Last night I got punched in the Jaw.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
81

Whenever you try to intervene in any kind of altercation you stand a chance of being attacked. When it’s a domestic dispute like this, there’s a possibility of being attacked by both people. Ask any cop or bouncer; domestic disputes are ugly and dangerous because you never know what the victim is going to do.

Never, ever get involved unless you’re prepared for instant violence. If it’s gotten to the point where the attacker is actually beating someone, he or she has already gotten past the posturing stage and will give absolutely no warning before turning on you. Same thing for the former beat-ee. Already primed for violence, there will be no hesitation if he or she decides to attack you.

I’ve gotten involved in a few violent situations for similar (stupid but morally sound) reasons. The first time, when I was still just a kid and had barely started my martial arts training, I almost got sucker-punched and probably would have ended up in the hospital if my dad hadn’t been watching my back. Another time, the guy attacked me with the knife he had out to threaten his victim, and only my training kept me from getting sliced all to hell and gone. I’ve also been threatened with a gun before. On one occasion, it was because I got in between my sister and one of her “boyfriends.” Yes, I was $^¢#ing lucky I didn’t get shot.

While I wouldn’t say never to do that again, you’re very lucky. You should have no lasting injury and what he did wasn’t life-threatening. Don’t do it again unless you’re better prepared for the consequences. By better prepared, I mean prepared to kill or die for what you think is right. I’ve risked my life before and would do it again, but I am fully cognizant of the risk I’m taking in doing so. I don’t think you were aware of the danger you were putting yourself in.

I also encourage you to pursue legal channels as far as you are willing to. Even if it turns out to be no significant charge for him, it does establish that he has assaulted someone and will count in the future if he attacks someone else.

82

Dog info aside:

Not really - Sheep dogs (Not necessarily sheep-HERDING dogs) protect the sheep because they are raised with the sheep - the sheep are their pack, in their social structure. They, however, have a predator/pack mentality, not a prey/herd mentality. Works very well!

The ones that tend to turn on the sheep are often the herders - ones that are bred with too much prey drive, and not trained or supervised correctly.

/dog info.

As to the OP - Thank you. I am a 5’4" woman, and I would have done the same thing. You had no idea whether or not the woman was already hurt, and on the spur of the moment made a decision that got you punched. Avoiding that decision might have gotten her killed - you had no way to know.

To all the folks willing to stand up to abuse in this world - thank you. Sometimes it may backfire, but sometimes… you may start a change that will save somebody.

83

…all of which still comes back to the sheepdog works for the shepherd so the shepherd can exploit the sheep. If the sheepdog considers the sheep part of its pack, it is because the shepherd (for his own purposes) raised the dog to act that way. Sheepdogs do not act out of altruistic choice.

84

Maybe next time you should duck.

85

It’s not really a bit, more a lack of a bit…

::::rimshot:::::

86

Man, and I thought Scumpup had a good line. :slight_smile:

87

Yes, it’s worth pursuing in my opinion. He will probably get a slap on the wrist, but the incident will be on record. In the future when he inevitably blows up again, the courts will see a pattern.

88

If you have any bruising, take pictures of it in good light in case you decide to pursue it.

The videotape should give you a slam dunk case for assault, if it’s worth it to you. You can also sue him in small claims court. Even though you have no medical bills, a judge might award punitive damages. I know Judge Judy would. :wink:

In the future, just let the police carry it. If the man punches a cop, it’s a much bigger deal, and they have guns.

Oh, and the girlfriend ought to be ashamed of herself.

Thanks for sticking up for a weaker person, Quasimodal. It was a stand-up thing to do.

89

I have a question for the people who have attempted to intervene in a fight, and have been assaulted. An answer is not really important, but I’m curious: Are you small in stature? Or at least significantly smaller than the assailant?

Also, Quasi, I don’t think it was unreasonable to say something that would stop the guy from hitting the woman. I would have expected, at worst, the asshole guy would have said something like “Mind your fucking business” without getting physical. A punch in the face to a stranger who tells you to stop being a dick? Ridiculous.

90

Thanks Northern Piper. It’s always interesting to see how things work elsewhere.

91

Agreed.

Well you’re probably a reasonable person.
Imagine what it’s like to be the sort of bloke who swears at his girl-friend in public whilst she’s lying on the ground crying.
That sort of anger easily explains why those people whack anyone who ‘interferes’.

92

I’m not an experts in breaking up fights or anything, but in my experience and observation, how you carry yourself is probably a lot more important than your physical size. I mean unless you are extremely small or thin.

And you kind of want to stand at a bit of an angle, not all squared off, so if he suddenly rushes or takes a swing at you, you can put your guard up quickly and not catch a fist in your mouth. Or at least stay out of punching distance.

