# Ladies, your opinions please . . . **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 31, 2001, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-your-opinions-please/74295 "2001-07-31T02:50:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-your-opinions-please/74295/1 "2001-07-31T02:50:11Z")
I’ve been reading **The Catsitters** by James Wolcott and in this book the lead female character is trying to help the lead male character get married. Much of her advice make sense (at least to this unmarried male), but one thing in there just caused me to have doubts it would go over well if a man tried it in real life. Its called the “All-Over,” and what’s supposed to happen is if the guy and the gal have been dating for awhile, but haven’t actually slept together as of yet, on the night when the signs indicate that they should make the beast with the double backs, they’re supposed to spend a considerable amount of time making out and then when they move to the bedroom, the man gets the gal naked, strips down to his underwear and spends roughly the next hour kissing her all over her body. So far, so good. Then the man is supposed to work his way back to her mouth, plant a passionate kiss on the woman’s lips, and tell her, “That’s enough for tonight.” Somehow, she’s supposed to fall asleep after this, then the next morning the man serves her breakfast in bed, takes her home and doesn’t call her for at least a day. The next time they get together, the same thing’s supposed to happen again. Eventually, they do the nasty, like on the third or fourth time. The idea is that this proves to the woman that the man can restrain himself and would make a good husband. I gotta know what women think of this idea. So ladies, if a man did this to you, what would your response be? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-your-opinions-please/74295/2 "2001-07-31T03:06:32Z")
My guess is the man would find himself back with Rosie Palm and her Five Sisters…at least, any man who did that to me would! ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-your-opinions-please/74295/3 "2001-07-31T03:34:59Z")
Ya know, I kind of have to think you’re right. I’m asking, though, because I just might be wrong. To me it seems cruel. ---
**Author:** ![AwSnappity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a3d4f5/32.png) [@AwSnappity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AwSnappity)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-your-opinions-please/74295/4 "2001-07-31T03:36:01Z")
Ooooh, I would like it! Very, _very_ much! Sign me up for one of those, please! (Dammit, **Tuckerfan** , you’ve done gotten me all horny!) ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-your-opinions-please/74295/5 "2001-07-31T03:45:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FireUnderpantsBoobs \* > \*\*Ooooh, I would like it! Very, _very_ much! > > Sign me up for one of those, please! > > (Dammit, **Tuckerfan** , you’ve done gotten me all horny!) > \*\* Sigh, the first time I manage to get a woman horny in a couple of months and she turns out to be a high school girl who’s a thousand miles away! (This isn’t all bad, of course! I mean, its nice to know a guy my age can get a high school girl horny! Of course, if I actually tried to _do_ something about it, I’d go to jail! Story of my life, I tell ya!) ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-your-opinions-please/74295/6 "2001-07-31T05:15:17Z")
The “All-Over”, huh? Well, if a guy did that to me and didn’t explain why he was holding back, it’d be all over, all right. I have little patience for stuff like that. Right then is not a good time to show off your restraint. ---
**Author:** ![Kayeby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de0a6/32.png) [@Kayeby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kayeby)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-your-opinions-please/74295/7 "2001-07-31T09:28:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tuckerfan \* > **Then the man is supposed to work his way back to her mouth, plant a passionate kiss on the woman’s lips, and tell her, "That’s enough for tonight."** Ick. If I were the woman, I would probably think that the guy had control issues - I dislike the idea of one partner calling all the shots in bed. Furthermore, that sentence, IMO, is almost parental. Like how your mother or father would turn off the TV and go “That’s enough TV for tonight, kids.” Give me a husband who doesn’t play mind games over a ‘restrained’ one any day! ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-your-opinions-please/74295/8 "2001-07-31T10:20:45Z")
Is he supposed to be proving what a good husband he’d be? Firstly, I don’t think a good husband would get me all worked up and then walk off leaving me hanging. I don’t like power trips. Secondly, I don’t actually try to infer husbandly qualities from the kind of first shag I get, anyway. I find you can learn plenty about a guy’s personality from his _ **personality** _. I don’t see why the first shag should be about proving what a great husband he’d be. ---
**Author:** ![Home\_of\_the\_Braves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Home\_of\_the\_Braves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Home_of_the_Braves)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-your-opinions-please/74295/9 "2001-07-31T10:34:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tuckerfan \* > \*\* > Its called the “All-Over,” and what’s supposed to happen is if the guy and the gal have been dating for awhile, but haven’t actually slept together as of yet, on the night when the signs indicate that they should make the beast with the double backs, they’re supposed to spend a considerable amount of time making out and then when they move to the bedroom, the man gets the gal naked, strips down to his underwear and spends roughly the next hour kissing her all over her body. > > So far, so good. Then the man is supposed to work his way back to her mouth, plant a passionate kiss on the woman’s lips, and tell her, “That’s enough for tonight.” Somehow, she’s supposed to fall asleep after this, then the next morning the man serves her breakfast in bed, takes her home and doesn’t call her for at least a day. The next time they get together, the same thing’s supposed to happen again. > > Eventually, they do the nasty, like on the third or fourth time. \*\* This would never happen to me. I don’t like it when a guy gets me all worked up and then just leaves me hanging (ask my fiance). I’d probably (as I have done in the past) pounce on top of him and take over until both of us were finished off. I’m a greedy bitch, aren’t I? ---
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-your-opinions-please/74295/10 "2001-07-31T10:34:30Z")
