One megafauna that went extinct only ~12,000 years ago that I wish was with us still is the elephant-sized giant ground sloth (megathere). We wouldn’t have to run away from it, a leisurely stroll away would suffice.
Imagine this colossal creature lumbering toward you like a sleepy freight train. Its massive claws scraping the ground, and its beady eyes squinting as if it’s trying to remember where it left its car keys.
Narrator ( David Attenborough ): “And here we have a Homo sapien, the ultimate multitasker, about to engage in a favorite pastime: fleeing from megafauna. Watch closely as he executes the ‘Casual Evacuation Maneuver.’”
You take a sip of your chocolate latte and start slowly strolling away. The giant ground sloth, meanwhile, is still trying to decide whether it wants to eat you or take a nap. It’s a tough call.
Giant Ground Sloth (thinking): “Hmm, should I chase him, or perhaps just lie down and contemplate the meaning of life? Choices, choices.”
Narrator: “Our Homo sapien protagonist maintains a not so brisk pace. The sloth, however, is still pondering its existential crisis.“
Finally, you reach a safe distance. The sloth yawns, revealing teeth the size of your forearm. You nod respectfully. It nods back, as if to say, “Yeah, I could’ve caught you, but I’m on a low-carb diet.”
And so, you continue your leisurely stroll, leaving the giant ground sloth behind. It’s a tale as old as time: humans fleeing, sloths contemplating, and the universe shrugging its shoulders.
Narrator: “And thus concludes our documentary, ‘Sloths: The Original Chill Giants.’ Tune in next time for ‘Sabertooth Tigers: Dental Hygiene Nightmares.’”