# Lap dances: are you supposed to...? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 13, 2001, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lap-dances-are-you-supposed-to/76035 "2001-08-13T14:53:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Gundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b782af/32.png) [@Gundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gundy)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lap-dances-are-you-supposed-to/76035/1 "2001-08-13T14:53:09Z")
On Six Feet Under last night, one of the characters, a gay male, was taken to a (female) strip club by some folks who didn’t know he was gay and sent a lap dance. So the girl hops on and gyrates a bit, then asks, “Are you even enjoying this?” David replies that he is, but the girl isn’t convinced because his penis remained…unresponsive. So he tells her that he’s gay, and she leaves abruptly to make money elsewhere. His friends see this and say, “What happened, you shot your wad too early?” All this is actually leading to a question. When you get a lap dance, are you expected to come? I imagine it’s a pretty common occurrence - I mean, the friction alone would get lots of guys hard. But is ejaculation the _expected_ outcome? The goal? Which leads me to ask another question. Say you get a lap dance, and come in your pants. Uh…then what do you do? Go clean up? Wear the spooge as a badge of pride? Seems awkward, to say the least. And I have to be honest. If my hypothetical husband-to-be were heading off to a strip club for a bachelor party lap dance and was dry-humped until he creamed his pants - particularly if that were the ultimate goal, to have someone else get him off - I’d have a problem with it. For some reason that seems much more intimate than shoving dollars into a g-string. I have no qualms about my boyfriend going to strip clubs but lap-grind-till-you-come doesn’t sit well with me, no pun intended. It doesn’t seem much different to me than someone giving him a hand job, and actual sex or no, that’s cheating in my book. Hope I don’t sound like an idiot. The only strip clubs I’ve been to have featured gay male strippers and patrons so I’m a bit ignorant on this subject. I suppose at some point I’ll have to head out to a strip club just to check it out for myself…all in the name of research, naturally ;). ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lap-dances-are-you-supposed-to/76035/2 "2001-08-13T15:13:36Z")
Wellllll, HBO has this series where they talk to strippers and film them at work. On one episode I caught, one of them discovered that her lap-dance customer had ejaculated (she realized this when she was putting herself back together and he’d already left). It was remarkable how _disgusted_ she was. Like you, I wondered if that wasn’t, on some level, the point of the exercise. But she was mad and irritated that any of it got on her (through his clothes, of course). Which leads me to believe that perhaps its not so common and it’s not the stripper’s goal while doing the lapdance. ---
**Author:** ![False\_God](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ee7513/32.png) [@False\_God](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/False_God)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lap-dances-are-you-supposed-to/76035/3 "2001-08-13T15:29:08Z")
I think the guy’s friends were deriding him for (apparently) tipping too much and too quickly, instead of spreading it out. This can be referred to as “blowing your wad(of cash)”, as well as “shooting one’s wad”, which, well, ahem. I don’t think it’s standard practice for lapdances to end in ejaculation. Rather unstandard, actually. The (few) clubs I’ve been to have been rather sedate, but there was the understanding that if you wanted a “private session”, it could be arranged. Most dancers, IMHO are not prostitutes. Usually bisexual, at least in my small sampling, but not prostitutes. I think they’d be very offended if a customer made the bald man vomit while they were working. ---
**Author:** ![pezpunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@pezpunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pezpunk)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lap-dances-are-you-supposed-to/76035/4 "2001-08-13T15:42:19Z")
Hell! I ejactulated just reading that post. Forget about a lapdance! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Montfort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Montfort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Montfort)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lap-dances-are-you-supposed-to/76035/5 "2001-08-13T15:54:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by False\_God \* > **I think the guy’s friends were deriding him for (apparently) tipping too much and too quickly, instead of spreading it out. This can be referred to as “blowing your wad(of cash)”, as well as “shooting one’s wad”, which, well, ahem.** Actually, I disagree. It seemed rather obvious from the drunk looks on their faces, as well as the near-disgust on David’s, that they were trying to embarrass him by pointing out that he came quickly. They were the ones who paid for the stripper, and they tipped her well (I think I saw a $50 slipped into her bikini top). ---
**Author:** ![False\_God](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ee7513/32.png) [@False\_God](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/False_God)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lap-dances-are-you-supposed-to/76035/6 "2001-08-13T16:02:39Z")
Well, Montfort, as I didn’t see it, I’ll defer to you in this. I was just pointing out that in my experience, it’s not been the norm for a customer to blow his wad over the dancers. In the germane case under discussion, it may very well have been. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lap-dances-are-you-supposed-to/76035/7 "2001-08-13T16:17:30Z")
Having, in my mis-spent Naval youth, been a frequent vistor to such establishments: No, an orgasm is _not_ what the dancer wants. What she wants is for her customer to be arroused enough to lose control over his wallet. If he ‘comes’, she’s outta luck, as it’s rather unlikely that he’s going to be buying any more dances _that_ night. Not to mention being oogy and gross. BTW: It matters not at all what the customer wants. He’s only there for the purpose of being fleeced. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lap-dances-are-you-supposed-to/76035/8 "2001-08-13T16:35:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tranquilis \* > \*\*If he ‘comes’, she’s outta luck, as it’s rather unlikely that he’s going to be buying any more dances _that_ night. Not to mention being oogy and gross. > \*\* Possibly, the goal for the lapdancer would be to get the same amount of dances from a guy whether he “launches the rocket” or not (even a non-comer isn’t going to buy them all night), then finish him off with a healthy spooge-inducing grind to generate repeat business. Any business transaction that is both legal (and hence easy and low-risk) and results in an orgasm will be a popular one! ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Zero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@Saint\_Zero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Zero)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lap-dances-are-you-supposed-to/76035/9 "2001-08-13T16:47:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gundy \* > **Which leads me to ask another question. Say you get a lap dance, and come in your pants. Uh…then what do you do? Go clean up? Wear the spooge as a badge of pride? Seems awkward, to say the least.** From my days in the Auto Parts business, I’ve met a lot of guys who’ve visited such places and are familiar with the customs around them. Some guys make a habit of putting a condom on prior to the nights enjoyment, just in case something, er, “comes up.” ---
