# Large woman = "real woman" - huh? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 17, 2003, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-woman-real-woman-huh/195731 "2003-08-17T05:43:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-woman-real-woman-huh/195731/121 "2003-08-21T19:14:00Z")
Cajela, thanks for the kind words! You’re a “real woman” too! ---
**Author:** ![vasyachkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c5a1d2/32.png) [@vasyachkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vasyachkin)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-woman-real-woman-huh/195731/122 "2003-08-21T22:43:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dung Beetle \* > \*\*Can we tease you until you quit acting like a jerk? \*\* sure, you can call me fatboy 🙂 however, i take pride in being a jerk, and that will never change. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-woman-real-woman-huh/195731/123 "2003-08-22T11:53:04Z")
Now here’s a serious question. You say that verbal abuse helped you turn your situation around. But do you remember how it felt? Do you realize that the way in which you choose to express yourself could be hurtful to people here? I think you do. Why are you doing it? ---
**Author:** ![Deadly\_Nightlight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Deadly\_Nightlight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deadly_Nightlight)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-woman-real-woman-huh/195731/124 "2003-08-22T18:18:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by transitionality \* > \*\*This is another one of those tired old myths that physically unattractive women trot out every time. It may not be complete bullshit in the strict sense of the word, but it comes close. > > Look, you can smooth out a skin blemish, whiten out the teeth a little bit, or add some luster to the lips with photo manipulation software. But you’re not going to shrink down a woman 6 sizes and still make her look realistic. You’re not going to make her breasts suddenly start defying gravity. You have to start with pretty good base material. What happens with photo manipulation is that you take a woman who would already rate a 9.5/10 on the hottitude scale, make her dress up and pose in ways that make her look 9.75/10, and then clean up the final product to make her look 9.9/10. Then you publish. > > In short, you start with pretty fucking hot and you end up with real fucking hot. The difference is marginal. Guys don’t care if a woman is almost perfect or virtually perfect. We still want to fuck her. And this drives “real women” mad. \*\* I am afraid I have to disagree, In a book that Tyra Banks put out, she discussed what they look like before and after. and then she put pictures up. Maybe you should check it out sometime. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-woman-real-woman-huh/195731/125 "2003-08-22T20:48:11Z")
> [@](#): > > originally posted by Transitionality > “Anyone who doesn’t like the way I look isn’t worth my attention.” is the very height of self-delusion. And demonstrably untrue. The most desirable people have the highest standards. First statement. Not true, the statement with which you have such an issue is someone who is absolutely in tune with reality. They, those who aren’t basing their worth on their looks, are going to be looking for someone of quality who meets their standards. NOT just someone who’s looking to get laid, or is looking for eye candy, and has to have the best looking mate in order to do that. > [@](#): > > originally by vasy… > you mentioned the demand part. certainly one wants to offer something which is in high demand. but there is also the issue of supply. one also wishes to offer something which is in short supply, so that those in need have nowhere else to turn > being fit happens to be both in high demand and short supply As to your first statement, it depends upon what one is fishing for. If a person is looking for someone based on looks, then looks will be in high demand. If a person is looking for a mate based on the other person’s SELF, then looks will not be in high demand, the qualities being looked for will. Being fit is in high demand among whom? The young and shallow folks looking to get laid? SURE it is. Absolutely. No one’s disputing that. Short supply?? Well heck, to hear transition tell it, they’re EVERYWHERE!! He says he sees dozens and dozens of women who are perfect and hot every place he goes, so they can’t be in that short a supply. I have a question. Why do you two CARE if women in whom you aren’t interested anyway, aren’t to your physical specifications?? ---
