# Lame Joke Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 21, 2002, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-joke-thread/144147 "2002-12-21T01:11:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![HighSoci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ba8739/32.png) [@HighSoci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HighSoci)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2002, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-joke-thread/144147/21 "2002-12-22T05:25:02Z")
I went to a biodegradable factory the other day and it was gone. ---
**Author:** ![Jello](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f05b48/32.png) [@Jello](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jello)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2002, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-joke-thread/144147/22 "2002-12-22T06:07:13Z")
What do you call a piece of wood with nothing to do? A board! ---
**Author:** ![raz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@raz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raz)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2002, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-joke-thread/144147/23 "2002-12-22T06:24:32Z")
Ok here are my contributions. What’s brown and sticky? A stick! A polar bear walks into a restaurant. He goes up to the bar and says "Bartender, I’d like a gin and…tonic. Bartender says “Whats up with the big pause?” Polar bear says, "I don’t know, I was born with them! What’s brown and sitting on the piano bemch? Beethoven’s last movement What kind of bee produces milk? A boo-bee ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2002, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-joke-thread/144147/24 "2002-12-22T06:36:16Z")
What’s brown and green and can kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table. ---
**Author:** ![I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_can_t_believe_that_s_butter)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2002, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-joke-thread/144147/25 "2002-12-22T10:23:41Z")
Did you hear that beer makes you smarter? It made Bud wiser. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2002, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-joke-thread/144147/26 "2002-12-22T10:54:22Z")
Didja hear about that new restaurant on the Moon? Great food, no atmosphere. ---
**Author:** ![spiro51](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@spiro51](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spiro51)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2002, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-joke-thread/144147/27 "2002-12-22T10:59:22Z")
A: Ask me if I’m a truck. B: Are you a truck? A: No. How do you know you’ve been raped by an elephant? You’re pregnant for TWO YEARS. Julius Caesar walks into a bar, says “I’ll have a martinus.” The bartender responds, “Don’t you mean a martini?” “If I wanted a double, I’d have asked for one.” ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2002, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-joke-thread/144147/28 "2002-12-22T13:42:30Z")
Dog walks into a bar, says “I’m looking ofr the man who shot my paw.” Horse walks into a bar, say “Hay, bartender!” Horse walks into a bar, bartender asks “Why the long face?” Thank you thanks everyone, your a great crowd! Good Night! ---
**Author:** ![AllShookDown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d9b06d/32.png) [@AllShookDown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AllShookDown)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2002, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-joke-thread/144147/29 "2002-12-22T17:19:15Z")
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2002, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-joke-thread/144147/30 "2002-12-22T17:36:08Z")
My youngest sister pulled this one on anyone who’d play along: Sis: Ask me if I took a shower!! Victim: Did you take a shower? Sis: Why, is one missing?? She was her own best audience. ---
**Author:** ![TVGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/82dd89/32.png) [@TVGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2002, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-joke-thread/144147/31 "2002-12-22T18:34:23Z")
How abut the guy standing on the street corner jumoing up and down on a manhole cover shouting, a the top of his lungs, "45! 45! 45! 45! … " A fellow comes along and asks the guy why he’s jumping up and down yelling “45!” all the time. The guy says, “Want to see?” “Sure,” the fellow replies. So the guy opens up the manhole and when the fellow bends over to look in, the guys kicks him in the ass and into the manhole. He replaces the cover and starts jumping up and down shouting, "“46! 46! 46! 46! …” ---
**Author:** ![BioHazard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3bc359/32.png) [@BioHazard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BioHazard)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2002, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-joke-thread/144147/32 "2002-12-23T00:59:56Z")
I find most of these jokes HILARIOUS! I’ll come back and rate them when I have time. Here’s another one, an AI generated joke (more of a oneliner): MegaHAL: CHESS IS A GOOD GAME WHEN PLAYED WITH SHOTGUNS. ---