**Author:** ![Sue\_Duhnym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@Sue\_Duhnym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sue_Duhnym)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lap-dances-are-you-supposed-to/76035/10 "2001-08-13T18:05:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gundy \* > When you get a lap dance, are you expected to come? Absolutely f-ing NOT!!! No, no no. NO!!! > [@](#): > > Say you get a lap dance, and come in your pants. Uh…then what do you do? Untuck your shirt, leave and never come back because you’ll be hard pressed to get another dancer to come near you. (No puns intended you sickos!) Disgusting. Gah! ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lap-dances-are-you-supposed-to/76035/11 "2001-08-13T18:09:03Z")
Uh, **Sue**? How do you know all this? ---
**Author:** ![False\_God](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ee7513/32.png) [@False\_God](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/False_God)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lap-dances-are-you-supposed-to/76035/12 "2001-08-13T18:18:41Z")
'Cause she used to dance, Olent. And I’d like to thank the lovely Ms. Duhnym for stepping in and buttressing my assertation. I knew we had at least one former dancer on the boards from whom to get expert opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lap-dances-are-you-supposed-to/76035/13 "2001-08-13T18:37:21Z")
_looks at Sue’s pic on the webpage_ Oh. Wow. ---
**Author:** ![Sasquatch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e79b87/32.png) [@Sasquatch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sasquatch)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lap-dances-are-you-supposed-to/76035/14 "2001-08-13T18:51:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Olentzero \* > _looks at Sue’s pic on **the webpage** _ ??? ---
**Author:** ![Sapphire\_Bullet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/96bed5/32.png) [@Sapphire\_Bullet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapphire_Bullet)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lap-dances-are-you-supposed-to/76035/15 "2001-08-13T20:34:40Z")
Here’s [Sue](http://www.geocities.com/sdpeoplepages/sue_duhnym.html) from the [Straight Dope People Pages](http://www.geocities.com/sdpeoplepages). ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lap-dances-are-you-supposed-to/76035/16 "2001-08-13T20:41:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CrankyAsAnOldMan \* > **Wellllll, HBO has this series where they talk to strippers and film them at work…** If anyone’s interested it’s called G-String Divas. It’s a _cough_ documentary. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bean\_Counter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/db5fbb/32.png) [@Bean\_Counter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bean_Counter)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lap-dances-are-you-supposed-to/76035/17 "2001-08-13T21:44:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Olentzero \* > \*\*_looks at Sue’s pic on the webpage_ > > Oh. Wow. \*\* I second that motion! All in favor say, “Aye!” All opposed… “Aye’s” have it, motion carries. ---
**Author:** ![Gundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b782af/32.png) [@Gundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gundy)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lap-dances-are-you-supposed-to/76035/18 "2001-08-13T21:45:19Z")
Thanks for all of the responses - particularly yours, Sue Duhnym. Good to know from the front lines. So a trip to your local strip club is essentially an exercise in blue balls, if you’re a guy with a hair trigger? ---
**Author:** ![Sue\_Duhnym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@Sue\_Duhnym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sue_Duhnym)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lap-dances-are-you-supposed-to/76035/19 "2001-08-13T22:00:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gundy \* > Thanks for all of the responses - particularly yours, Sue Duhnym. Good to know from the front lines. > > So a trip to your local strip club is essentially an exercise in blue balls, if you’re a guy with a hair trigger? You are perfectly welcome. Mostly. The “goal” (besides making money) is to be fodder for fantasies LATER, so it’s a total tease…or supposed to be. I won’t say that some men didn’t get erections, but an equal number didn’t. My husband (when he was just my SO) would come in occasionally and if it was a slow night, I’d drag his heiney into the VIP room (Chris Rock is right boys, no sex in the VIP room!) and give him lap dances. He never once got hard. Lapdances at home, OTOH, were like dancing on a slab of granite. 😃 I’ve heard of the condom trick **Saint Zero** described but I can’t say that I’ve experienced it. May have, don’t know, hope not. If the goal were getting men off, it would be prostitution, no? ---
**Author:** ![bughunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@bughunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bughunter)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lap-dances-are-you-supposed-to/76035/20 "2001-08-13T22:02:28Z")
Well, yes, I personally require more stimulation than a lap dance can usually provide, but some of my friends are different. I have several who expect to “get off.” And there are some strip clubs where that’s the understood, unstated goal… and yes, like **Saint Zero** said, you wear a condom. But these aren’t anywhere near the caliber of clubs like Deja Vu or Olympic Garden. And no disrespect to **Sue** , but I find it kind of hypocritical for a girl who will rub her naked body all over a roomful of guys to suddenly react with disgust if one of them ejaculates. It’s not like you’re cleaning their teeth or drilling cavities, you know! Sooner or later you’re going to be too much for one of them. All of a sudden he’s a “sicko?” What the hell did you expect? Anyway, I find lap dances to be one of the dumbest ways to waste money. I don’t mind tipping dancers on stage, but lap dances aren’t cheap, and when you walk out of the club, now you’re a lot more horny, and a lot more broke, than when you walked in. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/lap-dances-are-you-supposed-to/76035.md?page=2)