# Lame jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 18, 2001, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-jokes/76926 "2001-08-18T19:59:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Reeder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Reeder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reeder)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2001, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-jokes/76926/1 "2001-08-18T19:59:26Z")
A little boy is pulling a string down the road… Man to little boy…"Why are you pulling that string? Little boy to man…“You ever tried to push one?” Lets hear yours. ---
**Author:** ![Bluepony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Bluepony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bluepony)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2001, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-jokes/76926/2 "2001-08-18T20:29:33Z")
Grasshopper walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender looks at grasshopper and says, “You know, we serve a drink here that’s named after you.” Grasshopper puts his beer down and says to the bartender, “You serve a drink called ‘Steve’”? ---
**Author:** ![Nicklz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/8baadc/32.png) [@Nicklz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nicklz)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2001, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-jokes/76926/3 "2001-08-18T23:11:34Z")
Wanna hear a dirty joke?? What happened to the horse after he jumped over the hedge? He fell into a mud puddle (-: ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2001, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-jokes/76926/4 "2001-08-18T23:28:21Z")
One time, we owned a horse that wouldn’t win any races. Turns out he had a bad leg. So we shot him. ---
**Author:** ![Alex\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Alex\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alex_B)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2001, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-jokes/76926/5 "2001-08-18T23:46:57Z")
What’s brown and sticky? A stick. I apologise. Alex ---
**Author:** ![Atreyu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@Atreyu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atreyu)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2001, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-jokes/76926/6 "2001-08-19T04:10:39Z")
What did the elephant say to the naked man? “Well, it’s cute, but can you really breathe through that?” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![dobbinaire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e79b87/32.png) [@dobbinaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dobbinaire)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2001, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-jokes/76926/7 "2001-08-19T09:32:50Z")
A car full of blondes:D was traveling to Dallas. They came upon a sign that read “Dallas Left”. So they turned around and went back home. ---
**Author:** ![Janet\_O](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d07c76/32.png) [@Janet\_O](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Janet_O)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2001, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-jokes/76926/8 "2001-08-19T10:00:09Z")
“Who gave you that hickey?” “I did it myself” “How did you do that?” “I stood on a chair” ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2001, 10:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-jokes/76926/9 "2001-08-19T10:05:56Z")
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? A: To get to the other side. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2001, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-jokes/76926/10 "2001-08-19T13:42:18Z")
Q: Name the 4 waterfowl found in the chest A: 1) The esophagoose 2) The azygoose 3) The hemi-azygoose 4) The thoracic duck ---
**Author:** ![DVous\_Means](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@DVous\_Means](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DVous_Means)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2001, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-jokes/76926/11 "2001-08-19T15:14:25Z")
What’s blue and doesn’t fit any more? A dead epileptic. ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2001, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-jokes/76926/12 "2001-08-19T15:37:43Z")
why do elephants have big ears? Noddy wouldn’t pay the ransom ---
**Author:** ![hawthorne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@hawthorne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hawthorne)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2001, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-jokes/76926/13 "2001-08-19T16:41:16Z")
Why is a fire engine red? It has six wheels and six men. Six and six is twelve. There are twelve inches in a ruler. One of the greatest rulers was Queen Victoria. She ruled over the seven seas. In the seven seas are fish. Fish have fins. The Finns fought the Russians, and the Russian flag is red. ---
**Author:** ![Bubble\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c0e974/32.png) [@Bubble\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bubble_Girl)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2001, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-jokes/76926/14 "2001-08-19T17:29:31Z")
How do you eat a frog? . . . . . . . . . One leg over each ear! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2001, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-jokes/76926/15 "2001-08-19T18:41:50Z")
1. A skeleton walks into a bar. He says, “Bartender–I’ll have a beer and a mop.” 2. A termite walks into a pub. He goes over to one of the other patrons and says, “So… is the bar tender here?” 3. Q: Who was Alexander Graham Kowalski? A: The first telephone Pole! (yuk, yuk, yuk.) ---
**Author:** ![Ferggie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e99b99/32.png) [@Ferggie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferggie)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2001, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-jokes/76926/16 "2001-08-19T18:48:29Z")
Two strings walk into a restaurant. The maitre d’ says “We don’t serve _strings_ here.” One string gives up and goes home. The other makes a loop and pulls one end through, then ravels both ends. It goes back into the restaurant. “Aren’t you one of those _strings_ I just threw out of here?” the maitre d’ asks. “No,” replies the string. “I’m a frayed knot.” ---
**Author:** ![Chez\_Guevara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/aeb1de/32.png) [@Chez\_Guevara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chez_Guevara)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2001, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-jokes/76926/17 "2001-08-19T19:07:57Z")
**God is talking to Noah.** God: Noah, I’d like you to build me another ark. Noah: Certainly God. Same specifications as before? God: God no! This one needs to be twenty storeys high. Noah: Twenty storeys? You’ve got it. Anything else? God: God yes! I want you to fill it with fish. Noah: Twenty storeys with fish. OK. Nothing else? God: Yes. The fish must all be of the carp family. Noah: Twenty storeys, filled with fish, exclusively carp. God: Check. Noah: God, this is a strange request. Care to explain? God: I just fancy a multi-storey carp ark. ---
**Author:** ![caveman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/caveman/32/7242_2.png) [@caveman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/caveman)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2001, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-jokes/76926/18 "2001-08-19T19:28:08Z")
A ship carrying red paint collides with a ship carrying purple paint. The survivors are all marooned. ---
**Author:** ![Creaky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@Creaky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creaky)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2001, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-jokes/76926/19 "2001-08-19T19:31:02Z")
Why did the jelly roll? Because it saw the apple turnover! ---
**Author:** ![edwino](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@edwino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwino)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2001, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-jokes/76926/20 "2001-08-19T19:49:54Z")
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Seven. One to hold the giraffe and one to fill the bathtub with colorful bicycle parts. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lame-jokes/76926.md?page=2)