Shit, my wife would kill me if I did something like that. Then go watch a porno. ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-your-opinions-please/74295/11 "2001-07-31T10:42:37Z")
Naaaaah. I’d be much happier if he just went for it - first sex should be “I-want-you-NOW” sex. You’ve got time to do the gentle getting-to-know you stuff later. When we’re first getting together, what I want to know is that you find me unbelievably irristable, not that you’ve got control issues. Kiss all over, then do the nasty. [sub]I’m so romantic[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-your-opinions-please/74295/12 "2001-07-31T11:04:21Z")
a early version of the so called “rules” books for women although its the first time ive seen this described for males usually in magazienes and such its basically described along the line as "how to get a man and keep him " ect or in todays cosmo " how to get those repeat dates from the man you want " but in simple terms? its called being hard to get what it is ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-your-opinions-please/74295/13 "2001-07-31T11:21:49Z")
i think i would punch the guy. i mean, if i did it i’d be asking for trouble (prick tease etc) and same goes for him. nice idea for a starter…but you gotta have a main course…and since it’s me choosing, probably dessert as well. ---
**Author:** ![Jane\_D\_oh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/839c29/32.png) [@Jane\_D\_oh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jane_D_oh)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-your-opinions-please/74295/14 "2001-07-31T13:42:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AudreyK \* > \*\*The “All-Over”, huh? Well, if a guy did that to me and didn’t explain why he was holding back, it’d be all over, all right. I have little patience for stuff like that. Right then is not a good time to show off your restraint. \*\* I agree with **AudreyK** not a good idea at all. Even if he did explain that he was trying to prove himself “good husband” material, it’s still not the right way to go about it. Ya want good advice, rent “The Tao of Steve”, take notes and come back and try it out 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![miamouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ad7895/32.png) [@miamouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miamouse)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-your-opinions-please/74295/15 "2001-07-31T14:09:42Z")
You don’t think it’s that much different than a couple getting all worked up, the man finishes and then falls asleep, while the women stares at the ceiling for the next half hour? ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-your-opinions-please/74295/16 "2001-07-31T14:24:07Z")
Yes. 1. They are not engaged in mutual sexual activity. 2. The man stops and walks away quite deliberately. 3. The woman has not has an opportunity to acheive orgasm other than by masturbation. In your example 1. Mutual sexual activity has occured. 2. The man didn’t fall asleep on purpose to teach the woman a lesson. 3. The woman may have had an opportunity to acheive orgasm through the sexual intercourse that took place. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-your-opinions-please/74295/17 "2001-07-31T15:31:27Z")
I can think of one way that this senario might work, for some men and some women: If the man were to say something like “I just want to worry about you tonight, is that ok?” and after the woman said “sure” he proceded to bring her to orgasm over and over again without enjoying himself-well, some women would undoubtably find that restraint and indulgance sexy. Other women would feel cheated of the chance to give as well as recieve pleasure. Me, I think senarios like that can be all well and good as long asthe partners take turns, be it within the same night or on different occasions. The real problem I have with this senario is that it seems to perpetuate the idea that sex is something men do to women, not something men and women do together. Me, I find that idea unhealthy, but I imagine it works for some people. ---
**Author:** ![Kiki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kiki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiki)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-your-opinions-please/74295/18 "2001-07-31T15:54:23Z")
If a guy did that to me I’d be really pissed and sexually frustrated. Forget that! Who gives a shit if he has restraint. I want a man who wants me and can’t wait another second to have me! [sub]Damn, thinking about all this is making me horny too. I may have to call my man for a nooner![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-your-opinions-please/74295/19 "2001-07-31T15:55:00Z")
That’s it, **Manda JO**. The thing I really don’t like about this story is that it panders to the idea that men like lots of sex and women don’t. The man in the story is told that the way to please a woman (and the way to affect to be marriageable) to be is to _pretend_ not to want sex. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-your-opinions-please/74295/20 "2001-07-31T17:40:41Z")
After that-maybe he could control himself, but I wouldn’t be able to do the same! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ladies-your-opinions-please/74295.md?page=2)