**Author:** ![transitionality](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5e925/32.png) [@transitionality](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/transitionality)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-woman-real-woman-huh/195731/126 "2003-08-22T22:34:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CanvasShoes \* > **Short supply?? Well heck, to hear transition tell it, they’re EVERYWHERE!! He says he sees dozens and dozens of women who are perfect and hot every place he goes, so they can’t be in that short a supply.** The percentage of hot women is somewhere between three to five percent, depending on the city and the venue. They’re definitely in short supply (especially because most men go after the same few women) but available in reasonable numbers as long as one makes an effort to go out there and look. Besides, my point was not that hot women are available in huge numbers (they aren’t) but rather that they exist in the flesh, without help from photographic manipulation. You’re quoting out of context. > [@](#): > > \*\* > I have a question. Why do you two CARE if women in whom you aren’t interested anyway, aren’t to your physical specifications?? \*\* I don’t care what anyone’s physical specifications are. I only go after women I like. What I care about is when fat women try to misrepresent why they look the way they do, how they feel about how they look, and how society feels about how they look. What I care about is when fat women insult beautiful women of being “unreal” and a bunch of other petty catty jealous bitchy comments. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-woman-real-woman-huh/195731/127 "2003-08-23T02:07:04Z")
> [@](#): > > I don’t care what anyone’s physical specifications are. I only go after women I like. What I care about is when fat women try to misrepresent why they look the way they do, how they feel about how they look, and how society feels about how they look. What I care about is when fat women insult beautiful women of being “unreal” and a bunch of other petty catty jealous bitchy comments. Cite? Where, in this thread have women responded, and don’t forget, plenty of petite women responded to this thread, in a petty, catty, bitchy way regarding good looking women, where did you see "fat women insulting beautiful women and accusing them of being unreal? You need to check up on your reading comprehension, (among other things), because what women in this thread were REALLY telling you was not, "we’re better than “unreal” women. And as to “misrepresenting the way they look”? Again, Cite please? I saw women being VERY upfront about their sizes and weights. You’re misinterpreting their saying “my size/weight has not/does not affect my ability to attract the type of man I want…” with them meaning “I’m better than/realer than a culturally popular beauty”. A woman who is a size 12, 14, 18 whatever, who says “well, I’m happily married/in an LTR” isn’t "misrepresenting anything. Or, perhaps you’d like to define for us exactly what it is you think that she’s supposedly “misrepresenting”??? ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-woman-real-woman-huh/195731/128 "2003-08-23T02:11:49Z")
And I noticed you didn’t respond to the comments regarding YOUR quote, but only to one of the comments I posted regarding Vasy’s quote. Interesting… ---
**Author:** ![transitionality](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5e925/32.png) [@transitionality](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/transitionality)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-woman-real-woman-huh/195731/129 "2003-08-23T02:39:03Z")
Anytime a woman’s beauty is being discounted with accusations that it’s photographic manipulation, rather than her own body, being responsible for her beautiful looks, she’s being insulted. You misrepresent yourself as being attractive. You’re not. Ask a 1000-men sample representative of the general population whether they find you attractive and see what the results are. P.S. Fat-chick-fetish boards are not representative of the general population. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-woman-real-woman-huh/195731/130 "2003-08-23T03:01:08Z")
> [@](#): > > Anytime a woman’s beauty is being discounted with accusations that it’s photographic manipulation, rather than her own body, being responsible for her beautiful looks, she’s being insulted. Okay, you’re a bit confused. Let’s try to unconfuse you. 1.) The OP, in a nutshell, asked "what’s up with all this "large = real woman’ stuff he’d heard. 2.) Women, both large AND small came into the discussion and posted that they themselves hadn’t heard or used that particular phrase themSELVES, but that they presumed due to having read information on the subject, that it meant something along the lined of the following: A backlash against the media and hollywood, where an “IMPOSSIBLE” standard of beauty is held up to be considered “normal” and the “only way to be a ‘real’ woman”. Since those “impossible standards” generally consist of ridiculously fake and airbrushed photos and film of women who THEMSELVES don’t even look like in real life. The practice of setting the impossible standard of beauty as if it were A.) attainable B.) the only thing acceptable insofar as what could be considered beauty… …these were just some of the things we said in regards to the question in the OP. 3.) YOU came in, and completely ignoring the actual subjects being discussed, declared that fat women who thought that they were real were sadly mistaken and held up Halle Berry as an example of what “real, and ONLY” beauty standard was acceptable to not only you, but you decided FOR the rest of the mean in America as well. (and this despite the numbers of men in this post telling you “no, not JUST Halle Berry types, but others too”). NO one said that “Halle Berry” or her ilk wasn’t beautiful. In fact, no one said that ANY of the women being falsely portrayed in the magazines and movies weren’t beautiful. The beef was with the industry practice of faking it, ITSELF. Not with the women who were airbrushed, etc etc. Also, no one said that there weren’t already beautiful, slim