**Author:** ![spiro51](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@spiro51](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spiro51)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2002, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-joke-thread/144147/33 "2002-12-23T01:34:04Z")
A variation: Celine Dion walks into a bar, bartender asks, “Why the long face?” ---
**Author:** ![TVGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/82dd89/32.png) [@TVGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2002, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-joke-thread/144147/34 "2002-12-23T02:03:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BioHazard \* > **I find most of these jokes HILARIOUS! I’ll come back and rate them when I have time.** I weep for you, my friend 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2002, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-joke-thread/144147/35 "2002-12-23T02:07:56Z")
The numbers 4 and 6 are sitting in a bar having a drink; when all of the sudden the number 3 walks in, does a funny little dance then leaves. The number 4 turns to the number 6 and says “hey whats up with that guy?” The number 6 then responds " I don’t know he seemed a little odd to me…" A pony walks into a bar: bartender “what’ll ya’ have buddy?” Pony “tsss bsss hss bsss” bartender “What was that buddy I couldn’t quite hear ya” Pony “tsss bsss hss bsss” Bartender " I still can’t understand what your say’n can ya repeat that?" Pony “tss bsss hss tss” Bartender (getting anoyed) " Hey listen man if you want something your gonna have to speak up becuase I can’t hear ya!" Pony (in a rasp voice) “sorry I can’t talk right now, I’m a little horse!” ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2002, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-joke-thread/144147/36 "2002-12-23T02:31:05Z")
Here’s another dumb one: A kid from the country goes to school one day. He says, “Hey teach, for breakfast I et seven eggs!” The teacher says, “Ate.” He replies, “No, I et seven eggs.” The teacher says, “Ate.” “No, I et seven eggs,” he insists. “Ate,” says the teacher. “All right,” he shouts, “I et eight eggs!” ---
**Author:** ![flood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@flood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flood)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2002, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-joke-thread/144147/37 "2002-12-23T04:26:27Z")
Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A: Oh, I lost my tractor. Q: Why was the farmer buried behind the hill? A: Because he died. Thank you all, I’ll be here all night. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![richardb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/96bed5/32.png) [@richardb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/richardb)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2002, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-joke-thread/144147/38 "2002-12-23T04:36:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Soup Nazi \* > \*\*I hope everyone has heard this… but for those who haven’t: > A guy walks into the bar with his dog… > Bartender: “you can’t bring a dog in here.” > Guy: “No my dog can talk!” > Bartender: Oh yeah, if you can prove it I’ll give you both a round on the house. > Guy: Alright boy, who was the greatest baseball player ever? > Dog: Roof! > Guy: See! He said Babe Ruth! > Bartender: Yeah right bud get out of here > Guy: No wait! Alright boy, what’s on top of a house? > Dog: Roof! > Guy: See! he said a roof! > Bartender: I said Get the Hell Outa Here! > They walk out of the bar and the dog says “What the fuck was that guys problem?!” \*\* I think something got lost in the translation here… While this version is still funny, it is only a simple joke, the punchline being that the dog can actually speak intelligent english, even though the bartender misinterprets the answers the dog had given to the three questions as only barking. OK, ha ha. But the original joke is much funnier. The first question is the texture of sandpaper: “Rough.” The second question is what’s on the top of a house: “Roof.” The third question is who is the greatest baseball player of all time, and the dog answers “Ruth.” After the bartender then kicks them out, the dog spouts the punchline: “You think I should have said Di Maggio?” Not only does it have the same joke your version, but the second level of humor that the dog believes he was kicked out for disagreeing with the bartender’s view of baseball history. I know deconstructing a joke always takes away the humor, but there ya have it. To add in another (lame joke): Q. Why are farmers so repected? A. They are always outstanding in their field! ---
**Author:** ![IGJoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/igjoe/32/5420_2.png) [@IGJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IGJoe)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2002, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-joke-thread/144147/39 "2002-12-23T04:53:00Z")
Where did the General keep his armies? In his sleevies! HA! ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2002, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-joke-thread/144147/40 "2002-12-23T05:19:35Z")
Knock Knock Who’s their? Interrupting Cow Interrrupt… MOO!!! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-joke-thread/144147.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-joke-thread/144147.md?page=3)