Also, if you are going to break up some lunatic screaming at his girlfriend or some similar situation, you really need to go in expecting that the guy might turn and get violent on you. A good idea might have been to notify the police first since you had good cause (you had reasonable expectation that a crime might be committed) and they can ultimately resolve the situation if it doesn’t resolve itself.

93

Even if it was a hassle for me and the guy would probably get away without much punishment I’d pursue it as far as possible just to make it a huge hassle for him.
Forcing him to show up to a courthouse on his own time, fill out forms, make statements, pay fees, make phone calls, etc. etc. is enough to put a damper in the guys day.
“You want to punch me? Okay. But just to let you know I’m going to waste a whoooole lot of your time for the next couple months.”

94

Not really; partner abuse is different from general violence. A lot of abusers do not get physically violent outside of the relationship; they try to manipulate others. Sometimes they manipulate with charm, sometimes by bullying, even sometimes by physical intimidation. Often, they use all three and are geniuses at picking which approach is most effective.

(I think a really good indicator of an abuser is the tendency to switch strategies like a light switch when one isn’t working; typically a switch to charm from bullying is a bit ham-handed, but a sudden switch to bullying is extremely effective.)

OTOH, I can imagine a ‘non-abuser’, driven by an extreme offense … the gambling away the life savings during a wild-weekend with the other’s best friend, with resulting pregnancy and STD - that kind of thing … driven to a raging fury yet still unable to actually strike the offending partner, striking out at the nearest alternate target.

Not that I’m suggesting that is the case here, or that it would make the guy any less of a dick.

95

Any updates, Quasi?

96

No. I’m average height, in good shape. Not huge, but I don’t look like a pushover. Size has almost no bearing on whether you’ll get attacked in situations like that. They are not thinking rationally. The decision whether or not to escalate usually gets made in the posturing stage, and if you’ve intervened in actual violence, the posturing is over. You could be built like The Governator, and it won’t even register.

All of the guys who attacked me were shorter than me, and all but one (one of the guys with a gun, actually) were probably smaller build than me. One guy was bigger around, but that was almost all fat and useless bulk.

I knew a couple of bouncers and a few cops through martial arts circles when I was still living in the US. Most of the bouncers looked like the kind of guys you wouldn’t want to mess with even if they didn’t know how to fight. Even a piss-drunk biker would find better things to do than mess with a couple of them. Some of the cops were also pretty big dudes. All of them had been attacked on at least a couple of occasions when intervening in domestic squabbles. One of the cops recounted how a woman literally half his size just about took an ear off before he, his partner, and a backup officer finally wrestled her down and cuffed her. She still tried to bite even after she was cuffed. This was in response to them arresting her husband for beating her at some earlier point.

msmith537 is pretty much right about presence defusing a fight before it actually starts. I’ve stared down gang members and convinced a few guys who are significantly bigger than me that it would be in their best interests to vacate the premises rather than deal with me. Part of that is just acting confident and prepared for violence. Unless he’s a real dumb-shit, he’s going to wonder why you aren’t intimidated. Then he’s going to start thinking you’ve either got a weapon on you, or some other reason that you’re not pissing yourself and backing down.

Doesn’t do jack to deter someone who’s already reached the instant-action stage, though. At that point, even if they know on some level that they’re probably going to get hurt they’ll still be much more likely to react violently. The instinctive reaction is called “fight or flight” for a reason; if they’re not going to run, they’re going to try to beat the shit out of you.

People who are conditioned to violence are going to switch gears a lot faster than any of you guys, who I’m pretty sure aren’t used to it. If you’re not already mentally prepared before approaching the situation, you’re going to be taken by surprise and will end up getting clocked in about half a second the same as Quasimodal. And that’s in the best-case scenario where the aggressor doesn’t have a weapon.

Stay out of attack range if you’re going to say something. (Which is farther than you think; about 5 meters or more unless you’ve got exceptional reflexes.) Recruit help if you can before intervening. Call the cops first.

97

This is absolutely not true.

Well right. **Hampshire **intervened during the yelling stage. I asked because there’s a guy I’m particularly fond of who plays Batman at times. In the most recent example I can think of, there was an idiot sassing the bartender, and when she asked him to leave he became irate, yelled, got in her face, called her a bitch (etc.), and management had to step in. He continued being abusive, so Guy walks up to Idiot and calmly says, “I believe you were asked to leave.” The idiot walked away. Problem diffused. There are other examples, none of which immediately come to mind, where Guy asks people to cease their asshatted behavior, and it ceases.

This probably has a lot to do with it. On top of being a large guy who bears an uncanny resemblance to Suge Knight (a good thing when you want to intimidate people), his general demeanor comes off as don’t-fuck-with-me. His actual personality is very kitten-like, but if I’d never met him and he told me to simmer down, I would simmer the fuck down. Even so, considering the the way he carries himself, this can’t be all of it. I’m not sure if it would have the same effect if he were, say, my size which is 5’7" and not large or intimidating looking.