and fit women out there who were that way without benefit of being airbrushed, this was a leap of illogic that you took YOURSELF. > [@](#): > > You misrepresent yourself as being attractive. You’re not. Ask a 1000-men sample representative of the general population whether they find you attractive and see what the results are. ??? Cite please? Where do I say that I’m attractive? And if I did, how would you know whether or not I am? What I DID say was that men I dated found me attractive. Am I? I don’t seem to have trouble “getting” who I want. Not sure what causes that, but they don’t seem to run screaming into the night, so I must “clean up okay” as an old dance partner of mine used to say. LOL. Besides honey, I’m old enough to be your mom, I’m quite sure very few teenyboppers such as yourself WOULD find me attractive. Although…My boyfriend is 12 years younger than I am. Must be that I’m rich. Oh wait, I’m not. Could it be my cool car? Hmmmmmmm. Not that either, damn thing’s a beater. LOL. You’re just so much fun to play with. Too bad you won’t be here very long. ---
**Author:** ![jesleigh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/58f4c7/32.png) [@jesleigh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jesleigh)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-woman-real-woman-huh/195731/131 "2003-08-23T03:01:10Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by transitionality \* > \*\* > You misrepresent yourself as being attractive. You’re not._\* Your very rude. It takes more than looks to be attractive. I have known many hot guys that I would never date because they are jerks, and I have been interested in some nor-so-attractive guys that had great personalities and treated me they way I want to be treated. When you realize that looks are not the only thing that makes a person worth while, you might find you have a much more likable personality yourself ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-woman-real-woman-huh/195731/132 "2003-08-23T03:14:27Z")
Thanks **jesleigh** (cool name btw), but it’s okay, the poor kid doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He’s got blinders on to the truth of what’s being said and is distraciing himself (lalalaLaAAh, I can’t HEAaarrr YOU), with a mantra of: “Halle is queen, fat chicks don’t count,Halle is queen, fat chicks don’t count, Halle is queen, fat chicks don’t count…” All the while rocking back and forth with his fingers in his ears. (and DAMMIT I’m sick of this tiny 14" screen, and the fact that I forgot my reading glasses, SHEESH, not even preview has been helping me lately, sorry fellow dopers for the VAST number of typing errors lately:D)!!! ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-woman-real-woman-huh/195731/133 "2003-08-23T05:39:49Z")
All I see here are a bunch of people that have forgotten that they are posting in IMHO, _not_ the BBQ Pit. Please state your opinion on the subject and move on, please. ---
**Author:** ![vasyachkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c5a1d2/32.png) [@vasyachkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vasyachkin)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-woman-real-woman-huh/195731/134 "2003-08-23T06:38:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dung Beetle \* > **Now here’s a serious question. You say that verbal abuse helped you turn your situation around. But do you remember how it felt? Do you realize that the way in which you choose to express yourself could be hurtful to people here? I think you do.** no i dont remember, honestly. i still get many negative comments on the way i look. i get pissed off when these comments are “wrong” but when they’re “right” i do not mind at all. for example one of my worst problems is love handles, and some guy recently told me that i dont look good because i have em. i dont mind that comment because i knew all this already. i told him that i am working on the problem. another example. my father tells me not to do any exercises that involve glutes ( ass ) because he ( idiot ) thinks that a “real” man shouldn’t have any ass. this gets me pissed. why ? because he has no fucking clue about the way a man’s ass should look. i also didn’t know, but i asked women ( on this very message board ) and now i do. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dung Beetle \* > **Why are you doing it ?** because i do not identify with these (Real Women) people. i do not understand them. and they don’t understand me. its like we’re living on different planets. i can’t really feel for somebody if i can’t put myself in their shoes, and in this case i can’t 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-woman-real-woman-huh/195731/135 "2003-08-23T06:59:10Z")
vasyachkin, I saw your picture. I don’t usually say anything unless it’s positive about someone’s appearance (and this is IMHO) but I think attitude is very attractive. And I think that even when someone’s looks are “plain,” they can be made beautiful if they have a good attitude. I think that most people who have a good attitude are beautiful, no matter what kind of looks they have. And I’ve known some beautiful people who are ugly because they have a bad attitude. I also know people who are “plain” to begin with (but could be beautiful with the right attitude) but because they have a bad attitude, their plain looks end up looking even…worse. I want to be diplomatic here, but…well…you’re starting to look worse. Just an opinion from a stranger; don’t think it’ll amount to much. ---
