# Large Penis Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 22, 2012, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-penis-jokes/641845 "2012-11-22T15:59:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-penis-jokes/641845/21 "2012-11-22T17:23:50Z")
Not a joke, but rather the most hilarious line of dialog I ever heard in a video game. From **Cass** in Fallout New Vegas: > [@](#): > > Nobody’s dick is that long, not even Long Dick Johnson, and he had a fucking long dick, thus the name. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-penis-jokes/641845/22 "2012-11-22T17:38:03Z")
I finally found a way to make my dick 9 inches long. I fold it in half. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-penis-jokes/641845/23 "2012-11-22T17:56:03Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > Not to be a dick about it, but joke threads go in MPSIMS. Moved from Cafe Society. My dick is so big 1/2 of it is still on it’s way here from Cafe Society. My dick is so big it’s got it’s own dick, and _that_ dick has it’s own zip code. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-penis-jokes/641845/24 "2012-11-22T17:56:49Z")
What does a man with a 12 inch dick have for breakfast? This morning I was in a hurry so I just had coffee. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-penis-jokes/641845/25 "2012-11-22T18:16:24Z")
My dick is so big the Alaskan Pipeline used to have inadequacy issues. My dick is so big astronauts mistakenly believe they can see the Great Wall of China from space. My dick is so big it crosses the International Dateline. Twice. ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-penis-jokes/641845/26 "2012-11-22T18:22:19Z")
My dick is so big it had a military coup and is now known as the People’s Republic of My Dick. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-penis-jokes/641845/27 "2012-11-22T18:22:56Z")
My name used to be Mason, and my dick was Pennsylvania’s southern border. Mason’s dick’s-on-line, they called it. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-penis-jokes/641845/28 "2012-11-22T18:24:25Z")
Those aren’t my balls-those are my dick’s moons. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-penis-jokes/641845/29 "2012-11-22T18:24:30Z")
Punchline only: “Yes, but _this_ one’s eating my popcorn.” ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-penis-jokes/641845/30 "2012-11-22T18:26:10Z")
> **[Big D jokes](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=19152)** > > I remember reading Drew Carey’s 101 Big Dick Jokes. It was hilarious. Judging from the wit I see collected here, we should come up with some good ones. So, anybody know any good big dick jokes? Here’s mine: My dick is so big, I’m taller lying down... ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-penis-jokes/641845/31 "2012-11-22T18:39:21Z")
My dick is so big, it’s a swing state. My dick is so big, George Lucas is adding CGI effects to its next release. My dick is so big, it does my taxes for me. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-penis-jokes/641845/32 "2012-11-22T18:41:59Z")
My dick is so big that I am the little thing that dangles off of _it_. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-penis-jokes/641845/33 "2012-11-22T18:42:56Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > My dick is so big, George Lucas is adding CGI effects to its next release. My dick is so big George Lucas is releasing it as Episodes 7 through 9. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-penis-jokes/641845/34 "2012-11-22T18:45:33Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > My dick is so big, George Lucas is adding CGI effects to its next release. Han still shot off first. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Doom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Dr\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Doom)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-penis-jokes/641845/35 "2012-11-22T18:48:14Z")
Just thought I’d point out that most of these penis jokes aren’t very large. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-penis-jokes/641845/36 "2012-11-22T18:51:57Z")
My dick is so big… ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-penis-jokes/641845/37 "2012-11-22T19:09:00Z")
My dick’s so big light bends as it passes by. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Doom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Dr\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Doom)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-penis-jokes/641845/38 "2012-11-22T19:44:50Z")
My dick is so big, when my dick was getting Knighted, The Queen was unable to dub it thrice. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-penis-jokes/641845/39 "2012-11-22T19:57:14Z")
My dick is so big, yo’ momma said it was bigger than all the other dicks she’d had, put together. My dick is so big, Herman Melville wrote a book about it. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-penis-jokes/641845/40 "2012-11-22T21:05:26Z")
I have two. One only smart people get. The other, only women find funny. 1. Did you hear about the plastic surgeon who hung himself? 2. A young soldier loses his leg just above the knee, in Afganistan. He comes home, does his rehab and goes on to live his life. He doesn’t date, he’s embarrassed by his handicap, even though he’s overcome so much. He eventually, meets a woman he just can’t resist. They date for months without being intimate. He never tells her about his injury. Finally, he gets up the nerve to move to the next level. He takes her to a beautiful hotel. When she goes into the bathroom to get ready, he takes off his prostesis and hides it under the bed. She gets into bed next to him. He says, “Honey, before we start anything, I’m afraid I have something I haven’t told you.” She: “Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s ok.” He: “Maybe I’d better show you, give me your hand.” He moves her hand to the stump. She runs her hand over it, but doesn’t say a word. Panicked, he begs, “Please, say something!” Finally, she whispers,“Do you have any KY?” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-penis-jokes/641845.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-penis-jokes/641845.md?page=3)