# Language, people! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 19, 2018, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/language-people/816394 "2018-06-19T19:24:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2018, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/language-people/816394/21 "2018-06-19T21:27:56Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > As for what was stated in the OP, their bitch was that we couldn’t cooperate with each other enough to speak the same language Yeah, really doesn’t say that in the OP. The thousands of languages problem is THEIR problem, not ours. We like having multiple languages, it is a natural result of societies dispersing and developing, it shows creativity, it’s a feature - not a bug! So, as you busy yourself re-orienting goalposts, I feel I have solved for your OP. ---
**Author:** ![Grestarian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grestarian/32/3227_2.png) [@Grestarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grestarian)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2018, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/language-people/816394/22 "2018-06-19T21:35:59Z")
English is clearly the most wide-spread. Not only have there been zillions of English Language schools created and staffed with college grads lacking better job prospects, but it’s pretty much the lingua franca on the Internet – if only because every spammer, scammer, software pirate, and identity thief from China to the Balkans to sub-Saharan Africa uses it to target potential victims. :mad: If they know just enough to perpetuate their criminal activities, they can learn just a bit more to sustain their planet. After all, if it gets astro-bulldozed, they’re out of business too! :smack: –G! ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2018, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/language-people/816394/23 "2018-06-19T21:40:23Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Are there beans in that chili? If so, it’s not worth the trouble. I’ll second that. Chili doesn’t have beans in it. You can add beans to chili and make it chili with beans, but don’t ever try and pass off chili with beans as just chili. ---
**Author:** ![DinoR](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dinor/32/2821_2.png) [@DinoR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DinoR)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2018, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/language-people/816394/24 "2018-06-19T21:44:33Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Please remember that they are looking for evidence that we can cooperate. You don’t kill most of the rest of the humans on the planet without significant cooperation on the part of the survivors. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2018, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/language-people/816394/25 "2018-06-19T22:26:59Z")
This is totally my mistake: I should have just posted the final sentence without the oh-so-confusing hypothetical that preceded it, which obviously lead some of you to think that this was some sort of “find the hidden workaround” game. If the hypothetical still confuses you, just skip to the last sentence in the OP and work with that, o.k.? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2018, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/language-people/816394/26 "2018-06-19T22:28:53Z")
> [@Icarus](#): > > Yeah, really doesn’t say that in the OP. The thousands of languages problem is THEIR problem, not ours. We like having multiple languages, it is a natural result of societies dispersing and developing, it shows creativity, it’s a feature - not a bug! > > So, as you busy yourself re-orienting goalposts, I feel I have solved for your OP. My goalposts are right where they always were. I’m sorry you didn’t understand the premise of this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2018, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/language-people/816394/27 "2018-06-19T22:32:26Z")
> [@Crazy\_Canuck](#): > > I am Groot. > Regards, > I am Groot Certainly short, and a vocabulary that most anyone can learn in a matter of seconds…but what if you say “I am Groot” and the alien misunderstands you and thinks you actually said “I am Groot”? That would be rather embarrassing, don’t you think? ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2018, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/language-people/816394/28 "2018-06-19T23:00:00Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > This is totally my mistake: I should have just posted the final sentence without the oh-so-confusing hypothetical that preceded it, which obviously lead some of you to think that this was some sort of “find the hidden workaround” game. If the hypothetical still confuses you, just skip to the last sentence in the OP and work with that, o.k.? So does that mean you’re rejecting my answer - the language everyone already knows (gesture)? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2018, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/language-people/816394/29 "2018-06-19T23:04:22Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > So does that mean you’re rejecting my answer - the language everyone already knows (gesture)? That’s a good one…_if_ gestures are pretty much the same all over the world. I’m not saying they aren’t-I just don’t know. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2018, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/language-people/816394/30 "2018-06-19T23:07:24Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > That’s a good one…_if_ gestures are pretty much the same all over the world. I’m not saying they aren’t-I just don’t know. Something in the back of my mind tells me that there are indeed cultures that have things like the nod and head-shake switched - but they’re an insignificant minority, and we _do_ get a year to teach these people. (Presuming we can a)find them and b)establish enough of a (different) common language to be able to tell them what to do when the three-headed tentacle people swing by.) ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2018, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/language-people/816394/31 "2018-06-19T23:11:23Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > Something in the back of my mind tells me that there are indeed cultures that have things like the nod and head-shake switched - but they’re an insignificant minority, and we _do_ get a year to teach these people. (Presuming we can a)find them and b)establish enough of a (different) common language to be able to tell them what to do when the three-headed tentacle people swing by.) You’re right, so I think it’s a solid. ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2018, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/language-people/816394/32 "2018-06-20T01:26:50Z")
Does nobody remember Close Encounters? It worked in the movies, it has to work in this hypothetical situation. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2018, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/language-people/816394/33 "2018-06-20T01:41:56Z")
> [@P-man](#): > > Does nobody remember Close Encounters? It worked in the movies, it has to work in this hypothetical situation. Remember-The object isn’t to communicate with the aliens. It is to get almost everyone to communicate with each other via a common language. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2018, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/language-people/816394/34 "2018-06-20T02:37:03Z")
I would suggest learning the language in which the Martian communique is expressed. Any other might be thought offensive, and we all know what can happen when we offend someone over things like that. ---
**Author:** ![bibliophage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bibliophage/32/7615_2.png) [@bibliophage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bibliophage)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2018, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/language-people/816394/35 "2018-06-20T03:00:49Z")
If computer programming languages count, I suggest [Brainfuck](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brainfuck), just to make it interesting. Otherwise, [Esperanto](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Esperanto). ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2018, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/language-people/816394/36 "2018-06-20T13:43:33Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > My goalposts are right where they always were. I’m sorry you didn’t understand the premise of this thread. Hey, I’m just programming from the specs as written. ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2018, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/language-people/816394/37 "2018-06-20T13:50:36Z")
In one year? None. Not a chance. Kiss your butt good-bye. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2018, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/language-people/816394/38 "2018-06-20T14:17:42Z")
> [@bibliophage](#): > > Otherwise, [Esperanto](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Esperanto). How easy is it to learn? ---
**Author:** ![Crazy\_Canuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazy_canuck/32/5282_2.png) [@Crazy\_Canuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazy_Canuck)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2018, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/language-people/816394/39 "2018-06-20T14:32:20Z")
I am Groot was a joke, because if this really happened, I’m with Jasmine in that we’re all going to die. Maybe the average doper could learn a language in a year, but do you really think that subsistence farmers in the third world have enough hours in their day to learn a second language in under a year? They’d starve first, long before the aliens killed everyone. The only way we could even get a small majority of the human population speaking the same language would by necessity involve the largest genocide in human history. I’d suggest that we fight the aliens instead of massacring our own kind in a pathetic attempt to suck up to space Hitler. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2018, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/language-people/816394/40 "2018-06-21T03:43:23Z")
> [@Icarus](#): > > Simple - > > Since Mandarin Chinese is the most spoken language, people who speak Mandarin Chinese should kill people who do not, until the majority is reached. > > I could see this plan working. But then the aliens would have to learn Madarin Chinese (including the characters!). They just might kill everyone instead. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/language-people/816394.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/language-people/816394.md?page=3)