IOW, ask your partner if she wants to use lingerie. Man, this makes hostage negotiation look easy! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-whats-in-it-for-you/352226/60 "2006-04-11T21:05:33Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > **QuickSilver** -your first post states that you thought the answer (coming from your partner, I presume) was so obvious that the question must be a trick question. The answer turns out to be not so obvious, IMO. I’m still trying to really grok it. Really I am. > [@eleanorigby](#): > > You also were the one to bring up the collars-for women. I was just pointing out that there are readily available collars for men, since you said that men had fewer boudior choices. Is it really necessary to parse every item I used for an example? If I’d mentioned a belly chain, would you be now telling me I should be also willing to wear one? > [@eleanorigby](#): > > I am not concerned in the least re the cost of lingerie–that was **Lilarien**. I agree with her, though-why spend the money on something that does nothing for me (or my husband)? If you and yours are into lingerie–more power to you, to each his own. But from your posts, it sounds like your SO is NOT into lingerie and you are. > > So, that makes me wonder: are you insisting on her wearing it? Is this an issue for you both? Why else bring it to a MB? 😕 Sorry for the mixup. FTR, she’s not my SO but someone I have been recently dating. I didn’t insist, or force, or buy a single item of lingerie for her. After having been intimate a few times I simply asked if she enjoyed wearing lingerie. The response was exactly as the OP states. Which confused me. > [@eleanorigby](#): > > I was postulating some reasons why I and other women may not like or be turned on by lingerie. I am sorry if this offended you, but I don’t get why you would be(?). I understand the reasons regarding lack of physical comfort or general unappeal to the wearer. It’s the accusatory and confrontational (passive aggressive?) - “What’s in it for me?” that really puzzles me. > [@eleanorigby](#): > > I don’t think (though I may have misunderstood) that consideration for feelings drives this thread–I thought the tone was more like: wtf? why wouldn’t every woman love to dress up in lingerie for her man? > > I’d be happy to be wrong. Well, I’ve never before met a woman who didn’t like lingerie. Some had a preference for different styles but most did not object to it on some sort of moral basis. That’s a lot of hate towards a tiny piece of cloth that doesn’t even tend to stay on very long. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-whats-in-it-for-you/352226.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-whats-in-it-for-you/352226.md?page=4)