**Author:** ![vasyachkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c5a1d2/32.png) [@vasyachkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vasyachkin)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-woman-real-woman-huh/195731/136 "2003-08-23T07:10:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jesleigh \* > **I have known many hot guys that I would never date because they are jerks, and I have been interested in some nor-so-attractive guys that had great personalities and treated me they way I want to be treated.** loving somebody for the way they treat you - now THAT is shallow. you love somebody for who they are, NOT for what they do for you. ---
**Author:** ![vasyachkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c5a1d2/32.png) [@vasyachkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vasyachkin)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-woman-real-woman-huh/195731/137 "2003-08-23T07:38:33Z")
this is the beef i have with “real” people. they create stereotypes about those who look good. “blondes are dumb” “bodybuilders are dumb” “real” people claim that beauty is on the inside. but then they run into the problem that their inside is no better than that of blondes or bodybuilders. when one hears something like “blondes are dumb” if this thought makes one feel better then one will chose to believe it, and spread the stereotype further through conversation. enough people want to believe this bullshit that soon it becomes accepted as common knowledge. and then i have to deal with this crap. basically humans devise negative stereotypes about everybody who got something they don’t. and you have been doing the same thing in this thread. has anybody mentioned any good looking people who also had nice personalities ? it was always a contrast between good looking jerks and nice fat people. we dont ask you to apologise for cultivating these lies, all we want is the right to say the truth, but you’re not ok with it 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-woman-real-woman-huh/195731/138 "2003-08-23T07:57:34Z")
> [@](#): > > vasyachkin wrote: > > we dont ask you to apologise for cultivating these lies, all we want is the right to say the truth, but you’re not ok with it Who is this “we” thing? You categorize yourself as one of the “good looking” people? Why? You’re sure not looking that way to me, and I saw your picture. Remember what I wrote about “plain” looking even “worse” if they have a bad attitude? Well, not to be too blunt about it, but if you started out as “plain,” (as many of us do), and then you add your current attitude on top of that…well… Like I said before, just my personal viewpoint. ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-woman-real-woman-huh/195731/139 "2003-08-23T08:09:59Z")
**vasyachkin** , attractiveness is not a subjective thing. It has to do with a great deal more than looks or body shape or size. You’re the one who put forth the assertion that fat women are not attractive, this is obviously simply false. If it were a given that fat women were not attractive, no one would be in relationships with them, even fat men, apparently. I suppose a few fat folks would pair off when they realized that they weren’t ever going to have a relationship with a truly attractive person, but it’d be out of desperation, not a true affection. Since that’s not the case, since there are people who are “fat” (by your definition) who are in relationships, who are found sexy and a pleasure to be around, then guess what? You’re wrong! You don’t find women outside of a very narrow, smaller than average and truly minority range of sizes to be attractive. That’s fine. But that perspective isn’t even close to being universal. If you want to address false dichotomies in this thread, start with your own: unusually thin attractive women vs. fat unattractive women. It just doesn’t cut like that for everyone, nor does everyone have the same definition of “fat” that you’re operating from. You’re the one setting up a false stereotype, here. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-woman-real-woman-huh/195731/140 "2003-08-23T08:11:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CanvasShoes \* > \*\* > ??? Cite please? Where do I say that I’m attractive? And if I did, how would you know whether or not I am? > > What I DID say was that men I dated found me attractive. Am I? I don’t seem to have trouble “getting” who I want. > > Not sure what causes that, but they don’t seem to run screaming into the night, so I must “clean up okay” as an old dance partner of mine used to say. > \*\* It was 1:00 a.m. Pacific Time. My partner and I were working Robbery, Homicide and Beauty when the call came in of a 10-36DD in progress – a woman was misrepresenting herself as attractive. Probably another member of that vicious new street gang in town, the “Real Women.” You see ‘em everywhere these days, hopped up on eyeliner and rouge, carrying little pictures of Brad Pitt or George Clooney around that they like to kiss when they think no one’s lookin’. Makes you afraid to walk out of the house. My name’s Friday. I’m a cabbage … I mean, I’m a cop. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-woman-real-woman-huh/195731.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/large-woman-real-woman-huh/195731.md?page=8)